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I've just come from a makeover by SMASHBOX cosmetics. Wow! What an improvement on me. What an improvement on the day. I'm really starting to get the hang of this. Life as Ann is -- little by little -- improving. I think that I'm finding a 'look' that suits, I'm finding normality as Ann -- each day being less remarkable than the prior day. I'm becoming something of an ordinary girl, if only in my own mind.
Perhaps the biggest change is my growing self-assurance. I often hear people dreading being 'read' or 'clocked'. To know you've been read you've got to be watching others' reaction to you, something of an insecurity, at least for me. I don't look any longer and more importantly, I don't care. People judge people. This is a point of significant personal growth for me.
Buried by gender dysphoria and now my transition is damage from being Bi-Polar. That too is now coming under control. I am feeling so, so much better. I am finally on medication to relieve me of depression and mania. Transition wasn't the challenge that coming to terms with Bi-Polar was.
As Ann I have made two close real-girl girl friends and a growing number of real-girl acquaintances. I am better received as Ann than I ever was as Michael. Has my personality blossomed as Ann? Do people find Ann more appealing than Michael ever was?
In every change there are periods of constance and then milestones -- turning points. I feel that I am at such a point. Its a moment that has crept up unseen and even as I write I don't know what change is pending.
I guess that the message in this post is that I feel that the success of transition can be measured by how normal all the daily nuances of life become. I am truly becoming who I am, it is unremarkable, it is normal. I am taking my place in society indifferent to the opinions of others. I am finding unqualified acceptance from new friends whose opinion I value and I am grounded and made secure by you, my longterm friends here at TW.
P.S. My friend M has a 3-year old P. Last Thursday was the perfect day to spend at the beach -- so we did. It was a delight to have P tow me down the beach by my finger issuing instructions, "Ann, pick up that stone.", "Ann, go into the water."
