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Hi girls, guys, and variations thereupon. I'm in need of a little advice, and you lot seem to have your heads screwed on and are better informed than anywhere else I have found, so I was hoping I could prevail upon you all for a few moments of your time?
Quick potted history; Been trans all my life to one degree or another, it's a bit like the tides of the sea, it comes and goes, but is always there. Last week, for the first time ever, I became Katy 'properly'. Dressed to look female, make-up, choice of hair, photo's. It was fabulous and had a huge, huge impact on me. I've always felt like I could concievably be transexual, but have been scared of what that could mean which is, I guess, pretty normal. When I looked in that mirror, it seemed like everything finally made sense.
My male self is in a long term relationship (but not marriage) with a fantastic woman who loves me dearly, and understands and encourages my desire to be Katy. She knows I cannot stop and it makes me happy, and has become very comfortable with the matter. She has known about my transgender history since the very beginning of our relationship but does not want to meet Katy as yet, but given time, she may. I should also add that I love her enormously, and the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt her as she is everything I have ever wanted in a woman, and she makes me happier than I ever have been. There's not many women as wonderful and accepting as she is, and she is not someone you would break up with lightly.
Now to the problem. The urge to become a woman in fact has been becoming stronger for the last few years, and after showing Katy the light of day, has become nearly intolerable. I can channel Katy whenever I want, and she has so much more confidence than me, and is happy and comfortable with all of the things that my male self has always struggled with. To this confusing brew needs to be added a man. The fella who helped me dress and do my make-up is perhaps the most fantastic man I have ever met. Kind, generous, friendly, and makes me laugh. He is also tall, slightly older than me, handsome, gets pleasure when I dress, and rides a motorbike. Pretty much everything my Katy self has ever wanted in a man. To top it all off, he has hinted gently that, were circumstances different, he would enjoy taking Katy out for a drink.
I've never been secretive about the fact that I am bi/pan and have had a chequered history regarding my gender, but now it seems that a transgendered future where I am genuinely happy as a woman could concievably be possible.
I'm not going to rush into anything, however. This is my life, and I only get one, and I want to make sure I don't muff it up.
So (finally) here's my question. Does it sound like I am just suffering from a particularly nasty case of the old 'pink mist', or like I am genuinely transexual?
Any comments or advice would be warmly welcomed and appreciated as I am pretty confused right now, and a little bit scared about what the future could hold.
