Acceptance is a long hard road

• Posted by Kari Johnson August 1, 2012 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 2,600 views
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  Truthfully I can say that being transgendered isn't an easy path.  There is so much fear that has crippled me over the years.  Denial has also played a huge factor in my life as well.  I don't want to be a transsexual woman or any other type of gender variant individual.  Yes I said that because if things had worked out like they should have I would have been born as a girl and that would be the end of the story.  Living a life in fear of being discovered isn't for me.  I don't want to hide anymore and I want to be honest to others about who I really am and how I feel.  That doesn't mean I will tell everyone and wave my little TG flag around because I believe in discretion as well.  What I suppose it means for myself is I have finally come to accept myself as being a transgendered person.  This has been a very long time coming but I can really say I am OK with it.  The tricky part is where do I go from here?

   

  If we live long enough I suppose we can all get here.  Years of frustration and anger and self loathing, praying, bargaining, fighting, wondering... I am still here and so are my gender issues.  I am in my forties facing the prospect of transitioning.  For those of you who are younger please listen to what your inner voice tells you about yourself.  Get counseling and help early.  You deserve it and owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings.  Find somebody to talk to now don't wait until tomorrow even.  If you are a girl who feels she should be a boy then don't ignore those feelings.  If you are a guy who is ashamed that he dresses in women's clothing you need to find out why you are doing these things.  If you are saddened by the fact that you have a penis and won't grow breasts like other girls you need help.  Don't try to suffer through or be a false martyr because you will regret it later.  If you are transgendered you need support from people who can accept that about you and can help you to make YOUR OWN decisions about what you can do about it.  Don't blame anyone else for your situation face it and deal with it and own it. 

   

  Hi I'm Karen a 44 year old transgendered person.  I am a human being and I am learning to be better to myself.  Don't ever stop trying, do what you can.  Love yourself even if you think you don't deserve it.  Be kind and finally smile.  Yes you reader smile until you feel it inside.  You can't change the world or other people but you can change your mind.  You can change you.     Karen