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  • Topic: The dreaded "sir"

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    • February 11, 2017 6:06 PM GMT
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      For the most part I when I'm out and about I don't care what people think or refer to me as. Today this one woman really annoyed me though. She was watching over a table that was collecting donations for a charity. I'm getting the stuff out of my cart and I'm hearing her ask for donations. I see about 6 people stream by while I'm getting things ready and all of them, men and women, she just asks if they would donate. I walk by and she appends the dreaded sir at the end. I was like, WTF!. 3 men dressed as men and you ask them for a donation but as I go by dressed in my cute outfit with floral leggings and you really felt obligated to append the question you've been asking with a "sir"? Anyway, I kept my composure and just silently walked past her. Was just annoyed that she had to append the sir to it, for no good reason other than to try and offend me or something.

    • February 13, 2017 3:59 PM GMT
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      Hi Cynthia. I find people do this because they have to reaffirm to themselves something. She obviously was having internal questions which is why she had to use a gender pronoun only with you. So many people are ignorant and also insensitive towards trans people. It sucks.. sigh. I'm sorry that happened. I know its like a knife being stuck in your gut everytime.. it feels that way to me too. The only positive thing is I know beyond a shadow of a doubt she was questioning your gender.. so maybe look at it that way. Sometimes when in a good mood and not being bothered by other people I chuckle at them a little without being obviously combative.. the worst is when they drag the sound out of the word lol. Thats when you really know they had to think about it a bit.. Thank you .. ( pause)siiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Sigh. Keep your chin up :)

    • February 13, 2017 10:55 PM GMT
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      Getting "read" is a bit annoying and it bothers me to a degree but I always get over it really quick. I don't run home in tears and try to overdose on chocolate. It happened, and it will continue to happen. It was just annoying that others walking by with 0 pronoun usage but she felt compelled that she had to add it for me only. *sigh* 

    • February 14, 2017 8:53 AM GMT
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      Yes I've come across those types. It's mostly guys that have done it to me in the past, basically just trying to be smartasses; thinking they're clever cos they clocked you.
      I usually just misgender them back, so if a bloke says, "Thank you, Sir..." I'd reply:
      "That's ok, Madam."
      It tends to leave them feeling slightly less smart.
      xx
      ____________________________________

      To thine own self be true.

    • February 14, 2017 6:45 PM GMT
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      I had this happen while buying prawns at the fish market. I emailed a complaint to the owner of the shop. Peter Poulos, Wow ! what a response A great apology and could I describe the person as he would be berated for such bad manners. I was totally impressed and always shop there when I go to the markets. 

    • February 14, 2017 9:54 PM GMT
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      Shy of getting facial surgeries, we're always going to maintain a bit of our old male selves.  There are a few other indicators that will ink us to a male past as well such as hands, feet, voice, larynx, among others.  And nothing seems more demeaning or delivers a bigger blow to our egos than getting yourself very presentable in female fashion and having another person "out" you.  

      That said, over time, as you develop an inner confidence to match your outward appearance, it will happen a lot less to the point when it does happen, you actually think they're addressing another person.  The most difficult piece in the transitioning is to learn to accept and love yourself as you are.  Things like posture, movement, vocalizing, and subtle things like short eye contact, allowing your buttocks to relax while walking, and an overall relaxed demeanor can be worked on to enhance how you present to the world.  It does get better and far more easier over time, trust me on that!  But other people can tell when you are not sure of yourself, act "afraid" of social interaction, and move about awkwardly and these will always trigger a more discerning glance your way for it signals to others that something is "wrong" about you.  So why draw unnecessary attention to yourself by exhibiting less than a positive aura?  Which leads me back to self acceptance.  Act as if you deserve to be on this planet as much as anyone else and just go about your normal business.  It makes others around you more comfortable and will reduce or eliminate those unwanted blows to your person!  In time, at the worst, when you do get outed, it will just bounce off of you like it is no big deal.  Be proud of who and what you are because it IS no big deal!

      Best wishes always...

      Traci xoxo

       

    • February 15, 2017 3:03 PM GMT
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      Sounds like an advert for Spec Savers.

      ____________________________________

      Cristine Jennifer Shye B.acc. BL (GS Admin) Tongue out

    • February 16, 2017 4:49 AM GMT
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      Ummmm....what's "spec saver"???

      xoxo

    • February 16, 2017 1:17 PM GMT
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      Spec Savers is a chain of high street retailers of spectacles, the advert on tele, depicts a vet picking up his assistants furry hat and shouting the cats got no pulse, we need an IV NOW, ''Should have gone to spec savers'' the inference being that he is is short sighted,.

      I was attempting to add some brevity to a situation that leaves me wondering if people are, blind, stupid, just plain ignorant or absolute bigots.    My twisted sense of the unreal and perverted sense of humour.

      This post was edited by Cristine, Shye BL at February 21, 2017 3:22 PM GMT
      ____________________________________

      Cristine Jennifer Shye B.acc. BL (GS Admin) Tongue out

    • February 16, 2017 5:29 PM GMT
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      LOL...no girl, your sense of humor is tops always!  I had never seen this commercial, but coming from you, was fairly certain it would allude to something light and humorous! (smile)  Thanks for shedding some light on this.

      Traci xoxo

    • February 21, 2017 3:30 PM GMT
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      I echo many of the sentiments here and agree fully with Traci - it all begins with sense of self, self worth, self determination, self respect et al. With that fully in place many nuances of the inconvenient fools in the world seem to slide by for the most part. I also agree with Lucy, though, to turn the tables - when and where needed to teach a lesson. Also I have another avenue I consider - how often do I frequent this place and how necessary is that? If the answer is a lot, then Samantha's email response is spot on. If I am there almost next to never, and need to visit there as there are other equal avenues, then I will turn my money in a different direction. Still even with the list of bad responses, not only keep your head up, but also recall the good ones too. I recall going to the bank last year - mind you I have had an account for many years, hence it is under my birth name. I came as I am and was asked by the teller what do you like to be called? I was startled, suprised and quite pleased at this. In subsequent visits, even if I do not attend her window - if opportunity affords itself she pops over to greet me as myself, Briana, probably helping the younger tellers in the place. All the best. 
    • February 21, 2017 8:17 PM GMT
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      That's really awesome Bri!!!  Good for you! (smile)  

      Traci xoxo

    • February 21, 2017 11:04 PM GMT
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      I just spent 5 days in Tornoto visiting with my sister, partially out. I wore unisex clothes, pushing a bit toward female with the cuts of the fabric and very little makeup. For 98% of the time people acknowledged/addressed me as miss or mam or some other female term. Occaisonally, I found a person that referred to me as male and I was okay with it because I wasn't actively trying to pass. I was just being me. That one woman though really irked me because she went out of her way to do it. Some people are like that though and you will run into them from time to time.

    • February 26, 2017 1:14 AM GMT
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      Cynthia...that is why Al Gore invented guns dear!  "Jus' 'choot 'em"!!!  LOL

      xoxo

    • March 2, 2017 6:49 AM GMT
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      Lucy Diamond said:
      Yes I've come across those types. It's mostly guys that have done it to me in the past, basically just trying to be smartasses; thinking they're clever cos they clocked you. I usually just misgender them back, so if a bloke says, "Thank you, Sir..." I'd reply: "That's ok, Madam." It tends to leave them feeling slightly less smart. xx

       

    • March 2, 2017 6:54 AM GMT
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      Cristine, Shye BL said:

      Spec Savers is a chain of high street retailers of spectacles, the advert on tele, depicts a vet picking up his assistants furry hat and shouting the cats got no pulse, we need an IV NOW, ''Should have gone to spec savers'' the inference being that he is is short sighted,.

      I was attempting to add some brevity to a situation that leaves me wondering if people are, blind, stupid, just plain ignorant or absolute bigots.    My twisted sense of the unreal and perverted sense of humour.

       

    • March 2, 2017 6:57 AM GMT
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      i know the advert it always makes me smile when i see the advert:-  Cristine, Shye BL

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