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  • Topic: Problem at work!!

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    • August 20, 2015 1:24 AM BST
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      Ok, the last retail job I had, and still have, nobody questions my gender as female. Now I just started a new retail job, at a store much like Saks off Fifth. There is one cross-dresser that works there. When I spoke at orientation, his head whipped around (he was seated in front of me) and he looked at my hands! Ok, so, no biggie. But when we got to the store, he is constant companion to me; sits with me at lunch, break, at group meetings in store, you get the idea. Now I notice a woman I was friendly with glaring at me, with, guess who, at my side. Then today, another woman, who is very pleasant, referred to me as "him" and "he" right in front of me to one of the managers! My "appendage" is 6' tall and husky. Lots of makeup and RED lipstick. I think with him right next to me, I stand out as well. I have to tell my co-worker she is using the wrong pronouns, but where does the conversation go from there? Hmmm. Nowhere, that where!
    • August 20, 2015 2:49 AM BST
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      Yikes!  Wish I could suggest a solution....perhaps you drown him on the river??? (smile)

      Traci xoxo

    • August 20, 2015 3:00 AM BST
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      I'll save that suggestion as a last resort, ok Traci!!
    • August 20, 2015 9:18 AM BST
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      Tricky situation, Your unintentional companion is obviously drawn to you because they desire to have the characteristics that make you fit in, and doubtless thats because you are further along the journey.Being a transwoman going through those initial phases is awful, as all th echanges take a lot of time and are subtle. I am okay now, lost a lot of weight ,  hormones have had their effect. My Hair s nice and long , and I feel better in myself and dont tend to wear any make up now.I certainly have no intention to stand out as different.-But going back a few years I can recall the desperate figure 6ft Tall,wearing a wig , too much make up plastered on. On reflection I so much wanted to fit in that I ended up transitioning in Stealth allowing those subtle changes to take effect. I always remember a former work colleague of mine [some 26 years ago] in the factory  seeing a young teenage girl starting her first day at work as a receptionist with very heavy makeup, which made her features very coarse,though she did not have these .He chauvinistically remarked in his very coarse Northern Irish Accent, "Its really funny how some Girls go through the  Coco the clown Phase , before they learn to get it right.Well its their first day ,they better tone it down if they want to get the job".But those where very different days to now, and Personally I was very distant from being able to be my true self at that time,though I seemed to  present to lots of people as acceptable, but what did they really care as they knew nothing about me, and I was acting out the part. I hope your unintentional friend can quickly learn from you and have the sensitivity to not be so clingy . Every Transwomen needs room to grow and develop, and mostly we have to make the sacrifices ourselves to allow that to happen.Personally I get uneasy about imposing myself on any one else in what ever form, but thats just me.  

    • August 20, 2015 11:05 AM BST
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      Thank you Donna, I had not thought of that perspective. Spot on I think! I keep distancing myself from in groups, perhaps he will "get the hint"
    • October 4, 2015 6:16 AM BST
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      Well, things are not going much better. A customer called me "he" today to her daughter. Maybe I'll be a she trying to look like a "he", and then they will refer to me with the correct pronouns? I'm quickly losing my confidence, it has already been diminished.
      This post was edited by robin w at October 4, 2015 6:18 AM BST
    • October 4, 2015 5:31 PM BST
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      Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will be Robin!  Accept the negatives with the positives and keep inching forward...

      Traci xoxo

    • October 6, 2015 8:45 AM BST
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      I guess the fact that you are in retail means that you will encounter a wide range of people,including the minority that think they have the right to say what they feel ,without any concern for those affected.Its better to be you ,than be someone who makes unfeeling ignorant judgments.-Ask yourself would these people follow the principle "behave unto others as you would have them behave unto you".It takes empathy ,strength and confidence to follow this , so I would say you have the strength and confidence but the "customer" with daughter does not.

    • October 13, 2015 2:40 AM BST
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      Yes Donna, the thoughts you have are what one ideally would like to reason, but life is cruel and those bits of uneasiness that come from not being fully indoctrinated into woman rears its ugly head. I'd say it's 50/50 if a customer reads me. Most don't give it much thought except I'm leading them to a dressing room! But no one has made a fuss. Maybe the men's dept would be good! I might be more welcome and less scrutinized, unless GF is there!
    • The following users say thanks to robin w for this useful post:
    • October 14, 2015 11:27 AM BST
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      Hi Robin,Thanks for sharing, yes I feel the disadvantages of not being Raised as woman also.Its not a nice aspect of being Trans,for me I can sometimes get very negative ,and begrudge having had the dose of male indoctrination and hate any reminders .It was a big thing for me not to let those negative feelings surface and lash out .Its a nice Autumn Day anyway so I will go for a bike ride. Best Wishes Donna

    • October 15, 2015 12:30 AM BST
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      Traci Lee O'Gara said:

      Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will be Robin!  Accept the negatives with the positives and keep inching forward...

      Traci xoxo


    • October 15, 2015 12:31 AM BST
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      Traci, can you remind me of the positives again?
    • October 22, 2015 5:19 PM BST
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      Robin...the positives are in being yourself at last...really, we are like young teens trying to sort out the world while our bodies develop.  Our minds have had the luxury of many years of life experience, which in turn ought to allow you accept the negatives easier than a 13 yr. old girl would.  I know you work many hours, but do you have any outside interests or hobbies or are you in a position where you could give of yourself to the community thru volunteering your time?  I try to live by a daily goal of making at least one person's day better each and every day.  This makes me feel real good inside and also makes it difficult for others to hate on you.  It could be something as simple as driving a neighbor to the doctor or grocery shopping for someone, raking their leaves or pitching in with their chores around their home or yard...if you have a hobby(it's music for me), maybe you can integrate into a group or club of similar interests.  I hit some open mics and have found acceptance among the music and art crowd.

      Hope this is helpful...

      love,

      Traci xoxo

    • December 3, 2015 2:12 PM GMT
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      Your thread is very interesting.  Though I can offer no advice, I do want to say I can sympathize with your situation.   I was wondering if things have improved?

      ____________________________________

      Maggie

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