45 Years ago I was kicked out of school at the age of 12 . I was told at school that telling lies was wrong , so the truth came out , I revealed my gender. Telling the truth led to me losing my educaction in the cruelest way. Today I turned the tables , being asked to give a presentation at my local college in front of a microphone and 100 plus teachers I done one thing my teachers tried and failed to do to me , I made teachers cry.

I walked into a gym that was packed with chairs and was led to one that said "Reserved for Julia Ford" . I was called up to the microphone with just one thing in my hand , an A4 envelope , I Showed the audience the back and front of it to prove there was nothing on it , only my name and address , I started speaking. I told them a tiny part of what my school life was like. I had asked permission to speak about my gender before hand and it was granted. I made an impact , I spoke from my heart and not a script. When I had finished I was given a round of applause that seemed like it would not stop , it did. When it was all over and others had spoken I was told by many that I had reduced them to tears , that was not my intention.

The reason I agreed to go there and speak was to let teachers know that we are human , and also if they ever come accross another trans student to never let others show them disrespect. I explained that if it is allowed it will be the one showing disrespect that returns and the trans student will most likely not "Taking away their education". I was told by many that they knew what I had said came from my heart , it is true . I never planned what I was going to say it just came out. I was also told I should be proud of what I had done , I am.

Before I left for home I was asked by a head of education if I would be willing to make an awareness video for teachers , I said I will be pleased to. They are going to contact me to to arrange for that to be done professionally. There is a lot more to today than I have written here but yet again I know I have made a difference. It also makes me doubt why I am a member of this website "yet again". In my life away from GS I am respected , I meet nice people , I make a difference. I never think of myself doing things like I did today , I do it to make life better for others , the next generation too. Some members here see me as some kind of monster! Lately I feel like I have been sent to Coventry , I have no wish to be there , soo why am I here?.

Why is it that people I meet daily look up to me yet here look down on me?. I do know some of the reasons. At the end of my talk today I pulled out of the enevelope a certificate. I told all of those teachers that as a child I was told I was , thick useless and stupid. I held that certificate up and said "I have known all of my life they were wrong and here is the proof"  I got the highest grade. Today I have not been sent to Coventry! I have been to the opposite and no doubt tomorrow will bring something new. I love being with people but the internet does my head in at times.

Take care .

This post was edited by Former Member at July 22, 2014 8:33 PM BST

At some point Julia, I think you'll need to better acknowledge those who see and appreciate the real you around here, at GS, on the internet. I'm not the only one. Further, while I don't believe that you've changed, I think you've shifted your outlook a little such that the real you is becoming a little easier to see. Those who are willing to look deeper, as I was, won't see a monster...

I believe that you are a valued member of this community. You are not afraid to speak your mind on any issue that you feel strongly about.  I'm not sure why people will behave differently "out here" on the internet as opposed to meeting someone face to face. Maybe it is their perceived sense of anonymity that the internet can provide. Much like the "crowd mentality" that is seen at some large events where people feel that it is acceptable to damage property, wreak havoc and cause harm to innocent people . People think that because of these circumstances they can't be held accountable as an individual and think they can say and act anyway they choose. People will say things about you and to you out here that they would never say to you if they were sitting across the table from you. That does not make what they say any less hurtful. As I have said before, I'm one of the new girls in town so I haven't witnessed what you speak of. I just want you to know that from my corner of the room, this site and the members of it would be much less without you. I am truly sorry that you have had a bad experience here.

This post was edited by Marissa Mallo, News Hound at July 22, 2014 11:52 PM BST

I have always respected and liked you Julia. Your strength of person is one I look up to. If you don't mind, I think to myself when needed I ask of myself what others, like yourself would think and say in a given time and place and I think I need to call on my 'inner Julia' for strength. Thank you ever so much for such a presentation to a gathered group, particularly of teachers - you are planting seeds of understanding that one day be the difference for one person here or there in time. Thanks for your time and efforts. 
Take Care - hugs, Briana : )

Acting differently within the anonymity of the internet can be part of it Marissa and that's a good point. However, I think it more often comes down to the limitations of communicating over it. There's no body language or tone of voice, and it's much, much easier to misunderstand someone and to lose patience without ever having a decent understanding of one another. Being able to communicate clearly on difficult issues can be a challenge at the best of times. Doing so over the internet requires great patience, empathy, extending others benefit of the doubt, 'active listening' and other communication skills. It can be hard work, and it can be emotionally draining sometimes.

Firstly I would like to thank you all above this for your support. I need to explain something. I have only a few reasons for logging in here now. You all have your chat room and groups ect , all I have is these forums. If I feel that I am going to be misunderstood virtually everytime I make a post or start a thread then I am trying to find a reason to log in. I am no longer going to comment on the home page. To me that page was the biggest mistake this website has ever made , it has slowed these forums down and is a distraction from posts that will remain here for the future.

 

Talking about mistakes! Yes I do make them I am human , I am far from perfect. The one thing I will always do is admit to my mistakes though.

My life is all about opening doors , today will open more doors for me , being surrounded by so many teachers who understood me and handed me their contact details my next step is to get into individual schools to speak to the young pupils/students. By doing that I can hopefully get in early to any trans student to share my life experiences , someone has to do it and it needs to be done sooner not later. I have messed up my diary for this week , I thought tomorrow was the next day so I have to be in two places on the same day Thursday , I can just about do it. That gives me tomorrow free so its sunbathing time. I may log in here at some point or just look in from outside , I can see everything without logging in.

 

Madeleine you are correct , body language and facial expressions and passion in a voice do count for so much , it cannot be done on the internet or it has to be done in a way that does drain the brain , checking every single word as to not offend anyone. I am no monster , I care very deeply and all of what I do is to prevent what happend to myself to any other person and also give them the confidence to just be themselves. If they can see me and hear me standing in front of them then they can see there is no shame in being yourself.

 

It has been a very long and interesting and productive day so I am going to have a shower and some sleep.

 

Once again thank you all above for you support , it does mean a lot to me  .

 

Take care all . x

This is not directed at you any more than anyone else Julia, but let me quote you: "...checking every single word as to not offend anyone..."

No one should feel they need to check every single word or 'walk on eggshells' around here. That's where giving everyone a little respect before and until they give you good reason not to comes in. It's where giving people a little benefit of the doubt comes in. It doesn't mean you can't recognize when a topic may be sensitive and need a little thought before posting. If someone says something you disagree with or something that offends you, assume the best of their intentions and try to think about why they may have said what they did. Admit that they may have good reasons that you can't think of too. This is a place where all of us should be able to speak freely while still maintaining respect for one another, despite whatever differences arise.
This post was edited by M G at July 25, 2014 11:36 PM BST

...and to you Julia, if you are more comfortable making a difference to others face to face, one on one, or one on one hundred, whatever...then that's okay. That's better than okay. It's great and we need people like yourself who can fill that role. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't continue to post here at GS. Even if you don't post much, you can still come here to keep in touch with friends and share updates, or for a 'pick me up' if you are feeling down. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Just find your balance and go with it : )

Julia Stop beating yourself up.   Just accept the fact you will never be a diplomat, lol, which I really like.    think about it!

Crissie! I am not beating myself up. I would never be so cruel to you and compare you to myself but we do have a lot in common. We have both had to create a hard shell around us , and you know we both have very soft centres. You know me better than anyone here on GS , we have been friends for years. I know , and you know that some here think having you as a friend is like having a trophy , that again is cruel , you are no trophy you are just an amazing woman who cares about others.

 

You are as usual correct , I will never be a diplomat here (I do know what you mean lol ). I was spoken about on the radio yesterday , I was called amazing , there is nothing amazing about me and that is what I cannot get my head around at times. Why do people say things like that? They see me they hear me and most of all they remember me. In the past 2 years I have cheated death twice , there is a reason I am still here. I will use any chance I get to make the general public understand that being trans whatever is "Normal" Just the same as a black person being black is normal.

 

Now we come to the hard part I have a real problem understanding. You are without a doubt beautiful but , there is so much more to you than that.  Myself? Very far from beautiful , I do own mirrors. So what is hard about that some may say!  Well , I live my life , I live my life with no fear , more so I live my life with no fear of anyone knowing I am Transexual , nothing scares me anymore. It all comes back to that confidence thing! Where did mine come from? It was there all of the time , living as a male I had none . My key to my confidence must be in just living my life as I always should have done , there is no other answer , if there is I cannot find it. So if that is the case then if everyone else just done the same then confidence comes as a bonus.

 

Please anyone reading this just think about it! If you have not come out are you happy? I bet most if honest answered "No" So that means that being yourself brings you happiness followed by confidence. You can all live your lives and have a happy ending , does that make sense? It does to me.

 

Some people in the transgender world on the internet really piss me off , and I mean really piss me off. I read profiles  (they don't know I have read them) I read things in the forums , they may know I have read them. So what pisses me off then? Well they say they are out to everyone , family friends work mates "Everyone" And yet they hide behind fake images on the internet. This is the one place they should not fear though , we are all in the same boat so why hide?.

 

I may regret this. I am now going to add an image to this. It is an image of me , I look an absolute wreck in it. It was taken on the 8th of Feb 2013 at the Star of Suffolk Awards. I was there along with over 200 other people , it was a massive event and I shared that building with all of them , I spoke to most of them looking like I did in the image. It was not taken be me and has not been tampered with only resized and the other person brushed out. I was not wearing foundation just a light brushing of illuminator. It was taken at the end of the evening after 6 hours , why my hair looks like that I have no idea , I must have used a different conditioner.

 

If I can do that and so many other things then anyone can. There is nothing special about me , I am no different to the next person. All I have done is admited who I really am. That solved all of my problems.

 

Take care xx

 

Image removed at 09.23 BST

This post was edited by Former Member at July 26, 2014 5:22 PM BST

I think you look very pretty in the photo, Julia. I don't think you give your self enough credit.

 

xo

 

marissa

This post was edited by Marissa Mallo, News Hound at July 25, 2014 6:05 AM BST

Thank you Marissa! Some people see things in different ways , I was very ill at the time that photo was taken. The only reason I mentioned Crissie being beautiful is because that is all most people see here about her. They have no idea of what she has had to endure in her life though , they cannot see past the beauty , those eyes of hers tell a story. Crissie knows that in my past memberships here problems have been created for me by members I cannot see. It is not a must to have an image of everyone here but , if things are going to be made hard for me here by any member then they could at the very least show themselves "That is not aimed at any particular member" .

 

The only thing I really am pointing out is, being your true self brings happiness then the rest just falls into place , acceptance will follow and by no means am I saying it will be easy. It will be hard work and it will take determination but the end result is worth it.

I will leave a legacy when I am gone from this earth , people remember me. I want to be remembered for good reasons and the things that I have done to make life better for others. I could just get on with my life and ignore the problems others have but I cannot do it "I know how hard it was" I done it alone through very hard circumstances. I am just in my own way trying to make the road less bumpy for the next ones , we deserve better than what we have to go through and happiness has to be the ultimate gift at the end.

 

Take care and thanks again xx

 

Spelling edited at 09.59 BST

This post was edited by Former Member at July 26, 2014 5:23 PM BST

"Finding your balance" Julia?

Madeleine you know I think the world of you as a friend ,  also as a human being going through something that is not your fault.

That is one thing "Everyone" in this world needs to understand. We did not ask to be born the way we are but we do have to deal with it. In my life I have very few Trans friends , my friends are just people who live in my community "not the trans community" . I do meet other trans people if an organisation asks me to offer some support to them. I have had to decline a couple of things I have been asked to do because to me it was not normal behaviour.

 

I entitled this thread "Today I turned the tables" If I can make grown adults cry just by talking and teachers at that then they must understand a tiny part of how cruely I was treated at school. That was my impact , they now will hopefully see the signs and act upon them in an appropriate way not punish the child. I also mentioned I was talked about on the radio! I was just working on something and had the radio on in the background , I then heard someone talking about me. They were not saying bad things they were giving me praise , again I must have made an impact on that person at some time.

 

I am not here to argue , I want to be able to share things and for it not to be all about me! It is not all about me it is about life , not my life but how my life can be used as an example of how things can be. No person here has to agree with me just as I do not have to agree with them but we can talk things through and have good debate.

 

Take care

______________________

 

Julia (Site pain in the rear) (For a few)

Nothing wrong with that photo at all Julia xx

Thank you Linda! I have removed the image now , my point was this. I personally think that in that photograph I looked a mess , yes I was ill but here is my point. It makes no difference to me if in my opinion I do not look my best , I can still go about my life just the same. I can still socialise just the same , not with transgender people just any people. As far as I was aware I was the only trans person at that event mixing with over 200 guests plus the press , the caterers ect , most likely over 300 people in total.

I do understand some may find that a difficult thing to do but it comes natural to me. I still say and will always say that the only reason I can do that is because I am being true to myself. Everyone see's the real me , there is no other me.

 

I have one image of what I was before I transitioned , a few maybe many here have seen that image and that is truly awefull. Sometimes I look at it and I know that I made the right choice the day I transitioned. We are who we are and there is no getting away from it. I wasted the best part of my life pretending to be something I was not to the outside world. Now all of that is just history , we all need to put history where it belongs "In the past" It is now that matters and the future.

 

Take care , Julia xx

Hi Julia, as you know, the inner self is far more important than any external image we all do our best to create xx Linda
This post was edited by Linda T at July 26, 2014 5:23 PM BST

Julia - nobody could ever say that you were hesitant to express your opinion.  Thank goodness for that.  You might rub some people up the wrong way, but that is their issue.

 

Just wanted to say that I wish I could have been there at that school presentation.

 

So, Miss J. Ford - keep up the good work.  I'd like to say something too about your great friend Christine.  OK, she looks stunning.  Big deal! So I'm jealous!  It what she is inside that makes her special.  She has been of immense help to me and my wife on a project we are working on without stinting, giving freely of her own experiences and the fruits of her research.  Thanks Christine, we think you're a star.

Thank you Amanda. I too wish you could have been there! I wish all of the regular members of this website could have been there. Do you know what you and they would have seen and heard? I care , not about myself but about doing my best to prevent what happened to me happening to anyone else. I have no need to draw attention to myself I get enough of that now , I do need to draw attention to the wrongs that maybe or are going on now , I think from the reaction and their tears it worked.

 

RE: Crissie . No person on this website should envy her , they may envy her looks but the pain she has had to endure no person would envy "Crissie if I am out of place talking about you please feel free to edit it" Its just that I know how most see you , as I said before they do not look past your looks. As Amanda has said you have helped so many people here including myself. I have also said and it is not an insult that in some ways you remind me of myself. You are a star as Amanda has said.

 

Thanks again Amanda and all xx

If I was jealous of Crissie's looks, that would be a problem, but I'm not. I am envious though : )
At the same time, I am not envious of the pain or hardships and would never make light of that for her or anyone else. I see her beauty inside and out.
This post was edited by M G at July 26, 2014 7:27 PM BST

This thread was not really supposed to be about me! It was just about what can be done. As for Crissie! Well we all know she is beautiful inside and out and it was not supposed to be about her. I could pick 100 songs for her but this one is in the top ten. Childhoods are very cruel for some.

 

http://www.youtube.com/embed/X1XpLHYFWvo

 

Important line "You had a heart no one could ever see" Well we all can now xx

 

Take care , Julia xx

This post was edited by Former Member at July 26, 2014 7:40 PM BST

Well, if it's not supposed to be about her, or Crissie... ; )
Anyway, speaking of what can be done. This is one of the reasons I might like it if my height prevents me from passing, should I ultimately decide to transition. I flip flop between feeling a need to pass and feeling who cares if I don't? As Julia would say, who must I convince that I am me? No one of course. I figure if I can't pass, it forces awareness of me as a 'real' trans woman who is proud to be herself and doesn't care if anyone doesn't like it. It more easily allows you to be a positive and very visible trans woman out there in the real world, living her life. Not everyone needs to speak out like Julia does, but we need to get out of our closets and show the world just how normal we are! (As I like to say, we aren't 'normal' but we are definitely normal...see the difference?).
The more society can see us, learn from us, and get to know us, the better things will be. It is extremely difficult though, at least in the early stages of coming to grip with who you are. We also need, I believe, to unite with FtM's in our greater 'coming out' to society. That can really help our cause as normal people. We are so much more than what the majority of the public sees us as...
This post was edited by M G at July 26, 2014 10:31 PM BST

Madeleine this thread was not supposed to be about anyone in particular. I started it because I turned the tables , as I said it is an example of what can be done. As for the song I relate it to Crissie , some of the words ring true to her as I see it.

 

Moving on to you now! I do truly feel for you , it really does hurt me knowing what you (and others) must be going through. The fact that I now live my life not even giving a second thought to what anyone may know about me or not is kind of interesting. Most say they did not know , I must be doing something right. So what am I doing that is right? Just living my life , that is it.

I cannot escape it anyway because I am to well known here where I live , I have no wish to escape it I want everyone to know the truth. If they can learn from me by seeing me and talking to me and realising that I am as normal as the next person then that has to send out a good message. I have mentioned many times I am proud to be myself , that does not mean I wear a top saying it or walk around with a sign. My pride shows by just being me. I have for the second time refused to take part in any pride event, I have no need to. Pride events happen once a year which is ok for some but just not for me , I have my own personal pride event everyday. Everyday I will go about my business just like the rest of world.

 

Take care , Julia x

This post was edited by Former Member at July 26, 2014 11:37 PM BST

Miss J Ford said:

Madeleine this thread was not supposed to be about anyone in particular. I started it because I turned the tables , as I said it is an example of what can be done...

 

I get that Julia : )
This post was edited by M G at July 26, 2014 11:41 PM BST