I am not trying to embarrass or upset anyone, but I sometimes wonder.

 

My question is…. What do I/you really want out of cross-dressing?    First of all I believe we all love dressing or we wouldn’t belong t this site.  Many of use have a very strong desire to blend into society and to be able to pass as a woman.    For me the feeling of exhilaration knowing that I can pass and to be apart of the sisterhood of femininity is beyond explanation.  At times however I am so frightened that I will be found out that I don’t go out very often.  Some of us have different goals, dressing for sex, dressing because we want to transition, don’t get me wrong none of these are bad things it’s just that I sometimes question the timing and location some choose to express themselves.   Let me tell you this little story; 

 

My GG friend has recently encountered a CDr in her community that was so badly dressed and poorly groomed that she was receives horrible comments and the scorn of the community.  She doesn’t seem to mind and maybe she somehow enjoys the attention.  Her continual visits to the public library have set a very poor example of our community.  I know that she doesn’t represent the truly wonderful community of cross-dressers.   I would like to help this person but she lives in a different community several miles away and I don’t know how to reach her.   However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us.  I think we can only do our best    

 

Most larger communities have excellent support groups that offer wonderful support meetings, activities and events that a CDr can go to that is safe and somewhat private venue where a CDr can go to be free of fear and ridicule. 

 

The question is asked because I have seen so many that are out in public that can not pass and give the transgender community a bad name and acquiring the hatred of the community at large.   I keep reading the horror stories about CDs that have been beaten and/or murdered    I do care deeply about all our sisters. So…..

 

How can we help those who need our help or do we just shun them as the rest of community does?  Of course not, I will always extend a helping hand to anyone who needs or wants it.

 

Shirley

I've seen many "GG's" (ovarians) that are "Butt-ugly" as well.... and look out of place in any gender. When you succeed in your heart - you succeed in life.

"The vagabond who's rapping at your door. Is standing in the clothes that you once wore."

Well said, Thank you,

Shirley

My first reaction to this thread was, damn right - I've been embarassed more times than I'd like to remember by a slovenly TV, ill-dressed, badly made-up, wearing slutty clothes and more often than not drunk, while I was trying to not call attention to myself.

But then I'm sure there have been those who probably thought the same about me (though slutty clothes were never my thing.) Dressing, make-up and feminine deportment are learned skills even for GGs. We tend to begin that learning curve later in our lives, and let's be honest, not all of us have bodies that are easily feminized.

We don't have to suffer the real fools gladly, but don't condemn those who are trying. Help them as sisters.

My goal is just to try and look as pretty and feminine, at least in my own mind, as possible!

"However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us."

Speaking personally; yes, we can.

xx

This post was edited by Lucy Diamond at June 30, 2011 11:50 PM BST

Maybe there is a place for those who challenge the traditional.  Maybe we need these that defy the norm to shake up sociaty just a little bit.  After all they have the right at least in my country any way.  Freedom to express ones own thoughts and ideas and to present them self as they like.   God bless them and yes if they want help lets reach out to our sisters that ask for it, if not, give em hell ladies. 

To be able to go out fully dressed as the woman I have always been inside and just go about my normal daily routine and be accepted as such.  To live full time as a woman is a dream I've had since I was a little girl.  To put the nightmare of trying to be a "man" where it belongs. I want to be myself.  I want to be a woman.

Simply to look as female as possible.....not for others but for me. Want my ouytward appearance to reflect just how feminine i feel inside.....and just be accepted by others around me for who I am. love amy x

Janis, you certainly appear to have suceeded!

Hugs!

Shirley said 

"My GG friend has recently encountered a CDr in her community that was so badly dressed and poorly groomed that she was receives horrible comments and the scorn of the community.  She doesn’t seem to mind and maybe she somehow enjoys the attention.  Her continual visits to the public library have set a very poor example of our community.  I know that she doesn’t represent the truly wonderful community of cross-dressers.   I would like to help this person but she lives in a different community several miles away and I don’t know how to reach her.   However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us.  I think we can only do our best"

 

The following comments are not meant to sound harsh on you Shirley!!!!

This CD may very well be happy as and where they are at the moment. Best not to judge without getting to know the person first!

 

I know this as I have made that mistake!!!!!! 

We first met in a bloody good LGBT friendly pub in Bedford (The Barley Mow!!!!!!  Its great!!!!!!!!  )

She was dressed in a totally outrageous way, the figure hugging top that did nothing for her. I finally got to speak to her and mentioned her attire and that it dint flatter her figure.

Turns out that its all done in the name of "Charity work". Just a bit of "fun".

But after being friends for 3 yrs now, its alot more than that. There is a need to CD, but he will only admit to doing it for charity (Friends of Bedford Hospital and Sue Ryder). But there is alot more to it than that. He has lots and lots of other problems in his life that he has to deal with  so being Trans is another complication that he is unwilling to address

Doanna Highland said:

Janis, you certainly appear to have suceeded!

Hugs!

 

Thankyou Donna.

Years ago, when I may have been considered a C D , I always studied what to wear , even if it were a casual outting . I do so today . I study real women I see in my city as sucessful , not only in theiir profession , but in being sucessful as well dressed ladies . Just slamming on something even to visit a Grocery store is demeaning , at least to me . ellen

When I dress I want to look age appropriate, pretty, smart, stylish, sexy, and as passable as possible. Given my height, I don't believe I ever can be, but I still want to get as close as I can. I've got a lot to learn as I try to develop my feminine self. I really wanna know what being accepted as female feels like. That's why wanting to pass is so important to me. I hate the "guy in a dress" look and appreciate girls who put the effort into looking their best. It is girls who feel the same way that I am most comfortable spending time with and being around, especially in public. At the same time though, I find some of the undertones here a little harsh and judgemental. We of all people should realize the importance of accepting all as they see fit to express themselves. The way others present may not be for you or I, but we must be wary of judging others. The way they look might not always be something they need or want help with.
This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 6:47 PM BST

Shirley, you said " I have seen so many that are out in public that can not pass and give the transgender community a bad name and acquiring the hatred of the community at large. "

 

Are you seriously suggesting that someone who does not pass or meet your standards should be made to hide away so as not to upset the population at large?

 

For me, if I am out dressed, I 'pass' most off the time.  Sometimes not - but not from the lack of trying.  It is just a fact of life, and those who do not like it can move on.

 

As for you, Cristine, your are much more of a woman than some of the "ovarian" (don't like that term really, but just my prejudice) that I have met.

"...Freedom to express ones own thoughts and ideas and to present them self as they like. God bless them and yes if they want help lets reach out to our sisters that ask for it, if not, give em hell ladies."
Forgive me if I'm misunderstanding something, but could two more contradictory statements ever exist one right after another?
Further, there's no reason for feelings of "guilt by association" ...that is to say that just because someone else presents in a particular way, doesn't mean we should all be seen the same way or feel any obligation to "fix" said individual. The trans community has much to fight for, but singling people out for their differences is probably not the way to do it. There are people from all communities who "don't fit" for any number of different reasons. I think that what the world needs is acceptance for all, to live as they see fit so long as they aren't hurting anyone else. I agree that those who want help should receive it, but for those who don't want it or need it...give them hell because they are different? Or because they have personal challenges we don't understand? Or because they do their best to pass but can't? Trans people don't have a monopoly on dressing inappropriately either. People from all communities are quite capable of that.

As someone else said, this is not to be taken harshly, just as a healthy discussion of the issues.
This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 6:38 PM BST

Lucy Diamond quoted:

"However, I do wonder sometimes if any of us can really set a good example so that the general public can accept us."

...and said:

Speaking personally; yes, we can.

xx

I couldn't agree more with Lucy. How could you wonder if any of us can set a good example? Of course we can! : )
This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 5:12 PM BST

I've seen first hand the ugliness that arises when those who can pass (or think they can) start passing judgment on those who can't.

People who are "just" crossdressers and can't pass or don't seek to should still be free to express themselves as they see fit, without feeling like freaks who need to confine themselves to the privacy of their own homes.
This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 7:07 PM BST

Staying right on topic, to answer the question and further my original reply...
A really good way to explain my goal in "crossdressing" comes from the issue I have with the crossdresser label, as it pertains to me or anyone else who feels similar. When I dress it's more about trying to align how I look on the outside with how I feel on the inside. It's not trying to cross anything, which seems to imply something is wrong and serves as a reminder that I'm not a genetic female, as if I needed one.

One more thing: Crissie, from what I can see, you are a shining example of what is right and good within our community, and a great example : )

Okay, have I said enough here? Gee, I think so...it's someone else's turn! : )
This post was edited by M G at April 24, 2014 9:08 PM BST

(edit: posts have been completely removed from between this one and my last..."Nope, it isn't" was in reference to those now missing posts)

Nope, it isn't. But it need not set a bad example. Why must we all be painted with the same brush any more or any less than others in society as a whole?

Why not be proud of who you are, and when ready, present yourself proudly? If you fear that others set a bad example, it is in large part because they are the most visible. If the rest of us were to come out of our hiding places and be more visible, then that would be the prevailing image we would present.
This post was edited by M G at April 25, 2014 10:00 AM BST

EDIT: As I deleted my original post I will attempt to remember what I posted. I do believe I started it with . I will not pretend to understand the mind of a cross dresser as I am Transexual , I only understand how I feel inside. I admire or have admired some cross dressers and TVs in my life.

Have I cross dressed? Of course I have I was born in a male body. In my early years I had no choice but to cross dress as I did not fit in.

I did say in my post this is all about acceptance. I do understand some cannot find that but this is 2014. To gain acceptance is more than just putting on a dress and go. I have come accross trans girls who make no effort to fit in , that is how to gain acceptance "by fitting in". It is not just about the way you dress either that is just part of it. If anyone is going to dress as a woman then act in the manner of a man you will stick out , if you cannot walk in heels then don't do it in public untill you can. Make up! It needs to be used in moderation , going over the top in public will again make you stick out.

 

Gaining acceptance was in one way easy for me because of my open personality but I have faced severe transphobia from just 2 people in 8 or more years I have stopped counting.

I believe I also posted that females do come in all shapes and sizes , personally I am now like a stick insect and envied by some genetic females but I have been seriously overweight in the past and now seriously underweight , that is not to be envied.

 

Now the part about the person living 11 miles from me who discribes themself as Transgender. I deleted the images and should have never posted them. He was exposing himself in public places and I did not post the bad images , I only saved those images for the police. I did say that is why I dislike the word Transgender , it puts myself and others under the same umbrella. As that person discribed themself as Transgender I stated I am not equal to a sexual deviant like him.

 

As the rest comes back to me I will add it.

This post was edited by Former Member at April 27, 2014 8:49 AM BST

What matters is who you are now Crissie, with or without your past.

Julia, may I ask why you removed your post(s)? I think you expressed yourself well and I agree with what you said much more than perhaps you realize : )
...and of course I realize, it may well have nothing to do with me.
: )
This post was edited by M G at April 25, 2014 10:02 AM BST

Madeleine! I have sent you a PM .

 

The posts and images were removed because of the one that followed my own . Sorry but I do not want any trans person classed as equal to the sexual deviant in those images.

When that person ends up in court for exposing himself the headline will read "Transgender" prosecuted for indecent exposure.

That will destroy all of the years of work I have done in this area to make life better for other transgendered people in one day.

Sorry I cannot accept that person is equal to us , they are a sexual deviant and that is all it can be called , it is not transgender.

 

Take care girl and look after yourself. At this moment I feel I do not belong here . This website does not need me but it does need my money . I am not deleting my account but my name will be displayed as former member. My profile is going to be blocked to all not just you.

 

I really do have to go now I have a funeral to attend in a matter of hours.

You are an inspiration to others just as Crissie is , please keep it up.

 

Again! Take care and that goes for others here too .

 

Julia xx

Julia, I've sent you a message too. Take whatever time away you need, but please come back...

"...things i'm not proud of, but I am certainly not gonna beat myself up for it" - nor should you Crissie  : )

 

and yes, Julia...get back here!  : )

This post was edited by M G at April 25, 2014 10:34 PM BST

Crissie! Miss Former Member - Miss understood- Miss Julia Ford. To be honest I prefer the latter , I am proud of my name.

I deleted the posts because your following post you stated we are all equal . I often use that phrase myself , I am not equal to the person in those images , I hope none of us here are.

I know it was not intentional but it made my posts look a bit out of place. I should never have posted those images they were saved for other reasons. They were images of a person living 11 miles from me. They described themself as transgender. That is not transgender it is sick doing that in public places. Indecent exposure is what it is , as I said it is being sexually deviant.

 

I love you to bits too , you know that . This is not the thread to post this but I really cannot understand why nothing is going right in my life at this time , it is just one bad thing followed by another. As I have not slept yet I will still call this today even though it is past midnight.

I attended a good friends 10 year old daughters funeral today , she passed away Easter Sunday. Her mother has not allowed me to sleep , she cannot sleep so she phones me up . I am just hoping that today has brought some closure for her. It feels like the very people who depend on me are slowly killing me , how do I tell them that? I just cannot do it . I cannot bring myself to unplug the phone however tired I am , it is not in my nature to ignore people I care about when they need me.

I hope that explains things .

 

I will try to fill in the blanks in this thread when I am not so tired so it does not look such a mess. Please bare with me I do need sleep. The image is a crop from my profile pic taken 3 days ago . My eyes are red raw , they are to sore to put make up on. Believe me they look worse now.

 

Love to all , Julia xxx

This post was edited by Former Member at April 26, 2014 6:23 AM BST

I take your point Crissie and agree . One thing I cannot accept is "Anyone" Exposing themself in day light in view of the public and classing it as Transgender. It is not.

I will not have to judge that person the court can do it but , the headline will read "Transgender prosecuted for indecent exposure" That does nothing for us apart from give the general public another reason to put us down.

 

My past is not great , my present is a wreck , I am a wreck. I am truly sorry and I will put this mess right.

Julia,

     My therapist used to remind me that people cannot care for others unless they take care of themselves, physically and emotionally.  This is one reason why therapists have their own therapist.

     As a critical care nurse we often needed to counsel family members to go home and get sleep and good food because we knew they might face the worst without the wherewithall to deal with it.  We needed to do the same to be able to help our patients at 2am when three of them were Code Blue at the same time and we had to juggle care between them.

     You have to come first to be able to help others in the same way. 

 

My current goals,  when I am en femme,  are to relax and shed the stress that used to accompany every time I risked discovery when I was growing up.  I focus on being happy and feeling good with the true me living my daily life.  Cleaning, cooking, chatting, gaming and working on appearance skills I should have been able to pre-teen.  My GG taught me to do three levels of makeup to match the formality of my situation and I try hard to stick to what is appropriate for my dress.  That helps me shift back from the self-enforced hyper-macho look I coveted while maturing and makes me feel more feminine than always overdressing.  I will miss her wise and learned counsel and being girlfriends together even when I was in DRAB.  I love feeling accepted by the GGs I meet while out shopping and converse with me, even when I am out DRAB and alone.  One of the TG stores used to have a makeup room with lockers for girls to do their makeup before going out and to go DRAB at the end of the night with their own key for access.  I wish there was something like that available now but they were the first TG store to go out of business in the economic downturn.  Now all three are gone, just as I am financially able to go out and do things again.  They were all located in a nice LGBT neighborhood, Studio City. I know of one makeouver/photo place in that area, but no others and no clothing stores and no place to change other than renting a motel room in Hollywood (where renting by the hour is available...usually for other purposes)

 

What I wear is an indicator to me of changes in me.  For example, I wear trousers instead of skirts and dresses a lot more now.  I even go out in them.  I am planning on LA PRIDE FESTIVAL this month and what I will wear if i go.  I know I am not changing in the Porta-Pottys this time out and putting on my makeup sitting on a curb with a compact mirror.  That took a lot of courage.  I will not be wearing a Trannyweb shirt this time :-).

 

Oh, darn, it is this weekend.  I thought I had two weeks.  Since my back is pretty bad I guess I will have to take a miss.  Now I AM depressed.  The trip down is a couple hrs long at least and sitting up in a seat/chair is out of the question.  Next time for sure....

 

-----------------------------------

July 30 2014:   Sometimes it takes time to figure out why I do what I do.   Dressing en femme helps me draw out Wendy from where she was stuffed down inside (in the attic) and hidden from others and myself.  It brings out the emotional side of her.  It is not necessary  any more but it definitely helps to accelerate the buried-female recovery process.    

I guess it also brings out the female-thinking/feeling side of Wendy as well.

And darn it all I do so love female fashion and hate boring , male fashion.  I think I always have.  Every chance to dress is a chance to learn to dress better and not embarass my Sisters.

This post was edited by wendy larsen at July 31, 2014 1:04 AM BST