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Jessie Hart 's Entries

87 blogs
  • 25 Dec 2012
    Just when I think I should have the first tattoo of my life proudly showing my transgender flags- then I run into a situation where I strive to be so incredibly stealth.  I wonder why?As I begin to review my first full year on HRT, I naturally remember a few parts more than others.  I find the process humorous since most of the time I struggle to remember what happened yesterday.I do know that parts of the year were a true blur. As I love to say "it moved at warpedspeed" a decidedly unscientific term!I believe the time was the middle of the summer as I was hating the heat but loving the fashion. For the first time ever I could wear the sleeveless feminine fashions.  I believe the process of "air cooling" over the summer was the only thing that saved me from a certain self combustion.At any rate, I started on a path of Trans-Nationalism" and began to consider some sort of visible tattoo which shouted my pride to the world. Perhaps a feminine design of sorts on one of the upper areas of my developing breasts? But then a feared four letter word began to creep into my thought pattern- PAIN! I know many of my friends have tattoos and they have reassured me I wouldn't die in the process and of course the huge sissy word crept into the conversation. That was OK, since most of my life I dealt with the Macho word but let me take it a step further and say "paybacks indeed are a bitch".For what ever reason, I never moved forward into body art or letting my "trans flags fly" last summer. Never is a big word though and I can't say a "Tatt" is not in my future. Certainly I haven't changed my ideas of being extremely proud of what I have been able to achieve this year. The people I have as friends know I'm trans and the places I hang out in know it too. Do I need a sign?I do suppose though the appeal of being stealth in the public eye will never go away and that's OK too. Only the future will tell!
    995 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Just when I think I should have the first tattoo of my life proudly showing my transgender flags- then I run into a situation where I strive to be so incredibly stealth.  I wonder why?As I begin to review my first full year on HRT, I naturally remember a few parts more than others.  I find the process humorous since most of the time I struggle to remember what happened yesterday.I do know that parts of the year were a true blur. As I love to say "it moved at warpedspeed" a decidedly unscientific term!I believe the time was the middle of the summer as I was hating the heat but loving the fashion. For the first time ever I could wear the sleeveless feminine fashions.  I believe the process of "air cooling" over the summer was the only thing that saved me from a certain self combustion.At any rate, I started on a path of Trans-Nationalism" and began to consider some sort of visible tattoo which shouted my pride to the world. Perhaps a feminine design of sorts on one of the upper areas of my developing breasts? But then a feared four letter word began to creep into my thought pattern- PAIN! I know many of my friends have tattoos and they have reassured me I wouldn't die in the process and of course the huge sissy word crept into the conversation. That was OK, since most of my life I dealt with the Macho word but let me take it a step further and say "paybacks indeed are a bitch".For what ever reason, I never moved forward into body art or letting my "trans flags fly" last summer. Never is a big word though and I can't say a "Tatt" is not in my future. Certainly I haven't changed my ideas of being extremely proud of what I have been able to achieve this year. The people I have as friends know I'm trans and the places I hang out in know it too. Do I need a sign?I do suppose though the appeal of being stealth in the public eye will never go away and that's OK too. Only the future will tell!
    Dec 25, 2012 995
  • 16 Dec 2012
    I'm biased but it's hard to imagine many tougher journeys through life than changing ones gender. If you are lucky enough to know for sure you were born into the wrong body and you are fortunate to be born into a loving accepting family-then you have society to face. If you aren't, at the least- you have the genders ripping and tearing you apart internally. At the worst you become a tragic suicide statistic.   A few alternatives of course are therapy or due diligence. My definition of transgender due diligence is exploring the world the best you can.  In other words you are stuck patching together bits and pieces of a life in your planned gender.  I liken it to to playing golf, the more you play the better you are. In my own case I normally averaged perhaps one day a week to get out in the public and test the feminine waters it was tough to learn the girl basics. Plus, like many of you I understand completely the dynamics of tearing loved ones, friends and jobs and possibly losing them all.  I am not one of those in the transgender community who rate you on time served or operations you have had or how you look.   I have heard from more than a couple trans folks who have taken me to task for being an intruder of sorts into the so called higher echelon ranks of those who are fortunate to live a quality life in my chosen gender. But more importantly I hear from more of you asking how I served my due diligence to arrive here.   For any number of reasons, I buried my true feelings deep into my own mental closet believing cross dressing was enough. On occasion I think by the time my life is over, it will be shortened by the extra gender stress I suffered. But, it's way too late to cry over lost dresses.   So if we survive the Mayan debacle, a stray asteroid  or even a giant solar flare- think about your due diligence in the new year. Consider your biggest warning could be  not jumping from the frying pan into the fire.Don't get burnt and  run out and buy a store bought vagina before you have any chance to socialize yourself as a woman and start taking it out on the world.  What happened to the days when you had to live a year or so as a woman before a clinic would accept you for surgery? What a concept! How many have found that even a store bought vagina does not guarantee acceptance in society- or that you would even like it?   Just remember the "DD" experience (not that one!) Do the best you can to serve your due diligence as a girl and plan your life from there.  Doing your best is all anyone can ask.
    1188 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • I'm biased but it's hard to imagine many tougher journeys through life than changing ones gender. If you are lucky enough to know for sure you were born into the wrong body and you are fortunate to be born into a loving accepting family-then you have society to face. If you aren't, at the least- you have the genders ripping and tearing you apart internally. At the worst you become a tragic suicide statistic.   A few alternatives of course are therapy or due diligence. My definition of transgender due diligence is exploring the world the best you can.  In other words you are stuck patching together bits and pieces of a life in your planned gender.  I liken it to to playing golf, the more you play the better you are. In my own case I normally averaged perhaps one day a week to get out in the public and test the feminine waters it was tough to learn the girl basics. Plus, like many of you I understand completely the dynamics of tearing loved ones, friends and jobs and possibly losing them all.  I am not one of those in the transgender community who rate you on time served or operations you have had or how you look.   I have heard from more than a couple trans folks who have taken me to task for being an intruder of sorts into the so called higher echelon ranks of those who are fortunate to live a quality life in my chosen gender. But more importantly I hear from more of you asking how I served my due diligence to arrive here.   For any number of reasons, I buried my true feelings deep into my own mental closet believing cross dressing was enough. On occasion I think by the time my life is over, it will be shortened by the extra gender stress I suffered. But, it's way too late to cry over lost dresses.   So if we survive the Mayan debacle, a stray asteroid  or even a giant solar flare- think about your due diligence in the new year. Consider your biggest warning could be  not jumping from the frying pan into the fire.Don't get burnt and  run out and buy a store bought vagina before you have any chance to socialize yourself as a woman and start taking it out on the world.  What happened to the days when you had to live a year or so as a woman before a clinic would accept you for surgery? What a concept! How many have found that even a store bought vagina does not guarantee acceptance in society- or that you would even like it?   Just remember the "DD" experience (not that one!) Do the best you can to serve your due diligence as a girl and plan your life from there.  Doing your best is all anyone can ask.
    Dec 16, 2012 1188
  • 11 Nov 2012
    Empty calories at a Halloween drag show?Very much so last night for me at least. To begin with, lets describe "empty calories" as that 99 cent value burger you ate for lunch and were hungry less than two hours later.To set the scene, last night was one of the only nights I considered myself in drag for years. Pulled out the BIG Drag Queen hair, boots and overall just slutted it up...and had a great time. I received some ego building compliments and even was called Gloria Estefan. Believe me, I'm not going to insult her and say that was true in anyway shape or form.All of this took me back to my younger days when going to drag shows and garnering any attention at all was my life. I called it " Running with the Queens". Time after time I would do it, get the buzz go home and crash to the bottom quickly- empty calories.Something was wrong.  Sure, as a human type being I crave pleasure. I understood all of this but dammit why the deep empty feeling in my soul? Wasn't I helping my gender situation? How difficult could this cross dressing thing be anyhow?Well, no I wasn't helping.  The best you could say was I was biding my time until I came to grips on what was really going on inside me. The true story was watching a bunch of cross dressers watch a bunch of drag queens wasn't really me.  My inner girl was hollering "No you idiot!" Ha Ha, who listens to women anyhow?You see, I'm tough and stubborn -or just stubborn beyond a fault and it takes me years sometimes to actually grasp my own reality and then put it to words. For all I know, there could be another mein the cyber world who says hey! she's right!!! Number one, I'm sorry I compared any of you withme but if I can help- count me in!So I'm happy I went and thanks to the friends who invited me and I plan on doing it again BUT I'm sure all you purists are thinking - if she is living female, is this fun really called doing drag?Duh! No it's not but it's my warm and fuzzy moment of realization and I'm sticking to it!
    1064 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Empty calories at a Halloween drag show?Very much so last night for me at least. To begin with, lets describe "empty calories" as that 99 cent value burger you ate for lunch and were hungry less than two hours later.To set the scene, last night was one of the only nights I considered myself in drag for years. Pulled out the BIG Drag Queen hair, boots and overall just slutted it up...and had a great time. I received some ego building compliments and even was called Gloria Estefan. Believe me, I'm not going to insult her and say that was true in anyway shape or form.All of this took me back to my younger days when going to drag shows and garnering any attention at all was my life. I called it " Running with the Queens". Time after time I would do it, get the buzz go home and crash to the bottom quickly- empty calories.Something was wrong.  Sure, as a human type being I crave pleasure. I understood all of this but dammit why the deep empty feeling in my soul? Wasn't I helping my gender situation? How difficult could this cross dressing thing be anyhow?Well, no I wasn't helping.  The best you could say was I was biding my time until I came to grips on what was really going on inside me. The true story was watching a bunch of cross dressers watch a bunch of drag queens wasn't really me.  My inner girl was hollering "No you idiot!" Ha Ha, who listens to women anyhow?You see, I'm tough and stubborn -or just stubborn beyond a fault and it takes me years sometimes to actually grasp my own reality and then put it to words. For all I know, there could be another mein the cyber world who says hey! she's right!!! Number one, I'm sorry I compared any of you withme but if I can help- count me in!So I'm happy I went and thanks to the friends who invited me and I plan on doing it again BUT I'm sure all you purists are thinking - if she is living female, is this fun really called doing drag?Duh! No it's not but it's my warm and fuzzy moment of realization and I'm sticking to it!
    Nov 11, 2012 1064
  • 11 Nov 2012
    FINALLY a project I started with the Veterans' Administration four months ago came to fruition today.Well, now it was  yesterday when I went but I had to rest up afterwards before I could write this.In the middle of the morning , I walked into the office of a real live endocrinologist to begin what I call my "phase two" hormone therapy.I signed the office sign in sheet and immediately faced the problem of name.  The office was the typical doctors office around here that closely resembles the 24 hour convience mart - people behind plastic. No one even saw me when I signed in. Now what? If I used my feminine name-would I ever get called? So, I signed my male name to just expedite the process. That started the fun when the receptionist read my male name and looked up to see a decidedly un male person to which she said "oh!" My VA ID serves as the form of insurance card with them and is still very male so far.The receptionist of course had to call in some one else to help with the sign in process which had more to do with the VA than me. By this time, nearly everyone was at ease and I was just another patient with paperwork problems. The question of the day was "Who sent me there?" I answered "I did."Happily, all the magic connections worked with the VA approval process and I passed (no pun intended) to the mystical maze of little rooms and vestibules of the consultation area.The first step was the scale which I am learning is not a girls best friend. The nurse even asked if I wanted to put my purse on a nearby counter before I got on the scale. I said yes and asked about shoes, coat and whatever else I could think of. The nurse on this part of my adventure had little or no sense of humor and crummy worn fingernail polish so I dutifully answered the thousand questions- the same ones I entered on the doc's on line portal.Not to worry, surprisingly my blood pressure made the cut and nurse person went on her mirthless way. She said the "Doctor" will be in soon.Well, we all know what soon means in a doctor's office-you may get a chance to celebrate anotherbirthday before the Doc shows up to rescue you from the this tiny sterile room. I was starting to feel like I was in the "Wizard of Oz".Could I- would I ever meet him?Not yet. The next person to visit was a "resident". I'm no medical expert but a resident is someone who follows around "House" or is sexually active on "Grey's Anatomy". It turns out this resident was a nice version of a CIA interrogation.After nice greetings were out of the way, she jumped right into asking me again about what meds I was taking which I was pretty sure had been already entered at least twice to some system somewhere. Then she jumped into the big question "When did all of this start?" What? Dressing as a girl, starting hormones, watching the sun come up, hating to drive here? What???Dressing as a girl was what she was fishing for so I said 12. So for the next 15 minutes or so I was explaining how I made it through life navigating a male life and marriages and making it to this point. Wait a minute. Resident or therapist? Where the hell was I?Finally, for the briefest time it was my turn!  She of course asked if I was heading towards surgery and I zinged her with the concept (true) that I was transgender or gender fluid. I'm sure once she got home yesterday, she was busily Googling both terms.She finished up and teased me by saying the Doctor (Oz) would be in soon.Shortly (really) the mist parted and in walked the magic man I have waited four months to see! My heart fluttered. Not that he was a vision of manhood but dammit here he was and he said hello. Almost immediately he lapsed into some sort of version of why the VA was paying my way here anyhow. Quickly though, he calmed down and thought of the paycheck and got down to business...you guessed it...by asking "When did all of this start?" Again? Really? The resident was shadowing the Doc so I shot her the non verbal girl look of really? In the meantime, he was playing a very real male game of domination with me as he asked when and where I served. I shot it back at him. I had come too far to be intimidated by this guy now.Finally...Again...I came to a point of resolution with Oz. He pulled out his magic pen and scrip sheet and effectively doubled my Estro for the next three months and then I would get blood labs for him and then we would take it from there. Then he left for the maze of rooms, hallways and cubicles and disappeared.Whew! I was exhausted but I walked away a winner of sorts. I'm fairly certain I'm in the system now and I know the pitfalls of how to get my Va Doc to approve the hormonal blood tests and how I have to basically hand carry them to the other Doc.All of the sudden, it was time to click my red shoes together (similar to Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz) and go home- to a nap!
    1302 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • FINALLY a project I started with the Veterans' Administration four months ago came to fruition today.Well, now it was  yesterday when I went but I had to rest up afterwards before I could write this.In the middle of the morning , I walked into the office of a real live endocrinologist to begin what I call my "phase two" hormone therapy.I signed the office sign in sheet and immediately faced the problem of name.  The office was the typical doctors office around here that closely resembles the 24 hour convience mart - people behind plastic. No one even saw me when I signed in. Now what? If I used my feminine name-would I ever get called? So, I signed my male name to just expedite the process. That started the fun when the receptionist read my male name and looked up to see a decidedly un male person to which she said "oh!" My VA ID serves as the form of insurance card with them and is still very male so far.The receptionist of course had to call in some one else to help with the sign in process which had more to do with the VA than me. By this time, nearly everyone was at ease and I was just another patient with paperwork problems. The question of the day was "Who sent me there?" I answered "I did."Happily, all the magic connections worked with the VA approval process and I passed (no pun intended) to the mystical maze of little rooms and vestibules of the consultation area.The first step was the scale which I am learning is not a girls best friend. The nurse even asked if I wanted to put my purse on a nearby counter before I got on the scale. I said yes and asked about shoes, coat and whatever else I could think of. The nurse on this part of my adventure had little or no sense of humor and crummy worn fingernail polish so I dutifully answered the thousand questions- the same ones I entered on the doc's on line portal.Not to worry, surprisingly my blood pressure made the cut and nurse person went on her mirthless way. She said the "Doctor" will be in soon.Well, we all know what soon means in a doctor's office-you may get a chance to celebrate anotherbirthday before the Doc shows up to rescue you from the this tiny sterile room. I was starting to feel like I was in the "Wizard of Oz".Could I- would I ever meet him?Not yet. The next person to visit was a "resident". I'm no medical expert but a resident is someone who follows around "House" or is sexually active on "Grey's Anatomy". It turns out this resident was a nice version of a CIA interrogation.After nice greetings were out of the way, she jumped right into asking me again about what meds I was taking which I was pretty sure had been already entered at least twice to some system somewhere. Then she jumped into the big question "When did all of this start?" What? Dressing as a girl, starting hormones, watching the sun come up, hating to drive here? What???Dressing as a girl was what she was fishing for so I said 12. So for the next 15 minutes or so I was explaining how I made it through life navigating a male life and marriages and making it to this point. Wait a minute. Resident or therapist? Where the hell was I?Finally, for the briefest time it was my turn!  She of course asked if I was heading towards surgery and I zinged her with the concept (true) that I was transgender or gender fluid. I'm sure once she got home yesterday, she was busily Googling both terms.She finished up and teased me by saying the Doctor (Oz) would be in soon.Shortly (really) the mist parted and in walked the magic man I have waited four months to see! My heart fluttered. Not that he was a vision of manhood but dammit here he was and he said hello. Almost immediately he lapsed into some sort of version of why the VA was paying my way here anyhow. Quickly though, he calmed down and thought of the paycheck and got down to business...you guessed it...by asking "When did all of this start?" Again? Really? The resident was shadowing the Doc so I shot her the non verbal girl look of really? In the meantime, he was playing a very real male game of domination with me as he asked when and where I served. I shot it back at him. I had come too far to be intimidated by this guy now.Finally...Again...I came to a point of resolution with Oz. He pulled out his magic pen and scrip sheet and effectively doubled my Estro for the next three months and then I would get blood labs for him and then we would take it from there. Then he left for the maze of rooms, hallways and cubicles and disappeared.Whew! I was exhausted but I walked away a winner of sorts. I'm fairly certain I'm in the system now and I know the pitfalls of how to get my Va Doc to approve the hormonal blood tests and how I have to basically hand carry them to the other Doc.All of the sudden, it was time to click my red shoes together (similar to Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz) and go home- to a nap!
    Nov 11, 2012 1302
  • 11 Nov 2012
    Well, I'm not really singing here or in the shower and yes you are lucky!Tonight I had a chance to consider the difference between the basic shower process in my transition.Of course the male shower process is akin to a dog. In- out some soap and shampoo- shake dry and get moving. Obviously I'm way past that.I had a busy day today so I decided I would jump in the shower before I cooked dinner. "Jumping" now "ain't what it used to be." To start with, I'm fortunate to not really worry much about my declining body hair. Tonight I wasn't going out anyway, so no worry about shaving at all. On the other hand, I needed to shampoo my hair.The moment I got it colored, a whole new world of shampoos became a reality. I began with a conditioner and a shampoo before the saloon appointment and walked out with instructions to buy a special shampoo for treated hair as well as a conditioner. Fortunately, my stylist realized I was a beginner in the process.I also had to learn how to wash my longer fuller hair. It's naturally a longer process and a pleasant one I was to discover.Finally, once you wash your hair, you have to figure out what to do with it. I have to tell you I'm still very clueless about the bewildering array of different brushes and their uses. But I'm told my hair is relatively thick and wavy so I can get by until I learn more "girl stuff".Again I had an easy night and wasn't going anywhere so I simply brushed my hair out thoroughly.Finally,  colder dryer weather is setting in and my hormone levels are on the rise again.  Again, a  good coating of cocoa butter body oil is more than fun-it's necessary.So by the time tonight's showering was complete, I was so hungry and thin I had to run around in the shower to get wet.I know this is just another part of the reality process of crossing gender lines.  There was a time I thought this process would be flat out wonderful. At this point , "wonder" has left the building and has been replaced as a very satisfying part of my transgender transition process.Time to eat!
    1254 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Well, I'm not really singing here or in the shower and yes you are lucky!Tonight I had a chance to consider the difference between the basic shower process in my transition.Of course the male shower process is akin to a dog. In- out some soap and shampoo- shake dry and get moving. Obviously I'm way past that.I had a busy day today so I decided I would jump in the shower before I cooked dinner. "Jumping" now "ain't what it used to be." To start with, I'm fortunate to not really worry much about my declining body hair. Tonight I wasn't going out anyway, so no worry about shaving at all. On the other hand, I needed to shampoo my hair.The moment I got it colored, a whole new world of shampoos became a reality. I began with a conditioner and a shampoo before the saloon appointment and walked out with instructions to buy a special shampoo for treated hair as well as a conditioner. Fortunately, my stylist realized I was a beginner in the process.I also had to learn how to wash my longer fuller hair. It's naturally a longer process and a pleasant one I was to discover.Finally, once you wash your hair, you have to figure out what to do with it. I have to tell you I'm still very clueless about the bewildering array of different brushes and their uses. But I'm told my hair is relatively thick and wavy so I can get by until I learn more "girl stuff".Again I had an easy night and wasn't going anywhere so I simply brushed my hair out thoroughly.Finally,  colder dryer weather is setting in and my hormone levels are on the rise again.  Again, a  good coating of cocoa butter body oil is more than fun-it's necessary.So by the time tonight's showering was complete, I was so hungry and thin I had to run around in the shower to get wet.I know this is just another part of the reality process of crossing gender lines.  There was a time I thought this process would be flat out wonderful. At this point , "wonder" has left the building and has been replaced as a very satisfying part of my transgender transition process.Time to eat!
    Nov 11, 2012 1254
  • 08 Oct 2012
    It ain't what you do- it's the way that you do it! I am not exactly sure who said it but it sure fits quite a bit of my life as a transgender woman. For seeming a thousand years I was too concerned about my looks and not my soul. I've tried to revisit the problem as much as I can here because I believe in it's importance. Not paying attention to my inner self was why I was never satisfied with my life as a cross dresser. First the fetish aspect of just wearing the clothes left me quite early in the process.  The obsession phase set in. I just couldn't wait to put together that perfect outfit to be that stunning creature I knew I could be and not just stun someone. I just knew that new wig would work magic. Nothing worked any magic over the years. A potent mix of alcohol, heavy work schedules and a fine alpha male acting rendition made for a volatile life. As most of you know, all of that changed almost five years ago when my wife of 25 years abruptly passed on. I guess you can say the intense grief, pain and introspection I was going through led to the life I lead today. As part of my birthday week and hair epiphany, I also had my Q and A session with my daughter. Being the out front person she is-she didn't hesitate to come out strong. "What is the difference between the Dad she knew and the person she really doesn't?" I thought for a moment and said "Not much". I went on to say my interests were basically the same. Still into sports and history. Still like to bargain hunt for clothes and other items. The only difference is the outward feminizing of my body to meet my soul. I just am starting to look like the person I always really was. Ironically she was trying to match me up with the grand kids. I really have come to be in their lives quite a bit and we all enjoy each other and I really want that to continue. So if I'm essentially the same person who looks different and is infinitely happier-the process is easier. (Neither of us see a huge problem) So there you go. I'm starting to close a circle. I'm  really doing the same things the way I want to. Don't get me wrong. I take none of this for granted and I'm not the first one to preach the virtues of living life on some of your own terms. I also don't put myself on any pedestals because it took tragedy and 60 some years for me to get this far. I do think however I'm a fairly decent judge of the transgender experience.  If you have lost the buzz of just putting on a dress and primping in front of the mirror and are miserable- you may consider a transgender existence. Life is too short not to.
    1275 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • It ain't what you do- it's the way that you do it! I am not exactly sure who said it but it sure fits quite a bit of my life as a transgender woman. For seeming a thousand years I was too concerned about my looks and not my soul. I've tried to revisit the problem as much as I can here because I believe in it's importance. Not paying attention to my inner self was why I was never satisfied with my life as a cross dresser. First the fetish aspect of just wearing the clothes left me quite early in the process.  The obsession phase set in. I just couldn't wait to put together that perfect outfit to be that stunning creature I knew I could be and not just stun someone. I just knew that new wig would work magic. Nothing worked any magic over the years. A potent mix of alcohol, heavy work schedules and a fine alpha male acting rendition made for a volatile life. As most of you know, all of that changed almost five years ago when my wife of 25 years abruptly passed on. I guess you can say the intense grief, pain and introspection I was going through led to the life I lead today. As part of my birthday week and hair epiphany, I also had my Q and A session with my daughter. Being the out front person she is-she didn't hesitate to come out strong. "What is the difference between the Dad she knew and the person she really doesn't?" I thought for a moment and said "Not much". I went on to say my interests were basically the same. Still into sports and history. Still like to bargain hunt for clothes and other items. The only difference is the outward feminizing of my body to meet my soul. I just am starting to look like the person I always really was. Ironically she was trying to match me up with the grand kids. I really have come to be in their lives quite a bit and we all enjoy each other and I really want that to continue. So if I'm essentially the same person who looks different and is infinitely happier-the process is easier. (Neither of us see a huge problem) So there you go. I'm starting to close a circle. I'm  really doing the same things the way I want to. Don't get me wrong. I take none of this for granted and I'm not the first one to preach the virtues of living life on some of your own terms. I also don't put myself on any pedestals because it took tragedy and 60 some years for me to get this far. I do think however I'm a fairly decent judge of the transgender experience.  If you have lost the buzz of just putting on a dress and primping in front of the mirror and are miserable- you may consider a transgender existence. Life is too short not to.
    Oct 08, 2012 1275
  • 07 Oct 2012
    As promised, back to this hair thing. Of course, we have discussed breasts seemingly a zillion times here in Cyrsti's Condo.Now it seems,  we have a ways to go in the hair department.The more I write seemingly the more there is to write.I wrote a bit about looking androgynous but now I want to add a little extra.With my hair the way it is now, I think I have taken a huge step in looking natural.That's good, right? Absolutely and the public dynamic instantly changed for me. Eons ago, Janie Black wrote a piece on her blog (I paraphrase) "would you rather be a bland woman or an attractive trans girl?" Remember, I paraphrased a lot.Basically, all of the sudden, you are just one of the crowd and not the center of attention.For all intents and purposes, I'm arriving there and it's a real adjustment.To be truthful, I guess there was some sort of ego involved with the fact that if I couldn't be a real attractive genetic woman, I would do my best to be a real attractive transgender woman.In essence "Your a good looking woman-for a man."Then I changed all of that this week.It turned out going in for my first serious hair styling turned out to be the biggest move I've made since I took my first dosage of Estrogen.Wow.
    1167 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • As promised, back to this hair thing. Of course, we have discussed breasts seemingly a zillion times here in Cyrsti's Condo.Now it seems,  we have a ways to go in the hair department.The more I write seemingly the more there is to write.I wrote a bit about looking androgynous but now I want to add a little extra.With my hair the way it is now, I think I have taken a huge step in looking natural.That's good, right? Absolutely and the public dynamic instantly changed for me. Eons ago, Janie Black wrote a piece on her blog (I paraphrase) "would you rather be a bland woman or an attractive trans girl?" Remember, I paraphrased a lot.Basically, all of the sudden, you are just one of the crowd and not the center of attention.For all intents and purposes, I'm arriving there and it's a real adjustment.To be truthful, I guess there was some sort of ego involved with the fact that if I couldn't be a real attractive genetic woman, I would do my best to be a real attractive transgender woman.In essence "Your a good looking woman-for a man."Then I changed all of that this week.It turned out going in for my first serious hair styling turned out to be the biggest move I've made since I took my first dosage of Estrogen.Wow.
    Oct 07, 2012 1167
  • 07 Oct 2012
    I've been trying to find the words to describe this week and close it out and get ready for what's next.Perhaps one of the more exciting parts of all of this is I'm in another "warp speed" phase of life. In a little less than two weeks I have my appointment with a new doctor which I call my second phase of HRT.As I do with most of my major transition events, I have a tendency to become more than a little withdrawn to consider what just happened.I always considered my hair was going to be a Major piece of the puzzle. How big it turned out to be- I wasn't quite prepared for.First of all, the obvious. I took a huge step to becoming complete- head to toe. All of the sudden, I became androgynous. With the help of the hormones, all of the sudden my hair tipped me towards the feminine side of the spectrum no matter how I was dressed.Then there were the fun things such as the visit to salon after I calmed down and their reaction to my hair.I have mentioned I'm very fortunate to have no male pattern baldness in my family and of course my hair has not been subjected to a lifetime of treatments. No coloring, no perms or heat just naturally gives me a younger fuller head of hair. My daughter commented how bitter she was that she "didn't get my hair instead of her Mom's". Of course my BS detector was figuring daughter and stylist were just being nice but she took my grand daughter back there a couple days later. It turns out the crew wanted to compliment her on my hair and wanted to see the completed process. As you remember I had to go as a guy with three days of beard to be evaluated on facial hair removal. Ironically, the first time my daughter saw me as me was in the same crummy picture I posted here.There is more to this of course which I'm going to get into in my next post!
    1163 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • I've been trying to find the words to describe this week and close it out and get ready for what's next.Perhaps one of the more exciting parts of all of this is I'm in another "warp speed" phase of life. In a little less than two weeks I have my appointment with a new doctor which I call my second phase of HRT.As I do with most of my major transition events, I have a tendency to become more than a little withdrawn to consider what just happened.I always considered my hair was going to be a Major piece of the puzzle. How big it turned out to be- I wasn't quite prepared for.First of all, the obvious. I took a huge step to becoming complete- head to toe. All of the sudden, I became androgynous. With the help of the hormones, all of the sudden my hair tipped me towards the feminine side of the spectrum no matter how I was dressed.Then there were the fun things such as the visit to salon after I calmed down and their reaction to my hair.I have mentioned I'm very fortunate to have no male pattern baldness in my family and of course my hair has not been subjected to a lifetime of treatments. No coloring, no perms or heat just naturally gives me a younger fuller head of hair. My daughter commented how bitter she was that she "didn't get my hair instead of her Mom's". Of course my BS detector was figuring daughter and stylist were just being nice but she took my grand daughter back there a couple days later. It turns out the crew wanted to compliment her on my hair and wanted to see the completed process. As you remember I had to go as a guy with three days of beard to be evaluated on facial hair removal. Ironically, the first time my daughter saw me as me was in the same crummy picture I posted here.There is more to this of course which I'm going to get into in my next post!
    Oct 07, 2012 1163
  • 07 Sep 2012
    Julie Ross has had the courage, conviction and compassion to step and out to discuss her own transgender child.Of course she has been vilified as well as praised for the decision. Note the use of the word vilification. Not the criticism word. Big difference-no surprise.Just take a look at the trans community for examples!I felt it for the first time on one of the big transgender transsexual social sites when I tried to write about my own experiences. I learned my lesson early but I still am stunned on occasion by comments I get here.Examples?I have been trashed for waiting so long in life to transition, having a prom date as a guy all the way to having any fond memories of my male life.  Plus, I left the best for last-I'm not worthy to lead a feminine life at all because I don't have a store bought vagina.No chance for discussion or questions just bitterness and even almost hate-all right here in our so called trans sisterhood.So I can sympathize with Julie's thoughts:"Over the past several months I have been venturesome (or perhaps stupid?) enough to publicly share my interpretation and personal feelings from my front row seat as the parent of a child who has identified as transgender. (You can find them here on HuffPost... they may be helpful in grasping the back story.) I have been equally supported and vilified by readers far and wide. I have been told that I am an "incredible parent" only to be corrected by a different reader that I am actually a horrible parent and that G-d does not make mistakes, just I do. Compliments for my honesty and style of writing are usurped by bashing for "rambling" and being a "horrible writer." I have been called "wonderful" and "self-centered" in the same thread written (sometimes viciously) from the comfort of computers around the world that I will neither find nor seek to find. And it all makes me wonder."From the comfort of my computer - Julie Ross has done wonders by stepping up and out for present and future transgender transsexual kids everywhere.  Way to GO!!!!! ***HuffPost is the Huffington Post.
    1729 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Julie Ross has had the courage, conviction and compassion to step and out to discuss her own transgender child.Of course she has been vilified as well as praised for the decision. Note the use of the word vilification. Not the criticism word. Big difference-no surprise.Just take a look at the trans community for examples!I felt it for the first time on one of the big transgender transsexual social sites when I tried to write about my own experiences. I learned my lesson early but I still am stunned on occasion by comments I get here.Examples?I have been trashed for waiting so long in life to transition, having a prom date as a guy all the way to having any fond memories of my male life.  Plus, I left the best for last-I'm not worthy to lead a feminine life at all because I don't have a store bought vagina.No chance for discussion or questions just bitterness and even almost hate-all right here in our so called trans sisterhood.So I can sympathize with Julie's thoughts:"Over the past several months I have been venturesome (or perhaps stupid?) enough to publicly share my interpretation and personal feelings from my front row seat as the parent of a child who has identified as transgender. (You can find them here on HuffPost... they may be helpful in grasping the back story.) I have been equally supported and vilified by readers far and wide. I have been told that I am an "incredible parent" only to be corrected by a different reader that I am actually a horrible parent and that G-d does not make mistakes, just I do. Compliments for my honesty and style of writing are usurped by bashing for "rambling" and being a "horrible writer." I have been called "wonderful" and "self-centered" in the same thread written (sometimes viciously) from the comfort of computers around the world that I will neither find nor seek to find. And it all makes me wonder."From the comfort of my computer - Julie Ross has done wonders by stepping up and out for present and future transgender transsexual kids everywhere.  Way to GO!!!!! ***HuffPost is the Huffington Post.
    Sep 07, 2012 1729
  • 04 Sep 2012
    Did Virginia Prince or Thomas Edison invent the "transgender" word? Neither. I'm just trying to get your attention.I have written several times of the chats I have with the person who has known me the longest as a transgender or cross dresser back in the day. He went deep into the closet and obviously I didn't. At times I think he works way too hard to justify his decision. None of my business until:Recently he mentioned inventing a female persona. (Not specifically aimed at me.) I replied "what if it is not a invention?"Obviously I believe a transgender or transsexual person is not inventing a gender. They are born with it.Which brings up another question I asked myself. When did I know when the feminine me was notan invention.  Of course I can not come up with the exact day but as I have written before, I do remember when the realization swept over me I was in the right place.The sensation was one of a deep realization that all was right with the world. No more in fighting.I supposed you can say at that moment, I knew I wasn't an invention. Reading my blog, you all know I'm overjoyed at the realization which most likely had been with me all the time. I was born into my transgender reality.My worry is my friend will spend the rest of his days in the futile attempt to rationalize his reality.
    1360 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Did Virginia Prince or Thomas Edison invent the "transgender" word? Neither. I'm just trying to get your attention.I have written several times of the chats I have with the person who has known me the longest as a transgender or cross dresser back in the day. He went deep into the closet and obviously I didn't. At times I think he works way too hard to justify his decision. None of my business until:Recently he mentioned inventing a female persona. (Not specifically aimed at me.) I replied "what if it is not a invention?"Obviously I believe a transgender or transsexual person is not inventing a gender. They are born with it.Which brings up another question I asked myself. When did I know when the feminine me was notan invention.  Of course I can not come up with the exact day but as I have written before, I do remember when the realization swept over me I was in the right place.The sensation was one of a deep realization that all was right with the world. No more in fighting.I supposed you can say at that moment, I knew I wasn't an invention. Reading my blog, you all know I'm overjoyed at the realization which most likely had been with me all the time. I was born into my transgender reality.My worry is my friend will spend the rest of his days in the futile attempt to rationalize his reality.
    Sep 04, 2012 1360