Tricky but True,"kick back" to accepptance and understanding M

• Posted by Donna V February 8, 2014 1,100 views
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  Just had a an out pof the blue talk with my long term partner . Shes a medical professional. It was about my holding back and not telling her everything , .She is a bit of a control freak at times , and yes I let her be that way and oblige not putting up much of an oppposition. And Yes you guessed it and know it from some of my old entries over thh past years  , I put up the image ,stoic played the front , put myself second . did as i was told , tried to meet the expectation. etc . In the background the inner feelings and fears hidden.My greatest fear being rejected by my partner , as she has expressed her fear of me transitiong , a kind of fear that somehow I was being mis led . 

     In tha past maybe 2 years ago , she stormed out , but just today she did not , no crying . After the talk wjhich was kind of re-alignment of what was happening with me . we carried on . The status is that she had teh chance to express herself , and  say she wanted me to know that there might come a time when she just could not  take the situation of me transitioning and what she saw and felt about me.Also I get the chance to express that I accept this , . So you accept their right . so we can move on .

   

  In a simple way I wanted to write now as it happens , that being Honest is really difficult , and there comes a time when you have to  be open and take the consequence. The alternative which both you and your partner [ and other s in your life] is that you just grind into self fear self doubt ..in the old stealth denial , "they never tell me anything" situation. so not really living a representative relationship or life. I am just doing House maintenance Chores right now ,whilst she goes shopping. . we both take a breather.Final word ..dont you just hate it when somebody says wouldnt it be easier if  ..knowing that means easier on the outside ..at the expense of the damage on the inside.

  Just one of those days in mid Transition, 

  Best wishes  to everyone   Donna