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  • Topic: Close call & more

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    • February 6, 2017 11:05 AM GMT
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      As you may know I've not come out yet, will be in the very near future though. I had a close call on the weekend though, might even be out at work but not by my choosing. I was out doing my groceries on Saturday, as Cynthia. I turned my head and out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of one of the girls I work with. I don't know if she saw/recognized me or what she'll do if she did.

      I also finally arranged an appointment with a gender therapist. I get to speak with her tomorrow for the first time in person. I really liked her when we talked on the phone last Friday. Oddly enough, our first converstaion is to be about coming out at work. I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill in a way. My work can't let me go for coming out. It is against the Ontario Charter of Rights. That was my biggest concern, was I'd get fired. I'm going to try and talk with the HR manager first later this week and start the ball rolling because I hate being a light switch! On, off, on, off, it's getting harder and harder to present gender neutral. I don't present male, just gender neutral because I still wear women's clothes, except for my top. Even then I wear a woman's sweater over top.

    • February 6, 2017 4:16 PM GMT
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      This sounds familiar Cynthia.I made a few blog posts [ it must be a couple of years ago now] on the subject of coming out at work.I recall this as a lot of new emotions,and its  fascinating when you have those situations where some people know and some dont or at least you dont think they do , and ...well does it really matter I have just got to get  on and do my job and so do they. Overall work places often have a "ROLL OUT" method, in which you start with a small core of people at work who know , and must facilitate your transition at work.You need background support aswell outside from work, such as gender therapist.There is a link in one of my blogs about forming an inner transition team, which will probably comprise the HR Manager, your immediate Line manager, and possibly a Departmental Manager.These are the people who have the responsibility to communicate your Transition plans ,and their support of you.You may need to include a close work colleague, depending on the nature of the work set up you have. By this I mean do you work as part of team , how big, do you work in a Task based, or customer facing role.

      As you say you cannot get fired for declaring yourself Transgendered.However you can easily get overwhelmed by the new reactions.There is also the factor that most modern work places are quite time conscious, so it starts to become obvious to the wider work force that "somethings going on".Dont worry too much about this, its going to happen.Just try to give yourself time , and also maintain your work focus.An employer needs employees. You might be surprised by the reaction of the senior people .

      Best Wishes Donna

    • February 6, 2017 11:32 PM GMT
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      My work model is hard to explain. First, I work for a firm that develops software. Our firm follows the Agile development paradigm. It revolves around small teams who work to improve the product in short periods called sprints. In my company the teams are selfed managed, we decide everything in regards to the team from what work to perform to how work gets done, and if team memebers perform to an expected level. We do have an HR manager but she can't directly fire anybody, ever, as far as the agile teams are concerned. She is even just a part time employee because we have so little need. She is more of a mediator and helps employees grow. We have a team overseerer but she can't directly decide to let a team member go. Really, the only way a team member is let go is if they don't perform. I've always been a high performer and the other team members come to me for advice. So, I'm feeling more and more confident that my job is not at stake.

       

      So, it's going to end up being the logistics and the interactions that will be hard. It's not like I could come out to them tomorrow and start out fully femme on Wednesday. For that I've got a support network, or I'm building one at least. I've got a family doctor that's be great at helping me through all of this. He's got a lot of TG patients. I'm starting to see the gender therapist tomorrow. My sister has been my BFF lately when it comes to gender dysphoria. I've also been making new friends in the community, (I'm attending a social Saturday night that I'm really looking forward to.) Even with all the support its still going to be really hard, I know, from trying to come out before.

       

      Having set of conversations though is still frightening. I've lost when I've come out before and that makes it harder to try again.

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