the "Elastic band" effect

• Posted by Debbie Davies May 11, 2012 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,517 views
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  I kind of need to write this new blog as a "Cathartic" excercise, to share what ive been going through the last couple of months, for as they say..writing it down can be a form of therapy (not that i need that right?) Dont get me wrong..im not going through any emotional drama..in fact its the lack opf emotion that i find confusing..and i have come up with my own little theory which i liken to an elastic band..more about that later..if you have the patience to read on

  A quick summary of my story so far!

  Been dressing as far back as i can remember around aged 5.

  had the (familiar to some) peaks and troughs with my dressing and many many purges. tried to overcompensate by doing all the macho stuff.

  got married hid my secret for 12 years of marriage..and would have still been doing so if my wife hadnt discovered some "evidence" last year. i was then forced to sit down and "spill" everything. Much to my everlasting relief..she didnt kick me out..dont get me wrong, there were many many tears and shouting sessions, but instead of ostracising me, she chose the path of trying to understand instead. In fact i took the opportunity to try and understand it myself (id never really thought about it as anything other than a fetish). and so i joined this site (Among others) to try and make some sense of it all.

   

    And so at this point, after forty odd years of keeping it all hidden, i was suddenly choosing clothes with my partners approval and discussing the whole scenario about my feelings, wishes etc..my relationship with my wife grew more close during the last year than ever before..go figure.I was a completely different person, since i now carried no secrets and shared everything with my wife, i felt lighter happier and better emotionally (though i still didnt like her to see me as debs). during our initial discussions i told her of my desire to meet others like me, and long story short she okayed it , and i found myself on a plane to Milton Keynes to meet up with some of ther girls from here. i had one of the most memorable and enjoyable times of my life.since then ive had very little desire to dress.

  so heres where my elastic band theory comes in...

   

  repressing my feelings/desires to dress was like pulling an elastic band back slowly over time..it grows tighter and tighter and has to reach breaking point at some time..

   

  with the discovery of my "secret" the band released.. and i flung myself headlong into buying things talking about everything femme with my wife and booking a trip away..then going! so in 6 months i went from being in the closet with no one knowing..to standing in a nightclub with my new girlfriends all glammed up (even tho id never been out)..theres the elastic goin forward..way past the start point and in the other direction now!

   

   

  so im about as "out" as i can be at this point (i've even told my best friend) and probably thinking that i will continue in this vein when.......it all goes away. nothing..nada...no desire to dress what so ever..i stopped visiting the chatroom here (where id been a regular fixture) because i didnt feel i could relate to any of the issues being discussed any more.i was an outsider and even felt like a fraud. i only popped in to catch up with some of the great friends id made just to touch base..but i wasnt dressing at all..i almost had another purge!

   

  and so the elastic heads back to (and beyond) point zero back into male mode ..although im not hating it this time.,.its just how i feel

   

  now dont get me wrong, i was never naieve enough to think that my desire to be debs had dissapeared..shes a big part of me and probably diametrically opposite to everything male about me (i mean emotionally not physically..thats a no brainer) and if im honest..i missed her..i missed letting her out (again this is not dressing...but emotionally speaking)

   

  i spoke to my wife  at length and was guilty of projecting my feelings about it on to her..i told her i thought shed be secretly delighted that debs had gone away..but she disagreed and proceeded to tell me that Debs would be back, and that  she'd be fine when that happened..god i love her so much for just that conversation alone!

   

  and already..the elastic moves forward again and i find myself thinking about fashion and make up again and wanting to be debs...but its not a burning desire (for now anyway)..

   

  Ive no doubt ill be out again as debs this year, and as far as my elastic band theory is concerned, i think that it will settle down from going from one extreme to the other..to some kind of middle ground..at least thats what i hope!

   

  meanwhile, ill continue to be around, maybe more sporadically than before, but you aint gettin rid of me!