Hello everyone,

I am a female (23), who is in a relationship with a transsexual man (24). We have been together for about 6 and 3/4 years (our anniversary is June 6th. We are high school sweethearts. He recently came out to me reguarding that he is transsexual. I love him very much, and want to be supportive. Whether he is male or female does not matter to me, as I am bisexual and am capable of loving either gender.

 

He has recently started interacting on a chat client (some call it a game) called Second Life. On Second Life, you can basically do anything you can do in real life and more. At one point, he was spending 8-10 hours a day online on this "game" and it was causing our relationship to suffer. On SL his avatar is a female. He told me that he uses it to express himself. He has virtual sex with other "residents" (this is what the players are called) and told me that he does not touch himself, so it does not matter. It upsets me greatly and almost killed our relationship after I removed it from the computer (the only PC in the house, which is mine). He agreed to quit playing for a week. Time is almost up. I am affraid I will lose him to this game.

The advice I need: Does anyone have any suggestions for more healthy ways of expressing yourself as a Transsexual person that I can maybe talk to him about? He is a very shy and nervous person and says this is the only way he can. I'm just really worried about him, as he is starting to ignore me, his friends and his family.

 

Thank you for your time! <3

First Last,
After almost 7 years...you didn't know he was a transexual man??

I wish my fiancee had been so smart.
At this point in time you both seem to be bisexual.
Lucky you.
I suggest you work on that basis, ratchet it up a notch and see if your partner really is who he says he is.
Good Luck

I'm guessing that your boyfriend is a biological male who wishes he was female? That would make him a transsexual woman, hence Doanna's surprise that you didn't know. For a woman to be in an intimate relationship with a TS man and "not know" is very unlikely!
I've heard of Second Life but never seen it, it's purely my personal opinion that this is no real way of expressing his feminine side, but maybe it's better than nothing. If you're cool with it, maybe he would find a greater release if you encouraged him to dress in front of you, if he allowed you to help him with make up and so on, and if he could get to a point where he's happy with his appearance then maybe find a safe TS-friendly place for you to go together. Most TG people who have ventured out into the world in their chosen gender will tell you that being able to do this was hugely liberating, if not life-changing. I can't see how being addicted to a computer game can have anything like the same satisfaction.
But he's not actually having sex with anyone, just in some way "living out his fantasies", so try not to get too upset about it. Encourage him to express himself in reality, rather than closed off to the world staring at a computer screen, there really is no comparison. And just to immediately contradict myself (!) maybe it would help for him to join this site and see that there are millions like him in the world who fear to truly express who they are. Maybe I was a bit like him once, hiding in my bedroom playing computer games. It may take time for him as it did with me, but finding the courage to start going out and interacting with real people has turned me into the happy woman you see before you!
Above all, keep talking.
xx