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A special day today, Valentine's Day. I felt compelled to send something to my ex, a simple ecard with a simple appreciative sentiment. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I followed my heart on that. It is now a full year that we've been separated. Even now, I still get weepy thinking of the good times that we had. That doesn't mean that a return is possible because there was a lot that just didn't work between us -- even before I transitioned.
I've started applying to jobs. This is the next step of my transition. An income is essential if I'm going to proceed with anything and there's a lot of work needed on me, hair transplant, some facial work, electroylsis, electrolysis, electrolysis and finally SRS. Oh, did I mention electrolysis. If there is any question of transition being just fanciful experimentation, that notion is total dispelled by the pain of electrolysis.
I've come the conclusion that men simply don't feel emotion to the depth that women do. This sounds an obvious point, but I realize that the richness of emotion that I felt as a teen and now returned makes me realize just how little I felt in the intervening years. This difference in feeling, I fell, is profound and one of the reasons that men and women have difficulty relating. I don't think that girls realize how different the level of emotion is, even when they are crying at a love story and their partner is rolling his eyes.
I have to say that it is truly wonderful to feel the brightness of emotion again. It will make this journey so much more wonderful.
