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Jessie Hart 's Entries

87 blogs
  • 21 May 2013
    The En Gender Blog written by "My Wife Betty" author Helen Boyd comes up with quite a few -"Damn I wish I had written that" thoughts. Here's one:   "I wrote this recently in response to a question, or an assertion, that nobody chooses to be born trans, but that often, the advice is that you can choose what to do about it. My wife says that a lot, and it makes some trans people unhappy.    The way she puts it: you got a **** hand, but you still get to decide how to play it. Whether or not transition itself is a choice is an idea I will leave for another day. But here, in a nutshell, are some basic tenets I hope are useful. does it matter why? i don’t know what trans is – genetic, medical condition, etc. no one makes any distinction between nature/nurture anymore. nature is what? DNA? as in, something made out of protein that is created within a physical environment which is impacted by all our culture. just forget it. that binary is over, done with.    Are people trans? yes. do they need to transition? yes. should they own their **** & do so as responsibly as possible? yes. should cis people start to ******* understand transness is not going anywhere, that it IS, in the same way that, say, queerness IS? yes.    If you got married & you’re trans & you’re going to transition you’re going to wreck your wife’s life, pretty much. own it. minimize the damage however you can. your life was already wrecked by transphobia and represssion and who knows what else. your transition will give you the chance to change in a way that you’re looking forward to. your wife may, in turn, change her life into something she wants, too, but in either case, you will both experience a great deal of loss. none of it is fair, not a damn thing about it, & not for anyone. but stop, STOP, making it all about you.    If there is anything i say to trans people all the time that none of you listen to – & that includes my lovely spouse – that is it. as she likes to say: trans people make Narcissus weep."   Enough said! Tons of nutricious food for thought. Good for your diet!
    1071 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • The En Gender Blog written by "My Wife Betty" author Helen Boyd comes up with quite a few -"Damn I wish I had written that" thoughts. Here's one:   "I wrote this recently in response to a question, or an assertion, that nobody chooses to be born trans, but that often, the advice is that you can choose what to do about it. My wife says that a lot, and it makes some trans people unhappy.    The way she puts it: you got a **** hand, but you still get to decide how to play it. Whether or not transition itself is a choice is an idea I will leave for another day. But here, in a nutshell, are some basic tenets I hope are useful. does it matter why? i don’t know what trans is – genetic, medical condition, etc. no one makes any distinction between nature/nurture anymore. nature is what? DNA? as in, something made out of protein that is created within a physical environment which is impacted by all our culture. just forget it. that binary is over, done with.    Are people trans? yes. do they need to transition? yes. should they own their **** & do so as responsibly as possible? yes. should cis people start to ******* understand transness is not going anywhere, that it IS, in the same way that, say, queerness IS? yes.    If you got married & you’re trans & you’re going to transition you’re going to wreck your wife’s life, pretty much. own it. minimize the damage however you can. your life was already wrecked by transphobia and represssion and who knows what else. your transition will give you the chance to change in a way that you’re looking forward to. your wife may, in turn, change her life into something she wants, too, but in either case, you will both experience a great deal of loss. none of it is fair, not a damn thing about it, & not for anyone. but stop, STOP, making it all about you.    If there is anything i say to trans people all the time that none of you listen to – & that includes my lovely spouse – that is it. as she likes to say: trans people make Narcissus weep."   Enough said! Tons of nutricious food for thought. Good for your diet!
    May 21, 2013 1071
  • 21 May 2013
    Everyonce in a while Mother Karma comes along and lays a big fat gooey Smooch on me. The latest one was this morning and I am still trying to dry off.   This morning I made the half hour trip to my daughter's to pick up most of my meds  the VA sent me.Because of school winding down, none my grand kids (approximately 12, 8 and 5) were home at the time. This morning  we had a rare one on one moment to just chat.   Along the way, the conversation centered on my 8 year old grandson who of course managed to do something totally dumb to keep himself out the final days of school activities.  Since he did, my daughter followed up with an equal amount of home punishment-including maybe missing a boy scout meeting.   At that point she asked me if I had been following the LGBT drama with the scouts. Well of course I have and have made a point to sign the on line petitions for a pro open scouting organization.   Perhaps you remember the stir which was created when the young transgender girl tried to join a girl scout troop not so long ago? Well, my daughter used the example to open a discussion door with my grand daughter about the transgender community and how close it was to her- really close!  As with most kids her age she really could care less except for a little natural curiosity and the subject was pretty much closed for awhile.   When the first debates and protests began to stir within the Boy Scout organization of the course the topic of the kids transgender grandparent came around front and center-again. Mom and Dad gave grandson his choice of staying or going if the Boy Scouts continued to ban LGBT peeps. He said, he had a good time and would prefer to stay. Understandable. But now he has changed his tune.  Recently the group had a big open meeting in Dayton on the subject. Of course the usual group of unreasoning bigots were there spouting who knows what. Well it worked with my grandson. After the meeting he announced he wanted nothing to do with the Boy Scouts if they excluded people like his transgender grandparent!   I'm rarely speechless and luckily my hormone level was down because of VA screw ups so I didn't talk and cry with pride at the same time!. I could only blurt out I was so damned proud of the kid and his parents!   Now, can't we do something about cutting back on that punishment?
    1199 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Everyonce in a while Mother Karma comes along and lays a big fat gooey Smooch on me. The latest one was this morning and I am still trying to dry off.   This morning I made the half hour trip to my daughter's to pick up most of my meds  the VA sent me.Because of school winding down, none my grand kids (approximately 12, 8 and 5) were home at the time. This morning  we had a rare one on one moment to just chat.   Along the way, the conversation centered on my 8 year old grandson who of course managed to do something totally dumb to keep himself out the final days of school activities.  Since he did, my daughter followed up with an equal amount of home punishment-including maybe missing a boy scout meeting.   At that point she asked me if I had been following the LGBT drama with the scouts. Well of course I have and have made a point to sign the on line petitions for a pro open scouting organization.   Perhaps you remember the stir which was created when the young transgender girl tried to join a girl scout troop not so long ago? Well, my daughter used the example to open a discussion door with my grand daughter about the transgender community and how close it was to her- really close!  As with most kids her age she really could care less except for a little natural curiosity and the subject was pretty much closed for awhile.   When the first debates and protests began to stir within the Boy Scout organization of the course the topic of the kids transgender grandparent came around front and center-again. Mom and Dad gave grandson his choice of staying or going if the Boy Scouts continued to ban LGBT peeps. He said, he had a good time and would prefer to stay. Understandable. But now he has changed his tune.  Recently the group had a big open meeting in Dayton on the subject. Of course the usual group of unreasoning bigots were there spouting who knows what. Well it worked with my grandson. After the meeting he announced he wanted nothing to do with the Boy Scouts if they excluded people like his transgender grandparent!   I'm rarely speechless and luckily my hormone level was down because of VA screw ups so I didn't talk and cry with pride at the same time!. I could only blurt out I was so damned proud of the kid and his parents!   Now, can't we do something about cutting back on that punishment?
    May 21, 2013 1199
  • 21 Apr 2013
    I believe I have mentioned that I finally stepped up and out by joining my local equality LGBT group.  This is huge in the sense those who talked behind my back will have to find someway else to entertain themselves.   Regardless of the outcome for all of them, I had to do what I had to do. Ironically I became involved in an in depth discussion with one of my long time friends who has stayed in the closet. (I do not begrudge him any of that.) All too quickly we jumped into one of my favorite soapbox topics: Stealth in the transgender culture. Here's how it started. I said I was completely surprised this group had no out transgender person, knowledge of our culture and almost no reference to it.     He said: "Okay, here ya go: (1) I believe that transition is about M to F or F to M paths, and if you chose to take that step you should know a little about the difficulty in getting to the end point. (2) I can see that some percentage of newly arrived F's and M's want to do something aligned with their attained gender and not risk that position by entering politics. That's their choice. On the other hand I don't have an issue with providing a little friendly support to someone on the journey, but I also disdain noisy in-your-face political activity completely."   The last reference was in response to my statement I was going to go to meetings and saying something about the lack of representation. Here is an abbreviated version of my response as I ignored the in-your-face comment:   "As far as the "going stealth" deal goes, I can see both sides of the story. Certainly we all know how incredibly difficult it is to switch genders and each is entitled to take their marbles and go home.  I do believe however that stealth is inherently wrong and will become unique to our generation. (Strictly speaking)  I attribute stealth to not risking yourself at all and it's the same as failing to cover another troop on the live BCT (basic training) range in the Army...but I know that is a bit dramatic. (We were both in the Army and I used it as a point of reference.)   You ask why I think the kids are doing it right? My latest big example was "Devon" on the Katie Couric Show.  I think in a couple of years she too will fade into the fiber of society to live as happily ever after as any of us can but she was totally stealth and still took a moment to come out and pay forward. I think the number of YouTube videos and the number of blogs are a sign of how these kids are building a better future for transgender people of the future. Their generation will change stealth to life on their terms and it just will fade away as a outmoded term. If you deal in semantics they will be going stealth and just living life on the same playing field as anyone else which is all we can ask for.   Now, let me point out of why getting surgery and going stealth didn't work for our generation. Did we indeed just jump from one closet to another? Yes! We did as all of the sudden we are waking up and realizing the transgender populace is the most legally discriminated minority in the country."   As the conversation moved on I used an example of an old mutual acquaintance from the mid 80's.  She went through SRS moved out West, married a man and became a very successful business person. Absolutely one of the most exuberant natural women I have ever met. Back to the chat:   "Susan" of course is the classic good transition example of a transsexual person we both know.  But now if she lived in Arizona and not in another state, all of the sudden she may have to produce a female birth certificate to even pee in a women's room.  If she was born here in Ohio she still can't get her birth cert changed by SRS. Was she mandated to make a statement? No. Should have she? Her call. I'm only using her as an example of my perceived epidemic generational transgender stealth problem.    The kids on the other hand, are realizing they better start screaming to get laws changed because no matter how good they look (Devon) a company can just up and fire them for being trans or can't even find a place to pee.   Before you accuse me of throwing huge rocks in glass houses,  I can rationalize my lack of action by saying I started late and didn't know how far I was going with this and then I get really torn by nights like last night. You know I have never felt I could go stealth no matter how hard I tried-but I could have been there last night. So now what do I do?   You are completely right to ask me why would I jeopardize all of that work over the years? The honest answer is at my age I'm in the home stretch of my life and I know due to very unpleasant circumstances in my life, I'm left with less to lose than others.    So bottom line, I should do some public work before I fade into whatever the next reality happens to be.  If I don't and there is another stopping point in eternity I would have to put transgender inaction in the loss column. My blog, Trans Ohio workshop and the Equality group are efforts to soften the defeat.  I will get back to you on the results!"   As you can tell, I flat out wore the "soap box" out!
    1650 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • I believe I have mentioned that I finally stepped up and out by joining my local equality LGBT group.  This is huge in the sense those who talked behind my back will have to find someway else to entertain themselves.   Regardless of the outcome for all of them, I had to do what I had to do. Ironically I became involved in an in depth discussion with one of my long time friends who has stayed in the closet. (I do not begrudge him any of that.) All too quickly we jumped into one of my favorite soapbox topics: Stealth in the transgender culture. Here's how it started. I said I was completely surprised this group had no out transgender person, knowledge of our culture and almost no reference to it.     He said: "Okay, here ya go: (1) I believe that transition is about M to F or F to M paths, and if you chose to take that step you should know a little about the difficulty in getting to the end point. (2) I can see that some percentage of newly arrived F's and M's want to do something aligned with their attained gender and not risk that position by entering politics. That's their choice. On the other hand I don't have an issue with providing a little friendly support to someone on the journey, but I also disdain noisy in-your-face political activity completely."   The last reference was in response to my statement I was going to go to meetings and saying something about the lack of representation. Here is an abbreviated version of my response as I ignored the in-your-face comment:   "As far as the "going stealth" deal goes, I can see both sides of the story. Certainly we all know how incredibly difficult it is to switch genders and each is entitled to take their marbles and go home.  I do believe however that stealth is inherently wrong and will become unique to our generation. (Strictly speaking)  I attribute stealth to not risking yourself at all and it's the same as failing to cover another troop on the live BCT (basic training) range in the Army...but I know that is a bit dramatic. (We were both in the Army and I used it as a point of reference.)   You ask why I think the kids are doing it right? My latest big example was "Devon" on the Katie Couric Show.  I think in a couple of years she too will fade into the fiber of society to live as happily ever after as any of us can but she was totally stealth and still took a moment to come out and pay forward. I think the number of YouTube videos and the number of blogs are a sign of how these kids are building a better future for transgender people of the future. Their generation will change stealth to life on their terms and it just will fade away as a outmoded term. If you deal in semantics they will be going stealth and just living life on the same playing field as anyone else which is all we can ask for.   Now, let me point out of why getting surgery and going stealth didn't work for our generation. Did we indeed just jump from one closet to another? Yes! We did as all of the sudden we are waking up and realizing the transgender populace is the most legally discriminated minority in the country."   As the conversation moved on I used an example of an old mutual acquaintance from the mid 80's.  She went through SRS moved out West, married a man and became a very successful business person. Absolutely one of the most exuberant natural women I have ever met. Back to the chat:   "Susan" of course is the classic good transition example of a transsexual person we both know.  But now if she lived in Arizona and not in another state, all of the sudden she may have to produce a female birth certificate to even pee in a women's room.  If she was born here in Ohio she still can't get her birth cert changed by SRS. Was she mandated to make a statement? No. Should have she? Her call. I'm only using her as an example of my perceived epidemic generational transgender stealth problem.    The kids on the other hand, are realizing they better start screaming to get laws changed because no matter how good they look (Devon) a company can just up and fire them for being trans or can't even find a place to pee.   Before you accuse me of throwing huge rocks in glass houses,  I can rationalize my lack of action by saying I started late and didn't know how far I was going with this and then I get really torn by nights like last night. You know I have never felt I could go stealth no matter how hard I tried-but I could have been there last night. So now what do I do?   You are completely right to ask me why would I jeopardize all of that work over the years? The honest answer is at my age I'm in the home stretch of my life and I know due to very unpleasant circumstances in my life, I'm left with less to lose than others.    So bottom line, I should do some public work before I fade into whatever the next reality happens to be.  If I don't and there is another stopping point in eternity I would have to put transgender inaction in the loss column. My blog, Trans Ohio workshop and the Equality group are efforts to soften the defeat.  I will get back to you on the results!"   As you can tell, I flat out wore the "soap box" out!
    Apr 21, 2013 1650
  • 13 Apr 2013
    I can't believe it has been almost a week now since I (yes I) went to Sunday dinner with my gf's father, brother and son.   She has been pushing me to do it for quite sometime now and I finally figured why not? Actually her 15 year old son has known me for awhile and he is quite accepting and brother is a successful professional so I figured two out of three were in the bag. The wild card was Dad.  He is a card carrying NRA conservative 87 year old and carries that go to hell if you don't like me attitude of most guys of that age. Also like most men of that age he can't hear or see too well which helped me out!   He got the ball rolling quickly when we arrived at his apartment and the first thing he said about me was "bring her over here so I can take a better look".  I was a little nervous and wanted to ask if I could take a hit off of his oxygen tank but actually I didn't have to. He did his best to include me in the family conversations.   We soon took off and went to a nearby steak house for dinner and before I knew it the day was over.  Ironically, every time I think my transition process is reaching some sort of plateau something comes along to prove I'm still just getting started.   In some ways, I hope my life always stays this way.  As the old paranoia's of the past encounters with the public begin to fade, I can finally experience the true essence of  the gender I should have always been.
    1498 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • I can't believe it has been almost a week now since I (yes I) went to Sunday dinner with my gf's father, brother and son.   She has been pushing me to do it for quite sometime now and I finally figured why not? Actually her 15 year old son has known me for awhile and he is quite accepting and brother is a successful professional so I figured two out of three were in the bag. The wild card was Dad.  He is a card carrying NRA conservative 87 year old and carries that go to hell if you don't like me attitude of most guys of that age. Also like most men of that age he can't hear or see too well which helped me out!   He got the ball rolling quickly when we arrived at his apartment and the first thing he said about me was "bring her over here so I can take a better look".  I was a little nervous and wanted to ask if I could take a hit off of his oxygen tank but actually I didn't have to. He did his best to include me in the family conversations.   We soon took off and went to a nearby steak house for dinner and before I knew it the day was over.  Ironically, every time I think my transition process is reaching some sort of plateau something comes along to prove I'm still just getting started.   In some ways, I hope my life always stays this way.  As the old paranoia's of the past encounters with the public begin to fade, I can finally experience the true essence of  the gender I should have always been.
    Apr 13, 2013 1498
  • 06 Apr 2013
    Male Privilege" has long been one of the hot topics directed at the transgender woman. The most common lost privilege is perceived gender intelligence of course. The most dangerous loss of so called male status has to be personal security. Recently I went to a fairly good sized club in an area of town where most of the gay venues are clustered together. A trans girl friend and I decided to go "gay" for the evening since we simply haven't been there for a while. Of course once we got in there, I discovered I had left my phone in the car and god forbid I just had to have it.    It was dark and I had to walk across two dark parking lots to my car. I thought nothing of it until I was about halfway to the car and did start to look over my shoulder a bit. I did know the area well and know it to be well populated and safe so I wasn't being a total paranoiac mess but the thought was there.    The safety concern should have been there for me and all of us of course! As with any genetic woman who grew up knowing the gender parameters of safety, we need to know it too.   My first lesson came years ago.  You may remember me mentioning knowing a very diverse small group in nearby Columbus. By diverse I mean there were a couple of transsexual women who were gearing up for SRS, cross dressers, a few spouses and one admirer. Of course at that time I didn't identify with any of those groups and had no idea what transgender even was (this was the early to mid 80's).   Approximately most of us would get together at one the homes. On occasion my wife would go with me to these get together's and sometimes not.  One of the evenings she did go with me I learned one of the first rules of feminine safety...don't get cornered!   As I got dolled up for the evening, we were having the usual battle about how I was dressed.  To put it mildly, provocative was the word she used. Too much make up, too much hair and too much leg just about covers her criticism. She was right and proved it that night.   The "admirer" was a big man. I'm guessing he outweighed me by at least 50 pounds and was 4 or 5 inches taller. I had met him before and didn't think much of it when he started to chat me up in a narrow hallway around the corner from where the others were. Slowly and then quickly he had me pinned close to the wall. For the first time in my life I felt I could be overwhelmed physically by another human.  My mind was racing on how a woman would or could get out of this if a man like him tried to really push it.   About that time my wife came around the corner.  As she was so adept at doing, she let me learn my lesson and let the admirer push a little farther before she stepped in and rescued me. Lesson learned. Of course I had to hear the infamous "well you dressed like a tramp, what did you expect". In reality, I was trying the "tramp" method to be validated as a woman. The worst path I could take.   So many years later, I realized the lesson so long ago set me on a positive path. The world today is a meaner more violent place and we all need to be careful.  I'm a total believer the female privileges we gain outnumber the male ones we lose. But losing the security card is certainly one to be aware of and be careful with.   Don't think pepper spray in your purse is a frivolous addition to your purse! 
    1300 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Male Privilege" has long been one of the hot topics directed at the transgender woman. The most common lost privilege is perceived gender intelligence of course. The most dangerous loss of so called male status has to be personal security. Recently I went to a fairly good sized club in an area of town where most of the gay venues are clustered together. A trans girl friend and I decided to go "gay" for the evening since we simply haven't been there for a while. Of course once we got in there, I discovered I had left my phone in the car and god forbid I just had to have it.    It was dark and I had to walk across two dark parking lots to my car. I thought nothing of it until I was about halfway to the car and did start to look over my shoulder a bit. I did know the area well and know it to be well populated and safe so I wasn't being a total paranoiac mess but the thought was there.    The safety concern should have been there for me and all of us of course! As with any genetic woman who grew up knowing the gender parameters of safety, we need to know it too.   My first lesson came years ago.  You may remember me mentioning knowing a very diverse small group in nearby Columbus. By diverse I mean there were a couple of transsexual women who were gearing up for SRS, cross dressers, a few spouses and one admirer. Of course at that time I didn't identify with any of those groups and had no idea what transgender even was (this was the early to mid 80's).   Approximately most of us would get together at one the homes. On occasion my wife would go with me to these get together's and sometimes not.  One of the evenings she did go with me I learned one of the first rules of feminine safety...don't get cornered!   As I got dolled up for the evening, we were having the usual battle about how I was dressed.  To put it mildly, provocative was the word she used. Too much make up, too much hair and too much leg just about covers her criticism. She was right and proved it that night.   The "admirer" was a big man. I'm guessing he outweighed me by at least 50 pounds and was 4 or 5 inches taller. I had met him before and didn't think much of it when he started to chat me up in a narrow hallway around the corner from where the others were. Slowly and then quickly he had me pinned close to the wall. For the first time in my life I felt I could be overwhelmed physically by another human.  My mind was racing on how a woman would or could get out of this if a man like him tried to really push it.   About that time my wife came around the corner.  As she was so adept at doing, she let me learn my lesson and let the admirer push a little farther before she stepped in and rescued me. Lesson learned. Of course I had to hear the infamous "well you dressed like a tramp, what did you expect". In reality, I was trying the "tramp" method to be validated as a woman. The worst path I could take.   So many years later, I realized the lesson so long ago set me on a positive path. The world today is a meaner more violent place and we all need to be careful.  I'm a total believer the female privileges we gain outnumber the male ones we lose. But losing the security card is certainly one to be aware of and be careful with.   Don't think pepper spray in your purse is a frivolous addition to your purse! 
    Apr 06, 2013 1300
  • 22 Mar 2013
    I have written about being invisible on a number of occasions here in Cyrsti's Condo but this one hits close to home.Recently I was invited by a transgender girl friend to go to an equality event in my town.  The event was significant primarily because I didn't even think such an activity could happen in my medium sized town. It's  not necessarily known as the most liberal place in the world.At any rate, the presentation revolved around a film which used Bible interpretations and major real and imagined theologians.  I use the word "imagined" for the right wing bigots who hate the LGBT community. During the movie I counted the times the transgender word was used and came up with a maximum of five times in two hours. Wasn't surprised. Been part of the silent "T" in and out of my own closet. The icing on the cake though was no mention of the transgender word before orafter the event by the presenters.By this time, I was relatively steamed by all of the missing "T" but I knew being upset meant nothing if I didn't do a thing.  So afterward I took up the offer to sign up for the mailing list andasked if I was welcome at all.  Of course then I got the blank "well sure but then again what does that mean look" from the gay and lesbian organizers. Hey, I'm used to that and formulated a plan.I'm heading to the next meeting which I assume will not include the "it's cool to be around gay folks" peeps who were there last night.  I plan on discussing the silent "T" and how ironic it is that there aren't any transgender people in my town of 75,000-according to them.  The highlight of the evening was when a woman stood up and said she would love it if her daughter was a lesbian. I thought, "how about a trans man?"My true goal though are the youth who this group wants to help.  Pity the poor transgender boy or girl who is exposed to this group and is invisible. At the least, I should be able to light a fire under the gay and lesbian leaders of the group and maybe help a lonely kid. I overheard the gay leader tell my friend that he had once met a transgender person in Columbus. Wow!Bottom line:  None of them  have to know me as much as they have to know about me.  I'm not invisible and I do live here.
    3775 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • I have written about being invisible on a number of occasions here in Cyrsti's Condo but this one hits close to home.Recently I was invited by a transgender girl friend to go to an equality event in my town.  The event was significant primarily because I didn't even think such an activity could happen in my medium sized town. It's  not necessarily known as the most liberal place in the world.At any rate, the presentation revolved around a film which used Bible interpretations and major real and imagined theologians.  I use the word "imagined" for the right wing bigots who hate the LGBT community. During the movie I counted the times the transgender word was used and came up with a maximum of five times in two hours. Wasn't surprised. Been part of the silent "T" in and out of my own closet. The icing on the cake though was no mention of the transgender word before orafter the event by the presenters.By this time, I was relatively steamed by all of the missing "T" but I knew being upset meant nothing if I didn't do a thing.  So afterward I took up the offer to sign up for the mailing list andasked if I was welcome at all.  Of course then I got the blank "well sure but then again what does that mean look" from the gay and lesbian organizers. Hey, I'm used to that and formulated a plan.I'm heading to the next meeting which I assume will not include the "it's cool to be around gay folks" peeps who were there last night.  I plan on discussing the silent "T" and how ironic it is that there aren't any transgender people in my town of 75,000-according to them.  The highlight of the evening was when a woman stood up and said she would love it if her daughter was a lesbian. I thought, "how about a trans man?"My true goal though are the youth who this group wants to help.  Pity the poor transgender boy or girl who is exposed to this group and is invisible. At the least, I should be able to light a fire under the gay and lesbian leaders of the group and maybe help a lonely kid. I overheard the gay leader tell my friend that he had once met a transgender person in Columbus. Wow!Bottom line:  None of them  have to know me as much as they have to know about me.  I'm not invisible and I do live here.
    Mar 22, 2013 3775
  • 16 Mar 2013
    Have you heard the "agender or neutrois" words?As so many "terms" these days it comes from younger folks who live outside of the gender binary...which also trashes  the transgender binary too.By now you may be wondering just what the heck do I mean "transgender binary"? Simple. There isa wide wonderful world between a cross dresser and a transsexual person.  DUH! Ideally this is yet another nail in the coffin of transsexual elitists and a dim patch of light in a cross dressers dark closet. Enough of my biased theory though lets take a look at how others look at it:First from theFrisky  : "The term genderqueer speaks to a queerness in expression that isn’t immediately visible. For example, when I walk down the street with a shaved head, breasts, and a skirt it is not easy to guess my gender: my expression doesn’t match my identity as genderqueer in a way that most people can see. Some genderqueer people use fashion to exaggerate their androgyny, while others may not “look trans” at all, or may appear to be binary transgender people (as in, a “trans man” or a “trans woman”)."Plus:"In a piece on NYMag.com earlier this week, The Frisky contributor Rachel Rabbit White writes about people who identify as agender or neutrois, meaning a neutral gender."As you read any or all of this, I'm sure you will realize quickly this is written mainly by biological women. Before you revert back to a typical male based response, consider theFrisky is a feminine site and if the women are doing this...the boys are too.My point is if you are riding the outdated "transgender binary" cruise on the "Titanic" you may want to watch for ice bergs! You never know when you may want to get off.
    1484 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Have you heard the "agender or neutrois" words?As so many "terms" these days it comes from younger folks who live outside of the gender binary...which also trashes  the transgender binary too.By now you may be wondering just what the heck do I mean "transgender binary"? Simple. There isa wide wonderful world between a cross dresser and a transsexual person.  DUH! Ideally this is yet another nail in the coffin of transsexual elitists and a dim patch of light in a cross dressers dark closet. Enough of my biased theory though lets take a look at how others look at it:First from theFrisky  : "The term genderqueer speaks to a queerness in expression that isn’t immediately visible. For example, when I walk down the street with a shaved head, breasts, and a skirt it is not easy to guess my gender: my expression doesn’t match my identity as genderqueer in a way that most people can see. Some genderqueer people use fashion to exaggerate their androgyny, while others may not “look trans” at all, or may appear to be binary transgender people (as in, a “trans man” or a “trans woman”)."Plus:"In a piece on NYMag.com earlier this week, The Frisky contributor Rachel Rabbit White writes about people who identify as agender or neutrois, meaning a neutral gender."As you read any or all of this, I'm sure you will realize quickly this is written mainly by biological women. Before you revert back to a typical male based response, consider theFrisky is a feminine site and if the women are doing this...the boys are too.My point is if you are riding the outdated "transgender binary" cruise on the "Titanic" you may want to watch for ice bergs! You never know when you may want to get off.
    Mar 16, 2013 1484
  • 16 Mar 2013
    It's hard for me to believe, but I have been going to three of the same places for over four years now. Yes they are straight venues and yes I am talking about going in there as me. At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, all of these places are pubs or taverns of sorts.   All three are very civilized of course and I'm not talking about a bunch of redneck bars in Ohio. Along the way, I became a regular and began to know some of the other regulars.  I'm sure at the beginning most of them didn't really know much except that's a guy dressed as a girl but I was harmless.   On occasion I did run into a rest room problem and the typical snickers (and not the candy bar).  But life went on and actually all the employees have been exceptionally nice to me over the whole time.   Early in my experience though,  the most jaded of some of the male regulars were never really mean or negative but they always had to slide in the man word into our conversations.  A couple of them even went  out of their way to shorten my name to "Chris" (which isn't my male name anyway).   If nothing, I was persistent and ignored it all. Slowly but surely times started to change.  The effect of HRT and wearing my own hair was huge of course but perhaps the bigger change had to do with meeting my friends there..they validated me as a real person,. I wasn't just a guy dressed as a girl, I had a life. All of the sudden, I moved from "man or Chris" to a person.   For sure, I do get discouraged at the timing of all of this. I'm an impatient person and four years is an eternity! On the other hand, essentially I am transitioning in front of their eyes.    Who knows, a few of them may even look up the transgender word. In the meantime,  I really enjoy the friendly acceptance I get. Even though I'm their token trans girl.
    1505 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • It's hard for me to believe, but I have been going to three of the same places for over four years now. Yes they are straight venues and yes I am talking about going in there as me. At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, all of these places are pubs or taverns of sorts.   All three are very civilized of course and I'm not talking about a bunch of redneck bars in Ohio. Along the way, I became a regular and began to know some of the other regulars.  I'm sure at the beginning most of them didn't really know much except that's a guy dressed as a girl but I was harmless.   On occasion I did run into a rest room problem and the typical snickers (and not the candy bar).  But life went on and actually all the employees have been exceptionally nice to me over the whole time.   Early in my experience though,  the most jaded of some of the male regulars were never really mean or negative but they always had to slide in the man word into our conversations.  A couple of them even went  out of their way to shorten my name to "Chris" (which isn't my male name anyway).   If nothing, I was persistent and ignored it all. Slowly but surely times started to change.  The effect of HRT and wearing my own hair was huge of course but perhaps the bigger change had to do with meeting my friends there..they validated me as a real person,. I wasn't just a guy dressed as a girl, I had a life. All of the sudden, I moved from "man or Chris" to a person.   For sure, I do get discouraged at the timing of all of this. I'm an impatient person and four years is an eternity! On the other hand, essentially I am transitioning in front of their eyes.    Who knows, a few of them may even look up the transgender word. In the meantime,  I really enjoy the friendly acceptance I get. Even though I'm their token trans girl.
    Mar 16, 2013 1505
  • 04 Mar 2013
    Nearly all of my working life I have worked Sundays so now having a Sunday morning with essentially nothing to do is still special and I assume it always will be.  From my paper route to a radio DJ gig to many years in the restaurant business working Sunday was never an option.These days, since I'm semi retired people think I'm kicking back and doing my nails. Ironically, I have had to set a day off up from posting vintage items I sell to my three shops, organizing my book and contributing to Cyrsti's Condo. What that means is I get a chance to reset on Sunday morning and step back and look at my life, my gender transition and plan into the future.This morning in my part of the world, March ( per norm) is refusing to give any ground to Spring and the snow is flying. Plus I live in one of the old Midwest Ohio "rust belt" towns which is finally making a transition of it's own. I'm always interested in driving around and seeing the non preservable old and ugly giving way to inner urban land to be developed. I'm a history freak and I am not always sure new is good. In this sense it is.If you are considering the transgender path, the same could be good for you.  I'm often asked about an inner transition from cross dresser to transgender or even transsexual. Of course there are the "easy out" crowd who think you are placed in the trans trilogy at birth and any deviation from CD to TG to TS is blasphemy. In my mind those individuals are as narrow minded and stuck in the past as the traditional gender binary  male and female believers are.  If you are similar to me, you have spent years trying to figure out just what you are. Moving dirt and building new ideas in yournoggin.So this Sunday reset for me is time to look at my gender reconstruction so far and glancing at the blue prints of the future. My problem is I have never been good at reading blueprints. I have been good at charging ahead to test the waters. Another test is coming towards the end of April when I do a workshop on "Transitioning Later in Life" at Trans Ohio in Columbus. I'm honored and humbled to have been chosen and the last thing I want to do is mess it up and I won't. As we all know though, there is a huge difference in the written and spoken word. So I'm a "jabberer" and have to be careful I'm making sense.  Plus, the last thing I want to do is be a role model instead of an example. I am an example of my personal transgender history and as you know I am not shy about communicating it. Learning anything from my experience is a huge positive. Following the same path to get there may not be.In the meantime,I will have to rely on my "resets". I know my heavy moving is over and perhaps the reconstruction will go as long as I'm allowed to be on this Earth. I just hope I can chose the right paint colors.
    1482 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Nearly all of my working life I have worked Sundays so now having a Sunday morning with essentially nothing to do is still special and I assume it always will be.  From my paper route to a radio DJ gig to many years in the restaurant business working Sunday was never an option.These days, since I'm semi retired people think I'm kicking back and doing my nails. Ironically, I have had to set a day off up from posting vintage items I sell to my three shops, organizing my book and contributing to Cyrsti's Condo. What that means is I get a chance to reset on Sunday morning and step back and look at my life, my gender transition and plan into the future.This morning in my part of the world, March ( per norm) is refusing to give any ground to Spring and the snow is flying. Plus I live in one of the old Midwest Ohio "rust belt" towns which is finally making a transition of it's own. I'm always interested in driving around and seeing the non preservable old and ugly giving way to inner urban land to be developed. I'm a history freak and I am not always sure new is good. In this sense it is.If you are considering the transgender path, the same could be good for you.  I'm often asked about an inner transition from cross dresser to transgender or even transsexual. Of course there are the "easy out" crowd who think you are placed in the trans trilogy at birth and any deviation from CD to TG to TS is blasphemy. In my mind those individuals are as narrow minded and stuck in the past as the traditional gender binary  male and female believers are.  If you are similar to me, you have spent years trying to figure out just what you are. Moving dirt and building new ideas in yournoggin.So this Sunday reset for me is time to look at my gender reconstruction so far and glancing at the blue prints of the future. My problem is I have never been good at reading blueprints. I have been good at charging ahead to test the waters. Another test is coming towards the end of April when I do a workshop on "Transitioning Later in Life" at Trans Ohio in Columbus. I'm honored and humbled to have been chosen and the last thing I want to do is mess it up and I won't. As we all know though, there is a huge difference in the written and spoken word. So I'm a "jabberer" and have to be careful I'm making sense.  Plus, the last thing I want to do is be a role model instead of an example. I am an example of my personal transgender history and as you know I am not shy about communicating it. Learning anything from my experience is a huge positive. Following the same path to get there may not be.In the meantime,I will have to rely on my "resets". I know my heavy moving is over and perhaps the reconstruction will go as long as I'm allowed to be on this Earth. I just hope I can chose the right paint colors.
    Mar 04, 2013 1482
  • 02 Mar 2013
    With all due respect to the old nursery rhyme and Aesop, hair is a basic focus to all transgender or cross dressing critters such as us. I think back to the ancient days of anguish over my dictated crew cut hair cut. Like many I tried scarves and even horded my paper route money to buy a cherished cheap Halloween costume wig. I dreamed of the day I could own my own luxurious hair.   Time went by and eventually I was able to purchase my own cross dressers dream- a beautiful long blond wig when I was in college. Then the draft and Army took over and back I went in time to my crew cut days or worse. Somehow, long flowing locks were looked down on in Uncle Sam's service.   As a philosopher once said (or I read it on a wall) "eventually this too must pass" I finished my military service and set out to prove that perhaps I did indeed have a chance to cross dress and pass as a woman. Once again I hoarded and hid money to buy wigs. Surely I was like a kid in a candy store. The varied styles, colors and textures of hair pieces just blew me away. In response I tried as many as I could. Unfortunately the greatest majority of my purchases were disasters.  I found wigs were similar to clothes in that hair doesn't make the woman, it just adds to the process.   Finally, here I am today. I have gone full circle thanks to good hair genetics I'm able to have my own hair (now down well onto my shoulders) styled and colored. My final experience with hair is rather indepth-if I do it right.  Ironically, I'm still hoarding money to visit my stylist from my retirement budget- plus attempting to figure out which hair care products do the best job. The old days of a dollar bottle of shampoo are long gone. I'm now shopping for conditioners, color safe and other miracle hair products. In addition, I have upgraded my hair dryer, flat iron and brushes to enhance my locks (I hope).   Perhaps another one of the old "sayings" is right. Good things come to those who wait. Genetic women close to me compliment me on the thickness of my hair. I speculate much of the positives come from the fact my hair was not subjected to the heat, conditioners and styling a woman's does long term. Would I love to have been that hippie girl with the beautiful hair streaming over her shoulders and back? You bet I would! As reality would have it though, hair beggars can't be choosers  I'm just lucky to be where I'm at today. In my case the "hair" beat the turtoise in the old fable.
    1431 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • With all due respect to the old nursery rhyme and Aesop, hair is a basic focus to all transgender or cross dressing critters such as us. I think back to the ancient days of anguish over my dictated crew cut hair cut. Like many I tried scarves and even horded my paper route money to buy a cherished cheap Halloween costume wig. I dreamed of the day I could own my own luxurious hair.   Time went by and eventually I was able to purchase my own cross dressers dream- a beautiful long blond wig when I was in college. Then the draft and Army took over and back I went in time to my crew cut days or worse. Somehow, long flowing locks were looked down on in Uncle Sam's service.   As a philosopher once said (or I read it on a wall) "eventually this too must pass" I finished my military service and set out to prove that perhaps I did indeed have a chance to cross dress and pass as a woman. Once again I hoarded and hid money to buy wigs. Surely I was like a kid in a candy store. The varied styles, colors and textures of hair pieces just blew me away. In response I tried as many as I could. Unfortunately the greatest majority of my purchases were disasters.  I found wigs were similar to clothes in that hair doesn't make the woman, it just adds to the process.   Finally, here I am today. I have gone full circle thanks to good hair genetics I'm able to have my own hair (now down well onto my shoulders) styled and colored. My final experience with hair is rather indepth-if I do it right.  Ironically, I'm still hoarding money to visit my stylist from my retirement budget- plus attempting to figure out which hair care products do the best job. The old days of a dollar bottle of shampoo are long gone. I'm now shopping for conditioners, color safe and other miracle hair products. In addition, I have upgraded my hair dryer, flat iron and brushes to enhance my locks (I hope).   Perhaps another one of the old "sayings" is right. Good things come to those who wait. Genetic women close to me compliment me on the thickness of my hair. I speculate much of the positives come from the fact my hair was not subjected to the heat, conditioners and styling a woman's does long term. Would I love to have been that hippie girl with the beautiful hair streaming over her shoulders and back? You bet I would! As reality would have it though, hair beggars can't be choosers  I'm just lucky to be where I'm at today. In my case the "hair" beat the turtoise in the old fable.
    Mar 02, 2013 1431