Forum » Gender Society Public Forums » Transgender Youth (18 -25s) » Harder to pass at 18? (Loss of fashion?)

Harder to pass at 18? (Loss of fashion?)

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  • This thread might be more aimed at the younger TV’s out there, where the fun for you is in the wearing of girly clothing rather than those wonderfully brave girls out there that have, or plan to, go all the way and actually become fully female.

    I think we’ve all noticed that younger GGs more and more are not wearing dresses and other femme styles anymore, especially in day to day casual dress, and especially at around my age of 18. They all seem to just want to wear slacks/jeans and T’s rather than dresses….. and runners instead of heels. In fact, I know some girls from my school who I don’t recall ever seeing in a skirt or dress except when in uniform. My sister is one of those. Even on a lazy day I dress more feminine than I have ever seen her dressed. She tells me often she hates to wear a dress…it’s the pits.

    What I’m trying to say is that little by little the line between teen female and teen male dress is becoming blurred. Don’t get me wrong, I mean there is still a lot of young feminine clothing around, but more and more girls my age are finding excuses not to wear it.

    So what’s my point? Well with so much dressing down, this is this making our “hobby” more conspicuous and more difficult to pass? I mean we all love to dress up as much as pos’ and I have been told I pass very well if I'm carefull with my dress and MU, but one of the first lessons my father ever gave me when dressing up is that if you want to pass then try not to overdo it. Sometimes we need to really dress up though, if not for the pleasure, at least to cover up our boyish looks. But it’s very hard, because even in the most conservative dresses and the lightest possibly makeup needed, you could find you’ve still overdone it when going to a disco for instance.

    I think as we get older things might get a little easier but for now I for one am finding it a bit hard to go to places I’d like to go dressed up. Instead I go to places for, and mix with, older people. I mean, there is not much fun for a crossdresser in going to a disco dressed in jeans and T is there?

    I am interested in anyone’s thoughts.

    Patti.
      September 7, 2007 9:58 AM BST
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  • Certainly cd:s see this matter differently from us with a ts-background. For us the main goal ist to mingle and to be comfortable. We don´t get much kicks from dressing, although we probably are more interested in cloths than females in general.

    Laura
      September 7, 2007 10:16 AM BST
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  • A very interesting post Patti, and not limited to just the younger age group, in Germany, lots of women dress casually in jeans and t's and after october, almost no legs will be on show because it can get pretty cold here!! You can still wear skirts of course, but just make sure they are appropriate for the conditions and venue otherwise you will stand out.

    The same goes for make up, we do need more than GG's to hide our male features and it is difficult to not go over the top, particularly if you have shadow to hide.

    But you can wear trousers and be femme, a group of us recently went shopping in town and wore jeans, femme combats and trainers and still felt feminine but blended in better too. I understand that CD/TV's might not want to wear that but for TS we still feel femme regardless of whether we have a skirt on or trousers.

    Nikki

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      September 7, 2007 11:20 AM BST
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  • I'm gay and a tranvestite not ts, I point this out only because although we share many things our experiences are fundamentally different. I have always loved the dressing up, putting on makeup, transforming myself into the girl I feel I am. To me its about being sexy and glamorous, though even I have to resort to workaday girl mode from time to time - shopping usually. It is when I'm me, at no other time am I anything but depressed. Rarely looking into a mirror, avoiding my reflection in shop windows. I know I'm physically male and it can hurt. That's why being female is so very very important. But why should a biological woman appreciate being female anymore than I have ever appreciated being a man ( except on those increasingly rare occassions when I appreciate it very much. For them the whole process that encompasses feminity, to us a joy, is to them an incumberence. They are already femine so why bother. Just how many women do you see who can't apply makeup, can't walk in heels, and can't wear a dress. We appreciate it because we have had to endure the other side, the rough clothes, the lack of glamour, the absurd machismo, and the emotionally repressive, violently insensitive, narrow confines of masculinity. But then a girl might say just how lucky is a man he can just throw on jeans and a t-shirt. Only someone born male can really appreciate being female.
    Porscha
      September 7, 2007 12:36 PM BST
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  • I was going to bring up a similar point in another thread not long ago. I got to thinking about how I believe us middle aged TS gals may just have a few things easier. One, we tend to dress much more conservative in a manor that fits in with our community. And second, age is not always equally kind, therefore it is more acceptable for a middle aged woman not to be "perfect." Not to say we don't want to look our best and wear many of those fashions we have always dreamed of, but when we go out, we just want to be one of the gals.
      September 8, 2007 4:02 AM BST
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  • "But then a girl might say just how lucky is a man he can just throw on jeans and a t-shirt. Only someone born male can really appreciate being female."


    Very true Porscha, and of course the reverse is true. I keep saying it but I think I was born about 30 years too late. It would have great to see girls dressing in my dream clothes as the norm.
    Girdles, stockings and suspenders, long dresses, gloves, hats, high heels. sigh!!
      September 8, 2007 3:52 PM BST
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  • Ahh but look at it this way Patti, if you'd been born 30 years earlier you'd be 48 by now. I mean, that's even older than me...
    I for one would love to have the chance to pass at 18, something I never attempted at the time. I'm sure that "starting young" is an advantage in many ways.
    I don't think the clothes that your contemporaries are wearing should really affect your passability, you can go with the flow but still have your own style and individuality. And if most girls wear trousers where you are, it doesn't mean that no girl ever wears a skirt, it IS still allowed!
    Although I'm not really passable in day to life I blend in quite well and avoid getting noticed, basically wearing what I feel good in. Sometimes jeans, but often a skirt, and when it is no-one stares or thinks it odd.
    Have fun, whatever you wear.
    xx
      September 9, 2007 12:53 PM BST
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  • Oh by the way Patti, you snook in the comment, “one of the first lessons my father ever gave me when dressing up…”
    I’m intrigued; my father never gave me lessons in dressing up (!) do tell us more?
    xx
      September 9, 2007 12:58 PM BST
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  • there are plenty of very sexy girly trousers to try on. only thing with trousers is that you need to be a bit more of a professional to tuck away the excess loose skin to give a womanly form.
    Just an ordinary girl finding her way in this strange life. - What will it take to get everyone to realise that everyone else is also a human being that deserves just as much respect? - How does someone tell their doctor they have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia? - When I was a student I specialised in Alcopology. It always starts with Alco and always ends with pology. - Waiter! There's a hare in my rabbit pie!
      September 9, 2007 1:34 PM BST
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  • Thanks Lucy for the nice positive reply.

    I'm normally a 'glass is half full' girl myself, but OMG I really love the idea of wearing those more vintage styles. Jeans, even girls jeans, are just not cool to me at all. Like I said but, don't get me wrong, some GGs I know still wear skirts and dresses but not as much as I'd like to see. I went to the cinema today, and took notice of what the girls there were wearing, only one in a floral print dress, the rest.... J and T.

    My age might be a great age to start dressing but it's still been really difficult Lucy. I've had to put up with a lot of crap even to get this short way. I Know it s not far compared to most girls here, but for me it seems pretty far all the same. I'm not going to go into the details but I have lost friends and the love of relatives like all of us. I'm often left feeling very lonely for company and the mutual respect of people my own age. On the positive side but, I'm told I do look heaps passable when I'm dressed up, and I am living my dream of dressing up any time I want, which is almost all the time. yaaaay.

    You asked about my father.... he's a crossdresser too. I had known that since I was very young so I knew I would have his support when I finally came out to him. It was still very scarey coming out to him though, but more so because he didn't know that I knew about him. He's been really supportive as I'd hoped, but it's taken a long time for us to finally feel comfortable about it all. Still Kind of spooky I guess.

    Patti
      September 9, 2007 4:34 PM BST
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  • Patti, on a very positive note, at least you are at an age when you seem to have accepted who and what you are and have some amount of support around you. Depending on how far you want to go, CD/TV or TS, you are just beginning and have a world of opportunities in front of you. I know many of us left it too late...

    Enjoy your life and embrace every aspect of it, it's too short for regrets.

    Nikki

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      September 9, 2007 4:49 PM BST
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  • Thankyou Nikki

    I'm looking forward to wherever this all takes me. I know it's early days, but for now I'm just working on enjoying it all. I'm glad I found this site because reading about the trials and successes of other girls here has already given me heaps of encouragement for the future.

    I say enjoying it, but as you probably know it can be pretty terrifying too. Right now, I'm plucking up the courage to go to our local cinema "en femme" this weekend, gulp!!. Sometimes I wonder why we put ourselves through it all, but then that's where that encouragement I'm talking about becomes important. Thanks sooo much for yours.

    Patti
      September 10, 2007 3:44 PM BST
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  • Hi Patti,and all the rest of you looking at those GGs in jeans, and thinking ,"No.........."

    There's a Jazz song from the late 50's/early 60's- 'It ain't what you do,it's the way that you do it( and that's what gets results )' or, from the summer of love, 'It's the vibes, man...'

    At the end of the day 'passing' is more to do with how you feel about how you're dressed. If you're 'at one' with yourself, perfectly happy about what you're wearing and how you're made-up, then, even if you're built like the proverbial australian brick dunnee, your chances of passing will be much, much better than if you're continually worrying about sticking out, being read etc. Worry,'nerves' etc radiates, so that even the most inconspiciously dressed tranny will get 'read'.

    Like Nikki, I too live in Germany but my observations are slightly different. Even in the cold of winter there are girls who wear skirts, long and mini, and not just because it's perhaps expected of them at work. At one place where I worked there was a trainee who, for whatever reason, only wore skirts- and that by 30cms of snow. I don't know whether the family were members of a religious sect or not but the other girls in the office accepted this as perfectly normal. That said, I'm quite aware that what may be 'everyday' in Germany is very probably the exception in the UK or Oz.

    I also recall reading a review of a UK tv programme from a few years back.The idea was, apparently, to try and get some teenage kids to wear other clothes than jeans etc. One of the girls who took part made the immortal comment that ," wearing a skirt made her feel like a transvestite.....!"

    Be at 'one' with yourself, cultivate your self-confidence, ' play it by ear ', and develop your style. It's who you are and how you 'feel' your female side. Don't let the massed jeans wearers get you down!

    Enough pontificating! Get out there,do your thing- it's your life.

    Cheers and good luck,

    Lynn Harvey





    "It ain't what you do,it's the way that you do it............and that's what gets results!"
      December 14, 2007 9:42 PM GMT
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  • 96
    Hi Patti, first I want to start by congratulating u on being brave enough to dress femme at such a young age.If I had had the courage to do the same i would not have wasted 22 yrs feeling trapped and guilty and feeling like i was some sort of freak.Thanks to TW and all the great girls here i am only just starting to understand who i really am at 40!I agree with wot a lot of the earlier posts have said that u should wear wot ever u feel comfertable in and develop your own style. hugs and kissesxxxx
      December 15, 2007 3:05 PM GMT
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  • Moderator
    2573
    Patti,

    Have you tried the new mineral makeup? It's next to invisible when on but hides any flaws giving a natural look. A little clear, or lightly tinted, lip gloss or even lip blam and you can look natural but more perfect and still have the feel of makeup. My gf taught me three levels of makeup, rather than one, depending on the destination and time of day. If you use natural colors, close to your own, you can look better and still look like you are naturally that way which should help you to pass. If people see you instead of your makeup you have succeeded.
    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
      December 16, 2007 3:21 PM GMT
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  • I concour Wendy, and I wear natural colours most days regardless of what mode I am in. I feel better for it and I look better for it too!!

    Nikki
    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      December 16, 2007 5:24 PM GMT
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  • hi...Patti .... i am to far down the road now at 60 . a bit like Darlene. age wise that is. you have said its harder for you at a younger age . i thought it would be so much better for you . well i am out full time as a female 5 years now. h r t srs & b a & i am just accepted as a female. so i dont think its my looks o no . so what is it one word for it... accepted ... for who i am .i do pass . i did not think i would yet there it is. i think its good in new zealand . well for me it has been .the trip . i am on has & is just so neat. thats not to say things are not hard at times they are .& having people help you is so neat as well . its not just a phyisical thing we need to look at our emotional & how we are psychologically if we are right in side then we are on the way in accepting our selves for who we are i hope you do well on your trip on this road .....take care ....noeleena....
    live life love life
      December 17, 2007 9:24 AM GMT
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  • Hey Patti, My name is Summer. Nice to meet you. (I am 22 btw)

    Going out dressed, period, is tough. Societal pressures and fears make it incredibly hard to be comfortable. I mean feeling like you look cute helps lol but sometimes you can feel the eyes. Now, I came to a realization about this idea also. Not everyone is looking at you, silly! I actually tell myself that sometimes. This is a major perk about living in a city like Chicago. People have their own business and well, I have a right to mine also.

    I think certain situations common to the younger transgal can be more socially troublesome, such as, the school setting. I go to a Junior College at the moment and really the maturity level of certain students can make certain situations unpleasant. I honestly haven't worn a skirt there yet because of certain fears. I will most likely this next semester as I feel its important to overcome my fears. Plus, I know I look sexy sooooo there will be no problem.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing Patti. It is so important that we discuss these problems. Sometimes I learn more about myself by listening to the stories of others.

    And oh yeah... clubs are not a bad place for the younger girl because you can just be spunky and have fun!

    Message me any time as I love to chat!
    Summer Q
    Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. - Philip K. Dick Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. - Marie Curie
      December 19, 2007 6:01 AM GMT
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  • You and this thread have brought up some good points, Patti.

    I always notice the lack of effort put into dressing, regardless of gender. Males and females a like live in tshirts and jeans; well atleast the majority.

    And even after wearing some of the prettier looking aspects of feminine clothing, I don't see the fuss about it. Most of it is rather comfy. So it brightens my day when I see those that do put effort into looking their best, no matter the situation.

    On an overall basis, I don't think you have to worry about sticking out. If you worry every second of your time out, thats just missing the whole point of one of the basic rules (not only of TG life but anything); have confidence in yourself and don't worry about others. If you are worried or scared, people can sense that and thats what gets you looked at.

    Think about it. Those girls in dresses and skirts. Do you notice them and say "Hey. They're trying way too hard! They might be crossdressing/transsexuals."? No. Most of the time, you notice them and admire their effort or how cute they look. The only exception would be anytime the attire is out of season or completely out of place. For instance, wearing a short dress in winter weather or wearing a long, formal, prom gown to the beach or to school. Things like that are going to stick out no matter who you are. Just because everyone is wearing t-shirts and jeans doesn't mean you have to nor does it mean everything else is considered wrong.

    Not to go too much into it, but when someone notices another person, there is a MULTITUDE of reasons that could be influencing this. What we do look at people for? Being pretty, having a unique style, reminding us of someone or something. Being in drag/crossdressing/etc is just one of many possibilities on that list. So everytime someone notices you, don't worry. Although I've only really been out en femme once so far, I tried not to look for everyone's reaction to me. I acted how I wanted to and only took notice if I felt a guy (or girl) give me a look and a smile.

    So if it fits your fancy, toss on that skirt or that dress or those heels! Live it up and hey you might spy someone else dressed similarly and then you can wink at each other to acknowledge how stylish and happy you both are.

    <3 Angelyn
    "The way your heart sounds makes all the difference It's what decides if you'll endure the pain that we all feel The way your heart beats makes all the difference In learning to live Here before me is my soul I'm learning to live I won't give up Till I've no more to give" -"Learning to Live" by Dream Theater
      May 6, 2008 12:46 AM BST
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  • I must admit to dressing down, now that I have fully transitioned, tending to wear trainers, trackies, jeans and crop tops, but if I go out on the town, night out, I do dress up. I just sorta fit in, girl next door. A lot of peoples perception of a tranny TS prancing about in short skirts, showing stocking tops and teetering about on 6inch heels is long gone thank christ.
    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      May 25, 2008 10:01 PM BST
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