Back from the edge

• Posted by Briana Lynn Rekowski June 29, 2013 1,364 views
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  We all have parts of our lives that are good, and parts of our lives that are not so good.  Some of us may be envious of parts of others lives but I have always believed that most of us are about equal.  The person that you may be envious about one part of their life, may be envious of a different part of your life.  Until one of us reaches that point of being out and accepted to almost everyone in our lives,  working as their true self, and have transitioned to what ever point truly makes us individually happy, we are all on that journey to the land of "living", not just "existing".  We all cope along the journey in our own way.  Those that know me even remotely know that I am only out to my girlfriend, and my doctor, and that my girlfriend has a teen son that lives with us that makes it very difficult for me to be me.  I am not out to him.  During the school year I get to relax and be me for brief periods when he spends the night at friends houses.  During the summer he goes to his older brothers houses, out of state, for the summer and I have two months to pretty much live full time except for work.  I need my summers.  By the time May gets here every year I am getting pretty depressed.  The depression goes away until August when I go back in the closet and the cycle repeats.  This year, things didn't work out and he didn't stay with his brothers.  I have never felt as bad as I was feeling, I hit bottom on this past Monday.  Me and my girlfriend talked most of the night.  At some point she said, you have to tell him.  We talked more the next day and she gently pushed me the way she always does when I need to be pushed.  I told her that I wanted to do it, but wanted to think it out a bit, make sure I knew what I wanted to say, or at least have a rough idea so I wouldn't feel like I left out something important afterwards.  On Wednesday we sat him down on the couch, I was really, really, scared.  I started, made it almost five minutes before I started crying.  I stopped every few minutes to ask him if he had any questions.  We talked for about a half hour, maybe fourty five minutes, it seemed like a lifetime, but I did it, and he was incredibly ok with all of it.  He even said he wants to go out with us, and that the only thing that would bother him was if someone treated me badly.  I took him to the computer and showed him my GS profile, some of my pics, and told hime about my closest friends.  He asked to see their profiles and we spent some time going from profile to profile.  He made some very positive comments about all of them and asked questions about them.  The only one I really remember, as my head was spinning, was about Debs, he calls her "the knock out".  Things around the house are better than I could have ever immagined, and we feel closer.  I know "outing" to all of the people in my life probably wont go as well, but I am off to a good start, and I am very, very happy.