Authors note: up till 2005 i went by the name danielle about because i had only ever been about 70% full time i decided to change this name for Elizabeth Rebecca Martin, i do miss it but i wanted to leave my past behind.

Jay was the name i used in security circle along with a different surname.

SO stands for Significant Other

I sat there with a sock draw full of £50 notes , my final cut of the door firm i had sold to my business partner - it was all going to be banked over time or invested. Under the bed was another draw with tools of the trade i preyed i would never need again

So this was the first month of my new life - i was determined i would spend every moment i could as Danielle , and only be Jay when i had no option.

My partner my SO , she had come with me shopping today and we had got 2 sets of heals , a little back dress with a embroidered Hem , and a Long red flowery top in case i chickened out on wearing the dress - with back up pair of smart trousers , knickers, Veat then called something else, Razors and about £400 of make up and moisturizers , wax and knickers.

She had helped me get ready and did my make up and she did the best she could with my short hair she was still convinced i should wear a wig but i refused.

We also had some breast forms silicon that felt very real inside my DD Bra.

My SO had gone as far as she would go , she would not come with me on my first time out , i had chosen to go to the village i reasoned i was known in manchester , i could look after myself and the crews in the village with the exception of the danceteria lot were pretty straight up and down with how they treated people - i know for a fact if anyone started with a T in the village and they saw it that person would be in a world of pain.

So i felt ok first time out going to Napoleons.

My SO i remember ordered a taxi for me and kissed me at the door handing me my black shiny purse which had a ridiculous thin strap and no space for anything. She kissed me and said “look whatever i love you please remember this”.

The taxi dropped me on the corner by the fried chicken place i remember, i felt so vulnerable i could not understand these feelings stood there in a dress , in heals probably looking not very passable i felt scared i wanted to turn round and go home -

“ Danielle come on now girl this is what you wanted this is what you have gone through 5 hours of hair removal and getting ready for this is what you just given up a 10k a week income stream for - now you listen to me girl you can do this” i remember having this conversation with myself as if it was yesterday.

I had practiced walking in heals with my SO’s help i had got it looking ok i thought - i walked across the street and up to the the door crew on napoleons , he smiled and let me in , it was still early only a couple of old men were in the place + a big butch guy sat on one of the sofa with a beautiful T draped all over him - i thought gods i wished i looked like her.

i went to the bar and in my best ‘Little’ voice ordered a triple vodka over ice followed by a vodka and coke i always drink when I’m nervous in my own worst enemy in that respect.

I then sat down on the other sofa sipping the double and downing the triple - i remember the bar staff were nice to me and came and talked for a bit.

i learnt really quickly that the muscles i had developed with the weights, martial arts and running, which at the time were well developed worked against me when it came to wearing a dress in the end i compromised and crossed my feet at my ankles and tucked them in towards me - the pain of sitting any other way was huge after about 10 minutes.

I went to the bath room about 10pm and touched up my make up and generally did my best to straightened myself up, tights were hugely difficult to manage i remember.

And then they started to arrive i remember my jaw dropped at how passable a lot of the T’s were and i remember they sensed i was on my own and they adopted me really quickly and people were writing down Russle’s number  for me and contact details for the angels.

I felt part of a family - i remember one point in the night i was on the dance floor and the girls had beaten of for me the attentions of several old men  - but this young guy came up and put his hand behind my neck , lent into me so his knee was pressing on my dress and kissed me to this day i can feel the texture of his lips the warmth of his breath the very taste of him - the tingle that filled my body.

I could on any normal day of knock him out with no thought but all strength went from my arms i found myself becoming like Jelo in his grip as his lips took me to another place, a place when the kiss ended i was sorry to leave.

I got home about 6am in the morning , i can’t remember the name of the club we all ends dup at it was on a lower level and filled with the lesbian scene and us a gang of T’s.

That was my first ever time out as a women.