Thank you Lillith :)
Thank you Lillith :)
Hi Ashanti. Welcome to GS. I hope you enjoy your stay
Hello all my name is Ashanti and after that I'm not sure what else to really say since introductions really aren't my forte. Let's see I'm 28 and my main source of entertainment is books ( of the fantasy and high fantasy genre ), music ( primarily punk rock and post rock ) and then video games which can be all over the spectrum but my main love is RPG games. Currently I work at Walgreens as a manager and work in the pharmacy as well and so far I haven't come out to them but have to HR which they fully support and will assist anyone who is transitioning. Uhm. I guess If I had to put myself in a place I'd be between coming out and getting my prescription for hormones at this point; but since I haven't come out to my parents or even some of my friends I've been reluctant to set up an appointmet. Oh I'm also located in SW michigan Niles to be exact which is about 20-30 minutes away from Indiana. So not really sure what else to type so I will leave it at that. Any questions feel free to ask away :).
Hello Anna, and a very warm welcome to the site.
Yes, coming out brings up challenges, but it also makes a lot of things so much easier!
Always nice to see another happy face on The Gender Society. I hope you'll post more in the forums.
I'm Anna. I'm 40+, MtF, I've been "Out" since mid-2015. It has been a challenge, but I'm a far better woman than I ever was trying to be that other person. Since I came out, I've had more laughter, more tears, more joy, more dates, more sex, and more happiness than in all my 40 years of life before. :)
I'm a Fashionista, I love Star Trek, history, reading, and miniature figurines. I am looking to talk with others like me, share our triumps and our troubles, and just be able to hang out with folks that can relate. I'm looking forwards to talking with all of you. :)
#1.) Is this forum appropriate for those under 18?
#2.) That's presumptuous.
#4.) I don't like it.
#5.) Get me out of here!
Hi all, I'm RachaelAnn. I'm 34 and just surfed in on a google search. I was looking for transgender forums, and liked what I saw here. I don't really know what to say in an introduction post, so I guess I'll just ramble a bit.
I guess I'll give a physical description. I'm 6'4", about 270 (I'm a big girl), I have a lot of tattoos and piercings, I used to have long hair, but chopped it off this past spring.
I'm into a lot of things, like writing, video games, movies, shopping, and just sitting around and chatting. I do most of my shopping online. It's easier and more comfortable for me than going to walmart for a bra.
Wow, I really don't know what to say at this point. I guess if you want, ask some questions and I'll try to answer them.
I'm not new to forums, just this one. I'm Tobi and I'm a FtM trans guy. I came out early March of 2014 to my friends and coworkers and then to my family November of the same year. This year I've finally resolved myself to take hormones and change my name. I've been searching my area for trans support groups but they are scarce and the ones that do exist are run by those who prefer to use it as a clique. Support for trans men are especially difficult because it seems that people only care about trans women. So I'm hoping to find some experienced t-guys here.
Other than that uhm, I'm a nerd. I'm in to DnD, video games, cosplay, and the MCU. I write in my spare time. I'm part of a volunteer group called the "coming out monologues" which discusses with other people your experience in coming out to family, society, or just other experiences involving the LGBT community. I like wolves and Mel Brooks films. I have a cat named Bento. That's all I guess
Hello hello hello ! :-)
TG MTF aka WOMAN here , just checking in and saying a big fatty HELLO from Vancouver Washington USA .
Hello,I am Alex and a transgendered MTF.For a long time,I always felt that I was born the wrong gender.I was even in the closet too with this for a long time.I finally came out in May and my parents were shocked knowing there was something wrong with me in the past.So far they are adjusting to the changes slowly and have come to terms I am finally happy.Married and my wife knew there was something not right about me at all.She has decided to stay with me and things are going good with us.I currently live and dress as female now,could not live as my old male self anymore.Seeing a therapist and I do want to transition.I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria.Therapist says I am almost ready for the hormones including the male hormone blockers which will be hopefully next month.Plan to go through the whole transition including the GRS.In the past I was teased and picked on a lot and it was painful.
Excellent self diagnosis and heartwarming post. Welcome to GS. Regardless of age, there is always the point of self confirmation of ones needs to be happy and contented.
I am very happy that you read my post Lucy, and it is a pleasure to speak with you and anyone else who is willing to post replies. I think the motivation behind the news situation is depressing since news is based more on profit today than anything including integrity and authenticity. I was at a local news station when I heard about the ban on trans soldiers too and during the same broadcast, they talked about another trans bathroom high school incident that apparently had some consequences for the student. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear the full broadcast, but I’m pretty sure I can fill in the blanks myself. But, wow, two trans stories in one broadcast. For a minority that is less than one percent, I think we’re getting a serious amount of attention these days.
Way before I signed up here, I had to start thinking to myself about what it exactly it was that distinguishes someone as trans. I kept thinking to myself, “Is it just the physical desire to have a body of the opposite gender and express one’s self as that gender, or has it more to do with an innate inclination toward traits that exemplify the gender role of the opposite gender?” While I was at a used bookstore before I moved about two years ago, I found a book that was written by a doctor who performed some of the earliest research on this very topic. He was an excellent technical writer, but his lack of grammatical structure made most of his sentences run-on and ultimately nonsensical or mixed in their meaning. I think it was before the 60s, and he mentioned early in the book that there were no references available related to the kind of counseling he would provide, so he found himself, fortunately or otherwise, breaking new ground. He even had to classify his patients based on their motivation. Throughout the course of his research, he found that the motivation behind why people as well as many children who exhibited strong signs of transsexualism engaged in this type of behavior. In several instances, children would wear their mother’s clothing and be sexually stimulated by it. He considered this a fetish. There were other adults and children who did the same thing or were found applying makeup because they literally thought they were girls regardless of their anatomy. Then, of course, there were a handful of cases regarding children playing with the wrong toys, wearing costumes of the opposite gender, girls who like playing sports, boys with feminine inflections/traits, etc., which were all phases the patients grew out of. Although it seemed interesting, I felt like I had learned little from the book because it didn’t help me understand myself any better. It didn’t address daily habits, emotional states of mind, and impulses that might be indicative of transsexualism. In other words, they seemed to be rather extreme cases whereas I felt my own case was a little less severe or sort of snuck up on me.
I’ve lived with some questionable habits and thoughts which I generally kept to myself for years or justified in various “reasonable” ways. Before I was 13, I think I was as normal as they come. A girlfriend of mine who knew me a few years before that said that she was attracted to me when I was very young because she perceived that I was not a very masculine boy. I was very short, petite, but very active. I’m not sure if she’s a very credible source because she told me years later that she battled dysphoria all her life not being a totally feminine woman herself, even though she was quite beautiful regardless. Anyway, I considered myself normal until about that time. Afterwards, my body started changing, and I think it frightened me. By the time I was 15, I stopped wearing shorts and really didn’t swim all that often either. I didn’t like the changes in my body, and started hiding by wearing pants and long sleeve shirts all the time. At the time, I thought it was just the style that I wanted. I started getting so much taller, but I wasn’t getting bigger. And, of course, the body hair started coming in a lot. Also, when I’d look in the mirror, I always felt like my hair was too short for some reason and had it grow way down my back. I felt like my nose grew too big and dreamed of changing that as well. Facial hair wasn’t much of an issue although I tried to keep myself as shaven as possible, but I was very strongly tempted to shave my entire body when I was about 18, which I did. It felt amazing, and I felt like I could open myself back up to the world, but what if everyone knew what I did to myself? What would they think of me? Sadly, shaving everything wasn’t without consequences, and I found myself covering everything up again. I tried to find a way deal with that, but it seemed to be no use. As a result, I kept building upon my cover.
I didn’t like men’s clothing at all either. I hardly ever fit into them. I never wore jeans specifically, something a family member would continuously remind me of. I grew up to nearly six feet, but I was very thin and had small feet. I almost needed a belt to fit into the smallest men’s size pants available, and most of the “small” shirts that I wore were just too baggy. I used to think, “Why can’t men have the same stylistic choices that women seem to have?” After all, in the malls, there were more clothing stores solely for women, and even where I used to buy all my clothes, (JC Penny) the men’s department was rather small compared to the women’s. I wasn’t into athletic wear even though I grew up playing a lot of sports. I generally tried to go for a casual/formal look. I used to wear dress shoes all the time. That was also tough to shop for sometimes because my feet were at the lower end of the spectrum too! A size 7.5-8! Anything larger would flop off my feet easily. Nevertheless, I went along with this style for a while, got into vinyl for a bit, and then stumbled into vintage clothing. In the past, men used wear tighter fitting clothes and bells which I fell in love with because they matched my shape and style perfectly. Some flare out like mad, others are form-fitting around the thighs, most ride all the way up to the hips and feature wonderful colors, the shirts had brilliant textures and fabrics, etc. My outward expression went through the roof then as anything seemed to go. If it was okay back then, it’s okay now, right? It was just a style that went out of fashion and doesn’t mean anything in particular about myself, does it? I became this super chic, stylish, and loud trendsetter, and it started gaining me a lot of attention. Strangers would give me the best compliments and ask where I shopped way more often that I was ready for. However, some of the attention was not so good.
With my hair the way it was, I looked like I could’ve come out of the seventies, which I didn’t mind as it is one of my favorite eras of music. Opinions about the style of that era are divided. I met a girlfriend around this time and started seeing her a lot. We’d bum around the area, having all sorts of random fun, and she even moved with me when I moved out of state. We eventually started dating, and she once told me that when I’m not looking, some people would give me strange looks or sort of chuckle. When we would shop, we would invariably split up, and people wouldn’t assume that we were together. She said that on numerous occasions, she heard people comment that I was most likely gay. Sadly, I was aware of the judgments before I started hanging with her. I used to go to the mall alone sometimes, and I could hear people saying things as I passed them or laughing. Malls have a tendency to attract people who are shamefully trendy, and I felt like I had more character than them. I didn’t care. I tried to build an immunity to such nonsense by thinking that I was just supremely unique although I never understood how I got to that point. I realized, somewhere along the line, that it was because of my defiance toward the choices of clothing that men have today. I felt that they were just too casual, conforming, dull, and tasteless. It's a one-size-should-fit-all mentality instead of having clothes that fit well. I didn’t like them and was attracted to something more feminine in nature using trends from the past the justify my style. My family was mostly okay with it except the one family member who never let me forget about jeans also never let me forget about how abnormal I’d become. When I was with my girlfriend, I stumbled upon some information about hair removal technology. I thought it would be so great to have no facial or body hair at all. It seemed exciting, but I never had the money or time to seriously devote to that. Not yet anyway.
As all good things eventually come to end, my girlfriend and I were fast approaching our end as I was moving out of town to continue pursuing a degree in school. We couldn’t agree upon a solution in regard to my inevitable transfer, and we split about a half a year before I left. While things were still going well, I found a note in our apartment when I came home from school one evening. She subscribed to Cosmo and wanted me to read an article about someone who came out as transgender. About a year prior during a difficult time where I had to leave home for nearly a year, I had already started doing my own research into transgender living because I found myself fantasizing regularly about being a woman instead of the queer, effeminate male that I was by birth. For a long time, I felt like I was a good balance of both, but the truth of that matter was that I embodied more feminine traits than masculine by far both biologically and emotionally, as my girlfriend used to tell me often. I thought that if I built my body up really well, I could develop a more masculine physique and style that could outweigh that other side of me. I studied exercise science and dieting and was building myself up pretty well. I worked on developing strength first and then was going to change the routine to develop my mass. I got so strong lifting 250-300lbs at a shot and my body was changing, but… I didn’t truly want to get any larger. I had gained about 30lbs, and I could just never force myself to go through with it. We had to move around this time and as a result, we broke down our equipment and had to stop for a while. I got back into it for a short time, but I wasn’t focused on bulking up. When I started school, I had to quit altogether due to the lack of opportunity. Now, I’m back to the tall, lithe, and petite figure I’ve always been. In the end, I felt that it would’ve just been another way of hiding or neglecting an inevitable part of myself. For a while, I just thought that I was eccentric and had a strange desire for things that I had been taught to not want or were wrong. Only over the last year or so have I realized that these eccentricities seemed to fit a stereotype. Now, I am trying to further my understanding.
I never felt like I could relate to some of the stories that I’ve heard about people coming out as transgender in the midst of living full lives. People have been successful with cultivating families, having a wife/husband, having children, owning a house, and having important jobs. Although I dated one girlfriend for a short time, I’ve never had other love interests that might’ve even made things like a marriage or family a possibility or choice for me. Not a chance. I always thought I had a relatively masculine visage while looking into the mirror, but upon seeing some pictures of myself with my family, I started to feel differently. I looked remarkably feminine and wondered what my mother must’ve thought before showing framing it. I am often mistaken for a woman in public as well, mainly from behind which is always odd. I do seem to have a queer ambience about myself and thought that anyone who might’ve been potentially trans should have the same problem. I didn’t consider people who could get as far as having children as truly trans people until I understood that gender is more internal than external. And honestly, I’ve become exhausted by living within the limbo of gender and would rather embody the elements of one instead of both.
I never knew if everything I had experienced was enough to justify my suspicion. I feared that if I talked to someone, I could potentially be labeled as a pseudo trans-person. It’s not like it was a choice, and that’s an important thing. People always repeat vauge cliches about life and love like, “Oh, you’ll find someone someday” and “You do whatever makes you happy” with the assumption that life circumstances or dilemmas always seem to eventually come to an end, generally a happy end. For me, there has been no end. The lingering thought that there was something terribly wrong with how I was living my life has never been solved, but there is always hope. Clarity may be right over this horizon if I ask the right questions, have some dynamic support, and see the right people. I have always looked forward to that time and am hoping that it is fast approaching!
Hi Dana and welcome.
Thanks for posting a bit about yourself, it's always nice to meet someone new.
I can't really comment on the US news situation, although I am aware there is a lot of TG issue coverage I don't know how we are "portrayed" in the news over there. In the UK news I don't really think we are portrayed in any particular way. But we have the Gender Recognition Act and we really don't have newsworthy issues any more. Hopefully it will go that way for you eventually.
I see that the US has just lifted the ban on trans people joining the forces, another step towards full integration. Now, if they can just sort those bathrooms out...
There's no doubt that the general situation is improving both here and there, and I'm sure that's why numbers of people transitioning are increasing.
There are many experienced individuals here, and many who are just starting out or just considering it. The forums here are a huge resource, so please post away if you have any thoughts or questions.
Good luck in your journey!
Hello! My name is Dana, and I've recently decided to start reaching out a little bit as I've always kept my innate and intense compulsion to being trans. I live in Maryland, but will soon be in South Carolina when the summer is over. I've been planning on looking into hormone replacement therapy and speaking to a professional I am familiar with in the near future. In the meantime, I’ve wanted to try to finally meet some friends who I can develop a true understanding and empathetic relationship with as trans people are very rare to meet. I used to feel apprehensive about talking with anyone about this. In terms of speaking to a professional, I was afraid of stereotyping both gender roles in my attempt at explaining why I am the way I am. I’ve taken a handful of “gender tests” online that you can take which ineffectively place you on some level of a spectrum. A lot of my friends tell me that trans people don’t bother them, but with the way we are perceived in the news, it makes you wonder. Over the last few years, I’ve observed a continuous coverage of the transgender topic. First, they wouldn’t stop talking about the wisdom of parents who treat their own transgendered children. Then, for a little while, Jenner kept the topic hot in the news and still seems to be on fire with her show and inherent fame. Now, the main focus is still upon the bathroom dilemma. I’m surprised that it’s been in the news for as long as it has. Considering how small of a minority we are, I feel like news organizations stay up to date on the topic simply because it is controversial and makes people tune in. I wish I knew more about how other truly trans people felt about how they are perceived in the news. I feel that some might feel that greater awareness of our existence is a good thing while others might feel that the topic is treated frivolously and is trivialized, nothing more than bait for viewers who are somehow tired of the infinity of other news topics available beyond death, terrorism, and politics.
There are a lot of things that I’d love to talk with everyone about as I’ve had little to no external input on these matters beyond my own inner reflections. I try to be as objective as I can and have a tendency to contemplate these things heavily. Hopefully, I’ll meet some good friends on here and expand my horizons even further.
You stated it so well Lucy!
I can answer the full membership question. I just became a full member about a week or two ago, after being a basic member since March of this year. I like that I can see my photo albums (delete my photos, see people's comments to me) and I can look at other member's photo albums, leave comments and likes...and I like the fact that I can post and view all the videos. I really wanted to post a music video, that's one of the main reasons I signed up as a full member! I haven't spent much time browsing and looking at videos yet, but the one I saw was fun and interesting, someone's birthday party/girl's night out from Katie Glover!
And actually, in the end, I feel good for supporting the site so it can stay up and running...so my second reason for joining was to support GS.
One last thing, I'm sure there are other perks and benefits for joining, I just haven't delved into them.
There are indeed thousands of threads in these forums, many of them years old. In recent years activity seems to have slowed a bit, but it just takes a few people to get a good discussion going, and you may feel free to mention on the front page that you have added to a particular forum (include a link too!)
We used to have a list of all recent posts which seemed to encourage people to take part, but sadly not at the moment. We do have a list of new topics though, which can be found on the main forum page (from the drop-down menu under "Community Features") and scrolling downto the bottom. This will help you keep track of any new threads that you may have missed.
It's really nice to see people taking an interest in the forums again, please keep at it!
Thanks for the warm welcome, gals! And, yes, I live in Breaking Bad land. All the place names and locations are real and accurate. A few weeks ago I had pizza from the very same place Walt got his pizza that ended up on his roof. Los Pollos Hermanos isn't real though. It was filmed in a burrito place called Twisters.
LOL And I know what you mean about groans, screams and scrunching faces. The guy I was referring to in my post lied about his age (hence, why I ended things pretty qucikly--he was way too young for me) and turned out to be only 22 and a virgin! He kept apologizing for things like grabbing me, digging his nails into me, even poking me with his--ahem, you know--when cuddling. I'm like, "don't apologize!" I think even those of us who are sexually liberated can feel awkward at the begining of our sex lives. But it's like I say, the things about yourself that you find awkward, unattractive, weird, or whatever, in relation to your sexuality and sexual behaviors and desires, can be the things that really turn someone else on! I don't want "polite" sex LOL. It should be sweaty and passionate and primal...and if it's not it wouldn't seem right. If I'm with a guy who just lays there frigid, one, I won't be turned on, and two, I'll feel like I'm doing something wrong and that he doesn't like me. Lose yourself!!
And, yes, I have noticed there isn't much going on in the forums. I was kind of disappointed to see most of the threads hadn't been commented on in months or even years.
I don't know if either of you have the full membership, but, if you do, is it worth it? Is there more goings on in those forums?
Again, thanks for the warm welcome and I look forward to remaining part of the community!
You live in Breaking Bad land! My favorite show of all time!
I love your attitude and style of writing and see all your reply posts already, some good stuff. In one of them, I like how you said you are/feel liberated (in the bedroom), that's the best way to live, not being ashamed to be utterly and completely free in all aspects of being a woman. Heck there are so many cisgender women who have sexual hang ups because of strict religious upbringing. They feel extremely guilty, can't let loose--even after getting married, they still have guilt and issues. I'm glad I didn't have a religious upbringing. One less thing to worry about, as it was, in my twenties, I was already worried about what I looked like or sounded like and never truly enjoyed sex. My only template was the R rated movies, so I would always be thinking of how to look and sound good, plus the first guy I had sex with (at age 20 1/2) and eventually married and divorced a year and a half later said I made weird/funny faces while doing it, so of course I developed a complex. Now for the past 12 years since I've been with my husband (10 years married), I don't care, I moan groan scream scrunch my face, and get sudden bouts of Tourette's syndrome! Even someone with a complex can get over it with time! Hahaha!!!
Back to the forums and being more serious! We need to breathe new life into the forum section of this site, I totally agree with Lucy. There are hundreds of lurkers all the time coming to the forums, too scared to join or too scared to come out. If they see confident transgender people such as yourself sharing your story or giving advice or your two cents, they might feel more comfortable and find the courage to become themselves. Please please please stick around!
Hello Katie and welcome to this wonderful site.
Hope you will post more in the forums.
Fresh meat here, just joined. Looking for some good solid digital/phone/local (yeah right, like anyone cool is nearby...) friendships and share stories, experiences, wants, desires, a few laughs and maybe even some tears. I'm interested in being part of a nice online community and hope to meet some of you lovely intelligent folks!
I'm Katie, and I'm here...deal with it!
Thank you for your advice, Naomi. I haven't really dropped any hints to my family...intentionally anyway. My mom did notice that I had been shaving my arms, but she doesn't know about the other areas that I've shaved. She came close a few weeks ago in learning that I was transgender when she accidentally opened a package addressed to me, and it was a wig and a pair of clip-on earrings. I could've come out then, but I denied that I had ordered them, and I convinced her that it was sent to me by mistake. I didn't feel good about lying to her like that, but I was not ready for her to know yet. I feel like with her, I need to approach it delicately because she will blame herself for me being transgender. That can't be further from the truth. Perhaps dropping hints early on will be the best solution.
Once again, thank you for your advice. I really do appreciate it. And thank you for telling me about your story. It's easy when one first learns that they're transgender to think that they're alone, forgetting that there are others who have gone through the same thing.
HI Jennifer, love your dress. Dont worry about coming out until it is right for you, you will need the strength for whet may come hoping it will be supportive. You are the only one that knows, i dont know if you have dropped a few hints along the way as that sometime breaksd the ice and gives you some feedback on how it may go. A preparation in a way.
All i can say it is up to you, be strong and good luck it is hard but well worth it, keeping it locked in is not good either but you need to be prepared as you will already know, there is a lot of support here for you. I was supprised to the strenght of my wife but i knew she was strong and our love could weather the storm and so far so good, it has been 9 months now, but i still havent got dressed in front of her she knows i do elsewhere, i only do my nails and wear jewelery. She even aggreed for me to go on hormones as well knowing the results but hey i had trauma which resulted in loss of of the jewels so a blessing for me. I dress at my sisters and with my 9 yo daughter she calls me her girly man, have gone out once as me that was by myself too. Keep a clear head and remember you are you and nothing is going to change and tell them that you love them all the same no change, you are the same person inside just look different.
I am here ot help if you need it, we all have different but similar stories some good some bad, do your thing and what happens happens! Try not to be selfish as it is so easy to fall into your own importance and forget the wives lives have been turned up side down so be there for her, as i said i came out 9 months ago and still step by step day by day not to scare her, she knows were it is going but coping as she canm dont push resist the urge you have waited so many years now to take a little more time but everyone on your side is better.
Lots of hugs Naomi good luck.
Hiya, y'all!!! My name is Jennifer Wright, and I am new to this site and wanted to introduce myself. I only realized that I was M2F transgender last year, and I am still trying to understand it all. I haven't come out to my friends or family although it is really killing me on the inside to keep it from them. It's not that I don't think that my friends would understand, they're very understanding when it comes to LGBT issues, but it's really coming out to my family that scares me the most. So I have been an emotional wreck lately while I mull this over. I don't feel that I am ready to come out yet, and I certainly don't have the words yet.
So I look forward to hearing from you all and getting to know you all. Goodnight, y'all.
As my 'sisters' have already stated earlier in this thread there are always people who will be pleasent around others & then unpleasent when they are alone with you or send nasty messages through IM's or PM's. This is always a small minority and does not represent the greater membership feelings towards other members whichever inclination they are.
For me the nearest choice would be admirer but I chose not to acknowledge the admirer choice because of the sterotypical view of an admirer just cruising the site. I do not pay attention to what others think of me, those that wish to communicate with you and get to know you will spend the time to befriend you & get to know you building friendships
Perfectly stated, Nikki, thank you for imparting your wisdom and common sense here and in practically every post I read from you here on GS. You truly are a valued member here, and I won't be scared away or bullied into leaving as long as you stay, as well as the many other members who share your qualities that I have been lucky enough to encounter here, stick around, too.. Thank you, Nikki!
Lisa, don't let one person's rant's make you leave the site. This site is and always has been for TG, TS, TV, CD, CIS, Admirers, supporters, SO's etc. You are as welcome here as anyone else and you have as much right to be here. There is always someone, somewhere who will seek to hurt you with words, just as CIS women have attacked TG women and see us as nothing but freaks, men in dresses, and that includes if you are post op! It's just ignorance and like Donald Trump, should be ignored. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but there is no need to attack someone personally.
As for a god. I don't believe in one but I feel privilaged to have had the opportunity to see both worlds. Some would call it a curse, but I suppose that depends on your own perspective and way of dealing with what life throws at you.
As Lucy said, we love women, and men, we aren't biased here. Most of my friends are women and I had a huge amount of advice and tips from women to help me as I was coming out. They didn't always get it right of course because yes, CIS women have a different experience and different issues. You will not have had to deal with getting rid of stubble permanantly but then I will never know period pain or childbirth!! Two women with shared, but different experiences, but women all the same.
Hello Lovely Lucy,
Thank you for taking the time to write such a welcoming, beautiful, and insightful post. You are a very warm and welcoming--and gorgeous woman! I will let you or Cristine know if It happens again, but I hope you gals never have to hear from me about this topic ever again. Love, Lisa
Hello Lovely Lisa,
There seems to be a certain amount of self-loathing by the writer of the message you received so I should try not to take it personally, and I hope it won't put you off this site at all. You are a hugely valuable member and we need more like you.
The sender suggests you join a TG support group...
Actually, this IS a TG support group. Membership is not confined to trans people; all are welcome here including admirers, friends, family, supporters or anyone who may just be curious. There is no particular gender qualification required to be here, so you are very, very welcome.
Most of us love women and don't have a problem with them posting their thoughts and feelings here. In fact we'd encourage *anyone* to join and be an active member, as long as they play nice.
Personally I don't believe that god f****** me or anyone else up, I mean, if you believe in a god - he's perfect, right? He doesn't go f****** things up does he? No... that's all just nonsense in my opinion; nature made me this way, I'm ok with that. Life is fleeting, being bitter about the hand you were dealt doesn't help.
It's quite clear from our succinctly written T's & C's that verbal aggression towards another member is forbidden and will not be tolerated, however justified they feel it may be, so please inform Cristine or myself if it happens again.
Be happy, and I look forward to hearing more from you.
Lovely Lucy :)
As this website is named The Gender Society and Lisa has a gender , hopefully this can now be put to bed. I do not know who sent the PM to Lisa and have no wish to but I can have a guess , please feel free to send your thoughts on me if you have the guts. If I have blocked you then you will have to do it in a forum post or the home page.
So Lisa is a genetic female and I can see no problem with that so why should anyone else?. She has not yet been given a real chance here yet but she participates , so if you have a problem with her keep it to yourself or take a look in the mirror and slag yourself off.
At the end of the day we are all human , we all have human emotions. Gender does not really come into this it is about care not hurting people whatever gender. The world is a mess right now with wars and terror threats and children starving just because it does not rain to grow crops and keep animals alive. Just be pleased that someone took her time to come here and was interested enough to want to get to know us regardless of her assigned gender at birth , to me that shows she cares.
You all take care xx
This website should be welcoming to all genders. Sometimes a few head cases will come here and make strange posts and vanish. I posted in a topic from a 6 year old member (yes 6 year old) and my post which I considered to be funny was deleted , the insulting ones from others were left behind.
We cannot welcome 6 year olds , although some do have more common sense than a few adults on here. I have to spend my life with so called normal people , if I did not I would be very isolated. In fact I would have no business without them , I have not knowingly had a transgender customer. The females accept me as one of them and 99.9% of males treat me with respect. To gain acceptance we have to let people know we exist and live normal lives. We or I have no choice but to interact with the general public and I enjoy it , I enjoy meeting people and also they learn from me.
I feel as normal as the next woman and I personally think it is a good thing to have genetic females here.
Take care , Julia xx
Let's not frighten away the 'normal' people, enter into discourse, perhaps they will pass on what they learn, to others, leading to a more lateral understanding and acceptance.
I know, jealousy and envy are human emotions, and I know your friends are having fun with you. Hey maybe I'd get jealous of you too, you sexy mama, you! ;)
What you received as a PM Lisa is a cowards way of telling you how they feel about you. I am so sorry you had to read that before going to sleep , some would have deleted their account here so thank you for not doing that.
There is not one member of this site past or present that I personally would send a message to like that. In fact I rarely use the PM system and never enter the chat rooms.
I post openly what I feel for all to see , everyone does not have to agree with me as they are my observations and opinions.
You have observed what Cristine (Crissie) does here and you have shown your appreciation for her , she does not get enough recognition here and you have given her some. I am very proud to call her my friend and she is now yours too.
Male admirers get a welcome here so you a welcome too. Block the member and ignore , or try to ignore the coward.
As some here and myself included identify as female fulltime it makes us the same as you. I know from my genetic female friends that their lives are not always easy , some even say they are jealous of me but not in a cruel way.
Take care , Julia xx
Hello Julia, I just read your post and checked out the link, plus the "what's new" in their profile. I see what you mean. That's definitely not me, as you now know very well! I DO wish all the shy, quiet members would post more so that there's more activity/dialogue/discussion and it doesn't look like a GG is taking over!!! That's why I also felt self-conscious when I first read that PM.
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart when you said that my input was valued here. I do want to learn more, but also express myself, have a little fun, post questions, spread a little knowledge that I know from personal experience, and grow as a person.
Thank you so much, Julia.
Yes, I felt icky when I read it right before bed, so I was tossing and turning and got crappy sleep...but after reading it again two days later, I have a different perspective and don't feel anything when reading it. I thought this person represented all the hundreds of quiet, silent members, that this person was saying what everyone else might feel. But from the outpouring of mature, sweet members, my outlook has changed for the better.
Everyone is at different stages in life regarding their thoughts and feelings about themselves and others. I STILL feel uncomfortable when I see a bunch of gregarious, outgoing women chatting in a group. I'm more reserved and introverted. When I went back to university to study child development, I would see that popular group chatting and feel weird and inadequate...and yes, jealous! They're so confident and girlie, which is just not me. I feel more comfortable and confident just chatting with the quiet person next to me. Thank you, Cristine, for your insight...you are not only beautiful, but wise, logical and intelligent...hugs!
No problems about the unofficial award , it was an idea I came up with years ago here to give recognition to members for different things. You are very kind so you deserve it.
It is easy for people to take me the wrong way as I even admit I can be blunt on occasions on the internet. Some of my posts may sound harsh but they are true. But I am human so If I ever do make a mistake I will openly apologise.
The one thing I dislike in people is selfishness , there is no need for it as we are all capable of giving something. Selfishness is a choice. It does not have to be money but just offering others a helping hand is enough, that is why I said your input is valued here.
In the link at the end of this post is a classic example of a selfish individual. Someone comes to this website with a problem and gets very good advice "Free advice". The individual gives "Nothing back" The individual has not joined in with any other topic or offered to help others , it is all about them self.
I observe things and I have been accussed of being to observant far to often. I can spot who comes here for self gain and who comes here to help others , your posts are useful and interesting (my observation).
This link is pure selfishness on the original posters part , there is no other word for it. It shows selfisness towards this website and the posters wife and son http://gendersociety.com/forums/topic/10112/divorcing-and-the-unreasonable-transexual
Take care , Julia xx
God makes no mistakes? are you kidding! He ****** all of us up pretty bad, but despite your rant here, you will never know what we go thru hon. I don't see where you have any reason to complain. I do not see a male face with big forehead. How fortunate for you to be born correctly and have a pretty face. What kind of sympathy you looking for here? Your only 99% sure? Well, I got news for ya hon, I am 100% sure, even with natural tits since birth and a dick. Everyone has adversity, huh? Try it from our side. Don't know what your deal is sis, but you have no right to preach whatever it is your selling here, because this is our site, our home..for the the TG community. Don't feel good bout yourself? Try dear abby. Your thinking I'm the bitch of the south, huh? Well your right, I am and proud of it. Bet your pretty pissed or disgusted with me right about now, huh? Good, ya should be. I'm not a mental case..been certified. Tired of listening to bored cis chicks tell me how tough it is. I all ready know this. Go post on FB or join a TG support group. But stay off our site and stop rubbing our noses in this.
I am now in reciept of the message above..
I have to think hard and be fair, firstly I would not exactly class it as hate mail, misguided, unwaranted yes, We need all the understanding and support we can get, from all people regardless of gender or their percieved gender, Lisa on one hand is recounting her personal experiences as an ovarian woman, fair enough, the sender of the IM is being overly sensative. The first thing none trans people using this site supporting us need is a down to earth insight into the pressures, we go through. No trans person can honestly say they would not have preffered a 'normal' life, but there again, if we were not trans we would not know the difference. Me I was born a boy, I had the genitalia of a boy, why did I look like a girl, later on why did I have a penchant for dressing in my sisters clothes, I wanted to be normal. People should not be afraid of walking on eggshells, when posting, yes a bit of thought might help, but honesty with most people will out we should not be overly sensative to others profiles or postings. Normal people have issues, experiences, it is a good thing they bother to come to GS to learn and understand.
I honestly think comments like rubbing our noses in it was uncalled for, there was no intention to demean or trivialise being what we are, actually the person who wrote the IM to Lisa is a very attractive, passable trans person, but that should not be the issue, I have had my fair share of hate male, most of it from other trans people. People can read too much into what is said on the internet, to quick to respond to what they see as direct critism. they take it personally when it was'nt intended. I'm sure the person who wrote the IM is not a hateful person, frsutrated, overly sensative probably, I'm the first one to stick my oar in if people are insulted or belittled on here. and what gender, or how they look is of no imporatance to me. During my time, I have met some of the most lovely looking trans women, a lot of them are so ugly inside.
Hello Julia, thank you for the unofficial GS kindness award!!! How could anyone hate you? You carry yourself with grace and dignity, responding to posts very respectfully. Of course you have your opinions like everyone else, and are fully entitled to express them. I'm glad you're not leaving, and even though your presence will be less, it's a comfort to know you're still around...
I know how it feels to be hated here and I am used to it now. As for you? I cannot see anything that you have posted to cause anyone to send you hate mail.
As I posted above my guess is it is jealousy , some are even jealous of me which turns to hate. I was asked to stay and welcomed back so I am not going , I will just not be as active as before.
Your input here is valued so please remember that one ignorant persons opinion of you is just that , one persons ignorance.
Some people only care about themselves and selfishness is not a nice quality in any person.
You take care , Julia xx
Thank you Ms Maggie Pet, very well said! Your post touched me, you're too kind! I hope we do have a chat someday!
Julia, I wish you wouldn't go! But I understand and hope you either come around sometimes, or come back 100% in the future... I did write to Cristine, thanks.
Traci, yes, I like what you said about the gender binary, and about the self loathing, I totally get it and don't feel mad or hate the person, I hope they get a sense of self love and self acceptance. Thank you Traci!
Terrific post Lisa!
Thnx for taking the time to do so and especially become a member of this site. All of us in here fall somewhere between the gender binary with few exceptions. It is the magnet that drew us here in the first place. For some, there is a huge amount of self loathing and on occasion, they will manifest their insecurities in an anonymous forum in order to carve a place or space for themselves in any community. It is the only way they can feel good about themselves. So please do not let the actions of one spoil it for you although I'd certainly understand if you felt differently.
Anyhow, I justed wanted say thnx and wish you could continue to visit us...
Best wishes always!
I have not posted anything on here for about a week but I watch the site from outside. I only really returned here to say goodbye to my friends as someone took it upon themselves to delete my old account. Now my posts are being censored by a moderator whom obviously has a problem with me.
Cristine has posted on the home page a message for you to report the member. I can tell you now from my heart you can trust her and she will be fair so do please contact her.
As for your membership here. You have made more posts than some do in a year and you are very welcome here so do not think of going please.
Jealousy is the most likely cause of the PM you received , there is a lot of that going on the internet and this place is not imune to it.
I will not be posting much on this site just to have it deleted so you take care and look after yourself .
Don't let one person sour you on this site. I have found most of the people here to be very accepting. It sounds more to me like the person is possible jealous of you and that could be the real problem. You have every right to be here and I think you will be able to share some different spins and different view points. That is what makes a site interesting. And who knows, sometimes we may disagree but that is okay too. You seem to be very accepting and are not afraid to type :) These are all great assets.
So I do hope you stay and I look forward to seeing your posts, or possibly chatting some time
Thank you so much Briana, you don't know how much your tender, smart and insightful words mean to me! You are beautiful inside and out. I'm glad you're my friend! :) If you don't leave here...maybe I won't leave either...Love, Lisa
P.S. I forgot to add major acne and oily skin since 12-13 years old...still have acne even now at 41! (Re: slightly higher than normal testosterone levels)
I will state that I am glad you are here and hope you will stay. - The world is too difficult and life too short to only find ourselves losing touh with someone I wish to know as a friend through time and see you as such at the present.
Thank you for your insight to others with their opinions - which is the key term here - that is merely how that person feels. As to understanding, or the claim that you cannot - hell, I grant I have some small amount of understanding of transgender issues but primarily those that relate to me - and the same small level of grasp is true of most other things in the universe from the subatomic to the extragalactic in scale. The one thing is I am is a student both of the things in the universe and especially of myself - hence always learning.
Please do not let this person be the representative of any group - that person is only opinionated. When I encounter abrasive people with their opinions, I often state - 'If I want your opinion, I will give it to you.' ( But note I am a good listener ).
BTW very noted minds in history had the same if not similar thoughts on 'god' - namely Newton and Einstein to some degree. Not bad company.
Thank you too for the depth of your insight into yourself and sharing it with us here. Include in that your reflections on thoughts of ideas. As your work has illustrated - communication is about finding what we all share in common - not a drive to isolate ourselves with what we have different - if anything these differences should be embraced - and you show the value in both all of our common thoughts and those we may have different.
Thanks for taking time to communicate and read this.
All the best, take care, hugs, Briana : )
There's definitely a nurture component to not wanting to birth children, but did you know there's a nature component too? Slightly higher levels of testosterone in cis women. Makes sense, I was super flat chested, deeper voice, high sex drive (I didn't act out on it in any promiscuous way!)
Well I got my first hate message yesterday. Felt really icky and wanted to just leave this site because of it. I wouldn't be surprised if others in the past left this site because of bullying.
This person twisted everything I wrote in my profile. I wrote God makes no mistakes and this person went on to basically say THEY were a mistake! What?!?! The reason Lady Gaga and others say that is because it is a retaliating statement to mainstream society and warped religious interpretation which says that transgender people are freaks or mistakes or that God never intended that to happen. I've never been religious and I AM open to religious people IF they are non-judgmental and non-hypocritical, so let's get that out of the way. (I also believe atheists have a right to their views, as who can dispute science? Plus who knows what happens after we die? I guess we'll find out!)
Yet, I do believe in a higher power (a generic god who doesn't interfere!) that created the universe and all the elements that make up the planets, suns, life, evolution, and the billions of variations that make humans unique. There are no mistakes in nature. As a SOCIETY, humans have come up with labels, diagnoses, disorders, conditions, what constitutes a mistake and what doesn't. Twins and triplets are genetic mutations, do we go around calling them mistakes? If anything, people call them a good mistake, because fertility and children are revered in all cultures. Unfortunately, representing two genders in both mind and physical form is not revered.
But what if being transgender WERE revered in society...hmmm...let's see...because you experience what it is to be two in this lifetime (while mere cis people only one), and everyone knows two is better than one. Oh yes, AND you can adjust your body or outward appearance any way you so desire, you'll still be revered. There would be no shame, no secrecy, no discrimination, no suicides, no murdering of transgender people. BUT instead, the harsh reality is you are stigmatized and marginalized and dehumanized and people make ignorant comments like you're a mistake! I beg to differ! Being gay, lesbian, asexual, bisexual, pansexual, transgender, intersex (the multitudes of variations), gender fluid, gender queer, cross dresser, butch, girlie girl, androgynous, more female personality in a male, more male personality in a female, androgynous personality in a female (hey, that's me!), women born without a uterus, women born with two vaginas, men born with one or no testicles, the list can go on and on--whew! Are these MILLIONS of human beings a mistake??? NO ONE in this world is a mistake--except maybe Donald Trump! ;)
Next, this person said I was seeking sympathy and rubbing in the fact that I'm a genetic girl. What?! If I didn't feel so icky from their comments, I would laugh! In my profile, I'm merely trying to state that all of us have more things in common than not, of course some to a milder extent while others to a severe extent. But if all sides can see similarities in each other...then isn't that how wars between countries can be disarmed?
Also, by all means am I not dangling my ovaries in people's faces--which by the way are unused and dying, so I don't think they're much to envy! I have NEVER had the desire to get pregnant or be a mother, and many people--mostly women, perhaps even some of you who have grown up in society and are not immune to its influence--think that I'm LESS of a woman because I haven't experienced motherhood. Yes, I get judged too, which is maybe one of the reasons I was drawn here (besides the fact that I want to learn, also educate, and create a dialogue...and meet like-minded individuals).
Some feminists (which I think is just bonkers) think you're not a woman because of biology. Some mothers think I'm less of one because I'm not using my biology. You've heard of the starving children in Africa? Eat your food because there are millions of children starving in Africa. Well, how about..."You know, there are thousands of infertile women who would LOVE to have children but can't, and you have a perfectly good set of equipment and are CHOOSING not to put it to good use? What's wrong with you? You're selfish!" I'm just glad I live in the present time and not the 50's. Remember Julianne Moore in The Hours? Feeling as though she's drowning and wants to end her life? Heavy stuff about thinking you have to follow societal norms (get married, have kids). I told my (now) husband after two weeks of meeting him in 2003 that I had no desire to have kids. I love kids and have a bachelors degree in child development. My husband was fine with it and said he hated other kids even when HE was a kid! Being gross and picking their noses, getting people in trouble just to be malicious! So he didn't want kids either. If you've seen Curb Your Enthusiasm, you can see that Larry David feels the same way too, about kids! Thirteen years later and I haven't "changed my mind" as everyone keeps telling me. I'm lucky I have role models like Oprah, Marissa Tomei ("I don't know why women need to have children to be seen as complete human beings."), Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Anniston, Sandra Bullock (good for her for adopting a child in need). http://m.mic.com/articles/112910/12-women-who-had-the-best-response-to-society-s-biggest-expectation#.spvUmfDv9
So I'm not sure whether I should leave and "stay out" as this person wants. Although out of all the TGs and CDs here, 99% of you have been so nice, friendly, warm and open--in fact, at least two of you have said you hope I stick around. But now I've been made painfully aware that I am indeed an outsider who can never understand.
However...when signing up, it does say you can sign up as an admirer, granted I'm not the conventional sexual male admirer, but still, I think there are a lot of non-sexual female admirers out there like me (and sexual, why not?!) It's just that maybe I have the proverbial balls to come here and start chatting!
An interesting article: http://fortune.com/2015/06/29/gender-fluid-binary-companies/
Thank you Traci I have missed you and a lot of others here too. I am fine! I passed away peacefully in my sleep 2 weeks ago and my funeral is last Friday if you want to come :)
I do not want flowers just cash donations (No coins please just notes , or what you call bills over there) . So why have you not kept up my pointless thread? . I know it was pointless but fun at the time.
Take care .
Miss ya girl! Hope all is well...