Recent Entries

• Living Life as Ann

  by Ann Teve April 30, 2008
  I've just come from a makeover by SMASHBOX cosmetics. Wow! What an improvement on me. What an improvement on the day. I'm really starting to get the hang of this. Life as Ann is -- little by little -- improving. I think that I'm finding a 'look' that suits, I'm finding normality as Ann -- each day b...

• The Halfway Point

  by Ann Teve April 21, 2008
  April 19th marks the half way (6 month) point of my RLT. It is not as one might imagine, time of consistent experience but an evolving experience which, I have to point out, brings a change to my insight of self with every day that has passed.The first month I was preoccupied with just being dressed...

• The Future

  by Ann Teve April 8, 2008
  It was mid-morning, a day off, and I was -- of course -- in the bath. I heard the doorbell and moments later mother's steps to the top of the stairs. "There's a man at the door with a letter which he'll only give to you." That couldn't be good. I culled my mind for legal transgressions whi...

• Confronting the Future

  by Ann Teve March 27, 2008
  "Why did you leave me waiting and wondering so long?" The question was simple and pointed and pierced my soul. How could I say to her that to let go of her was almost to let go of life itself. My hold has been selfish but not entirely so. 2007 for me was consumed by recover from profound d...

• Visiting the Past

  by Ann Teve March 24, 2008
  I mentioned in a post that my wife dropped off a van full of my possessions. I have to admit that I 'left' without thought of all of the things that one acquires over time -- the memories attached were so wonderful as to be unendurably painful. In going full-time, I have by default chosen to abandon...

• Fear, Regret and Finding Courage

  by Ann Teve March 19, 2008
  Full-time. It is the easiest of times. It is the hardest of times. The surprises I expected, the challenges I tensed for have not ocurred, or to the degree or way that I expected.Much of the past year was spent mourning my past life. I cried myself clear of that, finally seeing some future. I marvel...

• by Ann Teve March 11, 2008
  Little has changed in the last five months and now, with spring coming, change is in the air. Tomorrow is a meeting with my ex -- we are still married. Her suggestion; I'm struggling with a rising fear. I am cursed with conflicting wishes to have her in my life and the realization that it cannot wor...

• Reconnecting with my Ex

  by Ann Teve March 7, 2008
  I got a phone call from my Ex. It was a complete surprise. We hadn't talked in four months. It was good to hear her voice, calm and friendly. Over those four months, I fretted over her feelings. Nightly, I embellished her supposed hate for what I've done. I would dream good times, crying that it was...

• Aimless Thoughts

  by Ann Teve February 26, 2008
  The winter in Ontario, cold notwithstanding, has been beautiful. Gentle snowfalls draping the trees and set off by brilliant blue skies seen through squinted eyes. I am a third of the way through my first year as Ann. How fast it goes and how unremarkable. I am feeling better or perhaps I should say...

• Valentine's Day

  by Ann Teve February 14, 2008
  A special day today, Valentine's Day. I felt compelled to send something to my ex, a simple ecard with a simple appreciative sentiment. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I followed my heart on that. It is now a full year that we've been separated. Even now, I still get weepy thinking ...