Forum » Gender Society Public Forums » Coming Out » Fear of coming out

Fear of coming out

Tags : None
  • Marla here:

    I have a very interesting problem, I have been crossdressing for quite a few years now (I started when I was 12 tears old.) I am now 39 years old and still working up the courage to actually come out and admit to evryone that, yes I have been and am a TG/TV and possibly will continue, the only problem is: I belong to a churhch in uour city here and the idea of "Genderbending" as some people would put it is strictly frowned upon (for example read Deut 22:5 KJV. Please I'm not preaching here, I just need help.)
      September 1, 2009 7:23 PM BST
    0
  • Moderator
    2463
    I wish I knew what to say but I cannot since I do not know your immediate situation. Do you plan on standing on a pulpit and announcing it to the world, or to those in your life whom you can trust? You might want to start with one or two close people, see how they react, and go from there.

    Mere
    You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant.
      September 1, 2009 10:57 PM BST
    0
  • Although I'm a transsexual not a CD, I reached a point I had to live as me and I have a quite a bit of experience dealing with a church that is fundamental and intolerable of us. Before I go into any of that I have to say I agree with Meredith as to is there a reason you feel you need to tell everyone you are CD? If so test the waters with a few you can trust first.

    Deuteronomy 22:5 is probably the most ridiculous of all versus that a church uses against TG's. It is one of hundreds of the mosaic laws that Moses gave to the Israelites. Simply put they cannot pick and choose which versus are valid, they either all are or they are all not. They are equally sinning by simply implying the mosaic laws are still valid because it is nearly impossible in today's world to live by them. Pointing that out usually gets them off of Deuteronomy but then they will switch to tying this together with homosexuality which again is incorrect and most psychologists will confirm that. I won't bother looking up the Leviticus verse that deals with homosexuality being an abomination but three versus up from that is the verse stating eating shellfish is an abomination. Just ask them their opinion on that one.

    The bottom line is you are unlikely to change a church, however you may plant the seed so in due course things will change.

    Hugs,
    Marsha
      September 1, 2009 11:57 PM BST
    0

  • Marla here:

    Thanks for your help Meredeth, no I don't plan on getting up behind the pulpit and telling evryone, but the of finding someone that I can trust and telling them is dificult since I may not know how they would react. I could probably ask some of them what their reaction would be to a person in my sitiuation living amongst them without revealing myselft to them and then watch their reaction.
      September 2, 2009 7:29 PM BST
    0
  • Marla here:

    Thanks for the help and advice Marsha, yes I realize that a lot of fundementalist churches do not like dealing with things too much out of the ordinary, especially this, and like I said to Meredith (sorry I mispelled your name earlier.)what I plan on doing is possibly bringing up the subject of crossdressing to a few people I can trust and see whatkind of reaction I get.

    to be continued

    thanks
      September 2, 2009 7:39 PM BST
    0
  • Ursula, first I agree whol heartedly with Marsha. she and I butt heads every so often but I would trust her to watch my back . I think for the most part she gives pretty good advice and shes on here more often too ! I came out in 1994. There a few places where I stil feel very uncomfortable as I am a transgendered individual like Marsha .
    Are there any Gay clubs nearby ? are there nearby crossdressing groups wherein you could Change at the meeting location ? Look , you show me a M to F that wasn't scared the first few times out and I'll show ya a closeted crossdresser ! Ellen S.
    Liberalism , a desease - E Shaver
      September 2, 2009 8:00 PM BST
    0
  • Martha,

    I am sorry if this is not going to go on the forum thread; I wanted to respond, but couldn't seem to find the button. Maybe it's because I am not a paying member...

    I have gone through the exact same problem that you are going through, reconciling my faith with the facts of how I was created. Yes, Deuteronomy 22:5 seems to offer condemning rebuke of what I know to not be a choice, but a biological predisposition. In dealing with this issue, I have two lines of reasoning, one secular and the other religious, that maybe you can use if someone from your church brings it up.

    First, what are the "clothes of a woman" anyway? Given that this is completely a cultural norm, the fact is that men would have been wearing clothes back then, robes and the like, that are associated with women today. As recently as the 17th century, men were wearing "skirts", and there are other ethnic groups like the Scots where men's dress clothing to this day is still defined along different lines than common Western culture. If this law should apply to cross dressing, than all of the women in your church are equally guilty, because I have no doubt that they have worn pants, the "clothes of a man" just fifty years ago! The world is full of hypocrites, and it helps in an argument to be able to point it out.

    On a more religious argument, my views as a Christian involve Jesus dying to wash away our sin, no matter how small or great, so regardless of whether it is right or wrong by the law, it has already been forgiven! Furthermore, in the New Testament there are express commands about Christians judging their neighbors; these have been ignored by church members condemning cross dressing, and are useful to illustrate a point. I will attach a few good counterpoint verses, always great in a religious fight.

    I hope I have helped you figure things out. To respect the church, probably going to service cross-dressed is not the best idea, but the congregation has no right to challenge you outside of service. This has obviously been an important issue for me, and I would love to know how it turns out for you! If this is the wrong place to post this, could you put it up wherever is the right place? Thanks!

    Stan

    James 5:1 -- There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you--who are you to judge your neighbor?

    Colossians 2:16 -- Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. (With reference to traditional Hebrew Law)

    Matthew 7:1 -- Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

    Romans 11:6 -- And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace. (Discussing the role of forgiveness in Salvation as superseding the traditional role of Law, where Deut 22:5 is found)

    ...I have more, if you'd like them. All of these were from a NIV, 1986
      October 16, 2009 12:57 PM BST
    0
  • Hi Ellen, if you know any places I could meet other transexuals and cross dressers where I can change at the location and where I can meet any groups in Florida. I would really appreciate the help since I need people who like me that is a transexual that I can become friends with and go out with each other to places like these locations you mentioned.

    Ashley 'kisses'
    Myspace account: http://www.myspace.com/513093521 I am still working on making it look great.
      November 7, 2009 8:25 AM GMT
    0
  • Ashley,

    Welcome to TW.

    http://www.ifge.org/Web_L[...]7.phtml

    These are some support groups in Florida. There may be others not listed here, such as:


    City Gems

    460 S. Rosemary Ave, West Palm Beach, FL 33401-5797

    p: 561 835 6992

    http://www.rivercitygems.org/

    Email - None Supplied
    which I found by using Google search engine.

    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
      November 8, 2009 2:49 AM GMT
    0
  • Wendy thanks for helping me with the information and thanks for the welcome sweetie since its good to be part of this community.

    'Kisses'

    Ashley
    Myspace account: http://www.myspace.com/513093521 I am still working on making it look great.
      November 8, 2009 7:00 AM GMT
    0
  • I personally haven't had to face this, but I've written/drawn on the subject. Something that might be worth pointing out is that (if you are truly MTF TS) you are, in fact, a woman, and that therefore it is "meet and right" that you should dress to fit your actual sex in anticipation of SRS. Now, many conservative Christians don't accept the validity of transsexuality in the first place, evidence notwithstanding, because it implies a mistake by God in assigning the right soul to the right body at birth, so they are likely to reject the argument out of hand. Still, it's worth approaching it as just one more challenge God has given you, and easier to face than, say, Type 1 Diabetes, or some more visible 'birth defect'. As was written in another post, it's a seed worth spreading around. Might just grow.
    Also, I know what a compelling social institution one's church can be. I sometimes still miss the one I grew up in. Yet... is it possible in your community to find a more welcoming, inclusive church? Here in Seattle there are several which actively advertise to the GLBTQ community.
    Consider this a 'second' for telling one or two friends first. You'll never really know how they'll react until you talk. You might be honoring them with your confidence. Best luck---

    Larry
    Dichotomists think the world is black and white. Colors and shades of grey confuse them.
      February 21, 2010 8:29 AM GMT
    0