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Comming out over 50

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  • Hi some of you will have read my intro and have a bit of an idea where I am at but for those of you who don't I am over 50 MTF married grown up kids and do not work due to medical issues. I told my wife befoer we were marreid that I crossdressed and at the time she claimed "all good" Over the next 25+ years I have still not really beeen able to engage her into dealing with the crossdressing. I am not entirely sure that crossdressing is where I will end up but I have taken the fiirst step. I have decided to transiton...by that I mean out of my current state and into another that I can live with. This may involve crossdressing on a more permanent basis or possible even hormones and surgery. It may well mean none of that but I will be moving out of the state of mind and being reagrdless. Before I can even hope to start any of this I decided that I need to be honest with myself and those closest to me.

     

    So I came out to my brother and my best friend who is a cis-gendered female. Let me start by saying I had no intention in comming out to my brother as Transgendered when I went to see him. It was more about trying to piece together some of my childhood and some odd things that happened. But as the discussion progressed it just seemed that the timing was right considering the pointed questions I asked him. His wife is unfortunaely a complete biggot and speaks of the Transgendered person in the most appaling terms. My brother has never been happy with that but tolerates it. I can't (obviously) sit by and let her spew her venomous crap at anyone who will listen. She could hacve been an issue but she was not home. I told my brother straight (haha)that I had gender issues and thought I might have gender Dsyphoria. I took it really slowly talking about the ranges of peole who fit under the Trans umbrella. 

     

    He sat there and said I am not sure "I understand exactly what you are saying to me but its cool bro" "I will be there for you" I was totally blown awayand really couldn't say too much for awhile. We talked further and I explained as muchas I could without scaring him..I figured 2 minutes on google will do that. I left after another few hours and all was goodf. I got a call from  hime later the next day, to find out if I was "Ok" He had been on the internet and before I could say anything he said I am, sure I understand now and it makes no difference to me. Richard you are my hero.

     

    I wrote to my GF of 30+ years one of my closest friends in the world. Unfortunately the e-mail which she was waiting for never turned up however I sent it again and she called and said you know I nearly asked you about that befoer you got married. It was really great to hear another human being who knows my deal tell me they will stick by me. Thanks Liz yu are a sweetheart

     

    Then there is my wife and I need to say that, I did not make it clear to her how deep and powerful my feeling were at any time during our married life. I was too scared to. But after a week of total silence about our issues. I started by affirming my love for her and my total commitment to her. I told her how sorry I was that I had nbot made it clear, I acknowledged to her that this was in first "my bag" to deal with. I encouraged her to tell me her fears, thoughts emotions. I sat and listened to her and as we talked we came closer together. We have made a plan to see the same counsellor if thats permitted,

     

    She said she agrees she didn't sign up for for the whole transgender thing but she loves me dearly and see's me hurting badly and wants to make me happy. So I told her it wouldnt matter how many,dresses, how many skirts or coats of nail polish I had or wore because if she was unhappy then so would I be. So for us to move forward we took yet another step on lifes great advenbture but instead of one pulling the other along we are going into this with equal footing and full and open knowledge. Thankyou my love

     

    On this day in 2015 the world is a little less scary....Every journey begins with a single step. I just took my first major one. Girls it is never too late to at least be honest and live your life happy that with the anguich of denial and sell hate.This is not just about me, my soul mate is as big a part of this as me

      June 28, 2015 8:00 AM BST
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  • Sarah

     

    Thank you for posting this. As a 47 year closetted Transexual (yes, that condition is entirely plausible) with a wife and son, the tribulations and anxieties about the prospect of either discovery or disclosure are always present.

    It's my suspicion that for those who know a pre-revelation transexual well, that suspicions and assumptions may already exist. It's not possible to hide every aspect of your character entirely no matter how hard you try.

    Good luck with your journey and thank you for sharing.

    Rachel

    a girl at heart and a proper person too
      September 12, 2015 12:03 PM BST
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  • Sarah, that is so moving and I wish you well, I really do. 

      September 14, 2015 10:59 PM BST
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  • Living a double life is VERY stressful - pl;ease be honest with yourselves and your partners.

      September 15, 2015 8:41 AM BST
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    Thanks for sharing Sarah.Amanda is right, and I confirm that a closet Transexual is a plausible state.Just thought of the many times I have read,"but she did not sign up to me being Transgendered".There is also the stress your partner and loved ones feel when they feel your distress ,but feel they cannot do anything.So Honesty can really help ,not easy though.
    <p>Donna_V</p>
      September 23, 2015 5:44 AM BST
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  • hi Donna i have come a long way since this post and am now out to my family and well on my way to transition. My wife is on board and knows what I want to do .She has committed too staying in the marriage. I now need to find some self acceptance.
    Sarah T
      September 25, 2015 5:43 AM BST
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