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The winter in Ontario, cold notwithstanding, has been beautiful. Gentle snowfalls draping the trees and set off by brilliant blue skies seen through squinted eyes. I am a third of the way through my first year as Ann. How fast it goes and how unremarkable. I am feeling better or perhaps I should say that I'm not feeling badly, the absence of angst most notable.
My thinking time is at the library, my only access to the internet and you. It too is bright with tall windows topping all the walls, the ceiling suspended above this the light. All these feelings are spawned by the sense of coming change. I really don't know what is next. It is the best of time and the worst of times. I can do whatever I want, take any direction but I'm feeling completely incompetent. I need to pinch myself when I have such thoughts.
This isn't working out quite how I expected. I've been marginalized by my family. Yes, that may change, I'm over the hurt and I'm not inclined to feel ill of them. It is what it is. I have made friends. I'm still learning how to be a friend in return, though, and hoping that I'm doing a good job. So, in transition, I have found friends and lost my family.
What am I going to do next? What sort of work would be meaningful? What sort of job could I keep? I'm looking in all directions and not seeing any signs.
