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Being supported and being supportive

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  • No matter whether we’re CD, TV, TS, or any point in between, having a friend, family member, or partner, to help us accept ourselves for the whole person that we are, and to walk with us on our journey of discovery is the most valuable thing we can possess.

     

    Being transgendered is a pervasive condition that touches every aspect of our lives. Every decision and thought we have, is clouded by our being Transgendered and the fear of being discovered, ridiculed and exposed.  

     

    Our condition makes us very self aware and self focused, and the danger for us is that it’s all too easy to slip into selfishness. Constantly questioning what we do and how we feel and what it all means to us as individuals, means that the significant others in our lives are constantly bombarded by our apparent selfishness.  

     

    Allowing ourselves to come out of hiding is the hardest thing for us to do. Accepting us and being supportive is a hard thing for you to do. Walking what can seem to be a dark and scary path into the unknown is a difficult thing for us both to do. Being there together, holding hands, encouraging, complimenting and exploring, is the route we try to take.   

     

    Having a supportive SO is the most valued thing a girl can have.

    Supporting the supportive SO is the most important thing we need to do.  

     

      June 21, 2011 6:50 PM BST
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  • Well said!

      June 29, 2011 4:51 PM BST
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  • Being the SO sucks! I have been lied to soooo much I can't make sense out of our 22year relationship. He (she) stole, lied, avoided responsiblities and as taken time away from me and my family. My husband has not remembered anniversaries, or birthdays, he is always focused on himself (herself). Is it any wonder why so many SO's hate the female in their husband...


     


    Mandy you so hit the nail on the head. Selfishness.



     condition makes us very self aware and self focused, and the danger for us is that it’s all too easy to slip into selfishness. Constantly questioning what we do and how we feel and what it all means to us as individuals, means that the significant others in our lives are constantly bombarded by our apparent selfishness. 



     


    Just trying to figure out what to do.....without hurting myself anymore.


     


    sam

      June 29, 2011 8:24 PM BST
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  • Hello Sam,


    I’m not sure if your partner is, “selfish because he is transgendered” or he is “selfish and transgendered” To be honest it sounds like he is selfish and


     


    Mandy.

      July 1, 2011 4:18 PM BST
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  • Hi Sam, I just read your forum topic ... it reminded me my experience - 4 years spent looking after my bother, he had been ill ... Anyhoo, he was released into my care ... where his behaviour was that of a spoiled brat ... bad tempered, aggressive, impatient, petulant, whenever he got into a mess he would use his condition as a Free Pass ...


    When we were clearing dads house I got meet his support/rehabilitation team, whom in a moment of candor confided, "Er .. you are nothing like your brother ...'  When I pressed Jim and Lauren on this they explained, 'Your brother isn't likeable - it's the type of person he is, his personality and there isn't a treatment for that ... Our advice is to be careful when dealing with him, watch your back ...'


    3 months after their advice my brother began an action in court which resulted in the first of 3 malicious law suits against me and my fathers legal representative ... 


    The last letter my attorney recieved from him declared, 'You have ruined my life and as far as I am concerned you are dead to me' ...


    Which sadly was a relief ... so you are not alone in this situation ... there is however no easy or quick solution, so think carefully before acting 

    <p>Humanity is proof have evolved - transgenderism is proof we haven't evolved enough&nbsp;&nbsp;</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p>"I ask myself, in mercy, or in common sense, if we cannot alter the conviction to fit the body, should we not, in certain circumstances, alter the body to fit the conviction?&rdquo; &ndash; Harry Benjamin [endocrinologist]</p>
      November 9, 2011 9:19 PM GMT
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  • Hi Sam, not sure if you are still kicking about the site somewhere.. but i have just started on the site and looked around and saw your post...Your situation might have changed, but if not then I felt I just had to write something..!!
    If you find that your partner is transgender, then yes it might be a shock, and yes you may feel they are wrapped up in themselves.... but if you once loved them and cared for them, then surely you would want to try and understand them...!
    Yes it might feel they are consumed and selfish also, but to go through the transition that someone who is transgender has to go through, is not easy.. and yes it feels unfair at times, when you may have needs and wants and desires of your own.. but to truly care for someone you have to first understand who they are.... and it has to be unconditional...! that is if you truly want to understand why their behaviour upsets you or possibly deprives you of something you long for or want from that person.
    There are so many layers to begin with from being born and becoming the person you truly identify with and that takes time.... If you are still having difficulties then you are welcome to contact me and if I am able to bring any reasoning to your thoughts or questions, then I will be glad to give you support... !
    I don't know how old this post is, but if there is anyone who might feel similar confused, hurt, or angry feelings toward s partners or someone they love in this situation, that might need help to understand what is going on, then get in touch...!
    It is not always easy but there is always hope to find out things and the possibility to understand..!!
    .....................
      January 31, 2012 12:41 AM GMT
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