I need some help. Apologies for this long post.
The story previously:
Currently in my early 50s, married, with kids. MTF transsexual.... moreI need some help. Apologies for this long post.
The story previously:
Currently in my early 50s, married, with kids. MTF transsexual.
For a very long time, since I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a girl. I don’t say I knew I was a girl, I just wanted to be and at the age of 3, want and knew might be the same thing. At 16 I could pass quite well with longer hair as I was small and not very boyish. I was absolutely ecstatic when I got called Miss on the bus once.
But this was the mid-1970s, my elation on the bus was short lived as the dreaded Testosterone invaded. I didn’t have access to information like we do now with the Internet. I didn’t know anyone who was TS/TG, didn’t know anyone who was moving in those circles but like almost everyone else, I kept my feelings hidden. By coincidence I was at home when the infamous documentary on Julia Grant (Inside Story, BBC, 1980) was on TV. My Dad summed it up with “he&rsq... less
This is probably a case of everyone in the world knowing this bu... moreThis is probably a case of everyone in the world knowing this but me, but I found out there is a TG Flag the morning.
I've seen the blue pink white motif on TG event and group logos, but had no idea where it came from.
More about it at Wikipedia under "Transgender Pride Flag."
When i came out last year i expected life to move on at a good pace. I saw the doctors, got referred to the GI clinic at Charing Cross, i, with great sorrow, split from my long term partner and moved back with my parents to save money for my new life. My expectations were high, i was, in the last month of the lease to my old flat, living part time. I came out to work and i was surprised at the level of support i received, which was very positive and filled my heart with joy and determination. I knew i had to start living full time and i was really focused but since that time (Dec 2011) until now, some six months later i have hit a brick wall. Work are still waiting for me to start and i have had a change in management which mean teling a new boss my situation, someone i hardly know or see.
The first month after was a dark period in my life as i struggled to get over the loss of my girlfriend, my soul mate who i miss more than i can ever truly express and i felt in a daze as i was left with the aftermath of my de... ... moreWhen i came out last year i expected life to move on at a good pace. I saw the doctors, got referred to the GI clinic at Charing Cross, i, with great sorrow, split from my long term partner and moved back with my parents to save money for my new life. My expectations were high, i was, in the last month of the lease to my old flat, living part time. I came out to work and i was surprised at the level of support i received, which was very positive and filled my heart with joy and determination. I knew i had to start living full time and i was really focused but since that time (Dec 2011) until now, some six months later i have hit a brick wall. Work are still waiting for me to start and i have had a change in management which mean teling a new boss my situation, someone i hardly know or see.
The first month after was a dark period in my life as i struggled to get over the loss of my girlfriend, my soul mate who i miss more than i can ever truly express and i felt in a daze as i was left with the aftermath of my de... less
First a word about the title. Those of you familiar with the his... moreFirst a word about the title. Those of you familiar with the history of this subject will bequick to notice that the subtitle refers to Dr. Harry Benjamin’s ground breaking work,The Transsexual Phenomenon1, published in 1966. Prior to its publication, very littlehad been entered into the medical literature about the subject2,3,4,5,6. The few worksthat were published tended to be about cross dressing (transvestism) in men and gavethe impression that the “disorder” was one of perverse sexuality. Benjamin, on the otherhand, was one of the first to think in terms of “sex” being the physical manifestation ofthe body while “gender” and gender expression as being a totally different aspect of whatit means to be human. Further more, he writes that he believed that gender wasindelibly imprinted on the brain either in utero or shortly after birth. Instead of seeinghis patients as being delusional and suffering from a sexual perversion, he saw hispatients as suffering from a form o... less
Sometimes Heather I shop on line, or at a size 10 I just go to a... moreSometimes Heather I shop on line, or at a size 10 I just go to any womens clothing store, some times with my wife, although her and I take about the same size, we have a different style choices, some things we swap back and forth. I just wore one of her business jackets and blouse. So in essence, we enjoy shopping together. Same goes for jewelry, although earings are totally different between us usually.
Sometimes Heather I shop on line, or at a size 10 I just go to a... moreSometimes Heather I shop on line, or at a size 10 I just go to any womens clothing store, some times with my wife, although her and I take about the same size, we have a different style choices, some things we swap back and forth. I just wore one of her business jackets and blouse. So in essence, we enjoy shopping together. Same goes for jewelry, although earings are totally different between us usually.
Hi Rachael, Donna has some good advice, I think everyone ... moreHi Rachael, Donna has some good advice, I think everyone in here has at some time or another gone through depression.
Only thing I might add is that I have battled depression also,( still do ) what you have to look out for is suicide, and it's real and lurks in the shadows ready to strike at a moments notice. You can get down really down and not realize it and others will not recognize it either. That's trouble, I know I have been there, made three attempts the last one very serious....really they're all serious. But each one for me got closer.
Please see a gender therapist for your life may depend on it. I am saying this harshly because this is serious business.
Good luck.....Big Huggs Tammy less
Depression is often a consequence when a person is either repressing a need ...or in some form of denial of that need.
You are NOT going crazy Rachael but you need a positive "action plan" to address these issues.
1) you should see a psychologist that is familiar with "gender identity" issues
2) stop self-medicating with hormones until you can get medical supervision over them...because they ARE Dangerous... moreDepression is often a consequence when a person is either repressing a need ...or in some form of denial of that need.
You are NOT going crazy Rachael but you need a positive "action plan" to address these issues.
1) you should see a psychologist that is familiar with "gender identity" issues
2) stop self-medicating with hormones until you can get medical supervision over them...because they ARE Dangerous
3) You admit to having "cyclic" depression and you don't need to tell your wife anything more than that.
Hugs!
Doanna less
