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How do I support him when I am clueless

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  • I've been talking to this guy (anatomically female for now) and I really like him. This is my first time experiencing a relationship type situation with someone in the trans community. He and I aren't an official couple yet and I don't want to make it official until I have more information and insight into his world. I have tried to ask him about the surgeries and he says bottom surgeries have several options but never really wants to talk about the possible negative outcomes, or the different options, or how much pain he may endure, or anything. I've tried to ask him about his feelings toward everything. I really want to be there for him when he starts testosterone but I don't know what kind of support or changes both physically and emotionally he will be going through. Can someone please help me understand better about female to male gender reassignment I understand it may not be exactly what he feels but right now I have nothing to go on. He is an amazing guy and at 23 he's spent most of his life raising his 3 siblings which shows to me he'll be good for my son. I'm 21 year old mom with a 2 1/2 year old son. But I can't take the step to make him mine until I have more knowledge. Please help me! It would mean so much to be able to even slightly understand what is going on in his mind better.
      June 6, 2012 8:18 PM BST
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  • Ariesp, just being there for him will be a lot of help to him, none of us like being alone with this and an understanding partner is a truly wonderful thing for him.

    There are many books about the transgender condition and the generic one which I always recommend is "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals"
    http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Understanding-Transsexualism---Professionals/dp/0787967025/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1339011104&sr=1-5
    Another one which you might like to try (although I have not read it) is "Becoming a Visible Man" by Jamison Green (http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Visible-Man-Jamison-Green/dp/082651457X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1339011520&sr=1-1)

    I am sure Cole will be pleased to advise yoy as well

    I hope everything goes well for you both
    Carol xx

    This post was edited by Former Member at June 6, 2012 8:49 PM BST
      June 6, 2012 8:39 PM BST
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  • Thanks. I really appreciate it Carol. I don't honestly even know if he has a profile on here and I'm not sure how he would react if he found out I do.. but I just want to be the best girlfriend/ friend I can be for him. And this is the only place I could think to start
      June 6, 2012 10:03 PM BST
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  • Hi Ariesp,
    I have asked Cole (a F2M trans man) to contact you as he will be able to explain a lot more than I can.

    It will be OK, love can conquer these barriers, just stay strong

    Carol xxx
      June 7, 2012 12:40 AM BST
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