Ivan was as thick as two short planks, the only career open to him was to join the army and fight on the Russian front against the Germans, defending the motherland.
During training poor Ivan, not exactly the epitome of Russian manhood, could'nt even grasp the basics of shootting a rifle, let alone aim it without detriment to his comrades in arms. Eventually his officer in despair, and fear for the life of the men under his command, confiscated Ivans weapon, subsituting it for a wooden one, Telling Ivan, that everytime he saw a German he was to take aim and shout out bang, bang, twice, to make sure he did'nt miss. Ivan, not being the sharpest knife in the box, a sandwich short of a picnic, took this on board with enthusiasm, eager to play his part and do his duty for his country.
Eventually Ivan found himself in the midst of battle, lined up with his comrades in arms, shooting at the advancing Germans,
Bang, bang went Ivan, a German fell, probably hit by somone elses bullet, but Ivan took heart and got into the swing of things,
For hours Ivan stood his ground shouting out bang, bang, the bodies were piling up in front of the line of Russian soldiers, gradually their firing became sporadic eventaully dwindling to nothing, the Russians had run out of bullets,
The officer shouted fix bayonets and prepare to charge. OMG Ivan was at a loss, completely flumoxed as to what to do now. His mate recognising the dilema Ivan was facing, Told Ivan to make thrusting motions with his wooden gun and shout out stab, stab, The order came, Chaaaaaaaaarge, Ivan set off at a furious pace and was soon in the lead, Giving inspiration to the following hordes. Stab, stab shouted Ivan, down went germans, down went more germans, stab, stab down went even more germans, they just basically could'nt stay on their feet in the snow and the mud. A fact Ivan was completely oblivious to.
Suddenly Ivan saw a great hulking German bearing down on him, Ivan ran towards him, stab stab went Ivan, and to make sure another stab, stab. Still the hulking collosus of Germanic pride kept coming, Splodge, Ivan went down, crushed in to the mud and snow, Alas poor Ivan had expired. Sadly killed in action, giving his all.
As the German hulk hit the Russian lines the German was heard shouting panzer, panzer. Boom Boom
Cristine xXx