Imagine reading the bible backwards.

 

Whoosh Jesus decended from Heaven nailed to a wooden cross, luckily there were some Roman soldiers hanging around, they pulled the cross down, released Jesus, took him to prison and then  then set him free, gradually over the years Jesus lost a lot of his followers, through his eratic and stupid behavor, one day he came across a large picnic, 5000 people eating bread and fish, whoosh and he cast a spell and all the food dissapeared. Then there was the terrible incident, where  he came upon a group drinking wine, getting drunk, and thinking he was helping them to a more healthy life style, he turned the wine into water.   Then he came across a healthy man, placing his hands upon the mans head he turned him into a cripple and told him to get in bed and stay there till he died.    Things went from bad to worse, eventually he ended up as a baby in a straw filled feeding trough and the rich men (conservatives} came and stole all his new  birthday presents.  

 

  In the same vein we go back to Genasis, Adam and Eve, spending all their time boinking and sining, then one day they came upon an apple tree and tasted the apple and god was so outraged he destroyed the world.  Amen

This post was edited by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL at June 4, 2013 8:17 AM BST

Makes just as much sense as it does forwards.
xx

Funny, but hardly original. 

 

A great destruction of the World was predicted so the authorities took all of the DNA from every living thing,

Two of every creature of the sea, land and sky.

Bacteria and fungi too, plants and all other things.

Then they put them in an Ark and went to Mars.

 

I'm glad to see you've found religion Crissie, even if it is a little backward. lol 

 

This post was edited by Former Member at June 2, 2013 11:09 PM BST

I see no reason for this mockery.  Because you choose to not see the significance of the bible does not give you the right to criticize what others believe holy.

C'mon Robin.

Lighten up girl, it's the Transgender Fun forum.

  

I was at Mass yesterday evening and I can't see any offence in it.

The fact is I've long had the same thought that the Prophecies might be backward.

Also, you couldn't have heard many Irish comedians. 

 

Robin B said:

I see no reason for this mockery.  Because you choose to not see the significance of the bible does not give you the right to criticize what others believe holy. 

This post was edited by Former Member at June 2, 2013 11:14 PM BST

My beliefs are a major part of who I am.  When I read this, I was hurt.  If others feel this is acceptable, that's fine.  But if it keeps up, I'm gone.  I will not make room for this in my life.

Well me too Robin.

I must be much more liberal than you are?

But then again I also have a Masters in Theology.

 

Yet, I can agree that being open minded is not the same thing as broad-minded.

I am certainly not broad-minded but its no offence to me if others are.

 

With Love

Chalice

http://www.youtube.com/embed/BGASvVqzOa0

Robin,

 In a way, I understand how you feel and sometimes it's seems that the whole world is dumping on Christianity while all the while being afraid to do the same to other religions....and you all know what religion(s) I am referring to.

Being only "somewhat" religious myself, I sometimes ask questions of my own faith. So when someone only disparages my religion while ignoring other religions it makes me sad. Sad that they feel comfortable to say these things about one religion ...yet fearful to say the same about another religion.

  I have to admit, I found humor in what was said and after all, the whole thing was premised as "It's not true, but the thought is funny" ..so I was not personally offended.

I am not debunbking anyones personal feelings about religion.   Personal experiences of life, left me feeling abandoned, forsaken.

Perhaps Jesus had a sense of humour and would have seen the funny side.   Its about rights to have feelings, this was a light hearted slant on something I thought about.  

Having that book forced on me as a child for my afliction of being born a Catholic it makes no sense to me which ever way you read it . Try it backwards sideways or upside down it still makes no sense.

 

I think Cristines post is brilliant and so funny. It is not there to start a war like the Muslim religion would take it as! If it were printed in a national newspaper but about the Quran then we would now be having cars and buildings being blown up and people being murdered in the name of God.

 

Why can't people who have faith in this book of nonsense have a sense of humour? It is funny , maybe if there was a bloke named Jesus he was just a miserable old git . The way I look at it is Jesus was supposed to be the son of God and Mary gave birth to Jesus and Joseph was a real thick head , he believed Mary got pregnant by his father GOD .

Thou shalt not commit adultery. God must have forgot that bit so does that mean God is/was a Man?.

This post was edited by Former Member at June 3, 2013 11:11 AM BST

 Crissie, it tickled me...

 

 

deletedv original response, as it wasn`t a fun response. Sorry missed the point..............

 

 

Love Daisy

This post was edited by Former Member at June 3, 2013 6:02 PM BST

I had to delete this as it was in response to daisy's post above it so it kind of makes no sense now. ITS GONE!

 

 

This post was edited by Former Member at June 5, 2013 11:18 PM BST

Relgion how it should be but that is my belief.

 

http://youtube.com/embed/Zjz16xjeBAA

 

 

http://youtube.com/embed/N-isGzfYUZ4

This post was edited by Former Member at June 3, 2013 3:54 PM BST

You can't even make a witty comment in the fun forum anymore without it turning bad. I'm off to TV chic lol xx

Don't go there Debs! I have an account there but only to promote @Suffolk_Police I block about 10 people everytime I log in , they want to do things to me "Its true"  total strangers. They are obsessed with the letters A and O . I have told them there are another 24 letters in the alphabet but they don't listen.

 

As for fun here? Well my joke make up tip turned into some kind of militant rubbish , I was only trying to lighten things up a bit .

People should remember before they log in to bring their sense of humour with them.

 

xx

bible fun yey...

dont forget the writers of the bible making the kings name = the devil or should i say the devil = the king ...

caesar nero's number is 666

im ok my hebrew name rivka is 800 thats good im not the devil feeee u lol


also id rather be whipped everyday by the devil oooo sound fun lol ... than having everything forever be perfect

This post was edited by Rebecca Armstrong at June 3, 2013 7:16 PM BST

i am so disapointed in some people's lack of having fun. For the life of me why would someone believe in a story although some find it a good story not me but some and yet the very thing they believe in thinks that transgender people are freaks strange and will go to hell. so my point is if someone actually said these things to you in real life you would be extremely upset so why believe in something that does it in stealth. BTW cris i still think its fantastic

TVchix said I'm barred... Hannah has bin using my log-in i think....

I think Jesus was Gay! When you think about it he spent most of his time hanging out with 12 blokes. They look like a bunch of hippies to me, Here they are at the last take away thing. Any straight bloke would be out humping virgins on his last day.

This post was edited by Former Member at June 3, 2013 11:35 PM BST

I had a funny photo but I deleted it because it may have been copyrighted...:(

This post was edited by Doanna Highland at June 4, 2013 2:48 AM BST

Some of the comments on this thread are fact and do not qualify under the thread heading Ïts not true, but the thought is funny"

 

 

 

 

 

I see that Robin has left unfortunately, which is her loss I believe - I hope that she can find friendship and understanding in whichever Christian faith she believes in.  It was a fun idea and very witty I thought, it is a pity that she didn't see it in that light.

[Further comment edited out by poster]

This post was edited by Former Member at June 4, 2013 10:25 AM BST

Religious people of all faiths speak freely about their beliefs. Is it not my right as an atheist to speak out about mine?
Nobody tell me that I don't have faith; I have absolute faith that there isn't a god.
The whole notion is absurd, and becomes more so the more you think about it.
The world would be a better place if people gave more thought to the existence of a god instead of "having faith" basically because someone told them they should.
Are we not alllowed to question the "teachings" of the bible or the qur'an or any other book written by men? Must we blindly follow the stuff in such books, whichever one we are taught to believe in?
Why does my being a free spirit, a believer in nature and an admirer of the wonders of the universe, offend anyone?
Religious belief should absolutely be questioned, and anyone has the right to mock it just as much as a "believer" has the right to patronise me for my "lack of faith".
I don't single out christianity or the bible; all religions are equally absurd.
Why be offended by any of this? Why leave this site because of it? Isn't your faith supposed to be stronger than that?
If no-one had "taught" you about god, drummed it into you as a child, would you still have as much belief in the idea now?
Better to question yourself than run away from criticism of your beliefs.
xx

the funny part about the bible it only doesn't like gay ppl etc out of context for eg

line 3 page 1 you pretty much dropped down dead i didnt know if i should ring 999 because of the laughs we will get from how u died


i hate when ppl quote stuff completely out of context like they do in the bible

well lets look at the lines before hand

1 the comedian fell over on the stage as part of his act as he jumped back he tuck the curtain down
2 it was so funny you started laughing out of control to appoint where you couldn't stand up
3 it was funny watching you collapse on the floor it looked like you were having a heart attack or something
4 you pretty much dropped down dead i didnt know if i should ring 999 because of the laughs we will get from how u died



i think everytime some qouts that dam thing they just know some verse out of context i mean you could take harry potter qoute and make it about halfcast imigration if you wanted to

i mean how could god hate gays etc apparently we are to love our nabour no matter the differences .... its not that its contradictory in the bible its just ppls understanding of it and qouting things to suit there argument what ever it may be


its like the declaration of independants i dont thing the right to bare arms is about weapons they never called guns arms back then arms were arms i think it was a right of marriarge or to hug maybe in the new state of govening they created on that day

Like Lucy, I am an atheist. However, I don't see atheism as a belief system or as having faith that there is no god.  
 
Faith is believing in things for which there is no evidence. So, people who believe in the existence of a divine being are exhibiting faith.  
 
Atheists do not believe there is a divine being. This is not a matter of faith, any more than not believing in goblins is a matter of faith. I could call myself an agoblinist and it would not mean that I have any faith regarding the absence of goblins.
This post was edited by Former Member at June 4, 2013 11:31 AM BST

Does anyone have any more Christian Story jokes or jokes about the Greatest Story ever told. 

I don't think I want to write an opus on why I believe what I do or why any of you equally have a dignified right to believe what you do. 

I am pro Myth and Mysticism in whatever form it has been constructed, in any of the over 3000 religions. 

It is clearly stated in the Taoism: 

The Way that can be described is not the absolute Way;

the name that can be given is not the absolute name. 

 

Names-- Atheism, Theism, Spiritualism, Pantheism, they're just names. 

However, everyone ultimately seeks salvation somewhere. 

 

Not funny, but true.  :-)

   

~*!*~

This post was edited by Former Member at June 4, 2013 12:03 PM BST

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NE9pxhm1ohQ&list=PLF6261B8F4B3357A0

 

This may or may not offend, but when i heard it back in 1972,( & coming from a semi Irish catholic background) I thought it hilarious. On this link.

Billy Connorly Tells the story of the last supper & the crusifixion, as though he were Jesus chatting to the desciples. If you feel it may offend your beliefs.

Please feel free not to watch it. If you want some belly laughs. Then you should

"...everyone ultimately seeks salvation somewhere."
 
I don't believe I do. Death is coming to me, I don't seek it, nor do I seek to be saved from it. And since I don't believe in the abstract concept of a "soul" I don't believe I have one to be saved, from... whatever.
Neither funny nor true, Chalice; not everyone seeks salvation.
xx

Hi Lucy

Be it far from me to tell someone their own mind.

I had a toothache once and I sought salvation from that.

Its not an abstract concept, religions are cloaked in obtuse language and even stranger practices.

They're often anachronistic.

Anyhow, I'm not here to preach, it works for me.

Obviously something else works for you.

What that something is would interest me, however, the thread is off topic, so this is not the time or the place.

Regards

Chalice  

Lucy Diamond said:
"...everyone ultimately seeks salvation somewhere."   I don't believe I do. Death is coming to me, I don't seek it, nor do I seek to be saved from it. And since I don't believe in the abstract concept of a "soul" I don't believe I have one to be saved, from... whatever. Neither funny nor true, Chalice; not everyone seeks salvation. xx

 

Did someone ask for more funny story's? Well here is one for you it comes from a strange place called Australia. It is the head of a Christian organisation saying we should all be put to death! We meaning Trans Gay lesbian or Bisexual

 

21 Minutes of pure effin nonsense from the mouth of a Christian.

 

https://soundcloud.com/johnmbecker/salvation-army-major-lgbt

 

 

Just click the play icon at the top left.

I think when Chalice says that everyone seeks salvation, what she means is that people search for meaning in life. "Salvation" is a theological term which seeks to express one kind of ultimate meaning.
 
It's part of the human condition to look for meaning. It's normal. Many people find meaning in religion or through faith in a divine being. I'm not one of those. I think human life is valuable in itself and I try to make the most of it for myself and others. When it's done, it's done.

i wonder if a second dark age happens again and in 400 years time ppl will think that children went to a school that was thru a wall in a trainstation and they learned how to use magic and the story of harry fighting massive snakes and huge trolls etc etc

come to think of it its more believable than some of the stories in the bible adam and eves inbreeding is not possible due to genetic problems noahs ark there is not enough water to do that on earth


i just think the bible was a childrens book of stories from the time of writing with lessons and ideas to help them to become better people wile there fathers were working and there mothers were probs dead because of birth complications that were extremely common in those times

I really enjoy reading science fiction and fantasy, especially Robert Rankin's Far Fetched Fiction, but the bible is just a bit far fetched for me.

What or who caused the big bang to form all those objects in the universe ? Why are we here ? My faith remains strong.

 

Ok lets try it forwards the way I see it.

 Once upon a time there were these 3 thick men and they saw a bright star in the sky . One of the thick men said Look a bright star lets follow it! Why said the other 2 thick men? Well we have nothing better to do.

Anyway the 3 thick men followed the star for 3 nights and they got really knacked in the process .

 

 

On the third night they came upon a small town so they headed straight for the pub , 3 pints they said to the landlord and make it fast we have been following a bloody star for 3 nights , The landlord said I are feckin bonkers? No we were bored , anyway they sat down to drink their pints and 1 thick man lit a cigarette! Hey you outside theres a smoking ban you know said the landlord.

So off they went and it was bloody freezing outside , hey look theres a barn lets go have a smoke in there.

They all pilled in and there was a woman in there about to give birth surrounded by onlooking perverts and donkeys and sheep and things.

 

So one of the thick men said whos the father then? Joseph said don't look at me I'm her husband but she swears shes a virgin , Oh look its coming! What is said one of the donkeys? The baby , Oh said one of the thick men , PUSH PUSH PUSH Thats one push for each thick man and then it popped out , Its a boy! Is it how do you know said one of the sheep? I don't know its a 50/50 chance.

 

What are you going to call him asked a cow? How about Simon Cowell shouted someone! No we can't call him that Simon is God , anyway they went through a load of names and then one of the 3 thick men dropped a brick on his foot , Jesus Christ he shouted! Thats it we will call him brick , we can't call him brick said joseph how about foot? Then out of all the intelligent people and creatures there a donkey said how about Jesus Christ then? 

 

And it came to pass that all because of 3 thick men following a star and ending up in a pub with a smoking ban , who ended up in a barn with a pregnant virgin and a load of people and animals and a brick that Jesus Christ was born.

 

So blame the bloody brick.

This post was edited by Former Member at June 4, 2013 10:31 PM BST

Julia I shouldn't be on this thread, but I enjoyed your story

 

Joanne its the way I em! Blame Crissie she started it and it is funny anyway you look at it.

And as for who caused the big bang? GUILTY! It was me I left the Gas on.

x

This post was edited by Former Member at June 4, 2013 11:04 PM BST

Joanne Lee said: "What or who caused the big bang to form all those objects in the universe ? Why are we here ? My faith remains strong."
 
Why did anything have to cause the big bang? Do you think a divine being caused it? If so, who or what caused the divine being? Are you saying that the divine being doesn't need a cause? If so, why does the big bang need a cause?
 
Why are we here? Just because we are. We evolved that way over a very long period.
 
Faith is believing things when there's no evidence for them. Do you believe in little green fairies as well? If not, why not? There's no evidence for them either.
This post was edited by Former Member at June 4, 2013 11:07 PM BST

Faith!

I have faith in the fact that the world turns.

The sun will rise, & the moon too.

Belief!

I believe we are all capable of greatness, kindness, weakness, togetherness.

Hatred, intolerence, condemnation, love, strength, & tenderness.

 

Faith is personal as is belief. We all have something to lean on. What is right for one person isn`t for another.

I`ll accecept & tolerate anyones faith & belief. As long as that person, affords me the same respect.

Humour, like music, art & nature. lifts us up.

(my attitude to belief & faith, is whatever helps you through)

(my attitude to religion, is don`t lay that crap on me)

Like everyone here, I`ve no idea if there is an all seeing, all knowing omnipotent being (God)

I do believe in the goodness of people, & have faith in the eventual salvation of our kind. Through that goodness.

 

Then again, I`m an old hippy. i still believe in the power of love

Funny innit!

you never know the idea that god is in all of us maybe that humans live out to the end of the universe the big crunch as some ppl think that a black hole is the mass of the universe but time is dif as eventually all the black holes will become 1 massive black holes and humans may learn how to create a stable space around them so they can fall into that last 1 with out feeling the shere forces from it just as the final bits of space just become the event horizon of it and they find them selves expanding out in a massive expansion of space .... they live on and 14 billion years later they seed the earth so we are our own gods lol

So many questions and so many answers.

So many statements and so many refutations.

 

Does every argument annihilate every paradox? 

Of course not.

 

To question means to understand thought.

If you break the rules of thought then meaning becomes vacuous.

 

I started a joke, which started the whole world crying, But I didn't see that the joke was on me, oh no.
I started to cry, which started the whole world laughing, Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.
I looked at the skies, running my hands over my eyes, And I fell out of bed, hurting my head from things that I'd said.
Till I finally died, which started the whole world living, Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me.

What is funny but not funny?

 

CB

This post was edited by Former Member at June 5, 2013 12:07 PM BST

The problem is with religion and its demented followers is they have no sense of humour . It divides people , it causes wars , it causes death , it causes destruction. IT SHOULD BE BANNED If anyone wants to believe in something that is not there then that is up to them but just keep it to yourselves and stop preaching it to others who have no wish to hear it or read about it.

 

It is best kept as a joke because it makes people laugh not die.

 

Julia .

There is proof that "gawd" has a sense of humor.....he made us!!!  (smile)

Well Traci if there ever was a Gawd he had a bloody warped sense of humour! And if there was one it would have been a man , A female uses their brains , a mans brain is 3 ft from the ground if he stands 6 ft tall

As I have been told today on the home page that my comments on this thread are almost fascist I think I better stay out of it.

 

But as there seems little support here for religion anyway I will leave you with this thought. You do not have to go very far into the bible to a part where God decides to MURDER everyone on the planet unless you happened to be called Noah or you where a fish . Now spare a thought for the Giraffe's . They are the tallest animal on the planet so they got to see the the rest of the world die before they met there end.

 

But then the whole book is nonsense anyway so who cares? Not me.

This post was edited by Former Member at June 6, 2013 12:10 AM BST

Julia Ford said:

The problem is with religion and its demented followers is they have no sense of humour . It divides people , it causes wars , it causes death , it causes destruction. IT SHOULD BE BANNED If anyone wants to believe in something that is not there then that is up to them but just keep it to yourselves and stop preaching it to others who have no wish to hear it or read about it.

 

It is best kept as a joke because it makes people laugh not die.

 

Julia .

But why preach to us the demented believers ? We are only defending our beliefs. Your arguement does not stand up. All those things you mentioned occurred when people lived in caves before organised religion.

I believe there are things infinitely smaller than what can be seen with electron microscopes.

I also believe there are things infinitely bigger than what can be observed with space probes. 

I believe in the infinite, some call it God but that's just a name and I've already quoted the Dao de Jing. 

But I also believe in Love. 

With kind regards

Chalice Brendale

This post was edited by Former Member at June 6, 2013 9:28 AM BST

...

This post was edited by Rebecca Armstrong at June 6, 2013 12:10 PM BST

Crissie has a little Pythonesque thought, and out comes the Spanish Inquisition,    ''queimanoinferno''

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

This post was edited by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL at July 21, 2013 1:06 AM BST