Hi all,
Me and Em had a fab time out by the seaside last week.. Met some nice folks... But I found I was like a cat on hot bricks all the time, checking out who was staring at Em or pointing or other general idiotic behaviour. Now I am very happy to say that 95% of the time we were fine.
But I got very upset by the four incidents we encountered. Em, I have to say, only noticed one of these - a particularly delightful Neanderthal that we ignored as he laughed very loudly.
I did employ my best withering look at a bloke who turned to stare and he sheepishly stopped when he realised he had been clocked. Hurrah! Small victory.
Worst were two girls who were quite vile. I ignored them but goodness, what on earth gives people the right to be so blatantly rude in front of you?
Rant over..
How do you all go about your daily lives without losing your cool?
X

I used to worry a lot in the very, very early days, but fortunately people almost never stare these days (or I am just too pre-occupied to notice them lol).  As Emma gets more and more used to being out and about in public, she will relax a lot more and you will find that the stares get less and less.  I have found that on the rare occasion that I have attracted a second glance, just smiling at that person seems to reassure them, they generally smile back and then just get on with whatever they were doing or wherever they were going.

Sometimes people stare - but not because of who we are.  That happened to me recently in Sainsbury's car park where a guy was intently staring at me when I went back to my car with my shopping.  He followed me and then said "Excuse me, are you the lady who was at "blankety-blank" golf club last Saturday".  After smiling at him and reassuring him that I wasn't, he apologised profusely and then carried on to his own car.  To be honest I didn't even consider that he had 'read' me, I just assumed that he fancied me LOL, it was only when I was driving back home that I thought about that possibility.

I am a firm believer in pheremones and people can detect when people are worried or slightly scared about something and will be unconciously drawn to scrutinise who that person is.  Maybe it was because you were worried about people's reactions to Emma that created this pheremonic reaction and made people look twice??  Maybe it wasn't.

If you are ever faced with outright rude comments, maybe have a few suitable one line put downs of the the person saying it to take the wind out of their sails.  If you are faced with aggression call 999 and get the police to respond to a hate incident.  Time the response.  The police are legally bound to respond quickly to hate crime and they can arrest/detain the person concerned.  Transphobia is a hate crime and is one of the protected characteristic groups.  This refers to the UK Law - it might not apply if you live outside the UK.

Carol xx

This post was edited by Former Member at August 12, 2013 6:19 PM BST

Hi Carol,

 

it is very helpful to have the benefit of your experience. It's strange, I didn't really notice the looks and comments that Elle did- I was too busry enjoying myself.

It was great having Elle "riding shotgun" though. 

 

it's funny, I feel so much calmer when I am out as myself. Elle will tell you that the times I have got mad in recent months have been when in male mode! I have also told myself that it is counter-productive to try and react to every perceived adverse look or comment, and save that up for when I am actually engaged or confronted. As you say, a couple of choice put downs (where appropriate) would be the best strategy.

 

I know it will happen, quite probably when I least expect it, or am off-guard, but I don't want that thought to spoil my whole learning experience! 

 

I also agree entirely with your point about smiling at people. My natural demeanour is to make eye contact and smile, and I made a vow that I would try not to change myself into a skulking nervous wreck!

 

If all else fails, I will just tell the that I am friends with Maggie MacDonald- then watch them run 

 

xx