Forum » Gender Society Public Forums » Coming Out » A change in your perspective of Work required ?

A change in your perspective of Work required ?

Tags : None
  • 1 146

    I find myself , writing in preparation collecting my thoughts for the next few steps in "coming out at work" having made the first.Like most people I rely on work to pay the bills etc , and like most people I have  a strange relationship with "work".

    For a lot of my life I actually hated "work", as much as I hated those grating things that  nag at the transgendered mind, when you get exposed in the wpork place  to those posturing heirarchical things Aaagh.  

    What am I actually paid for ? well not for moaning about your lot , theres something a bit perverse about being a curmudgeonly worker, who is just bearable because they do actually do some work, downside is they are so miserable . Then theres the stress of what if ,

    . All told I think most of my time at work had been spent pre-occupied with hating it and seeing it as insignificant and worrying about it . Its actually taken me 30 years to realize that if i  just did it , and not get distracted then I would not have to put up with the pain.

    . Thats the big problem if you are a transwomen , and found yourself in the predicament of working like a man to meet a vision of expectation.in a way you hate yourself more at work as a transgndered person. Its quite a difficult Mental Nut to Crack! :-)

     

      NO wonder you find it diffcult to work, and find a job. I do not want to trivialize this or appear glib, but this is a mental slavery that any rational person would say just leave it, you are putting yourself at a disadvantage . 

    - So conclusion is dont tell your employer this- they might feel really agreived that you are getting out of this dilemma  and leaving them in it ! !

     

    I have found that being in work and changing my style is the key , Its has given me a different perspective on work , and this is what I want to express . I am visualising the other person listening to me , I want them to hear that I am transitioning for a good reason. I think you have to show you are considerate about the effects on other people , but nevertheless you are going to go throught with this.

        Be prepared also for the fact that in publically declaring yourself Transgendered you acquire a supernatural force field that repels 

    the predjudiced and ignorant and attracts the enlightened.

     

    But What IF?  - well this will always be there , and the truth is there is now so much we dont have control in work security , that the hardest working , most conscientious , most focused  still get bad luck . Bad decisions affect us all. The working environment can be the most sub-Human and inconsiderate, But if you lift your head and can smile and look at your fellow workers with grace and dignity   ,then do it . I could never be the the  ruthless , judgemental sort . I am sure I will be "judged"  at work so in perspective I am prepared to take the consequences.[ You really cannot do anything about some people who have decided already ] .

     

    What guides me is the idea that I have sorted myself out , its the best I can do , which is better than I was before. . Time to get writing I have to write a letter telling my employer of the issues that I see should be considered in transistioning at work. Thats a fair request to make . Its a good sign that HR department appear to be saying lets work together on this . 

    <p>Donna_V</p>
      November 25, 2013 8:33 PM GMT
    0
  • Hi Donna, you are fortunate insofar as you are employed and therefore have the full force of the law behind you. Being self-employed has resulted in an even greater leap of faith for me, one that went incredibly well with most of my contacts, except for the one client who was effectively paying my salary!
    That said, I agree totally with what you are saying. I too always felt like my work was just "something I did", perhaps because I simply hated being a man, acting like a man, and being expected to behave and react like one.
    Since coming out I have felt a real surge of energy, and have not let the setback of losing my income affect the fact that I perform so much better as me- and that force field you refer to really exists!
    I am hopeful, as I write this, that I am close to securing some work, the first as Emma. I can't tell you how good that makes me feel!
    I am sure you will breeze through the transition at work. Most people are incredibly understanding, interested- and even full of admiration! With love, Emma xx This post was edited by Emma Gee at November 25, 2013 8:56 PM GMT
      November 25, 2013 8:53 PM GMT
    0
  • Am I alone in having had an easy transition at work? 

     

    It wasn't anything I was worried about to be honest but then I haven't been worried about any part of transition other than how my children may get bullied or sidelined at school. Fortunately, that didn't happen. 

     

    Everyone at work has been great, although in fairness, to most of them it was a 'non-issue' as they see the person and not the gender. I have no doubt that a lot of the workplace issues depend upon what your job is to begin with of course. I have also found everyone to be interested, curious and even a little jealous that they have only ever seen life from one gender perspective. One particular friend loves the fact that I can relate to a problem from both a male and female viewpoint having lived in both roles. Curiously though, I find I enjoy work far more than pre-transition when it was just a way to pay the bills. I think part of that is down to the fact that women are far more social at work than men are, (who tend to compete with each other more). 

     

    Like most issues surrounding us, transitioning at work is not as scary as you might imagine it to be and the worry of what may happen, far outweighs what actually happens. 

     

    Nikki 

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      December 1, 2013 11:59 AM GMT
    0
  • 1 146

    Thanks Emma,Nikki,

                                   I have just returned from a business trip. I have to work away a lot visit customer sites and do a technical sort of job, configuring test systems for mobile phones . I feel its like walking around with an increasingly ill fitting skin.But work wise I havent felt better for a long time. It seems I have more energy now as less is expended on worry. Another meeting scheduled for Friday with HR department . I guess I am coming more out any way , so to me its a "non issue".however I am still mindful of the impact of this change to those at work . Picking up on Nikkis point about people at work seeing the person not the gender. I generally feel this is the case with the people I work with including the customers , so I am hopeful.- There a bit of a hurdle to overcome in my immediate line manager Boss who is younger than me ,and a self professing  control freak. I actually think this will be more a test for him than it will be for me.

    Donna 

    <p>Donna_V</p>
      December 3, 2013 11:43 PM GMT
    0
  • To add to Nikki's point! I think she is right that many people seem to see transitioning as an advantage in the workplace. Of course, you are always going to experience the odd narrow mind, and sadly that may be in someone who is quite influential, like your line manager Donna, and, in. Y case, the client who was paying me a regular income. That said, I am sure that you will find the positives considerably outweigh the negatives. It's amazing how the psychological benefits we gain have a positive impact on others. Nikki, it was interesting for me to read about your experiences with your children. I won't hijack Donna's post, but it would be good to gain some more insight. Good luck for Friday Donna. X
      December 4, 2013 7:55 AM GMT
    0