Hi hi everyone,

I'm in a bit of a dilemma. My SO thinks that I'm prettier than her, and is causing her to be jealous and upset.

We're all girls, and girls want to be pretty. Who doesn't? But it seems to her that I am getting more attention than she is. I think its ridiculous, and thinks she is way prettier than me, and plus she is a GG. I'm just a transgendered girl with a flat chest.

I don't understand how a GGs can be jealous at a TG, when TGs are jealous at them at the same time... I guess it has to do with her low self-esteem, which makes her quite an attention seeker. I've tried talking to her that I am not getting more attention (which is true), and that she is very beautiful too. I told her that she can get 10x more attention than me if she wants to. But she isn't listening me.

What am I to do? ugly-fy myself? Wait till she snap out of it?



PS, I am not pretty. 5'9" with an athlete's shoulders and chest. Plus an emerging spare tire around my waist. Too big and fat for an Asian.

You are perceived as a threat. One suggestion is exchange ideas about how to look, dress and act.
Worked for me.
Gracie

Thanks for the prompt reply girls...

She knows of my tendencies since the start of our relationship. And I know too that she cannot accept me going all the way. She isn't cool with me having boobies, although I've been trying to convince her out of it lately.

I love her very much, and would never cheat on her. We agreed before that if any other relationships that is gonna happen outside the 2 of us, is going to be a threesome. So its either with her or none at all. She expressed before that she is worried I might go out and hook up with a guy. I told her that if that happened, it would happen with her together.

I think she is upset not because of me getting strayed, but rather losing at this "beauty competition" girls have with each other.

This problem popped up because we are both going out to a friend's birthday party 2 days from now. I'm going en femme coz this friend is a CD. And after trying on various dresses, deciding how I'm gonna look on that night, she commented that I look beautiful and started to get jealous. She's gonna dress up sexier than me on that day anyways... so I don't know how come I can become a threat.

Maybe its just a moment thing... probably hormones making her moody. Will try giving her some positive comments the next time she dresses up, hopefully it would clear things out.

From a male perspective it doesn't seem logical that she should feel threatened by you, but from a female perspective it's the natural order of things in their social lives.

Men are typically threatened by physical conflict, and thus react in such a way, while women are typically threatened by emotional conflict, feelings of inadequacy, and social status. What women doesn't want to be beautiful and popular, especially when our society holds those qualities as desirable.

She seems to be in high school mode where petty issues such as this are exaggerated. In her mind she see's you getting more attention than her (therefore dropping her social status), and the fact that you're now a challenger in her domain (female beauty), even though you're her SO, she still naturally enters combat mode. Her insecurity is a matter of icing on the cake, and fuels this whole thing. The potential for cheating just adds ammo to the conflict.

Realistically, unless she makes a paradigm shift, she will probably always see you as a challenger if you continue to cross dress, and try to present an appearance you probably feel inside. Ultimately it seems she doesn't want you transitioning into a women, merely being a male with an unusual quirk. It's not going to go away, and she probably isn't going to go away. She's not going to 'snap out' of it either.

Dressing down may be a temporary option. I suppose it depends on how much you desire this. Is it merely an occassional dress up thing, or is it that you want to live more on the feminine side of the divide? Do you want to fully transition at some point.

I remember when I first started. I figured it might be a temporary thing, and not something I would necessarily want to live full time, not to mention all the things it would take to transition over. I figured I could probably just throw this part of me into a closet, and maybe occasionally indulge in. Now a year later, the thoughts have become stronger, and it's not something I desire to walk away from. If I date someone they will have to be comfortable with this part of me, and they will have to be comfortable with me going as far as I want to push it.

On the one hand, you could dress down to assuage her fears. If you're satisfied with the occassional dress up opportunity, this might be fine. If you would instead want to dress up full time, or to be able to pass in public, you will continue to deal with this.

On the subject of the potential cheating angle, have you ever given her reason to suspect you of cheating at all? If this has not come up before, and only as a result of dressing feminine, it's merely misdirection, and an emotional manipulation tactic.

Thanks for your reply Christina...

If I have the money, I'll just take both of us for a total plastic makeover.. hehe.. that should solve everything.

At the moment, I think I'll be content if I am able to live full time without SRS. But I cannot promise that it will stay that way. I thought I was happy if I am able to cross dress now and then, but after a few years, the girlish feeling is just too overwhelming. And I'm not planning to let go off this relationship at all too.

If it is cheating, she will probably cheat first. She confess that she likes the thought of cheating.. the "excitement" and "thrill" ticks her.. I'm not totally against it anyways, as long as I know about it... ( then again, it won't be cheating anymore ). We are both very open minded in this aspect, and so I don't think it will actually affect her reaction towards me. Then again, I might be wrong.

It has been a few days since that incident, and she seems more calm now. Although she still brings up the subject now and then, but isn't as "violent" anymore..

Hi Jellene, if your profile picture is anything to go by, you certainly are pretty, however you may perceive yourself. It's not unusual for a partner to feel the way yours does, particularly if you never used to dress femininely before. She may well be feeling threatened because she is wondering where you will go with this. Are you getting lots of attention, and who from? She may be cnocerned that you will act upon this and is therefore worried about your relationship together. The idea of you 'dressing down' would make you less attractive, receive less attention and therefore be less likely to stray. I'm not saying you would, but your s/o may feel that you will be tempted to.

Rather than dress down yourself, why not make a big thing about getting her really dressed up for a night out, and be sure to make a big deal of how good she looks. It sounds like she needs a boost of confidence and reassurance in her appearance and your relationship too perhaps.

Nikki

Jellene, welcome to TW.

There is a saying: "All behavior has meaning."

Find out what her behavior means to her before you try to "fix" it. (Beware the "Mr. Fixit" male thought pattern, it does not fly with women). Try to find out what she wants and why. Just listening can be all she needs.

Ooh jealousy rears its ugly head ... that is so 'normative' as to be scary ... I recall a friend persuading me to take part in a run for charity - we trained together, worked out together, it was great - however as things progressed and I got fitter Mike became less inclusive - on the day of the 10k Fun Run we ought to have finished as a team, Mike bust a gut to take the lead over me - then at the last 500 meters took severe cramp. I tried to help him to make it to the finishing line but he refused every offer ... I waited and completed the race with Mike, however things were never the same afterwards. Little did I realize his perception of our friendship was based on the concept that he was obviously the better man ... OUCH! I think we can try to slice human nature into salami slices all we wish, hwoever as the Depeche Mode song goes - 'People are People'.

This post was edited by Al McKeown at January 5, 2012 2:08 PM GMT