This is nothing but her heterosexism. Sorry, but if your wife refuses to see you and love you as the real you despite the fact that she really knows you than F*k her.
I have stayed out of this one, simply because I have never been in that position. Generally women marry men, men fall in love with women, Some women will accept, cross dressing, might encourage it in the privacy of their own bedroom. whatever, but they generally don't seek a relationship with other women. The paranoia and feeling of betrayal must be terrible for the wife.
Its an impossible situation you find yourself in. If you forgo your natural instincts, you could end up resentful, she would end up dreading the future on the basis that one day you will have to finally surrender to the urge to be yourself. The above quote, honestly is not very helpful, when two people love each other. Generally in a Hetero relationship, people form relationships for who AND WHAT their partner is.
Some are lucky, their wives love them for who they are and not what they are, some instances of some amazing relationships on here in the Gender society. Wives being supportive and ending up more like sister, whatever.
Firs thing is to get counceling, then examine what the future would be like for you and her if you stayed married and suppressed your urges. Would you be content? does'nt sound like it. Would she forever be paranoid about what the future holds, have you got children, does she want children, so many things to consider.. Would she resent you for instance having liasons with a man, to fulfill your perceived gender? would you resent her taking a lover because you are no longer able to maintain her physical needs?
I have never been one to advocate go for it, things and situation like this are fraught with problems. The fact she has offered you an amicable way out is all credit to her understanding.
I wish you happiness and contentment, her as well whatever you decide
Cristine Jennifer Shye. B/L. B/Acc