For me coming out has been a lifelong process, that at times has been very much a bit of being 'forced out'.

As I mentioned in my intro down in the forum section, I have been actively crossdressing since I was 13 years old, back in 1971. The period of February through late summer was the happest of my life at that time.  I was becoming a girl. I was so happy and filled with contentment. It was as if a world hat was black and white suddenly became technicolour.

And then, my mum found my clothes. And I was abused. And this first instance of being forced out was coupled with being forced in as I was threatened to not tell anyone about either the abuse or the crossdressing.

The next 12 years or so were like the instructions on a shampoo bottle -- lather, rinse, repeat. I buy more clothes, get caught, get abused, etc. For one reason or another, I lived at home until I was 27.

In about 1982, I came out via crossdresser group I helped to found a city near where I loved. It was out -- to them -- but no one else.

Eventually, in 1985, I was out and living on my own

In 1986, I was forcibly outed to the world by a cousin of mine after I confided to another cousin that I was a crossdrssser. He was a disciple of the Reverand Jimmy Swaggart and felt he needed to put the fire of Lord Jesus Christ in my soul. His actions lead to deep emotional issues and alcohol abuse.

Over the next 20 years or so, I floundered in and out of the spectrum, never fully abandoning my girl self.

In 2005, I met my wife and came out to her. If you've seen the movie Ed Wood, think of the seen where he comes out. It was like that. Plain, simple, more drama on my part than my fiancee's part.

So know I am very much out with her, and somewhat out as far as the community goes. The town I live in is quite comfortable in seeing me in skirt, although not fully looking girly. In a sense I present a bit as a tomboy.

I am happy where I am

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

Post removed by myself for personal reasons...