1st Anniversary Passed

• Posted by Ann Teve October 23, 2008 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,341 views
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  I mentioned to my manager that I'd passed a year as Ann at work. She smiled. It seemed no big deal to her. I thanked her and the company for her support over the year. I'd learned a lot. I think.
  To me it seems that transitioning begins about the clothes and one's look. Every morning is preoccupied with dressing -- what will go with what and do I look 'alright'. Maybe with time the familiarity of the clothes, the repetition, the normality of it, diminishes the concern about the personal look and raises the concern about fitting in and being comfortable. I'm still not comfortable with slacks. They make me look like a guy with a wig. I have pretty-much dispensed with heels. At 6-feet, heels lift me into the clouds. Makeup has become more modest too. Remarkable that less really is more or more likely, I have come to accept my looks as they are and indirectly what others think of me.
  I've given up caring about the looks of others, too. I've seen so many people over the past year. You have to look for reaction to find it. I suppose it will always be there but positive reaction and interaction is the greater part of my day. Young or old, male or female, whatever social level, there are good people and bad and my experience is no different than any other clerk. The compliments sustain me.
  I've been called on twice now to help others. On both occasions, I served someone who later called back and asked to speak with me, complimented my self-assurance and courage and asked if I might offer support to another transgendered. I always do.
  From invisibility I am now recognizeable in many stores with staff making an effort to say hello. It is a very nice feeling but I wonder at such acceptance as Ann that I never received as Michael.
  This has not been hard, or I don't really feel it was now that I am mostly through this trial. I wrestle more with the depression that haunts me through my bi-polar. I have felt deeply, deeply alone even thought I have a wonderful friend with whom I can share my feelings.