A loosing battle

• Posted by Karen Elena Tea January 21, 2015 969 views
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  Ive  been wanting to  bloog for abit and Ive  ben thinking  alot about  many things.As  many  know i  have alot  on my  mind as  of  late and at  times  its  very  difficult  to  ask one self  where am I going with this ...Aka  My  dressing  femm. I  have  been thinking  alot  about  my  futur  as  "Karen"  and  do I want to  continue on my  journey . Since  July  of 2014  and  my  stintis  in  and  out  of  hospital I  ve had  some  self doubt. I thought  if  I  gave  myself  some  time  to  heel up  from another amputation that I would  be  somewhat  back to  normal.   I ve all ways  been proud like  most  girls  here  who  wear  "heels" or Stetto shoes and  wearing dresses  to  show  off  my  legs.  Well  I  have  resently tried  to  wear  my  2'' inch heels  and  discoved something reather  dissapointing.  I  can  no longer wear shoes  because i  do  not  have the nesssisary  toes  to  fill them . I  feel that  as  a  CD   Im loosing this  battle to  be  myself and Ive  been  very   unhappy . Ive  had  thoughts  about  my  futur and should I  continue to  be  the  Girl  I  know  that  I  can t  be. Ever  since  Ive  been home  from the  hospital  Ive  been  "Enfemm" but what  I  call  "Under cover" and what  I  mean  by this is  my appernce  is  "Male" but under everything im  "Enfemm". Ive  bought  new stuff  to feel  more comphy perhaps  more  "Fem" but sometimes  I  have  to  ask  Why am dressing ?. I  get  so  fustrated when i think about how  easy  some  girls have  it compared to what  I  have. i  have  had  many say to me that It   can  be  so  easy  if you  do this  or that but sometimes I wish they  could  come  here and see  for themselves. For sometime  I  have  not  been pleased  with  this site  and  for one  reasion is  because its  no  longer  very  "entertaining " I dont know  if its  depression that  I  have  but  I know  I m not  happy  anymore .  I  know  I should  not  complain about my  time  here  because it  has  been good for a  time.   I  just  feel  its a  loosing   Battle.