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Meredith Newton 's Entries

388 blogs
  • 01 Sep 2004
    Tomorrow is an incredibly long day.  I have my two classes at one place, then the indoctrination, excuse me, "training" for the last night.  But my new second school went great today.  There might be some good opportunities there, and I was suprised to find out how many people knew about me.  It was definitely an ego boost.  But for me, one decent day turns into about a month of disaster.  So I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. In the morning I dropped off my little girl for her second day of first grade.  One little boy was crying because he wanted to go home.  It made me sad, then I saw my little girl (LITTLE? She is so tall for her age!), in her little uniform, standing there like a young lady, waiting to go in.  I got misty eyed, I must admit. Anyway, I'll try to chat from campus tomorrow, and to catch up on blogs. I've been so boring lately, but why write my same old nonsense?  Yeah, tonight at home wasn't the best, probably because of me, but, hey, what else is new? I guess what I'm trying to say is I'll back off for a while. 
    687 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Tomorrow is an incredibly long day.  I have my two classes at one place, then the indoctrination, excuse me, "training" for the last night.  But my new second school went great today.  There might be some good opportunities there, and I was suprised to find out how many people knew about me.  It was definitely an ego boost.  But for me, one decent day turns into about a month of disaster.  So I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. In the morning I dropped off my little girl for her second day of first grade.  One little boy was crying because he wanted to go home.  It made me sad, then I saw my little girl (LITTLE? She is so tall for her age!), in her little uniform, standing there like a young lady, waiting to go in.  I got misty eyed, I must admit. Anyway, I'll try to chat from campus tomorrow, and to catch up on blogs. I've been so boring lately, but why write my same old nonsense?  Yeah, tonight at home wasn't the best, probably because of me, but, hey, what else is new? I guess what I'm trying to say is I'll back off for a while. 
    Sep 01, 2004 687
  • 31 Aug 2004
    Classes went well today.  They think I'm nuts.  I read this love poem that was written in ancient Egypt where the woman talked about catching a fish and stroking it for her love.  Now THAT is a fetish!  But I was so homesick for some reason.  I couldn't wait to get home.  My daugher had her first day at the new Catholic school today. I'm so glad they have uniforms - it cuts down on morning arguments over what to wear!  But at school today the pants I wore showed some panty lines.  Uh oh. But I was still so sad today, and stressed over pretty much everything.  I think I'll lay off of that for a while.  How many times have I written it?  I slept okay last night, yet I still woke up with my famous deep depression.  Every day I wait for the worst news. Tomorrow is the first day at my new second school. It's an all-girl college, too!  Everyone in my class will be fem in one way or another!  I'm so glad to be getting out of the house more.  All I need now is more money. I guess not much to say right now.  I'm looking forward to bedtime where I'll turn on the sound machine and pretend I'm falling asleep by the ocean.
    823 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Classes went well today.  They think I'm nuts.  I read this love poem that was written in ancient Egypt where the woman talked about catching a fish and stroking it for her love.  Now THAT is a fetish!  But I was so homesick for some reason.  I couldn't wait to get home.  My daugher had her first day at the new Catholic school today. I'm so glad they have uniforms - it cuts down on morning arguments over what to wear!  But at school today the pants I wore showed some panty lines.  Uh oh. But I was still so sad today, and stressed over pretty much everything.  I think I'll lay off of that for a while.  How many times have I written it?  I slept okay last night, yet I still woke up with my famous deep depression.  Every day I wait for the worst news. Tomorrow is the first day at my new second school. It's an all-girl college, too!  Everyone in my class will be fem in one way or another!  I'm so glad to be getting out of the house more.  All I need now is more money. I guess not much to say right now.  I'm looking forward to bedtime where I'll turn on the sound machine and pretend I'm falling asleep by the ocean.
    Aug 31, 2004 823
  • 30 Aug 2004
    Interestings days We had a garage sale yesterday. Not a success, but not a failure, either.  We did make some money. God/Buddha/Krishna knows we need it.  I guess overall it went well. The nicest lesbian couple bought one of my musical instruments.  JJ, Cerys - COPYRIGHT YOUR WORDS!!!!!  I love to write songs, and JuJu said it's okay to use hers, but, please, protect yourself. Had a good day today.  I admit I was cranky for a while because I was tired and hungry.  BAD MEREDITH!  But while though I am fighting like hell to save everything, I still feel something like optimism.  My second school starts tuesday, and I am so excited.  My classes at USF are going great.  If only I could convert this into money.  Girls, I must say that I am a GREAT teacher!  I love teaching!!!! When I say "I love you," is it too much to ask to hear it in return?  I am insecure, I need love, but, damn, can't I hear it once in a while? I guess I just like to know I'm loved.  I am that insecure.  Please forgive me.  I'm just a lonely girl.
    765 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Interestings days We had a garage sale yesterday. Not a success, but not a failure, either.  We did make some money. God/Buddha/Krishna knows we need it.  I guess overall it went well. The nicest lesbian couple bought one of my musical instruments.  JJ, Cerys - COPYRIGHT YOUR WORDS!!!!!  I love to write songs, and JuJu said it's okay to use hers, but, please, protect yourself. Had a good day today.  I admit I was cranky for a while because I was tired and hungry.  BAD MEREDITH!  But while though I am fighting like hell to save everything, I still feel something like optimism.  My second school starts tuesday, and I am so excited.  My classes at USF are going great.  If only I could convert this into money.  Girls, I must say that I am a GREAT teacher!  I love teaching!!!! When I say "I love you," is it too much to ask to hear it in return?  I am insecure, I need love, but, damn, can't I hear it once in a while? I guess I just like to know I'm loved.  I am that insecure.  Please forgive me.  I'm just a lonely girl.
    Aug 30, 2004 765
  • 27 Aug 2004
    Have you ever had a time when you cried so hard your face hurt? My face hurts I almost came out to my mom I am not a freak. I am not a bad person.  I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. My face hurts
    768 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Have you ever had a time when you cried so hard your face hurt? My face hurts I almost came out to my mom I am not a freak. I am not a bad person.  I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. My face hurts
    Aug 27, 2004 768
  • 26 Aug 2004
    All right, night 3 of the training.  I was ready to debate!  But I stopped myself. They weren't going to listen, so why bother?  But I did bait them, like a tiger ready to pounce. In one of the STUPID group exercises I was called upon to explain my position. "As someone who does a lot of RESEARCH and writing, I did this because....," explained my part, and waited for their usual rant against those who do research. Dead silence.  I think they knew I was ready and weren't about to lose another argument! Later I got into it with someone - politely, for the most part - over the use of computer grammar check programs (DO NOT USE THESE!!!!).  Total boredom last night, and after a whole day yesterday of teaching and those 4 hours of nonsense, I am dead tired today. Hell, I was dead tired at the training.  That new friend of mine was actually concerned about me and almost insisted on my getting a cup of coffee before driving home. I assured him I'd be fine. Plus it's looking like another encyclopedia wants me to write for them.  I'll make that decision today, especially since there may be little or no pay, just publication credit. I'm trying to come up with a game plan to save everything. Thankfully work is starting to trickle in, and I'm looking for more. My two classes at my main school think I'm insane, which is why they're packed. I think it's going to be a good term! So I'm laying off my usual fretting over the financial problems in my life. There's a difference between fretting and action. I still don't have to house to myself, so who knows when I'll be able to dress up, except for underneath. it's driving me nuts!
    710 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • All right, night 3 of the training.  I was ready to debate!  But I stopped myself. They weren't going to listen, so why bother?  But I did bait them, like a tiger ready to pounce. In one of the STUPID group exercises I was called upon to explain my position. "As someone who does a lot of RESEARCH and writing, I did this because....," explained my part, and waited for their usual rant against those who do research. Dead silence.  I think they knew I was ready and weren't about to lose another argument! Later I got into it with someone - politely, for the most part - over the use of computer grammar check programs (DO NOT USE THESE!!!!).  Total boredom last night, and after a whole day yesterday of teaching and those 4 hours of nonsense, I am dead tired today. Hell, I was dead tired at the training.  That new friend of mine was actually concerned about me and almost insisted on my getting a cup of coffee before driving home. I assured him I'd be fine. Plus it's looking like another encyclopedia wants me to write for them.  I'll make that decision today, especially since there may be little or no pay, just publication credit. I'm trying to come up with a game plan to save everything. Thankfully work is starting to trickle in, and I'm looking for more. My two classes at my main school think I'm insane, which is why they're packed. I think it's going to be a good term! So I'm laying off my usual fretting over the financial problems in my life. There's a difference between fretting and action. I still don't have to house to myself, so who knows when I'll be able to dress up, except for underneath. it's driving me nuts!
    Aug 26, 2004 710
  • 24 Aug 2004
    Yesterday, after I got back from school, we went over to the local library branch. I used their internet connection to type in the class e-mail addresses into my group lists. When I finally finished that I thought - taking a chance - to log into TW. Just as I was getting into the chatroom I was being summoned by my wife to finish up so that we could leave. I had to log out in a hurry just as I was saying hi to everyone. Sorry about that! I was finally going to have my first real chat with Fay, too, as well as with everyone else there.  I hate it when I have to leave like that! Because my computer at home is so old, I can't chat from here, just post these blogs and send e-mails. It drives me nuts!  I've been missing that so much. While I'm still in a panic over finances, I'm trying to look up. That check coming in this week will help out a lot. I need to find a ton of cash, and soon. My kid is sick again, so it's a trip to the doctor today. No dressing for me.  Tomorrow will be a long day. I have my classes, then that stupid indoctrination, excuse me, "training" in the evening. Let's see if I keep my mouth shut this week (unlikely!). I'm going to be a zombie on Thursday. It looks like no dressing for me for a while.  Damn it!  But at least we have thunderstorms today and I can be home to enjoy them.
    806 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Yesterday, after I got back from school, we went over to the local library branch. I used their internet connection to type in the class e-mail addresses into my group lists. When I finally finished that I thought - taking a chance - to log into TW. Just as I was getting into the chatroom I was being summoned by my wife to finish up so that we could leave. I had to log out in a hurry just as I was saying hi to everyone. Sorry about that! I was finally going to have my first real chat with Fay, too, as well as with everyone else there.  I hate it when I have to leave like that! Because my computer at home is so old, I can't chat from here, just post these blogs and send e-mails. It drives me nuts!  I've been missing that so much. While I'm still in a panic over finances, I'm trying to look up. That check coming in this week will help out a lot. I need to find a ton of cash, and soon. My kid is sick again, so it's a trip to the doctor today. No dressing for me.  Tomorrow will be a long day. I have my classes, then that stupid indoctrination, excuse me, "training" in the evening. Let's see if I keep my mouth shut this week (unlikely!). I'm going to be a zombie on Thursday. It looks like no dressing for me for a while.  Damn it!  But at least we have thunderstorms today and I can be home to enjoy them.
    Aug 24, 2004 806
  • 23 Aug 2004
    Tomorrow starts the new autumn term at my main part-time school. I was at first a full time visiting assistant professor (temporary, that is) and they asked me to stay on. Then they had a full time slot, and I was first in line. The university president killed the job due to budget reasons. Tomorrow should have been the start of my second full time PERMANENT year. Oh well. They do look out for me, and for that I will be eternally grateful. So, tomorrow I start back again on a part-time basis. And I am ready! I'm giving them my all!  HERE COMES PROFESSOR MEREDITH!!! It's getting somewhat, not much, better, around the house.  NO OFFENSE HERE TO MY UK GIRLFRIENDS: I love reading books, watching plays, movies, etc. But I have a special hatred towards dramas involving the so-called British "aristocracy." First of all, I'm an Anarchist and do not believe in the class system. I HATE these damn dramas taken from sources like Jane Austin, etc., that portray these worthless assholes as better than us, even though they do nothing to contribute to this world!  ANYWAY - we watched "Sense and Sensibility" last night - it was my first viewing. I love Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman, can barely tolerate Hugh Grant, but, DAMN!!!! - What about the working classes who support these self-indulgent people???? Sorry if I offend anyone right now. I'm trying not to go over the top. I don't believe in "royalty" or the "better class of people."  We certainly have that here in the States, like that absolutely worthless Kennedy family.  Yes, I am foul mouthed at times. But I refuse to feel as if they are better because a group of jerks with guns years ago forced others to accept these notions of a class system. CONFESSION; I did like "Howard's End," and any movie directed by Kenneth Branagh (did I spell that right?).  LONG LIVE KEN RUSSELL!!!!!! But right now I crave intimacy. It is coming back around here. Somewhat. I don't mean physical intimacy at all times, either, but also emotional.  Yes, I am perpetually horny and am ready to screw at a moment's notice. But I also need that reassurance.  What I would give for one night of passion right now. I spoke to Tressa today for the first time in a few weeks.  She's doing okay. She needs a lot of support right now. So does Maria, Christina, Fay Alex, JJ, Nena, and all the TW girls. But this is for many reasons.  Life is closing in on us, and more than ever we need to stick together.  Thank you all for helping me.  I feel as if I'm sleeping alone tonight, yet I'm not.  Bless you all for your support.  I'm cuddling under the blankets, feeling you all next to me.
    741 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Tomorrow starts the new autumn term at my main part-time school. I was at first a full time visiting assistant professor (temporary, that is) and they asked me to stay on. Then they had a full time slot, and I was first in line. The university president killed the job due to budget reasons. Tomorrow should have been the start of my second full time PERMANENT year. Oh well. They do look out for me, and for that I will be eternally grateful. So, tomorrow I start back again on a part-time basis. And I am ready! I'm giving them my all!  HERE COMES PROFESSOR MEREDITH!!! It's getting somewhat, not much, better, around the house.  NO OFFENSE HERE TO MY UK GIRLFRIENDS: I love reading books, watching plays, movies, etc. But I have a special hatred towards dramas involving the so-called British "aristocracy." First of all, I'm an Anarchist and do not believe in the class system. I HATE these damn dramas taken from sources like Jane Austin, etc., that portray these worthless assholes as better than us, even though they do nothing to contribute to this world!  ANYWAY - we watched "Sense and Sensibility" last night - it was my first viewing. I love Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman, can barely tolerate Hugh Grant, but, DAMN!!!! - What about the working classes who support these self-indulgent people???? Sorry if I offend anyone right now. I'm trying not to go over the top. I don't believe in "royalty" or the "better class of people."  We certainly have that here in the States, like that absolutely worthless Kennedy family.  Yes, I am foul mouthed at times. But I refuse to feel as if they are better because a group of jerks with guns years ago forced others to accept these notions of a class system. CONFESSION; I did like "Howard's End," and any movie directed by Kenneth Branagh (did I spell that right?).  LONG LIVE KEN RUSSELL!!!!!! But right now I crave intimacy. It is coming back around here. Somewhat. I don't mean physical intimacy at all times, either, but also emotional.  Yes, I am perpetually horny and am ready to screw at a moment's notice. But I also need that reassurance.  What I would give for one night of passion right now. I spoke to Tressa today for the first time in a few weeks.  She's doing okay. She needs a lot of support right now. So does Maria, Christina, Fay Alex, JJ, Nena, and all the TW girls. But this is for many reasons.  Life is closing in on us, and more than ever we need to stick together.  Thank you all for helping me.  I feel as if I'm sleeping alone tonight, yet I'm not.  Bless you all for your support.  I'm cuddling under the blankets, feeling you all next to me.
    Aug 23, 2004 741
  • 21 Aug 2004
    Another row last night.  Great. She came home cranky and it escalated from there. But at night it got worse. Part of it stems from my underemployment. No matter how hard I tried I could not get that elusive full-time spot ANYWHERE.  Even the lowest of the low jobs I couldn't get. With my academic work, due to the economy enrollment is down, which means less classes, which means less part-time work for me. It's been this way for me for a few years now, and our financial mess is essentially because I've failed to get anything, no matter how hard I tried. I didn't ask for it.  But my failures has hurt them. Then, of course, came up THE BIG ISSUE of my being TG. I am the same person she married. I explained I had to be silent. Hell, if anyone during my first two years of high school knew they would have beaten me to death! I could still meet that fate now if I was to venture out. I hope she's settled down this morning, but, if not, I might have to start looking for a new place to live and realize that this life of mine as it is now is over.  I have no idea where I'll go should it come to that. Last November I was up for a job at a top-notch prep academy in Louisiana. I was one of two finalists, yet I didn't get it. I think it's because the school thought there would be too many problems in relocation since I had a family and I believe the other candidate did not, and therefore could move in easier. She was happy I didn't get it because she didn't want to move there. As for me, I cried. I was upset. Once again I made it all the way only to see it slip away. It was a cute little town with a lot of character. If that job was offered to me now I don't know what I would do.  I still don't know what is going to happen around here this weekend. I hope it works out.
    728 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Another row last night.  Great. She came home cranky and it escalated from there. But at night it got worse. Part of it stems from my underemployment. No matter how hard I tried I could not get that elusive full-time spot ANYWHERE.  Even the lowest of the low jobs I couldn't get. With my academic work, due to the economy enrollment is down, which means less classes, which means less part-time work for me. It's been this way for me for a few years now, and our financial mess is essentially because I've failed to get anything, no matter how hard I tried. I didn't ask for it.  But my failures has hurt them. Then, of course, came up THE BIG ISSUE of my being TG. I am the same person she married. I explained I had to be silent. Hell, if anyone during my first two years of high school knew they would have beaten me to death! I could still meet that fate now if I was to venture out. I hope she's settled down this morning, but, if not, I might have to start looking for a new place to live and realize that this life of mine as it is now is over.  I have no idea where I'll go should it come to that. Last November I was up for a job at a top-notch prep academy in Louisiana. I was one of two finalists, yet I didn't get it. I think it's because the school thought there would be too many problems in relocation since I had a family and I believe the other candidate did not, and therefore could move in easier. She was happy I didn't get it because she didn't want to move there. As for me, I cried. I was upset. Once again I made it all the way only to see it slip away. It was a cute little town with a lot of character. If that job was offered to me now I don't know what I would do.  I still don't know what is going to happen around here this weekend. I hope it works out.
    Aug 21, 2004 728
  • 20 Aug 2004
    One of my problems is letting go of things, such as any fights or arguments that are dead and gone. There was a little one last night, and being TG is one of them. She wants me to tell her sister, which I do agree with. I wanted to before but never got the chance. Her best friend knows. In fact, I came out to that person first. She wants her sister to know so she can talk about it with someone. I told her she could commiserate here. She turned it down. I don't push it, though, and never bring up TW unless she brings it up first. Last night was not vicious or anything, and no name calling was done. But this morning I had to go up to her and say "Are you still mad at me?"  Never mind that she was being nice and fine.  So there I go, not putting it behind us.  I just had to bring it back up. I did need to know if there were any issues leftover so those could be resolved.  Whenever two people are together, they will get mad at each other at one point or another, something I often need to recognize and not exacerbate. I wasn't trying to pick a fight, just know where I stand. My kid has a low grade fever, so I'm housebound with her today. The good news is rain is expected!  We're going to cuddle up by the window and watch it. She's missing her last day of summer daycare, and they were going to some fun place where kids play games, run around like maniacs, etc. So today we're having our own fun day.  I guess being fem will just have to wait.
    739 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • One of my problems is letting go of things, such as any fights or arguments that are dead and gone. There was a little one last night, and being TG is one of them. She wants me to tell her sister, which I do agree with. I wanted to before but never got the chance. Her best friend knows. In fact, I came out to that person first. She wants her sister to know so she can talk about it with someone. I told her she could commiserate here. She turned it down. I don't push it, though, and never bring up TW unless she brings it up first. Last night was not vicious or anything, and no name calling was done. But this morning I had to go up to her and say "Are you still mad at me?"  Never mind that she was being nice and fine.  So there I go, not putting it behind us.  I just had to bring it back up. I did need to know if there were any issues leftover so those could be resolved.  Whenever two people are together, they will get mad at each other at one point or another, something I often need to recognize and not exacerbate. I wasn't trying to pick a fight, just know where I stand. My kid has a low grade fever, so I'm housebound with her today. The good news is rain is expected!  We're going to cuddle up by the window and watch it. She's missing her last day of summer daycare, and they were going to some fun place where kids play games, run around like maniacs, etc. So today we're having our own fun day.  I guess being fem will just have to wait.
    Aug 20, 2004 739
  • 19 Aug 2004
    First, let me say thanks to Mariette, Maria and Nena for the e-mail invites concerning the mobile phone messaging. I don't have a mobile phone, unfortunately, so I can't participate! Last night was night 2 of that damn training. It wasn't so bad (it wasn't so good, either). I did finally speak up about their comments. Three people who clearly have chips on their shoulders about "traditional" schools and doing research were once again bashing those of us who do just that.  In a terse voice I made it clear I wanted those stereotypes thrown out the window, and that they were plain wrong. Let's just say I won the argument.  Especially since the moderator saw I was winning and quickly turned the talk to another direction.  It felt good!  On the other hand, I was one of the few people who did those stupid tutorials and turned in my results. A special password was needed to take those moronic tests, and I took the initiative to obtain one. So there!  Score one for the researchers!  Especially those of us who wear miniskirts! I'm watching my kid today who is sick.  I was in such a mood to get all dressed up today!  Oh well, her health comes first.  As does my mental health, which will be cured if only I could get my hands on some money, and soon.  Maybe soon this will all pass and something good will come my way.
    752 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • First, let me say thanks to Mariette, Maria and Nena for the e-mail invites concerning the mobile phone messaging. I don't have a mobile phone, unfortunately, so I can't participate! Last night was night 2 of that damn training. It wasn't so bad (it wasn't so good, either). I did finally speak up about their comments. Three people who clearly have chips on their shoulders about "traditional" schools and doing research were once again bashing those of us who do just that.  In a terse voice I made it clear I wanted those stereotypes thrown out the window, and that they were plain wrong. Let's just say I won the argument.  Especially since the moderator saw I was winning and quickly turned the talk to another direction.  It felt good!  On the other hand, I was one of the few people who did those stupid tutorials and turned in my results. A special password was needed to take those moronic tests, and I took the initiative to obtain one. So there!  Score one for the researchers!  Especially those of us who wear miniskirts! I'm watching my kid today who is sick.  I was in such a mood to get all dressed up today!  Oh well, her health comes first.  As does my mental health, which will be cured if only I could get my hands on some money, and soon.  Maybe soon this will all pass and something good will come my way.
    Aug 19, 2004 752