I am a 17 year old female but I feel like I should be a boy.
At the beginning of October 2014 I developed a crush of my gay male teacher, I know that sounds weird but please carry on reading, I need help. I then started to notice that I didn't feel comfortable in my female body, I don't like my breasts which are 36DD's, they seem to get in the way of everything, also some of my male friends keep looking at them which makes me feel like a object instead of a friend. Also I wear male hoodies which fit me but my hips get in the way of the bottom of the hoodies. I also wear a messenger bag and the strap goes btween my boobs, this is annoying because it makes them seem a lot larger and I keep trying to hide them with my long hair, again, when I am walking around the college campus, guys keep looking at my breast and girls look at me as if I look silly which can get me down sometimes. I know that I am not self conscious because when I look in the mirror I like the body that I see but I am not comfortable knowing that it is my body.
I know for a fact that I would feel more comfortable without my boobs and wide hips.
Recently I went with some friends to my best friends house to watch some films and when they started playing Cards against Humanity I sat out because I felt sad (I was thinking about whether I am transgender) I left a couple of minutes later because I was going to cry. My best friend then came and I told her how i was feeling and she said that she felt like that slightly and went through a lesbian phase for two weeks then went back to being straight. She said that I should experiment with my sexuality. The thing is, gender and sexuality are two different things.
Also i feel that I should stay as a female because I really like hugging my friends and I feel that if i transitioned and became a male and then hugged a male friend of mine, he and my friends would find it weird, also I have a crush on this guy so maybe I should stay as a girl to go out with him.
I have also thought that maybe I could be a mix of both genders but again I am not sure.
Can i also point out that I am a tomboy, I wear hoodies and jeans most of the time and I am quite strong.
I know that my friends would support me because my friend is bisexual and another is pansexual
Only my best friend knows and I am planning on telling my teacher due to the fact that he is very supportive in everything that happens
Could you possibly tell me:
- Who I should talk to
- What I should do next
- If this is just a phase
and anything else you want to say.
Thank you for reading this essay, I just am really confused about my identity.