Martha,
I am sorry if this is not going to go on the forum thread; I wanted to respond, but couldn't seem to find the button. Maybe it's because I am not a paying member...
I have gone through the exact same problem that you are going through, reconciling my faith with the facts of how I was created. Yes, Deuteronomy 22:5 seems to offer condemning rebuke of what I know to not be a choice, but a biological predisposition. In dealing with this issue, I have two lines of reasoning, one secular and the other religious, that maybe you can use if someone from your church brings it up.
First, what are the "clothes of a woman" anyway? Given that this is completely a cultural norm, the fact is that men would have been wearing clothes back then, robes and the like, that are associated with women today. As recently as the 17th century, men were wearing "skirts", and there are other ethnic groups like the Scots where men's dress clothing to this day is still defined along different lines than common Western culture. If this law should apply to cross dressing, than all of the women in your church are equally guilty, because I have no doubt that they have worn pants, the "clothes of a man" just fifty years ago! The world is full of hypocrites, and it helps in an argument to be able to point it out.
On a more religious argument, my views as a Christian involve Jesus dying to wash away our sin, no matter how small or great, so regardless of whether it is right or wrong by the law, it has already been forgiven! Furthermore, in the New Testament there are express commands about Christians judging their neighbors; these have been ignored by church members condemning cross dressing, and are useful to illustrate a point. I will attach a few good counterpoint verses, always great in a religious fight.
I hope I have helped you figure things out. To respect the church, probably going to service cross-dressed is not the best idea, but the congregation has no right to challenge you outside of service. This has obviously been an important issue for me, and I would love to know how it turns out for you! If this is the wrong place to post this, could you put it up wherever is the right place? Thanks!
Stan
James 5:1 -- There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you--who are you to judge your neighbor?
Colossians 2:16 -- Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. (With reference to traditional Hebrew Law)
Matthew 7:1 -- Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
Romans 11:6 -- And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace. (Discussing the role of forgiveness in Salvation as superseding the traditional role of Law, where Deut 22:5 is found)
...I have more, if you'd like them. All of these were from a NIV, 1986