Hi Cristine,

I certainly don't have any real answers but I have thought about this for a very long time and I do have opinions.

I does seem that a disproportionate percentage of TGirls list themselves as "straight" or Lesbian, even exempting those who are in existing relationships.

My guess is for most it is a combination of a couple of the factors you mention.

Wanting to be "normal" is probably a major driver even if being transgendered pretty much puts you outside that word, at least as far as most of the world is concerned.
A preconceived male perspective - all your life all authority figures have been saying "take off that dress and go outside and play sports with the rest of the boys."
A sexual relationship with a another male is abhorrent and repulsive. I'd probably use less radical terms, say, off-putting and discomforting - of course that might depend on the nature of that relationship.
Sticking with what you know is always the safer, if unadventurous, choice.
Empathy and assimilation with GGs sounds good, but for the most part they going to be interested in males, themselves.

If I were magically transformed into young, healthy and attractive female (like THATs going to happen) I'd probably do what they do, look for boyfriend.
In my real life, since I'm not contemplating any transitions (hormones, RLE, SRS) any time soon due to age, finances and health, I'll go on as I am now, androgynously asexual for the most part.

Best,
Melody

Cristine,

No worries, I'm with you 100%. I don't view myself as anything else but 'straight', my preference is men and always has been.

I think, tbh, it is far simpler for young people to more accurately identify themselves as transexual than when I was in my teens and early adulthood. And, although it may not seem so, there is far more understanding and tolerance today. Great strides have certainly been made.

To answer the opening post, yes, (partly for the reasons above) I spent considerable time assuming I must be gay for the simple reason I was drawn to men and not women. But at the same time there was nothing remotely gay about me and the entire scenario never really meshed with my reality of me. It took a long time to realise I was fancying men as a woman would and not necessarily as a gay man would. I feel there are subtle differences.
Strangely, whilst this period caused considerable confusion to me, ultimately it helped in the easy acceptance I found in family and friends. Although they accepted my assumption at the time that I must be gay, when I more fully understood Gender identity and explained how I was and the route I wished to take, it was like a light going on for them. Ah, they each said, now I understand why you prefer men.

xx

When all is said & done I've come to beleave that gender & sexual orientation have nothing in common.
I injoy having sex with a person I like regardless of the parts they have. When I first joined TW I was hit on a couple of times by TA's & was put off by it as I have no intrest in talking dirty here. I kept coming back wanting to learn about the woman in me.
So I have & allways will hit the block to any PM's that talk sex.
So the only normal thing about sex is liking it.

Why do we really care anyway? This is the 21st century and certainly in the Western world we should be in a place where we can enjoy whatever relationships we choose to have, regardless of gender or sexuality and just ENJOY it! Maybe I'm oversimplifying it. I don't go for over analysis, if it feels good, why bother?

The other can of worms this opens is for those who experimented at some time in their life. Does one experience that was never repeated make a person gay? Personally I don't think so. To use Crissie's analogy, getting your hands on the controls of an aircraft for a trial flight does not make you a pilot, and you may never get your hands on the controls again.

I never thought I was gay, I still don't but I'm sure others would see me differently. To try and explain that one...........as a male I was only interested in women, purely heterosexual relationship there. However as a woman, men spark an interest in me, again, that's hetrerosexual, but as I'm caught between two worlds................

A girl could go crazy trying to figure this out, since I already am crazy I don't bother.

Nikki

Hi Cristine,

While this thread was dormant for a few weeks I've been thinking a lot about your statements and my answers to you. I think I hinted at what I meant, but really didn't spell it out the way I was trying to.

You said, "you present and think like a woman, = woman.........woman attracted to men = Hetrosexual ergo.... normal,,... not societies perception in that you were born a male and should still be attracted to women."

Sounds good, but it doesn't reflect my feelings or attitude. I've felt feminine since before (I'm guessing) most of the TW members were born. I dress to express that femininity. I truly feel I was born in the wrong gender.

But, I live my life in a male body (as much as I wish I was female) and if I were to have sex with another male it would be homosexual, not heterosexual. The mind doesn't, at least for me, override the physical reality. If some guy, even if I were to find him attractive, was humping me from behind, I wouldn't feel the least bit feminine. (This is my personal view, I have nothing against gays or anyone else.) Maybe it's just my personal GID.

I do find females attractive and have had relationships with them, but I've always wanted to be them, not screw them.

For me, this is largely hypothetical, at least for the last couple of decades, since I live my life as androgynously asexual for the most part.

Best,
Melody

Hi Cristine,

"never understanding why some would insist they were Gender dysphoric yet always having to back this up by saying they were not gay, but straight and hetrosexual preffering natal born females. Which to me was a conflict of definition."

I think I can address that one. I haven't come out to a lot of folks, but the first few times I told someone I was a tranny their immediate reaction invariably was, "Oh, I always thought you were gay!" After than happens to you a couple of times it becomes a kneejerk reaction to follow "I'm a transvestite" with "but I'm not gay." I certainly never gave as much thought to saying or writing it, as I have after reading this thread...

I never said anything about natal born females. At one point many years ago I lived with a post-op transsexual. We used to argue about who got to wear the LBD.

As to your and Cassandra's relationship, it crosses over the boundaries of so many categories, it would be silly to try and fit it in any single one. Glad you found your special person.

Best,
Melody

ps, Penny, I didn't see your post as a digression and totally agreed with what you said.

This post really reminds me of myself because I was always attracted to girls throughout my life (middle school and on) but I dated guys that I felt close to because I felt like I "had to" since it was the "right thing" as a christian. I was from a christian family. The one guy I ended up ever having real feelings and an actual attraction for actually turned out to be a homosexual man. I am a transgender (ftm) but haven't gotten any surgery as of yet. The one guy I liked said he wouldn't date a transman though.. Still, that was the only case I could ever see myself with a guy happily. I like to consider myself a 99% straight male because of him lol.

This post was edited by Kris McKinley at June 9, 2016 6:36 PM BST

I came here because I wanted to read the latest post (Kris, thanks) and I got sucked into the whole entire thread. I'm definitely in Cristine's camp. Labels suck, but they are there so that we can explain things easier at the drop of a dime. If being transgender starts in the mind, if you feel like a woman and are attracted to men, you are straight, and if you feel like a man and are attracted to women, you are straight. Hence, if you feel like a woman and are attracted to women, you're a lesbian, and if you feel like a man and are attracted to men, you are gay. It's the biology and looking at it and working with it that might get one feeling confused, and then throw society's norms in the mix, a dash of religion, and people get even more messed up, feeling confused and guilty! But remember, it all starts in the mind...and there's nothing wrong with being gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, etc! It's natural, normal, and human.

I'm a mostly straight cisgender woman. I have an ongoing joke that I am 20% lesbian because I love looking at beautiful women's bodies and would much rather pick up a Playboy or Penthouse magazine than a Playgirl--ew, gross! Even when I was an adolescent girl I would look at those magazines and...well...this is embarrassing...but I would you know...do things with myself. I wouldn't be fantasizing about being WITH them...I was fantasizing about BEING them! Strange, I know.

As far as dating a trans person, male or female, if I weren't married, I would totally be open to dating either sex. I've seen some very good looking trans men, so I'd be in a straight relationship...and perhaps I could explore my lesbian side with a drop dead gorgeous trans woman! (Although honestly, we'd probably end up being friends and not lovers. If only I were 50% lesbian...haha!) The biology--what's pre op or post op wouldn't matter...where there's a will there's a way! And what's wrong with just touching and cuddling? It's all about human contact and connection, anyway, right?

If my husband were to tell me he's transgender tomorrow, and he wanted to stay with me, I wouldn't hesitate to stay. I'm sure that I would mourn his loss, mourn our sex life, but there's more to life than sex. As a cis woman, I feel that I don't need it, I've gone many year's stretch (at different times) being celibate...and I'm happy having sex with just me myself and I! (Okay now I'm blushing!)

2 Interesting articles written by trans women,

The Five Most Common Types of Transsexual Admirers:

(Edit: the link doesn't show up properly, so do the following) Go to http://www.reneereyes.com, click on Meeting and Loving a Transgender Woman, then click on The People Attracted to Transsexuals, then click on Transsexual Dating!


How Society Shames Men Who Date Trans Women & How it Affects Our Lives (VERY INSPIRATIONAL AND A MUST-READ FOR ALL):
http://janetmock.com/2013/09/12/men-who-date-attracted-to-trans-women-stigma/
This post was edited by Former Member at June 10, 2016 12:03 AM BST

This is the good part of having new members here, that spend the time to read through the forum threads & then find a new perspective offering a different insight to the topic. It can then revive the thread getting other members to re-read & update a previous post.

 

My feelings about myself have not changed since joining here, talking to people in the chatrooms (yes that used to be a thing) and forging friendships with people I have been fortunate to meet & they have enriched both of us in the process.  I still know that it is a combination of looks, personality that attract me & it still does not matter if you are pre or post op, female or male. At the end of our lives we all grow old, looks fade but the bond you create through personality, discussions and you cannot help who you end up falling in love with

Lovely GG Lisa - So glad to hear you are enjoying all the posts and so am I lol.As far as your interests go, I've heard that's actually pretty normal to fantasize. In fact, my mom would always try to get me to believe that's why I looked at porn. I just wanted to be the girls in the porn, but of course that was not really the case at all. I'm also glad to hear if you were single, you believe you'd be willing to date trans because as I've said in the past, I've wished for more pansexuals in the world since losing the guy previously mentioned.