Little has changed in the last five months and now, with spring coming, change is in the air.

Tomorrow is a meeting with my ex -- we are still married. Her suggestion; I'm struggling with a rising fear. I am cursed with conflicting wishes to have her in my life and the realization that it cannot work. Our brief meeting the other day was okay; it really was nice to see her and hear her voice. You cannot erase nearly twenty years of feelings. I wonder if the meeting is about getting on with the inevitable split but I am made so profoundly sad at the idea.

I have come out as Ann to a company in the US that I last visited in October, 2007. In fact, they were the last company I visited -- and the last thing I did as Michael -- before transition to fulltime. Rather than talking directly to the owner, I asked to speak with the secretary and asked, "How liberal is R?" She was confused by the question, "Liberal about what?" What could I say further other than blurt out, "I'm a transsexual. How will R take that?" "What's your name?" she asked. Why does everyone ask that question, I just don't know, but anyway, I told her, "Ann." She laughed and said, "It won't be a problem at all. Whatever floats your boat."

My mother has been convinced that now that I am living fulltime and a visible in the community, I will be called on to help others with gender issues. That has now happened. A coworker's daughter lives with a ftm. He is young -- early twenties -- and has struggled with his gender issues since a teen. He is searching for support and help. I agreed to introduce him to our support group and in advance took him out for a conversation about all things gender. He felt comfortable enough after our meeting to come to the support group. My little contribution back to our group.