Transitioning

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  • Transitioning is a timely thing to go through, and whilst it can seem like the GIC’s are prolonging an already long process, there are usually good reasons. For example, it can take 4 years or more to grow boobs and that’s the length of time that it can take and there’s not a lot anyone can do to speed it up. Facial hair removal takes time too, I’m on laser treatment now and it could take at least 10 months, then its on to electrolysis to remove all the grey hairs that lasering wont get, and that could be another 2 years after that, which is as quick as that can go too, because it takes time for the face to recover from the treatment, and the follicles have to be in the right stage, which is a bit hit and miss at the best of times.  

    Even though we have all known for sometime that we’re Trans, there is an adjustment that we have to go through from being physically male, to physically female. The important people around us need time to adjust too, and don’t forget that we’re good at hiding our Trans status, so when we do come out, the significant people around us are quite often a long way behind us in our transition, so they will need more time to adjust and catch up with us. Whilst transitioning we exist on a sliding scale between being male and being female, and supporting us through that period is actually the main point of the GI clinics. Helping us to adjust to our transition and support us to understand what we’re going through, and to help us understand ourselves and how we fit in to our new genders is as, or maybe even more important than instigating the physical changes. Yes they control the decisions for surgery and hormones, but that’s to our benefit because in spite of the great length of the time this takes, there are still about 2% of transitioned transsexuals who end up regretting having GRS, and the clinics can’t identify why, or find a way of spotting the ones that will have regrets, so they have to be sure that what they are agreeing to perform on our behalf, is actually most likely to be the right thing for us as an individual to undergo.

    It is a long time in transition and it can be frustrating, especially as we may not see immediately why some delays are necessary, but there are a lot of men and a lot of women in this world, and not a lot of them will have changed mid way through. This is our experience, this is unique to us, to have a double perspective on the roles of gender, so we should try and enjoy our transition for all the time it takes, after all there is a lot to get used to and some of it is actually quite good fun.

      September 21, 2012 6:40 PM BST
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    This post was edited by Former Member at April 11, 2013 6:10 PM BST
      September 21, 2012 11:33 PM BST
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  • I'm not sure I said it takes 4 years to transition Nicola? I thought I said it takes 4 years or more to groww boobs? As you rightly say, there is a lot more to transitioning than the time spent under the GIC and what I'm suggesting here is that people shouldnt get to hung up on the length of time the GIC's can take over some of the changes we're asking them to perform on us.
      September 22, 2012 7:05 AM BST
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  • Although there are a small number of people who revert back after transitioning, it must be extremely difficult for them once they have had surgery - and there was one well known case where the person tried to sue the psychiatrist in charge of his case.  It seems to happen when people transition and immediately have their surgery done privately.

    There are good reasons why the GIC's insist on a person working in their new gender role for two years (1 year in Scotland) either in a paid capacity or in the voluntary sector and that is to give them time to adapt and see how they interact with society.  Hiding away at home and not going out into society does not achieve this.

    From the first time that I approached my GP (1972) to my SRS took 7 years in total - fortunately that time has now been reduced these days, but back then it was 4 years from the date of transitioning to when you had your SRS - and back in those days it had to be 4 years in full time paid employment, voluntary sector work didn't count - they wanted to be sure that you could support yourself after transition and not become a drain on the State.  Back then there was even more pressure on the NHS about them "wasting" taxpayers money funding these operations than there is today - fortunately they are a little more enlightened these days and realise it does bring a lot more stability to peoples lives in general and the suicide rate after transition and SRS is reduced remarkably.

      September 22, 2012 7:23 AM BST
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  • Best not to speed read Mandy's posts! lol xxxx
    E-J XX
      September 22, 2012 10:55 PM BST
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  • Who can define transitioning time, its a personal an individual thing, dependant on personal circumstances, health, finances, family and comitments.    To me it does'nt just involve the ''Official'' time, the RLE, living the life. From the time of official acceptance, going the NHS route.

     

    There is the turmoil and time facing up to who you should be, getting around to doing something about it.  A lot depends on finding the right people to help, then there is their opinons, diagnosis, more time. but your in the process now of transitioning ''officially''.

     

    NHS delays, funding,  The NHS is not overcrowded with gender therapists or surgeons on 24/7 standby.

     

    Believe me transition does not ultimately end with SRS.    A feeling of elation, mixed with a tinge of guilt and some sadness,a period of mourning, the loss of someone you were, dead and gone. remembering people, family that no longer want anything to do with you.

     

     

    The final realisation, caught short on a picnic, having to look for a clump of bushes to go and squat in to have a pee, instead of finding a convenient tree.   Is that when you realise thats the  defining moment when transition has ended????

     

    Different people, different approaches, everyonre is an individual with their own priorities and agendas.

    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      September 23, 2012 10:29 AM BST
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  • Only if it involves squatting on some nettles Crissie - that truly IS the defining moment lol
      September 23, 2012 1:18 PM BST
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  • When I think of transitioning, the lyrics of a Bob Dylan song (it's all over now Baby Blue) come to mind - and seems to have a special meaning for me.
    "Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.
    Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.
    The vagabond who's rapping at your door
    Is standing in the clothes that you once wore.
    Strike another match, go start anew
    And it's all over now, Baby Blue."
    <p>Doanna Highland</p>
      September 26, 2012 3:17 AM BST
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  • I am transgendered male to female.I live in a small town.I have felt that I am female inside with a male body for some time.I have a few girlfriends who have been so loving and supportive and I don't know what I would do without them.There are times when I feel I know what I want to do and times when I do not know where to turn.I believe in self determination for transgendered people .I believe we should be able to define ourselves to anybody and not be persecuted for it.I am cocerned about dealing with the medical community.Does anybody out there have any advice.I would appreciate it.Thank you Erica
      September 27, 2012 1:12 AM BST
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  • Erica, I would think that your first step would be to seek help from a therapist. They cannot really tell you what you are (in fact nobody except yourself an tell you that), but it might help you come to a greater understanding of yourself. Once you are there, then if you are transsexual, that is the point that you would seek the help from your doctor and a Gender Identity Clinic where you would receive the hormones therapy to help you transition into becoming the woman you want to be.

    Carol xx
      September 27, 2012 8:13 PM BST
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  • PS. Different countries have different procedures to go through, so it might help if you told us where you live
      September 27, 2012 8:14 PM BST
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  • Thank you ,Carol I live in a small town in Ontario, Canada.I came out this summer as bisexual,here and I did receive alot of love and support from people I work with.I was not expecting that but it made such a positive difference for me For a long time I felt that I was much more female than male Recently I met a man with a woman's body we realized that we were exact opposites I had never met anybody I could relate to like that We seemed to understand so much about each other and could understand so much about what we had both experienced and felt,in our lives Anyway,I am 54 years old and I want to be open and honest about who I am about being transgendered.I feel I have achieved a few things this last summer and I want to build on those things but at the same time the transgendered isssue seems to be much more complicated for most AnywayI do feel lost at times Thank you for being there It means so much,honestly I appreciate any advice you might have
      September 28, 2012 2:26 AM BST
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  • Hi again Erica,

    Every single persons transition is unique to themselves.  There are many different pathways that we all take to the point of transition - and then afterwards they fan out again as we all take out unique journey's through life.  As such, nobody can tell you what to do and any advice given is strictly generic and maybe sound to you a little bit nebulous and vague - it isn't meant to be, but not knowing your personal circumstances in minute detail, it is impossible to give you step by step directions (and even that is not possible as it would be tainted by the advice givers own personal circumstances).

    I do know from other people on this group who live in very small towns in northern Ontario, that transitioning can be difficult there as there are many 'rednecks' who view anybody different as targets for bullying.  Sometimes transitioning in a larger city is considerably easier as their is more help and support available and in a large city you are more anonymous than in a very small town where everybody knows you.  So the first question to ask really is
    "Can you manage to move to a large city for your transition??"

    You might find a support group for trans people near to you by visiting this web site:-
    http://www.gendermosaic.com/index.php?option=com_k2&view=item&layout=item&id=33&Itemid=115&lang=en
    Here like minded and supportive people would be able to give you personal advice if you could go to meetings etc.

    I believe that Canada is generally supportive of trans people and you can get the help that you need from various Gender Identity Clinics there, although you might have to travel to attend one of them (again a benefit of living in a larger city than a small rural town).

    Again, I would recommend that you go to a therapist/counsellor who is fully conversant with gender disphoria who can help you discover yourself  more fully, this would generally make it easier for you when you approach the medical profession for help.

    After seeing a therapist, the next steps would be for you to approach your doctor who would refer you on to a psychiatrist for evaluation of your gender dysphoria and if he or she was satisfied then they would start you off on feminizing hormones to help your transition.

    It is a huge step though (more so for older people) and can be expensive as you also need to consider laser/electrolysis treatments to remove facial hair (transitioning can be a nightmare if you still have to shave every single day).

    An alarming number of transsexual people (generally acknowledged to be around 40%, but one very recent survey in the UK has put this figure at a staggering 82%) have considered or attempted suicide - so if you ever get really down about your situation, I have included a link to crisis centres in Ontario which you might consider making a note of:-
    http://ospn.ca/pages/organizations.html
    These people can really help you during any times of crisis, so do please consider them if you ever feel depressed and all alone with this problem.

    The main thing is that you have started to explore your inner self instead of repressing it - now you have started taking these small steps into discovering the real you, you have started to lift the burden on yourself.  It is never an easy path to take, but if you are transsexual, then it is the only path that you can take.

    Take care Erica

    Carol xx

      September 28, 2012 9:03 AM BST
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  • Great Information Carol!
    Erica, it would help if you could show your approximate location in Ontario on your profile. You need not tell the exact "town or village" you live in either. There are quite a few girls on this site that live in Ontario that would be happy to give you some leads as well. HUGS!
    Doanna
    <p>Doanna Highland</p>
      October 3, 2012 1:17 PM BST
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  • Dear Doanna,Thank you for your kind message.I don't mind telling you where I live.I live in Tobermory,Ontario,postal code N0H 2R0.I have told a few people I know and trust here that I am transgendered but I feel that I need to come out,anyway.I have receivd a llot of love,support,and kindness from one person inparticular,where I work.She has been amazing and has helped me so much to get through daily stuff.She has moved away,she left two and a half weeks ago and I miss her so much,I can't even tell you.Also,I live with my ex-wife and mother of our two sons,both adults now.Over the years we have remained friends but I am finding it very difficult to live with her now.She can be insensitive does not respect my living space or boundaries.She went trough my very personal belongings the other day,including my make-up and medication and other things,it just made me feel so violated but she doesn't understand that nor does she care.I receive so much anxiety and worry from her,on a daily basis and she likes to control people around her and her surroundings. I feel as though I need to get away from here but I don't know who to turn to who could actually help me.If anybody out there can give me any advice,at all,I would appreciate your advice.By the way,I am not a professional person,I work in housekeeping at a motel here,it appeals to the female I am.Thank you for listening to me,it means so much to be able to have somewhere to go to talk to trans people,so few people really understand. love to you,Erica xxoo
      October 3, 2012 7:10 PM BST
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  • Erica, you are well understood here...on this site.
    I hope we can chat sometime.
    Doanna
    <p>Doanna Highland</p>
      October 3, 2012 11:17 PM BST
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  • My Dear GS friend.. I hope this the right place for this but I wanted to share it with you all you see I have just been reading a very interesting book its called The book “ My Gender Workbook” by Kate Bornstein. It really challenges the reader to think about gender and the meaning of self. I came across this passage in the book and it really made me feel it touched a nerve and I just had to shape it to better fit me. This is the original:

    The book “ My Gender Workbook” page 87 quote 73 says… “ I am a bisexual androgynous woman rebelling against the male body I was born in and the masculine façade that I have created to fit in to my masculine dominated society. The same society that insisted I be tough, “manly” and aggressively competitive. The same society that punished me for showing emotion and being more sensitive than other “boys”.
    Ironically, I have succeeded in being the “alpha male” of my pack, I am a soldier; an officer and a gentleman, as such, to be respected and obeyed. I am a physician and a healer. I am an explorer and athlete and scholar. I am many people who were expected to be male in less enlightened times.
    Now having finally admitted the truth to myself, I have quit trying to chase my femininity into the dark corners of my psyche, I am now taking steps to alter my body as I see fit to express the gender I wish to express. I am maintaining the strength and fortitude I developed in my quest to be a “real man” and I am using it to endure the even harder path to expressing myself as a woman.
    Weather I am in high heels or combat boots, running with wolves or contemplating a sunset …. I am me. I am alive, free and in the pursuit of happiness.

    So I took that definition and changed it to better express how feel. I don’t pretend to own this work and am happy to acknowledge it is largely the work of another but I choose to wrap it round me like a pretty cloak it really does fit well and I like how I feel in it.
    Ro /Rose
    “ I am a bisexual androgynous woman rebelling against the male body I was born in and the masculine façade that I have created to fit in to my masculine dominated society. . The same society that insisted I be tough, “manly” and aggressively competitive. The same society that punished me for showing emotion and being more sensitive than other “boys” and that forced me to bare the mask I have worn ever since that I long to lose, the mask that hides the real me from the world.
    Ironically I have succeeded in creating a manly image where I am a respected “male” I have a successful career where I work in a male dominated profession, I have a reputation for daring do and being one off the “boys”
    Now having finally admitted the truth to myself, I have quit trying to chase my femininity into the dark corners of my psyche, I have started to escape myself enforced prison and expose my softer side.
    My feminine self is being allowed to peep out from the confines of the jail and I as me am developing deep and meaningful relationships with an ever growing circle of friends. I am taking steps to alter my image as I see fit to express the gender I wish to express. I love being me in pretty colourful feminine clothes and I am taking steps to change my world so I can allow my caring side the scope it needs to breath and use my skills and experiences to help make a real positive difference to peoples quality of life. I am me. I am alive, free and in the pursuit of happiness.
      February 9, 2013 8:09 PM GMT
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