Hi all, I've just recently come out as Tina to my wife, son mother and brother and a few friends, and i'm feeling really lonely at the moment because my mum, son,and brother and friends don't seem to want to contact me any more not even a txt any more. My wife is the only one who gives me love and support.  have any of you had the same experiance, and how did you cope with it.

This post was edited by tina trixie at August 25, 2014 1:22 PM BST

Tina it takes a lot of courage to tell those closest to you , I know have been there. The same thing happened to me and 9 years on nothing has changed. It is very hard to accept that those close to you do not want to talk to you. In my case it could have been an easy way for them not to pay me the £17.000 they still owe me to this day. I had the doors slamed in my face and was told to leave the Christmas presents I had bought them on the door step! That did not happen I took them to The East Anglian Childrens Hospice where they were gratefully received.

 

How did I cope? Well it was not easy as a year previous my partner of 23 years passed away , she was the only one aware of my gender identity in the family , they had an idea but it was never confirmed untill I told them. I was already thinking about suicide and they pushed me very close to the edge. I pulled myself together and just got on with life the best I could. I made a lot of friends very soon and everything started to fall into place.

 

I know this is not easy but you do at least have your wife , your family maybe different to my own but just try to prepare yourself for the worst just in case. You could try writing to the closest member of your family or even all of them. Ask them do they really want you to be unhappy?. Tell them to at least try to understand that none of this is your fault , it is genetics not fun. You could ask them who in their right mind would do this for fun?  No sane person would.

 

All I can say for now is just hang in there with the support of your wife , I done it alone so you have someone to give you that hug when you need it.

I wish you all the best and hope all works out well in the end. I think you have strengths inside of you that you may not know you had , you will find them. You could persist for a while and then if it fails you will have to move on and concentrate on what you have and will gain and not what you have lost however hard that may sound right now , it hurts doesnt it?. The crazy thing is I do still deep in my heart love them but , I try not to think about them they and they would never recognise me now.

 

Take care and look after yourself. I am sending you a big virtual hug .

 

Julia xx

This post was edited by Former Member at August 25, 2014 6:37 PM BST

Hi Tina,
I moved your post from the FtM section to the 'Coming Out' section. Especially since you are MtF, I figured it was a better fit : )
Coming out is never easy. I'm sure there are countless girls who've had a very similar experience to yours, and many here. Hopefully some of them are on to better times now and can share their experiences and perhaps tips or advice with you. You can then process it and see what or how it might help you.
I am very fortunate to have a family that loves and accepts me unconditionally. If your wife gives you love and support, that's a really positive start. I would think that this kind of news would usually be much harder for a wife to accept than a brother or sister, mother or father. So yes, it's great that you have her in your corner so to speak and the others may just need processing time. There is a lot of ignorance and hate out there, so we often surround ourselves with people who accept us. We spend years that way, learning and trying to understand ourselves. It takes us time to accept ourselves, then when we tell family we almost expect them to accept us immediately. To be accepted like that, from those who know and love us best should be there unconditionally, but again, it may just be that processing time is needed for them to show it.
I hope this helps, at least a little. Remember we are here for you. I expect further replies will be forthcoming, but don't be afraid to reach out again...

Hugs,
Madeleine : )
This post was edited by M G at August 25, 2014 1:54 PM BST

Thank You Madeleine for moving the topic to an appropriate forum and adding your post as it is more positive than my own. Please no member here think that it is all bad for us all. I have seen a lot of happy endings and positive ones here over the years. Yes some do end in tears but not all.

Tina! If I am ever close to where you live and you think me talking to your family would help I would be pleased to but , I do not want to make things worse so think about that very carefully. I can handle and explain most situations "But only from my experiences" I cannot make them change their minds if they are made up but they will see I am as normal as you.

 

Take care , Julia xx

Hi Tina!

 

I can only tell you how it has gone for me so far. Please keep in mind that this is still an ongoing process for me. I have come out to several friends and their children. The response thus far has been very positive. I get very anxious every time I come out to a new person but I keep going. Please keep in mind that most of my family is dead so that isn't an issue for me. I came out to my partner years ago and while she tried to be supportive she really didn't want me to transition. And since that was not what she "signed on for" when she married me, I chose to wait to transition until after she died. But those are  my choices and shouldn't influence you in any way. I know how tough it is for you. Listen to your heart.

 

xoxo

 

marissa

I have no children so I can only imagine what it's like to have them in the equation.
Family usually come round though, and it sounds like Julia has the most selfish family in the world.
It's bound to be a shock to everyone. My mum has been great, obviously a little worried at first. My dad had difficulty dealing with it as he has very traditional views on family, sexuality, and diversity in general. He basically refused to see me for 7 years, there was occasional email contact, I spoke to him at his brother's funeral, and eventually out of the blue he emailed to suggest I go over for dinner. Quite a surprise after all that time, so just be patient, be rational, show your family you still love and care for them, and that you are still you and haven't really changed; you're just being honest about yourself. 
Do your best to work things out with them, that's all you can do.
And if your friends don't want to know, then they're not your friends; find new ones!
xx

My family the most selfish family in the world Lucy! That is an understatement. At the start they said we will see you but , only if you go back to being a male. I had no male clothes I had binned them all , and even if I hadn't I was not going to be a hypocrite for them or anyone else anymore.

When I explained to them in full about what it has been like and all about Gender Dysphoria their response was , well you have done ok so far why change now?. But I had not , I was really ill with depression and they decided to make it worse.

I had no social life at all and a very well paid job in management . They on the other hand sat on theirs arses coming to me for money. I never Fathered any children but my partner had 3 very selfish ones , they were young when we met but they grew up (Should say got older) As they grew up they had children. From me all they ever got was the best and I taught their children that if you want things you have to work for them.

I do hear things about them sometimes and the children! They do work so that sunk in. The parents still sit on their arses , never worked in their lives. The 17K? I will never see that again but I should have known better. I put my name on on a hire purchase agreement for a £12.000 car for them but failed to put the car in my name so it was legally theirs. A £5.000 personal loan for them all in my name. I had no choice but to pay.

It was never about that money to me and I never mentioned it to them not paying , even their own mother said she could not believe they were her Children before she died. It is all history now and if they ever came knocking at my door it would be slammed in their faces just like they did to me.

 

My blood family! I have 3 brothers , one left that will speak to me but will not see me and the other 2 could be dead for all I know. One sister who will not speak to me yet her husband will if he see's me in town. He has told me he understands yet my own sister cannot accept me.

The moral to my story is , I can live without family and I can't have them in my life and I do not want them in my life ever again. Yes it hurt to start with but it gets better and you can never beat real friends.

 

 This is for Tina. Listen to the words , nothing is impossible http://youtu.be/5PMHZlFUXYM

 

Julia xx

 

 

This post was edited by Former Member at August 26, 2014 1:26 AM BST

Tina.

I just would like to say that things that have happened to me in my life are not the same as others as you can see above from other posts so far. The one thing I have never done is give up on life. I have given up on my family because they cannot accept me and never will.

I have gained so much in return though. I have achieved things I thought could only be dreams in the past. You have to live your life your way not your family's. I do still truly hope they will come round and accept you for who you are. You could remind your Mother that she was part of creating you. The song I posted above say's carry on , just carry on. Music played a huge part in my life when I was alone , I started listening to words. People write songs for a reason as I discovered and even some sad songs have happy endings.

 

Take care , Julia xx

Yes if my wife had shunned me I would have crumbled
As far as I got so far though
Daughters don't know

Yes if my wife had shunned me I would have crumbled
As far as I got so far though
Daughters don't know