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Meredith Newton 's Entries

388 blogs
  • 05 Oct 2005
    Yes, I'm coming back here more and more.  Why should I give up something I love?  Why should I give up the people I love? My friend asked my wife point blank a question a few days ago concerning our marriage.  She made it clear that the door is open to talking soon, especially once I get a job.  I hope so, because, quite frankly, I'm starting to reach the point where I'm going to just break out and do whatever I want.  It's a chance, and one that I'm starting to think is worth it.  Why should my life be on hold?  This shit has been going on just over 5 weeks now.  While the signs point to reunion, I also feel that if it's over, then let's get to it. Yet, this Saturday is supposed to be our 11th anniversary.  I have no idea how I'll handle that night by myself.  During the day I'll be with my daughter, so that's good.  We always have so much fun together.  This has been so hard on her.  She often cries at night.  I'm still sending my wife a card.  What she does with it is up to her. I'm also making it clear to my friend that I am TG and nothing will change that.  I defended you to him.  He really started to lay in about you, saying things like "What have they done for you?"  Well, besides everything, I guess he has a point now, right?  Uh huh. I wrote this in a forum posting - On Sunday, on the Discovery Health Channel, they had a one hour show called "Sex Change," where they profiled both an MTF and an FTM.  It was done quite well, although they identified TGs as purely TSs, and that's just not true.  The MTF transitioned when she was 50, and she looks fantastic.  It also started to make me question my own life.  While I doubt I will ever transition, I have thought about it many times in the past, and it's been in my head quite a bit since Sunday.  I realize part of these recent thoughts are due to my current situation.  I am made to feel that whatever I do is wrong, so why not take full advantage of who I am?  When I get a new therapist I am going to start exploring these feelings.  But, again, it's highly doubtful.  Still, the idea is not an unpleasant one.  I miss being able to dress.  I have no private life whatsoever. I'm playing the waiting game on jobs right now.  I really need something immediately.  I should be hearing any time now from some places.  That's one of the things that will make my wife happy.  And me, as well, since I should make myself happy first. Anyhow, take care, all.  Hopefully someday I can be back here every day.  You can still e-mail me.  That cannot be monitored.  Jerks.  I want to go shopping! Mere  
    733 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Yes, I'm coming back here more and more.  Why should I give up something I love?  Why should I give up the people I love? My friend asked my wife point blank a question a few days ago concerning our marriage.  She made it clear that the door is open to talking soon, especially once I get a job.  I hope so, because, quite frankly, I'm starting to reach the point where I'm going to just break out and do whatever I want.  It's a chance, and one that I'm starting to think is worth it.  Why should my life be on hold?  This shit has been going on just over 5 weeks now.  While the signs point to reunion, I also feel that if it's over, then let's get to it. Yet, this Saturday is supposed to be our 11th anniversary.  I have no idea how I'll handle that night by myself.  During the day I'll be with my daughter, so that's good.  We always have so much fun together.  This has been so hard on her.  She often cries at night.  I'm still sending my wife a card.  What she does with it is up to her. I'm also making it clear to my friend that I am TG and nothing will change that.  I defended you to him.  He really started to lay in about you, saying things like "What have they done for you?"  Well, besides everything, I guess he has a point now, right?  Uh huh. I wrote this in a forum posting - On Sunday, on the Discovery Health Channel, they had a one hour show called "Sex Change," where they profiled both an MTF and an FTM.  It was done quite well, although they identified TGs as purely TSs, and that's just not true.  The MTF transitioned when she was 50, and she looks fantastic.  It also started to make me question my own life.  While I doubt I will ever transition, I have thought about it many times in the past, and it's been in my head quite a bit since Sunday.  I realize part of these recent thoughts are due to my current situation.  I am made to feel that whatever I do is wrong, so why not take full advantage of who I am?  When I get a new therapist I am going to start exploring these feelings.  But, again, it's highly doubtful.  Still, the idea is not an unpleasant one.  I miss being able to dress.  I have no private life whatsoever. I'm playing the waiting game on jobs right now.  I really need something immediately.  I should be hearing any time now from some places.  That's one of the things that will make my wife happy.  And me, as well, since I should make myself happy first. Anyhow, take care, all.  Hopefully someday I can be back here every day.  You can still e-mail me.  That cannot be monitored.  Jerks.  I want to go shopping! Mere  
    Oct 05, 2005 733
  • 21 Sep 2005
    Hi all Times are still bad, but maybe there's some ray of hope in there. Last Wednesday was horrible.  One interview turned out to be a bust, and then this one school that promised me a class gave it to someone else.  Then I got the message that my wife wants to sell the house, unless some money comes in quick.  A triple whammy.  I was forced to go out that night to some dinner honoring the heroes of 9/11.  I was catatonic all evening. Depsite the setback, the job search has not only intensified, but I have four interviews within the next five business days.  One is actually with a subsidiary of this holding company I used to work for. Well, I worked for one of their other subsidiaries, is what I mean to say.  I've got one interview in about an hour, and I'm anxious to get it started. It's in the Sears Tower, which until a few years ago was the world's tallest building. I might have more interviews coming in as I was at a job fair yesterday. One company was particularly interested in my writing skills. Last Thursday was my birthday (Thank you, Anna-Marie!  I miss speaking to you!). It was the loneliest one I ever had. Sure, my friend had a cake for me, along with his family, but, still, for the first time I wasn't at home with my own.  I did get to speak to my daughter that evening.  I first had to do a class - the last session.  Let me tell you - I am so glad to be rid of them. I still can't return home.  But the door to working things out is open.  As long as I stay where I'm at for now, get that full-time job and continue with my counselling she said she's willing for us to start going together for sessions.  She wants to make sure I've got my head cleared first.  She never mentioned legal separation or divorce, so I'm hoping we're back together soon.  The one good thing is I get to start seeing my daughter again.  I'll have some good quality time with her later this week. After all this stuff went down on Monday (not mentioned here) she called my friend that night to see how I was doing.  She cares about me. If she didn't she wouldn't have called. She just wants the person she married back again.  I'm trying. Staying with my friend is not easy.  He has three kids (he's about to be divorced), the house is a wreck, and I rarely have any privacy. Plus, he climbs on my case about a lot of things that he shouldn't.  At other times he's a good counselor.  I don't like it there.  But my wife wants me there while things straighten out.  Also, he's the intermediary between us as I am not supposed to have contact with her.  My mom wanted me to stay at her house for a few days while she and my dad where away.  My wife actually gave an ultimatum against my going.  They're afraid I was going to relapse.  I wasn't - I just wanted the peace and quiet away from my friend and his family, and to have a car to use.  I feel so trapped, and I'm so lonely for home.  I miss my family so much.  I cry at least once a day.  And smoke a lot of cigarettes.  Now that's something for someone with asthma to do. LET ME MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR: When I said I was in the hospital for detox, and that others wondered why I was there, don't get the impression that I was denying any problems.  I should have gone there much earlier.  What I meant to say was that while I needed to work that out, I was pointed out as the one person with the least amount of problems.  That's nothing to get a medal for. So I'll check in from time to time.  I can't do it from where I'm staying because he monitors virtually everything I do. I'm getting very resentful of that. I love you all Mere P.S. Fay, if I said I had an incredibly steamy hot dream about you the other night, would you get mad?
    761 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Hi all Times are still bad, but maybe there's some ray of hope in there. Last Wednesday was horrible.  One interview turned out to be a bust, and then this one school that promised me a class gave it to someone else.  Then I got the message that my wife wants to sell the house, unless some money comes in quick.  A triple whammy.  I was forced to go out that night to some dinner honoring the heroes of 9/11.  I was catatonic all evening. Depsite the setback, the job search has not only intensified, but I have four interviews within the next five business days.  One is actually with a subsidiary of this holding company I used to work for. Well, I worked for one of their other subsidiaries, is what I mean to say.  I've got one interview in about an hour, and I'm anxious to get it started. It's in the Sears Tower, which until a few years ago was the world's tallest building. I might have more interviews coming in as I was at a job fair yesterday. One company was particularly interested in my writing skills. Last Thursday was my birthday (Thank you, Anna-Marie!  I miss speaking to you!). It was the loneliest one I ever had. Sure, my friend had a cake for me, along with his family, but, still, for the first time I wasn't at home with my own.  I did get to speak to my daughter that evening.  I first had to do a class - the last session.  Let me tell you - I am so glad to be rid of them. I still can't return home.  But the door to working things out is open.  As long as I stay where I'm at for now, get that full-time job and continue with my counselling she said she's willing for us to start going together for sessions.  She wants to make sure I've got my head cleared first.  She never mentioned legal separation or divorce, so I'm hoping we're back together soon.  The one good thing is I get to start seeing my daughter again.  I'll have some good quality time with her later this week. After all this stuff went down on Monday (not mentioned here) she called my friend that night to see how I was doing.  She cares about me. If she didn't she wouldn't have called. She just wants the person she married back again.  I'm trying. Staying with my friend is not easy.  He has three kids (he's about to be divorced), the house is a wreck, and I rarely have any privacy. Plus, he climbs on my case about a lot of things that he shouldn't.  At other times he's a good counselor.  I don't like it there.  But my wife wants me there while things straighten out.  Also, he's the intermediary between us as I am not supposed to have contact with her.  My mom wanted me to stay at her house for a few days while she and my dad where away.  My wife actually gave an ultimatum against my going.  They're afraid I was going to relapse.  I wasn't - I just wanted the peace and quiet away from my friend and his family, and to have a car to use.  I feel so trapped, and I'm so lonely for home.  I miss my family so much.  I cry at least once a day.  And smoke a lot of cigarettes.  Now that's something for someone with asthma to do. LET ME MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR: When I said I was in the hospital for detox, and that others wondered why I was there, don't get the impression that I was denying any problems.  I should have gone there much earlier.  What I meant to say was that while I needed to work that out, I was pointed out as the one person with the least amount of problems.  That's nothing to get a medal for. So I'll check in from time to time.  I can't do it from where I'm staying because he monitors virtually everything I do. I'm getting very resentful of that. I love you all Mere P.S. Fay, if I said I had an incredibly steamy hot dream about you the other night, would you get mad?
    Sep 21, 2005 761
  • 07 Sep 2005
    To my dear sweet friends, It is with the heaviest of hearts that I must leave Trannyweb. The last 11 days have been a living hell for me. I was put out of the house, and then committed to a hospital where I stayed for 9 days. I just got out yesterday and still have to go back for outpatient treatment. They also want to do a psychological test on me. They ran a battery of tests on me because at one point they thought I might have a heart abnormality. Everything came back just fine. Physically I'm fine.  Emotionally I'm devastated. Life at home went from bad to worse. Just before I got put out we actually had a very nice weekend. It looks like I will be able to return, but not for almost another two weeks. This has been hell on everyone, especially my daughter, who cries every day because her daddy isn't there. I can't have any contact with them for the moment. And - NO - there was no violence involved, so don't get the idea I hit anyone because I didn't. My wife told me some days before that I would have to find someplace to stay for a few weeks to straighten out my head (in very many ways). Then she found a way to make sure I got out. She said to my family she wants the man back whom she married. I'm trying to work my way back. Right now I'm with my parents and will then move over to a friend's house until I return home. As for my hospital stay, they sent me to detox. While I was not a heavy drinker in any sense of the word, they still put me there to make sure I'd be okay. Even the other patients there wondered why I was put in. Yet I was sent there. I'm ashamed to say this. I don't know how many times I cried, and am still crying. Yet, I met some of the greatest people in my life. I even came out to many of them as being TG. They were totally supportive. I have to say goodbye to Meredith as well. When I get home in less than two weeks, God willing, everything will be thrown out. She's already thrown out some of my clothes. I will do the rest myself.  I know, it's not fair to me, yet, this is something I must do. She almost changed our phone number because she doesn't want anyone from TW calling there anymore for any reason. Finances are terrible, and I'm doing my best to get a job. I just might actually be lucky with one within the next few days, but I have to face someone first. I am in such pain right now. I have no choice but to leave in order to show her I want life to get back to normal. I miss them so much. Here's the kicker - I've been smoking a bit lately. Not a lot. Still, the stress relief is incredible. But I will stop after this pack. You can still contact me through my hotmail address of [email protected].  But other than that, I must try to put as much back together as I can. Never forget for one moment how much I love all of you, and will miss you dearly.  You will always be in my hear. Maybe some day I can return, but for now, goodbye my friends. My family. Meredith  
    827 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • To my dear sweet friends, It is with the heaviest of hearts that I must leave Trannyweb. The last 11 days have been a living hell for me. I was put out of the house, and then committed to a hospital where I stayed for 9 days. I just got out yesterday and still have to go back for outpatient treatment. They also want to do a psychological test on me. They ran a battery of tests on me because at one point they thought I might have a heart abnormality. Everything came back just fine. Physically I'm fine.  Emotionally I'm devastated. Life at home went from bad to worse. Just before I got put out we actually had a very nice weekend. It looks like I will be able to return, but not for almost another two weeks. This has been hell on everyone, especially my daughter, who cries every day because her daddy isn't there. I can't have any contact with them for the moment. And - NO - there was no violence involved, so don't get the idea I hit anyone because I didn't. My wife told me some days before that I would have to find someplace to stay for a few weeks to straighten out my head (in very many ways). Then she found a way to make sure I got out. She said to my family she wants the man back whom she married. I'm trying to work my way back. Right now I'm with my parents and will then move over to a friend's house until I return home. As for my hospital stay, they sent me to detox. While I was not a heavy drinker in any sense of the word, they still put me there to make sure I'd be okay. Even the other patients there wondered why I was put in. Yet I was sent there. I'm ashamed to say this. I don't know how many times I cried, and am still crying. Yet, I met some of the greatest people in my life. I even came out to many of them as being TG. They were totally supportive. I have to say goodbye to Meredith as well. When I get home in less than two weeks, God willing, everything will be thrown out. She's already thrown out some of my clothes. I will do the rest myself.  I know, it's not fair to me, yet, this is something I must do. She almost changed our phone number because she doesn't want anyone from TW calling there anymore for any reason. Finances are terrible, and I'm doing my best to get a job. I just might actually be lucky with one within the next few days, but I have to face someone first. I am in such pain right now. I have no choice but to leave in order to show her I want life to get back to normal. I miss them so much. Here's the kicker - I've been smoking a bit lately. Not a lot. Still, the stress relief is incredible. But I will stop after this pack. You can still contact me through my hotmail address of [email protected].  But other than that, I must try to put as much back together as I can. Never forget for one moment how much I love all of you, and will miss you dearly.  You will always be in my hear. Maybe some day I can return, but for now, goodbye my friends. My family. Meredith  
    Sep 07, 2005 827
  • 26 Aug 2005
    Just a quick one before the weekend. Anna-Marie, hang in there. Just because some uptight bureaucratic a'hole doesn't know what he's doing does not mean you are a failure. You'll accomplish that goal. My school finally opened its downtown campus, so we're no longer holding class in hotel meeting rooms. BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY READY FOR ME LAST NIGHT!!!!  Oh well, that's okay. I was prepared for that situation. They gave us all a little gift of either a backpack or a book bag (I chose the book bag - nice!), and had a nice little spread for us to eat. IT'S A GO!  I spoke with the publisher contact the other day, so I am now officially the editor and chief contributor to an upcoming book tentatively called The Jazz Age. No, I won't see any money for a while, and I still have to line up some contributors, but, hey, that's part of the process. I met with another local school the other day. They liked me and want me to teach for them. Hopefully soon if they have the classes. I'll know in about two weeks. They're really going to try to work me into the schedule. So the little things are trickling in. But, and not to be complaining, it's still not enough to keep things going around here. I still need the BIG JOB. I'm also still hoping I won't have to leave my house for about a week or so.  But if that's what it takes to show her I'm sincere, I guess I'll do it.  
    810 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Just a quick one before the weekend. Anna-Marie, hang in there. Just because some uptight bureaucratic a'hole doesn't know what he's doing does not mean you are a failure. You'll accomplish that goal. My school finally opened its downtown campus, so we're no longer holding class in hotel meeting rooms. BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY READY FOR ME LAST NIGHT!!!!  Oh well, that's okay. I was prepared for that situation. They gave us all a little gift of either a backpack or a book bag (I chose the book bag - nice!), and had a nice little spread for us to eat. IT'S A GO!  I spoke with the publisher contact the other day, so I am now officially the editor and chief contributor to an upcoming book tentatively called The Jazz Age. No, I won't see any money for a while, and I still have to line up some contributors, but, hey, that's part of the process. I met with another local school the other day. They liked me and want me to teach for them. Hopefully soon if they have the classes. I'll know in about two weeks. They're really going to try to work me into the schedule. So the little things are trickling in. But, and not to be complaining, it's still not enough to keep things going around here. I still need the BIG JOB. I'm also still hoping I won't have to leave my house for about a week or so.  But if that's what it takes to show her I'm sincere, I guess I'll do it.  
    Aug 26, 2005 810
  • 22 Aug 2005
    Hi. Yeah, I disappeared again. Sorry. When I'm down, or life just sucks in general, I tend to disappear. My wife came back from her trip a few hours late. We had storms here on Thursday, which of course affected the airports, and I tried to call her to make arrangements to pick her up. I wasn't scheduled to do so because I have class on Thursday and wouldn't be done on time. Since she was late I drove to the airport and met her at the baggage carousel. I'm glad I did, especially since traffic was horrendous and her cab fare would have been astronomical. Plus, since it was almost midnight, she could relax in her own car on the way home and not worry about giving a cab driver directions. Then, after I finished The Da Vinci Code (see forum posting) I was in a good mood.  The book really struck a chord with me.  Until Saturday night. I decided to be stupid again. I take full responsibility for the argument. I'm starting to consider finding somewhere else to live for about a week or two and straighten out my head. My point here is to thank you girls for once again coming to my rescue. I was able to speak with Karen Brad for the very first time Friday morning. I really liked it.  At least, I hope she liked the conversation. I think I was my usual overly verbose self and probably didn't let her get a word in. Ooops, sorry. But - NOT TO LEAVE ANYONE OUT HERE - Karen and Tressa really came to my aid. Then when I come here I get all the moral support a person could ask for. So if I didn't mention your name, I apologize. I wasn't trying exclude anyone.
    777 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Hi. Yeah, I disappeared again. Sorry. When I'm down, or life just sucks in general, I tend to disappear. My wife came back from her trip a few hours late. We had storms here on Thursday, which of course affected the airports, and I tried to call her to make arrangements to pick her up. I wasn't scheduled to do so because I have class on Thursday and wouldn't be done on time. Since she was late I drove to the airport and met her at the baggage carousel. I'm glad I did, especially since traffic was horrendous and her cab fare would have been astronomical. Plus, since it was almost midnight, she could relax in her own car on the way home and not worry about giving a cab driver directions. Then, after I finished The Da Vinci Code (see forum posting) I was in a good mood.  The book really struck a chord with me.  Until Saturday night. I decided to be stupid again. I take full responsibility for the argument. I'm starting to consider finding somewhere else to live for about a week or two and straighten out my head. My point here is to thank you girls for once again coming to my rescue. I was able to speak with Karen Brad for the very first time Friday morning. I really liked it.  At least, I hope she liked the conversation. I think I was my usual overly verbose self and probably didn't let her get a word in. Ooops, sorry. But - NOT TO LEAVE ANYONE OUT HERE - Karen and Tressa really came to my aid. Then when I come here I get all the moral support a person could ask for. So if I didn't mention your name, I apologize. I wasn't trying exclude anyone.
    Aug 22, 2005 777
  • 15 Aug 2005
    I'm checking in a lot, but not posting much. You can already guess........ She's off on her latest business trip. Maybe it's for the best that we're not around each other. I've not been good. Here's a nice rundown: We have Caller-ID. A call came in from a pretty darn good school not far from here. When I saw the school name on Caller-ID I got all excited because I have contacts there and thought maybe they were going to offer me work. Nope. It was someone conducting a survey. I didn't appreciate that. I got a nasty message from that one school I work for. They have one campus in a suburb, with some very nice equipment. In downtown Chicago, however, the campus isn't set up yet, so we meet in hotel meeting rooms. That means no technology because they (the school) won't pay for it. They do allow me to check out a school projector to use with a laptop. I utilized a student's laptop, and the school's projector. This was a humanities class, so visuals were a necessity. The local campus had no problem with how I used and returned the projector, but some butthole at the main campus sent me a nasty message about it. To be brief, I not only told him off, I complained to the Director of the school. Then Saturday I was really stupid. I even managed to slip and pull part of the bannister out of the wall, making a nice little hole. I just keep going downhill. On top of it all, I was watching the Lizze McGuire television show all on my own. Is it just me, or is Hilary Duff hot? Oh, great, now I'm a pedophile. On a lighter note, Christina Dearlove's birthday just passed. It was one year ago that I spoke to my UK sisters for the first time. Anna-Marie was having a party there for Chris, and since she had given me her home number, I made a surprise call. I still remember every word said.
    781 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • I'm checking in a lot, but not posting much. You can already guess........ She's off on her latest business trip. Maybe it's for the best that we're not around each other. I've not been good. Here's a nice rundown: We have Caller-ID. A call came in from a pretty darn good school not far from here. When I saw the school name on Caller-ID I got all excited because I have contacts there and thought maybe they were going to offer me work. Nope. It was someone conducting a survey. I didn't appreciate that. I got a nasty message from that one school I work for. They have one campus in a suburb, with some very nice equipment. In downtown Chicago, however, the campus isn't set up yet, so we meet in hotel meeting rooms. That means no technology because they (the school) won't pay for it. They do allow me to check out a school projector to use with a laptop. I utilized a student's laptop, and the school's projector. This was a humanities class, so visuals were a necessity. The local campus had no problem with how I used and returned the projector, but some butthole at the main campus sent me a nasty message about it. To be brief, I not only told him off, I complained to the Director of the school. Then Saturday I was really stupid. I even managed to slip and pull part of the bannister out of the wall, making a nice little hole. I just keep going downhill. On top of it all, I was watching the Lizze McGuire television show all on my own. Is it just me, or is Hilary Duff hot? Oh, great, now I'm a pedophile. On a lighter note, Christina Dearlove's birthday just passed. It was one year ago that I spoke to my UK sisters for the first time. Anna-Marie was having a party there for Chris, and since she had given me her home number, I made a surprise call. I still remember every word said.
    Aug 15, 2005 781
  • 11 Aug 2005
    As I just wrote in the Forums, I'm sorry if I scared anybody. I promise not to do anything stupid. I haven't heard a word from that school, so that job is obviously gone. I can't get a damn thing. Then, the other night I apparently did another one of my sleepwalking stunts. I woke up in the back room and don't have the slightest idea how I got there. My wife was quite angry with me, and rightfully so. I'm just bringing my wife down. Her job gave her a cell phone! It's really more to keep track of her when she takes that business trip in a few days. I'm not dealing well with that for many reasons. A former student of mine may try to hook up with her and take her around Washington D.C. If my wife has time, that is. I had another terrible night. I feel awful today. I really need to get my head together because I have a class to do tonight. When my wife goes away on Sunday I might send my daughter off to stay with some people for a day or two. I'll have the house to myself again.
    798 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • As I just wrote in the Forums, I'm sorry if I scared anybody. I promise not to do anything stupid. I haven't heard a word from that school, so that job is obviously gone. I can't get a damn thing. Then, the other night I apparently did another one of my sleepwalking stunts. I woke up in the back room and don't have the slightest idea how I got there. My wife was quite angry with me, and rightfully so. I'm just bringing my wife down. Her job gave her a cell phone! It's really more to keep track of her when she takes that business trip in a few days. I'm not dealing well with that for many reasons. A former student of mine may try to hook up with her and take her around Washington D.C. If my wife has time, that is. I had another terrible night. I feel awful today. I really need to get my head together because I have a class to do tonight. When my wife goes away on Sunday I might send my daughter off to stay with some people for a day or two. I'll have the house to myself again.
    Aug 11, 2005 798
  • 08 Aug 2005
    Right now is totally crunch time when it comes to finances. It's absolutely sink or swim.  I was feeling low about this on Friday and called Tressa. Once again she came through, even calling me a bitch (it was great!). Tressa always knows what to say. Robyn started a forum thread about Brandi Rose, with whom I happen to be close. As we know, Brandi was the victim of a horrible crime and is going through a long healing process. She needs help, and if you can, please go to http://trannytelevision.c[...]lp.html and do what you can. Even writing her a message of encouragement will mean a lot. Every time the phone rings I jump, waiting to hear if I get that visiting professorship job. It might be over now, or it might not. The dude who interviewed me said the Dean was away and wouldn't be back until late in the week. I think if I get it I'll hear today or tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm still applying for any work I can get. The funny thing is I'd have to live away from home for a while if I get that one job. Then I turn around and get upset when my wife has to go on a business trip. She's leaving again Sunday, and her trip was extended by yet another day. I was not happy. Yet I'll do what I can to support her.
    831 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Right now is totally crunch time when it comes to finances. It's absolutely sink or swim.  I was feeling low about this on Friday and called Tressa. Once again she came through, even calling me a bitch (it was great!). Tressa always knows what to say. Robyn started a forum thread about Brandi Rose, with whom I happen to be close. As we know, Brandi was the victim of a horrible crime and is going through a long healing process. She needs help, and if you can, please go to http://trannytelevision.c[...]lp.html and do what you can. Even writing her a message of encouragement will mean a lot. Every time the phone rings I jump, waiting to hear if I get that visiting professorship job. It might be over now, or it might not. The dude who interviewed me said the Dean was away and wouldn't be back until late in the week. I think if I get it I'll hear today or tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm still applying for any work I can get. The funny thing is I'd have to live away from home for a while if I get that one job. Then I turn around and get upset when my wife has to go on a business trip. She's leaving again Sunday, and her trip was extended by yet another day. I was not happy. Yet I'll do what I can to support her.
    Aug 08, 2005 831
  • 02 Aug 2005
    She got back fine from her trip, and the reunion was argument-free. I hope this can continue. I had a horrible night with insomnia. Too much to worry about. I got a call from a local community college requesting copies of my transcripts (a standard procedure). Apparently they want to give me some classes. The school is not only close by, but I worked there once in the Human Resources department as part of a temporary assignment. The boss wound up hating me and ending the assignment! I can't wait to see the look on her face when I show up! She was such a jerk. I was actually thinking of asking my agency for a new assignment by the time she got around to sacking me. Then something else happened yesterday. I received a phone call from a very good university. They have a one-year visiting assistant professor position. I applied last week and already they want to talk to me. So I'll have that phone interview today. If that goes well I know I'll be invited on campus. Sure, it's in another state, but if offered I'll take it. I'll be away from home a little. I finished a whole set of encyclopedia articles, much to the joy of the publisher because they were on time. My first pieces were already accepted without requests for changes. So, here we go again...........
    793 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • She got back fine from her trip, and the reunion was argument-free. I hope this can continue. I had a horrible night with insomnia. Too much to worry about. I got a call from a local community college requesting copies of my transcripts (a standard procedure). Apparently they want to give me some classes. The school is not only close by, but I worked there once in the Human Resources department as part of a temporary assignment. The boss wound up hating me and ending the assignment! I can't wait to see the look on her face when I show up! She was such a jerk. I was actually thinking of asking my agency for a new assignment by the time she got around to sacking me. Then something else happened yesterday. I received a phone call from a very good university. They have a one-year visiting assistant professor position. I applied last week and already they want to talk to me. So I'll have that phone interview today. If that goes well I know I'll be invited on campus. Sure, it's in another state, but if offered I'll take it. I'll be away from home a little. I finished a whole set of encyclopedia articles, much to the joy of the publisher because they were on time. My first pieces were already accepted without requests for changes. So, here we go again...........
    Aug 02, 2005 793
  • 01 Aug 2005
    Sarah, thank you. I literally broke into tears over what you sent to me. Any act of kindness is a great act of kindness. Sorry I've been away. The one interview I was supposed to have tomorrow (Monday) was killed because of funding. Me and this school just can't seem to get together! It was a bit of a blow. I wish them the best. I'm doing tons of writing, and for very little pay. I'm about to lose everything. I went to me mum's house today because a cousin was visting. I take better care of his mom then he does, yet, it was nice to say hi to my cousin. My "brother" was there. He all but ignored me and my daughter. I wrote about this situation in past blogs about why we don't get along. Granted, these blogs were a year ago, but, still, no need to dwell now. My wife is away for the night for a business trip. Girls, I hate myself. In my sleep state Friday night, I apparently got up and yelled at her in my sleep, calling her a vile name. I have no knowledge of this. I was sleepwalking, but I HURT HER WITH WORDS. I don't remember any of this. I hate myself. I'm home alone right now. My daughter is having a sleepover with my youngest sister - the one who knows I am TG - and with my wife being gone.... I'm fully dressed, and crying over my mistakes. I'm also crying because you all stand up for me. What did I do to deserve friends like you? Thank you. Thank you for being my friend.
    758 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Sarah, thank you. I literally broke into tears over what you sent to me. Any act of kindness is a great act of kindness. Sorry I've been away. The one interview I was supposed to have tomorrow (Monday) was killed because of funding. Me and this school just can't seem to get together! It was a bit of a blow. I wish them the best. I'm doing tons of writing, and for very little pay. I'm about to lose everything. I went to me mum's house today because a cousin was visting. I take better care of his mom then he does, yet, it was nice to say hi to my cousin. My "brother" was there. He all but ignored me and my daughter. I wrote about this situation in past blogs about why we don't get along. Granted, these blogs were a year ago, but, still, no need to dwell now. My wife is away for the night for a business trip. Girls, I hate myself. In my sleep state Friday night, I apparently got up and yelled at her in my sleep, calling her a vile name. I have no knowledge of this. I was sleepwalking, but I HURT HER WITH WORDS. I don't remember any of this. I hate myself. I'm home alone right now. My daughter is having a sleepover with my youngest sister - the one who knows I am TG - and with my wife being gone.... I'm fully dressed, and crying over my mistakes. I'm also crying because you all stand up for me. What did I do to deserve friends like you? Thank you. Thank you for being my friend.
    Aug 01, 2005 758