I really need some advice for dealing with some of these issues I have been facing. I am a fairly open person and maybe some of what I am saying may be a bit too emotionally intense for some people. But please bear with me. I seriously want respect and understanding for who I am. So, for starters here is a little bit about me.

I personally think I am average looking, but attractive and beautiful women have been attracted to me and I have gone so far as having sex with females on numerous occasions.I can get erect just fine looking at an attrative woman with nice curves and breast. However, I have had problems keeping them on account of my penis not wanting to function after seeing the vagina. It seems that girls do not want to stick around if I can not get it up and I have never in my life managed to get a steady girlfriend despite trying, and trying, and trying over and over again. They just blow me off after having sex, even after being really attracted to me. It is frustrating. It may or may not have anything to do with this, but it did turn me on when I was a young child to dress myself up in girls clothes. I did that once when I was 5 and my father told me to knock it off, so I stopped. When I was young and a child I did play with dolls some, but there was always a masculine slant to it. For example, my sister had bought a mylittle pony doll and I wanted to have one too. However, I got a doll that looked like a cowboy and had masculine attributes. My sister had a feminine looking one. I usually just played with trucks and Gijoes, though. It seems I have always had more masculine hobbies going on; like hunting, martial arts, playing soccer and baseball. I would say that it has been my stronger point. Take note that I am comfortable taking on a masculine role 100% and that is where I want to keep it, and for the most part I do a good enough job pulling that off with a few exceptions I have noted. I intend to stay there.

What I am telling you may or may not make me gay or gender confused or whatever. I consider myself straight personally, yet I may be gay afterall; it does not bother me if it turns out that people want to label me gay for how I honestly feel, so long as they keep the thought privatelly to themselves and I have mutal respect with all people. In any case, I am in a sense coming out of the closet and saying things I would not say openly. I think that it might be proof that I am not entirely male and not entirely female genderwise, but rather androgynous and that I just meerly choose and comply to whatever characteristic of whatever gender that I choose. I have had role-playing fantasies where I imagined that I could morph into the other sex at will and yet maintain the ability to remain male. I usually play female characters in video games. I am attracted sexually to the female body form, yet the male body form does nothing for me at all and I am turned off by it. However, I do not find vaginas attractive in the least bit and they do not turn me on, Penis' do turn me on. Despite of this, seeing a penis just makes me want to stick my own somewhere, and I perfer the other to not function and I find it a turn off it is the male getting penetrated by a penis. Pure straight porn with a male and female and pure gay porn with two guys does not really turn me on at all. Yet, seeing porn where an obviously masculine man is sticking his penis into a very feminine looking person with breasts and a penis I find very sexually appealing. There are also women I find sexually attractive, but like I said I am not really enthused about the vagina. It is difficult for me to get motivated to stick my penis into one and while I may get aroused initially at an attractive looking female and her female form the sight of a vagina kills the attraction. Yet I do get a massive erection at the sight of an anus, but only when the person has feminine attributes.

One thing that I have found that seems to be common about M2F transsexuals is that it is obviously many of them have been psychologically hurt badly and as a result they come of really defensive. There was a girl I knew at my school who was transsexual and wanted to get to know, but I think she was afraid of people knowing she was born a man and despite any potential interest I might have had of her she would never give me the time of day. I could never get past her defensiveness enough to even have a decent conversation with her, let alone go out and spend time getting to know her. She was very beautiful and with some small exceptions she passed well as a female. I would just rather find one who knew that I am alright with the gender issue or whatever. A thing I am wary of though is not knowing exactly how to deal with specific issues related to transsexuals that are not seen in genetic women. For example, I might accidentally say something to offend a transsexual without really meaning it, and I know that this could easily cause her to overreact and reject me. Obviously I am less experienced with transsexuals than with genetic women. I know that there are enough similarities between the two. I guess I am saying that I just am afraid as coming off as a jerk when I do not really mean to. If anybody has any suggestions about this, I am all ears. I do know that many transsexuals just want to lead normal lives as females and have a normal relationship with a seemingly straight acting man, and I think that can work assuming that I find someone who I click with. It seems to be a fairly challenging ordeal indeed. I have picked up that there does seem to be some prejudice from MTF transsexuals against men who come after them for the fact that they ever had a penis, probably for the same reason that they want a straight man and the fact that gay men in denial tend to go find women with penis' to penetrate them. In my case I think that is slightly unrealistic taking that most straight men want women they can reproduce with and normally do not have an issue privatelly with transsexuals who look and act like women. I don't atleast. I would not mind having children of my own, but reproduction in general has never been an emphasis with me. For me it is about love. I want to find someone who I can truly love and loves me in reuturn. I have come to the conclusion that whoever is out there for me obviously is someone not born in the right body genderwise. I think that finding whoever this is is what really matters in life right now. Obviously, there are other psychological needs there that seek some fulfillment, yet I am tired of living a life of frustration and not being able to get what I want in life with the opposite sex. The only thing that I can conclude is that I would probably fit well with finding a relationship with a transsexual over a genetic woman, taking on the male role. If anything, I could have a partner that provides reinforcement for some certain strengths, I can accept her for who she is and we can share common empathy with each other about life. I just am seeing that as the best option right now.

Point is that I obviously am in need of some help here as to how to start. If anyone can lead me in the right direction, I would appreciate it.

Hi RM,
I've read your post and re-read your post. You don't happen to mention your age and from the sounds of it I'm going to take for granted your are either in college or recently out of college. If I'm wrong...sorry - it's just a guess. You've defintitely got a couple of issues going don't you. You speak of being attracted to transgendered women but you don't know how to act and you're worried about making a "jerk" of yourself. Well, here's the thing. You treat a transgendered woman like any other woman. Afterall, a tg woman is well...a woman. Just because all the "equipment" isn't or hasn't been changed doesn't make that person any less of a woman. Treat her like a lady!!! No less than that please - it isn't polite and hopefully you've been raised better than that.
As for you. You need to do some serious soul searching. You start out your post saying that you were fond of dressing in girls clothes but after being reprimanded by your father you stopped. That's it? That easily? You also say that you had a desire to play with girls toys but stuck to the more "masculine" versions of these toys. Lots of boys like to play with dolls and girls toys especially when they have sisters. I know my own son did and so did most of the boys who had sisters that I know of. That way all the kids could play. Not really a big deal there. I don't think it's something to be concerned with, it's a very normal part of growing up - very similar to a girl playing with cars and trucks or something of the like.
You continue in your post speaking of how the female sexual anatomy does nothing for you and that the male anatomy does nothing for you either. However, a flacid penis attached to a very feminine body does a lot for you sexually. How about emotionally and spiritually? You also speak of not minding to have children eventually. Unless you were to adopt that's not going to happen. Are you going to enter a relationship with a tg and then dump her when you decide it's the time in your life to procreate? Are you going to adopt? Are you sure that this is a lifestyle you want to pursue? Your fancies and turn-ons do not justify hurting someone and you need to keep that in mind.
RM, I'm not trying to be mean or hateful I'm just trying to point out the obvious. Think things through before you do them. If this is truly what you want then by all means go to West L.A. and explore the tg community there and judge for yourself. Get connected with the tg community and see if this brings you home.

I hope this doesn't bring you down and it brings you some answers.

Good Luck!!!!

Hugsxxxxx

I just recently started writing some material (that will soon turn into a website if everything goes aright) geared toward men who wan to—or think they may want to—date a TS woman. The main assumption, of course, is that he wants a real, long term relationship with her. The secondary assumption is that he’s either [A] not been experienced with transwomen; or he’s tried and struck out.

If that website ever comes to fruition, of course I’ll make a notice about it on TrannyWeb.

In the meantime here are a couple of links that might help you sort through some issues, both coming from the POV of the transgendered female:

http://www.tsgirlfriend.com/
http://www.reneereyes.com[...]ro.html

I think you’ll find both of these enlightening.