|
|
Is this all there is?
For those of you who remember HAL in the movies 2001 and 2010 a Space Odyssey... that phrase has become a major theme in my life. It has also become a source of agony in my life.
“Wanted... one Uterus, in working order!!! Will pay ANYTHING!!!”
First, let me tell you a bit about myself,
- I was in my early-mid to fifties before I got the nerve to finally act my own needs and I am now going on 58 years old.
- My Endocrinologist is amazed at me and says I have the body of a 25 year old woman and my Doctor just keeps “shaking her head” when we meet for an appointment.
- The “shrink” as well as the other people in my “TG group” say I look like a woman of ~ 35 years old. ...In fact, I resemble Jamie Lee Curtis when she was ~ 35 years old.
- Some of my Daughters friends have even thought I was someone who went to Highschool with her!!! ... and my EX-wife (chuckle, chuckle), looks more like she should be my Mother!
- I have had a highly successful career and been able to retire in the last couple of years... and have a great pension to boot!
- I have two fantastic Children and two adorable, heathy Grandchildren!
**You would almost think I led a “Magical Life” ... NOT SO!!!!
What more could a person in my situation ask for..right??? But lately, I find myself crying these days....and doing so - every day!
**Why should I feel that way, you ask? - Simple... and yet, not so simple!
I have come the realization that I can never grow a baby inside my body, and the thought of that just sends AGONY throughout my whole being!
The very thought of that immediately brings me to tears! Not only that, sometimes, it makes me wish I were dead! In fact, I would be happy to die at childbirth just to know I had given birth to a child... sounds dumb eh?
**What started these feelings?... I don’t know!
Could it be some delayed type of “Female Mid-Life Crises” or something as simple as Hormonal imbalance? - I don’t know...
It could be fact that I have recently fallen “madly in love” with one of my neighbors ...who is happily married. - I don't know...
**What ever it is that is causing these emotions, I wish it would stop because I am becoming an emotional wreck!
** This leads me to a frightening thought (and this may upset the “apple cart” we have all jumped on) - but, have we bitten off “more than we can chew” when we travel down this magical “Yellow Brick Road” or is it something that is a normal obstacle that many barren women (ovarians) have to face??? What’s worse....can we handle that obstacle - considering our past lives?
Please give this some thought to this - because you may well have to face this dilemma
in the future.
Doanna
Oh Doanna, I can so identify with those feelings. I was fortunate in that I made my transition almost 40 years ago. I knew when I did it, I would be forever giving up on the chance to have a child of my own (and as I had always been attracted to men as choice of sexual partners, the chances of me even fathering a child were pretty remote lol).
However, as the years rolled by, I had an ever increasing ache to carry a child and become a mother. I suppose this is a natural thing for most women and something that will be forever denied to us - barring some miracle coming from stem cell and other medical research - but at the age of 66, this is far too late for me. Hopefully though, in time even this will be an available option for transgender women in the future.
Carol xxx
