Karen Brad 's Entries

• 05 Nov 2011
  Changing of The Guard

    Reading some post I noticed that some of us are referred to as the old timers. I guess we are. I've been at this site for a number of years. It's not the long time members that keep this site moving. As our numbers are getting smaller. It's the new members that keep things flowing. New thoughts, new ideas.  It's change & it's a good change.      I've been in a kind of funk for to long now. I keep thinking I'll be my old self again soon & have some fun here. But for some reason I just don't.  So many new girls I don't know. Don't take that wrong I think their great & wish I was on better speaking terms with all of them. Thye problem is not all the new names & faces it's me. I want to contribute more but I just don't. I just don't take the time or feel up to it. When I came to except that I will never be able to be the woman I want to be nothing really mattered anymore. Just living day to day.

  2247 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  Changing of The Guard

    Reading some post I noticed that some of us are referred to as the old timers. I guess we are. I've been at this site for a number of years. It's not the long time members that keep this site moving. As our numbers are getting smaller. It's the new members that keep things flowing. New thoughts, new ideas.  It's change & it's a good change.      I've been in a kind of funk for to long now. I keep thinking I'll be my old self again soon & have some fun here. But for some reason I just don't.  So many new girls I don't know. Don't take that wrong I think their great & wish I was on better speaking terms with all of them. Thye problem is not all the new names & faces it's me. I want to contribute more but I just don't. I just don't take the time or feel up to it. When I came to except that I will never be able to be the woman I want to be nothing really mattered anymore. Just living day to day.

  Nov 05, 2011 2247
• 09 Oct 2011
  Feeling Like a Shut In

  When you want or feel the need to dress allmost all the time but can't pass life gets to be lonely.  When I dress it means I can't go out the door. Evan when I go to great pains to look as good as I can. So if I put on a skirt or a dress I have to stay home & I am dressed all the time. I can't evan open my blinds because of kids out playing. I don't want to confuse them with things their not ready for.  This means no interaction with others. As time goes on it gets worse & worse.  I don't go out except to run small erronds. Sometimes I won't evan do that because I don't want to change. I live in a small condo so my nieghbors are close by & they notice that I don't go out. Sometimes my car won't move for days at a time. It also means I don't talk to others. Thats started another problem. Depression. So now I don't interact here any more because I have nothing to talk about except work since that's my only outlet. The one sister I'm close to doesn't seem to have time to talk much as her life is busy. So I guess it's my own fault that I feel this way. My shrink says to stop dressing so much. But than I'm not being me. So I don't know the answer.

  2213 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  Feeling Like a Shut In

  When you want or feel the need to dress allmost all the time but can't pass life gets to be lonely.  When I dress it means I can't go out the door. Evan when I go to great pains to look as good as I can. So if I put on a skirt or a dress I have to stay home & I am dressed all the time. I can't evan open my blinds because of kids out playing. I don't want to confuse them with things their not ready for.  This means no interaction with others. As time goes on it gets worse & worse.  I don't go out except to run small erronds. Sometimes I won't evan do that because I don't want to change. I live in a small condo so my nieghbors are close by & they notice that I don't go out. Sometimes my car won't move for days at a time. It also means I don't talk to others. Thats started another problem. Depression. So now I don't interact here any more because I have nothing to talk about except work since that's my only outlet. The one sister I'm close to doesn't seem to have time to talk much as her life is busy. So I guess it's my own fault that I feel this way. My shrink says to stop dressing so much. But than I'm not being me. So I don't know the answer.

  Oct 09, 2011 2213
• 08 Sep 2011
  Good Bye To Karen or Dressing Up Really

  At least for a while I guess. I have a nephew that's hit on hard times. He has no home or job & is one step away from living on the streets. I don't allways like him but I love him to much to let that happen. So I offered to let him stay here. He can fix up the basement & stay down there.  But that means I won't be able to dress up at all. 90% of my clothes are womens clothes. Now I have to box them all up.  I am & will allways be Karen. No mater what I wear. I just don't like wearing mens clothes.  He's family, he needs help, & I can help.

  3440 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  Good Bye To Karen or Dressing Up Really

  At least for a while I guess. I have a nephew that's hit on hard times. He has no home or job & is one step away from living on the streets. I don't allways like him but I love him to much to let that happen. So I offered to let him stay here. He can fix up the basement & stay down there.  But that means I won't be able to dress up at all. 90% of my clothes are womens clothes. Now I have to box them all up.  I am & will allways be Karen. No mater what I wear. I just don't like wearing mens clothes.  He's family, he needs help, & I can help.

  Sep 08, 2011 3440
• 19 Aug 2011
  Dressing When I Was A Kid

  I've been thinking back to my dressing when I was very young. I think the first thing I ever wore was a pair of tights, & I got caught by everybody. I didn't get in trouble but I was told not to do that again. The thing is I don't remember how old I was. But it stayed with me, I wanted to dress & look like a girl so bad.  I didn't know anything about how a girl really dressed. My mom & dad both worked so if I stayed home from school I was alone in the house.  I'd go into my sisters room & just look at her clothes. I was to scared to try anything on. At First. She had some skirt sets, matching skirt & vest or jacket. I'd never seen her wear them. When I did finely start to dress I was so suprised that they fit me so well, since my sister was 5yrs older than me. Turns out they were to small for her anymore. There were 5 or 6 different sets & I put them on as often as I could. Then one day they were gone, she got rid of them. I only just found out that she threw them out so I'd stop wearing them. She knew because I hung them back up wrong. I think that's why on Holloween she'd help me dress up in panties & everything every year.

  2306 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  Dressing When I Was A Kid

  I've been thinking back to my dressing when I was very young. I think the first thing I ever wore was a pair of tights, & I got caught by everybody. I didn't get in trouble but I was told not to do that again. The thing is I don't remember how old I was. But it stayed with me, I wanted to dress & look like a girl so bad.  I didn't know anything about how a girl really dressed. My mom & dad both worked so if I stayed home from school I was alone in the house.  I'd go into my sisters room & just look at her clothes. I was to scared to try anything on. At First. She had some skirt sets, matching skirt & vest or jacket. I'd never seen her wear them. When I did finely start to dress I was so suprised that they fit me so well, since my sister was 5yrs older than me. Turns out they were to small for her anymore. There were 5 or 6 different sets & I put them on as often as I could. Then one day they were gone, she got rid of them. I only just found out that she threw them out so I'd stop wearing them. She knew because I hung them back up wrong. I think that's why on Holloween she'd help me dress up in panties & everything every year.

  Aug 19, 2011 2306
• 07 Aug 2011
  Not Around Much Lately

  I know I haven't been here much lately. But with losing one job than finding another & being put on 12hr days from the start I don't have much time. I'm learning a new robot it does the same things as what I'm use to but the software is so much different & the way it's done is all new to me. The company I'm contracting through put me in a job I'm not trained for. Also things have changed here a lot. In the past few days I've seen a lot of post from people looking to meet tranny's. One from a 17yr old.  A pic from someone showing what their ass looks like in panties. I love what this is, not what it's becoming.  I don't know what I'm talking about, never mind.

  2076 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  Not Around Much Lately

  I know I haven't been here much lately. But with losing one job than finding another & being put on 12hr days from the start I don't have much time. I'm learning a new robot it does the same things as what I'm use to but the software is so much different & the way it's done is all new to me. The company I'm contracting through put me in a job I'm not trained for. Also things have changed here a lot. In the past few days I've seen a lot of post from people looking to meet tranny's. One from a 17yr old.  A pic from someone showing what their ass looks like in panties. I love what this is, not what it's becoming.  I don't know what I'm talking about, never mind.

  Aug 07, 2011 2076
• 25 Jul 2011
  TS is it My Sisters Fault?

  I was talking with my sister or realy she was talking, I was listning, sort of. She asked me to hold on a second so she could check on something. As I was waiting I looked down at my legs & commented out loud that I needed to shave them. Well my sister heard my comment. That when she told she was sorry because she thinks it might be her fault. I don't remember ever having worn a dress before I was 7 or 8yrs old. But she told me that one summer when I was 4 or 5 our parents had to go to a funeral down south. They were gone for 3 weeks. I was left in my sisters care. I had 2 sisters living at home then. One was 10 the other 16. There was also another one that was married & she checked on us everyday. I guess I was being a little hard to handle. I had made a big mess in the kitchen & my clothes were covered in ketchup. It was the second time I made a mess of my clothes that day & my sister was so mad that she put a dress on me. All my sisters passed thier clothes down as they got older since we didn't have much money, so there were a lot of old dresses.  I guess my sister got the idea to keep me dressed as a girl. She talked me into it telling me it would be a lot more fun if I were a girl. So for the rest of the time my parents were gone I was dressed as a little girl. I don't remember any of it, wish I did. Now my sister is blaming herself for me being a TS. After she told me all this I wanted to say thank you. But I didn't say anything. I don't think that had anything to do with it but who knows?

  2234 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  TS is it My Sisters Fault?

  I was talking with my sister or realy she was talking, I was listning, sort of. She asked me to hold on a second so she could check on something. As I was waiting I looked down at my legs & commented out loud that I needed to shave them. Well my sister heard my comment. That when she told she was sorry because she thinks it might be her fault. I don't remember ever having worn a dress before I was 7 or 8yrs old. But she told me that one summer when I was 4 or 5 our parents had to go to a funeral down south. They were gone for 3 weeks. I was left in my sisters care. I had 2 sisters living at home then. One was 10 the other 16. There was also another one that was married & she checked on us everyday. I guess I was being a little hard to handle. I had made a big mess in the kitchen & my clothes were covered in ketchup. It was the second time I made a mess of my clothes that day & my sister was so mad that she put a dress on me. All my sisters passed thier clothes down as they got older since we didn't have much money, so there were a lot of old dresses.  I guess my sister got the idea to keep me dressed as a girl. She talked me into it telling me it would be a lot more fun if I were a girl. So for the rest of the time my parents were gone I was dressed as a little girl. I don't remember any of it, wish I did. Now my sister is blaming herself for me being a TS. After she told me all this I wanted to say thank you. But I didn't say anything. I don't think that had anything to do with it but who knows?

  Jul 25, 2011 2234
• 20 Jul 2011
  I want To Be Me; But

  When I lost my job I thought this would be a great time to explore jobs that would be more excepting of who I am. I had visions of me growing as Karen. The way I want to look, dress, act, well not actting anymore realy. Finely living as I have always wanted to live.  But at the same time I need to make enough money to live on. As I started looking I realised that I don't know where that would be. What kind of job could I get that would let me be me? But than this new job came along. It's a great opportunity for my future.  They are willing to teach me all the things that will get me even more money as time goes on.  I guess it's what I need if not what I realy want.  There will be a lot of travel to different states, Canada, & maybe Mexico. I think that means leaving Karen & all her things at home. I have to wonder if I'll ever get the life I want?

  2015 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  I want To Be Me; But

  When I lost my job I thought this would be a great time to explore jobs that would be more excepting of who I am. I had visions of me growing as Karen. The way I want to look, dress, act, well not actting anymore realy. Finely living as I have always wanted to live.  But at the same time I need to make enough money to live on. As I started looking I realised that I don't know where that would be. What kind of job could I get that would let me be me? But than this new job came along. It's a great opportunity for my future.  They are willing to teach me all the things that will get me even more money as time goes on.  I guess it's what I need if not what I realy want.  There will be a lot of travel to different states, Canada, & maybe Mexico. I think that means leaving Karen & all her things at home. I have to wonder if I'll ever get the life I want?

  Jul 20, 2011 2015
• 21 May 2011
  Dressing Through Time

  When I was young & got a chance to dress I wanted pretty dresses like I saw other girls wear to church or parties. With little white tights & shoes.  In my teens & early 20's I wanted to look sexy.  But getting to dress was something I didn't get to do very much. So I had to be happy with whatever I could get. Sometimes I'd get to wear things I liked. But not very often. It wasn't untill I lived alone & found internet shopping that I could really explore the different styles that I could get what I wanted.  The thing is I didn't know what I realy wanted.  I bought a lot of lingerie at first, most in the wrong sizes. It took time but I learned how to size what I wanted.  After getting all the underthings I wanted, more than I needed realy. I started buying dresses. But was never able to look the way I wanted to look. I started getting slacks & tops. I could get a better fit buying seperates. I found some realy great outfits I wanted but the top or slacks wouldn't fit because my top & bottom don't match like a real woman.  I started getting things I could wear out that with out being made. But so what, again I didn't like the look. So I started buying very femm looking tops & slacks insted of jeans to wear.  I also found shoes that could be for men or women that I could wear when out. Now I'm getting skirts to wear when at home, lots of them. Very short or long, I don't care for knee lenght.  But again I'm not all that pleased with what I have. I like them, it just. All the clothes I have can't make me a woman & that is what I really want!!!!!

  2096 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  Dressing Through Time

  When I was young & got a chance to dress I wanted pretty dresses like I saw other girls wear to church or parties. With little white tights & shoes.  In my teens & early 20's I wanted to look sexy.  But getting to dress was something I didn't get to do very much. So I had to be happy with whatever I could get. Sometimes I'd get to wear things I liked. But not very often. It wasn't untill I lived alone & found internet shopping that I could really explore the different styles that I could get what I wanted.  The thing is I didn't know what I realy wanted.  I bought a lot of lingerie at first, most in the wrong sizes. It took time but I learned how to size what I wanted.  After getting all the underthings I wanted, more than I needed realy. I started buying dresses. But was never able to look the way I wanted to look. I started getting slacks & tops. I could get a better fit buying seperates. I found some realy great outfits I wanted but the top or slacks wouldn't fit because my top & bottom don't match like a real woman.  I started getting things I could wear out that with out being made. But so what, again I didn't like the look. So I started buying very femm looking tops & slacks insted of jeans to wear.  I also found shoes that could be for men or women that I could wear when out. Now I'm getting skirts to wear when at home, lots of them. Very short or long, I don't care for knee lenght.  But again I'm not all that pleased with what I have. I like them, it just. All the clothes I have can't make me a woman & that is what I really want!!!!!

  May 21, 2011 2096
• 06 May 2011
  Feeling Frustrated

  As I sit here this morning I feel a bit down that I can't be me. I'm supposed to meet some people for breakfast this morning & have to do it in male mode, which sucks. I finely got my nailpolish on right, not a dab out of place & an awsome color. But it has to come off. The reality is that I can never really go out as Karen. All the clothes & makeup on earth couldn't make me look right. After all the operations I had in 06 I have a huge gut with a scar as big as the palm of my hand right in the middle of it. Evan with out that at 52 it seems to late to start. If I would have had internet 30yrs ago I would have not felt so alone & so afraid to be the girl I want so badly to be.  I'm still alone. The net & being here at GS is not a real substitute for real friends.  Don't get me wrong I've met some real great ladies here. But my laptop can't hold a hand or wipe a tear. So I'll just keep feeling sad & go on with life as it is.

  2542 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  Feeling Frustrated

  As I sit here this morning I feel a bit down that I can't be me. I'm supposed to meet some people for breakfast this morning & have to do it in male mode, which sucks. I finely got my nailpolish on right, not a dab out of place & an awsome color. But it has to come off. The reality is that I can never really go out as Karen. All the clothes & makeup on earth couldn't make me look right. After all the operations I had in 06 I have a huge gut with a scar as big as the palm of my hand right in the middle of it. Evan with out that at 52 it seems to late to start. If I would have had internet 30yrs ago I would have not felt so alone & so afraid to be the girl I want so badly to be.  I'm still alone. The net & being here at GS is not a real substitute for real friends.  Don't get me wrong I've met some real great ladies here. But my laptop can't hold a hand or wipe a tear. So I'll just keep feeling sad & go on with life as it is.

  May 06, 2011 2542
• 22 Apr 2011
  Mixed Thoughts

  Spring is finely coming to Michigan. Though I am getting tired of cold weather I like that I can wear nice tops with a bra & forms under a jacket without anyone knowing while I run erronds.   Have been looking into local groups for help in trying to look nicer when I dress evan if it is only at home. Mostly makeup. My body may never say woman but I think my face can look the part. With some help that is.   Cleaning out the closets. Moving all clothes that look like a guy could wear them to the back room. My bedroom will scream WOMAN!!!   Feeling good right now so I think I will end this here.

  2480 Posted by Karen Brad
• By Karen Brad

  Mixed Thoughts

  Spring is finely coming to Michigan. Though I am getting tired of cold weather I like that I can wear nice tops with a bra & forms under a jacket without anyone knowing while I run erronds.   Have been looking into local groups for help in trying to look nicer when I dress evan if it is only at home. Mostly makeup. My body may never say woman but I think my face can look the part. With some help that is.   Cleaning out the closets. Moving all clothes that look like a guy could wear them to the back room. My bedroom will scream WOMAN!!!   Feeling good right now so I think I will end this here.

  Apr 22, 2011 2480