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robin w 's Entries

31 blogs
  • 07 May 2017
    Hey ladies! So y'all know I work at a well known (mostly) women's clothing store. Yesterday about four of us "girls" are in the sorting room. "Annie" tells how "Lynn" told her she (Lynn) overheard one of the security guards, Tom, told a new security guard, Jim, how Annie is such a flirt and will "be all over you!" Annie was appalled! She said she is just being nice; Annie is very young, bubbly, fun young woman, about 24-25. We were all kind of laughing at this, along with Annie who was thinking the new guard is going to ask her out! But I DID feel kind of left out, I didn't have that experience growing up dealing with boys and unwanted attention. This is the difficult parts of transition, where you can't really relate to others experiences, feelings. You can't stand there nodding knowingly of those feelings. Awkward. Robin
    212 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    Hey ladies! So y'all know I work at a well known (mostly) women's clothing store. Yesterday about four of us "girls" are in the sorting room. "Annie" tells how "Lynn" told her she (Lynn) overheard one of the security guards, Tom, told a new security guard, Jim, how Annie is such a flirt and will "be all over you!" Annie was appalled! She said she is just being nice; Annie is very young, bubbly, fun young woman, about 24-25. We were all kind of laughing at this, along with Annie who was thinking the new guard is going to ask her out! But I DID feel kind of left out, I didn't have that experience growing up dealing with boys and unwanted attention. This is the difficult parts of transition, where you can't really relate to others experiences, feelings. You can't stand there nodding knowingly of those feelings. Awkward. Robin
    May 07, 2017 212
  • 04 Sep 2016
    Hi gang, It's been way over a year since my surgery (Feb 10, 2015 - I'll never forget this date!) and only just gotten around to experimenting with stimulating myself. Of course my depression has a lot to do with that, bc depression, and the Rx's for it, contribute to low Lobito. Anyway, maybe it is all the attractive women I see at work, but I became aroused last week, and began, umm, experimenting! Now much of what I am going to say comes from a discussion with my surgeon afterwards, because I did not know how an orgasm for a post-op GRS patient manifests itself. My first feeling was the feeling one gets with an erection, not surprising since my clitoris is made from the head of my penis; this is also the feeling a cis woman gets. But the climax is really just mental, bc there is no "ejaculation" anymore, nor is there any fluid discharged from the neo-vagina. The neo-vagina is a "dead-end" cavity that does not secrete any fluid or lubrication the way a natal vagina does. The fluid that drained out next to my finger was just warmed-up, less viscous gel lube I had used. You do have a euphoric feeling afterward, which I have not been able to repeat the second, and only, subsequent time I tried. It was disappointing not being able to repeat the "orgasm"and I haven't had the urge again yet to try again. Well, maybe that woman will come into the store again....my reason for experimenting. I think she likes me. Yikes!
    1898 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    Hi gang, It's been way over a year since my surgery (Feb 10, 2015 - I'll never forget this date!) and only just gotten around to experimenting with stimulating myself. Of course my depression has a lot to do with that, bc depression, and the Rx's for it, contribute to low Lobito. Anyway, maybe it is all the attractive women I see at work, but I became aroused last week, and began, umm, experimenting! Now much of what I am going to say comes from a discussion with my surgeon afterwards, because I did not know how an orgasm for a post-op GRS patient manifests itself. My first feeling was the feeling one gets with an erection, not surprising since my clitoris is made from the head of my penis; this is also the feeling a cis woman gets. But the climax is really just mental, bc there is no "ejaculation" anymore, nor is there any fluid discharged from the neo-vagina. The neo-vagina is a "dead-end" cavity that does not secrete any fluid or lubrication the way a natal vagina does. The fluid that drained out next to my finger was just warmed-up, less viscous gel lube I had used. You do have a euphoric feeling afterward, which I have not been able to repeat the second, and only, subsequent time I tried. It was disappointing not being able to repeat the "orgasm"and I haven't had the urge again yet to try again. Well, maybe that woman will come into the store again....my reason for experimenting. I think she likes me. Yikes!
    Sep 04, 2016 1898
  • 10 Jun 2016
    Actually, it was one year Feb 10, but twice my wifi went out and my blog was not saved! So here I go again: Pick your surgeon carefully. Talk to people who have used the surgeon you like. Were they happy with results? How many follow ups? Are they covered under your surgery fee? How far away? I say bring, drag, bribe, a friend to come with you - you will need him/her. I did it alone, but was very difficult. You are in hospital almost a week, on morphine most likely (yes, it hurts!) And thé affects of it are still felt days later. I don't remember stopping to fill up before driving to New Hope. Bring undies that are snug enough to keep a maxi pad in place. You will be on your back almost all the time, I brought a couple pairs of scrub pants, easy to get on and off. Plan on throwing some undies away from bleeding, minor bleeding. You will be on antibiotics and may become a bit sick, and not feel like eating much. So much for surgery, what about after? How do you feel? Good question. I think my face is still a little "guy-ish" and every encounter with a ciswoman is a question mark. I'm always wondering if they know. At yoga class, they know I'm not a guy because you can't hide anything in yoga tights! As I posted in some other posts or blogs, at one job I had, nobody questioned my gender. Yet at my next job, and BTW, we had a cross dresser on our staff (he doesn't pass very well), I was outed by a few women pretty quickly. That was a bummer for me. Also, we have to wear unflattering t-shirts to work, which does not allow you much left to feminize your outfit. I could wear more feminine clothing at my previous job. Some customers would refer to me as "him/he" just to let me know I wasn't fooling them. Mostly women in their 50's, young people are very accepting. I pass 99% of the time....nobody says anything to me, just a sideways look! Yes, it hurts! Acceptance as a trans woman by women is an unknown. I do know my yoga peeps treat me as one of the gang. Anytime anyone has commented on big shoulders: "I'm a surfer, I paddle and swim a lot!" That works. My ability to work on cars: "I was a helicopter mechanic in the Air Force!" Have I ever regretted having surgery? Yes. I'm financially strapped because my insurance co wiggled successfully out of paying because my MD was not part of their plan network. This is not unusual because there are only about a dozen MD qualified to do GRS between US and Canada. I see so many beautiful women at work, and I will never be like that. That gets me depressed sometimes (I have major depression and Anxiety disorder, and ADD) and I say I'm ugly and maybe I'll get a "butch" kind of haircut and be a trans-man! So no matter what pronoun people use I won't be offended! I think this job is bad bc I can't make myself LOOK like a woman. The t-shirt just looks sloppy no matter what you do. And I feel like it makes me look like a guy. That goes to work on my anxiety, which affects my ADD. After surgery, body fat definitely shifted to my hips and butt. Now a lot of my size 4 jeans don't fit! I have prob half a dozen pair, plus as many shorts! So I'm trying to lose five more lbs...I gained a little over twelve after surgery. I could not go back to work for eight or ten weeks. This is major surgery, five hours or so. Huge cut from anus up each side of your leg joint up to almost even with your navel. Big flap of skin! Hope this helps. Pm me with any questions! I could go on and on, but I've hit the major points I think. My surgery was on a Tuesday, I was discharged on Friday, saw my MD on Monday, and again Thursday before I could go home. Many days in the motel on my back watching TV. That's it. Bring a friend, your will need him,her to run errands, get food when you start to feel hungry. Help driving if you drive. You don't want to sit too long. I did, no problem with the hoo-ha, but very sore! Robin
    345 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    Actually, it was one year Feb 10, but twice my wifi went out and my blog was not saved! So here I go again: Pick your surgeon carefully. Talk to people who have used the surgeon you like. Were they happy with results? How many follow ups? Are they covered under your surgery fee? How far away? I say bring, drag, bribe, a friend to come with you - you will need him/her. I did it alone, but was very difficult. You are in hospital almost a week, on morphine most likely (yes, it hurts!) And thé affects of it are still felt days later. I don't remember stopping to fill up before driving to New Hope. Bring undies that are snug enough to keep a maxi pad in place. You will be on your back almost all the time, I brought a couple pairs of scrub pants, easy to get on and off. Plan on throwing some undies away from bleeding, minor bleeding. You will be on antibiotics and may become a bit sick, and not feel like eating much. So much for surgery, what about after? How do you feel? Good question. I think my face is still a little "guy-ish" and every encounter with a ciswoman is a question mark. I'm always wondering if they know. At yoga class, they know I'm not a guy because you can't hide anything in yoga tights! As I posted in some other posts or blogs, at one job I had, nobody questioned my gender. Yet at my next job, and BTW, we had a cross dresser on our staff (he doesn't pass very well), I was outed by a few women pretty quickly. That was a bummer for me. Also, we have to wear unflattering t-shirts to work, which does not allow you much left to feminize your outfit. I could wear more feminine clothing at my previous job. Some customers would refer to me as "him/he" just to let me know I wasn't fooling them. Mostly women in their 50's, young people are very accepting. I pass 99% of the time....nobody says anything to me, just a sideways look! Yes, it hurts! Acceptance as a trans woman by women is an unknown. I do know my yoga peeps treat me as one of the gang. Anytime anyone has commented on big shoulders: "I'm a surfer, I paddle and swim a lot!" That works. My ability to work on cars: "I was a helicopter mechanic in the Air Force!" Have I ever regretted having surgery? Yes. I'm financially strapped because my insurance co wiggled successfully out of paying because my MD was not part of their plan network. This is not unusual because there are only about a dozen MD qualified to do GRS between US and Canada. I see so many beautiful women at work, and I will never be like that. That gets me depressed sometimes (I have major depression and Anxiety disorder, and ADD) and I say I'm ugly and maybe I'll get a "butch" kind of haircut and be a trans-man! So no matter what pronoun people use I won't be offended! I think this job is bad bc I can't make myself LOOK like a woman. The t-shirt just looks sloppy no matter what you do. And I feel like it makes me look like a guy. That goes to work on my anxiety, which affects my ADD. After surgery, body fat definitely shifted to my hips and butt. Now a lot of my size 4 jeans don't fit! I have prob half a dozen pair, plus as many shorts! So I'm trying to lose five more lbs...I gained a little over twelve after surgery. I could not go back to work for eight or ten weeks. This is major surgery, five hours or so. Huge cut from anus up each side of your leg joint up to almost even with your navel. Big flap of skin! Hope this helps. Pm me with any questions! I could go on and on, but I've hit the major points I think. My surgery was on a Tuesday, I was discharged on Friday, saw my MD on Monday, and again Thursday before I could go home. Many days in the motel on my back watching TV. That's it. Bring a friend, your will need him,her to run errands, get food when you start to feel hungry. Help driving if you drive. You don't want to sit too long. I did, no problem with the hoo-ha, but very sore! Robin
    Jun 10, 2016 345
  • 06 Feb 2016
    Hey GS people, well things have improved, I think, a little since mid January. I'm on Zoloft now, which seems to work. Also, I am very into yoga, which gives me a distraction, and one of my instructors teaches me how not to give a s**t and relax. I'm not so anxious about work (see previous sentence), I have my ISP back, but still quite poor bc I have my daughters college to pay for, which is on two credit cards, $20k! It costs me $400/month just to pay min, and leaves me with pretty much $0 at next payday. This is still stressful. But she graduated so it is not growing at least. Let's press the reset button, shall we? Robin
    251 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    Hey GS people, well things have improved, I think, a little since mid January. I'm on Zoloft now, which seems to work. Also, I am very into yoga, which gives me a distraction, and one of my instructors teaches me how not to give a s**t and relax. I'm not so anxious about work (see previous sentence), I have my ISP back, but still quite poor bc I have my daughters college to pay for, which is on two credit cards, $20k! It costs me $400/month just to pay min, and leaves me with pretty much $0 at next payday. This is still stressful. But she graduated so it is not growing at least. Let's press the reset button, shall we? Robin
    Feb 06, 2016 251
  • 18 Jan 2016
    Dear Friends, I know I was very active on GS for a long time and had a lot of fun, usually poking fun at myself with the "Adventures" blogs. Some of you have noticed that I have been conspicuously absent in recent months. I have major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Since moving to Charleston, I have had to find a new psych MD, who did not like the dose of Celexa I had been prescribed, 60mg/day. So she changed me off Celexa to, well, I'm going on a third different SSRI, none of which are working. Where my mood was stable, now I am on a roller coaster of hi and low, mostly low, very low. So I pretty much just sleep and go to work. Sometimes I fit in yoga, but that's it. I don't feel much like talking, so I do not go on GS or FB much. I'll be back when I feel better, unless I paddle out into the ocean. Robin
    367 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    Dear Friends, I know I was very active on GS for a long time and had a lot of fun, usually poking fun at myself with the "Adventures" blogs. Some of you have noticed that I have been conspicuously absent in recent months. I have major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Since moving to Charleston, I have had to find a new psych MD, who did not like the dose of Celexa I had been prescribed, 60mg/day. So she changed me off Celexa to, well, I'm going on a third different SSRI, none of which are working. Where my mood was stable, now I am on a roller coaster of hi and low, mostly low, very low. So I pretty much just sleep and go to work. Sometimes I fit in yoga, but that's it. I don't feel much like talking, so I do not go on GS or FB much. I'll be back when I feel better, unless I paddle out into the ocean. Robin
    Jan 18, 2016 367
  • 01 Dec 2015
    My name is Robin. I came to GS about four years ago looking for confirmation that there were other people like me. I started HRT at 58 years, then GRS at 61. It is now nine months later. Before one can undergo GRS, you have to live FT as a woman, and undergo regular evaluation by a gender therapist. All of this went very well; my depression became much less debilitating, my mood was good, I was happy! I found employment at a well known women's retailer, I was known to be TG, but it did not matter to most other staff. But I couldn't wait to get rid of that thing. My letter was sent to a surgeon I chose and a date set. Excited was not the word. Anyway everything went very well, and I returned to work, really a changed person. Changed in more confident, and that I belonged with the other women. But that is all changing. i see women in their 30's and 40's and I am never going to look like that. I never had that experience growing up. Before everyone at work found out I was TS, I was "included" in more "women's talk" but not anymore. Everyone is friendly, they just have not found a common ground in me to relate to. So talk always concerns work. But getting back to comparing myself to other women, I just wish I had the opportunity to do GRS earlier. An acquaintance of mine, who started HRT at 22 years looks beautiful, and she will have the advantage of a nearly full life as female. I am having serious second thoughts about my decision to have GRS. Sometimes I consider transitioning back because I just do not match up well next to the women I wanted to be like. That was a mistake to expect that, that I would have a nice curve to my body. It's impossible with our large rib cage, unless surgery is done. So be very careful and realistic about your transition at such an advanced age. If under 25-26, try for it, your body may have an easier time readjusting to hormones. At 60, you are just too much of a "man" to get optimum results. You may, like me, be disappointed.
    447 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    My name is Robin. I came to GS about four years ago looking for confirmation that there were other people like me. I started HRT at 58 years, then GRS at 61. It is now nine months later. Before one can undergo GRS, you have to live FT as a woman, and undergo regular evaluation by a gender therapist. All of this went very well; my depression became much less debilitating, my mood was good, I was happy! I found employment at a well known women's retailer, I was known to be TG, but it did not matter to most other staff. But I couldn't wait to get rid of that thing. My letter was sent to a surgeon I chose and a date set. Excited was not the word. Anyway everything went very well, and I returned to work, really a changed person. Changed in more confident, and that I belonged with the other women. But that is all changing. i see women in their 30's and 40's and I am never going to look like that. I never had that experience growing up. Before everyone at work found out I was TS, I was "included" in more "women's talk" but not anymore. Everyone is friendly, they just have not found a common ground in me to relate to. So talk always concerns work. But getting back to comparing myself to other women, I just wish I had the opportunity to do GRS earlier. An acquaintance of mine, who started HRT at 22 years looks beautiful, and she will have the advantage of a nearly full life as female. I am having serious second thoughts about my decision to have GRS. Sometimes I consider transitioning back because I just do not match up well next to the women I wanted to be like. That was a mistake to expect that, that I would have a nice curve to my body. It's impossible with our large rib cage, unless surgery is done. So be very careful and realistic about your transition at such an advanced age. If under 25-26, try for it, your body may have an easier time readjusting to hormones. At 60, you are just too much of a "man" to get optimum results. You may, like me, be disappointed.
    Dec 01, 2015 447
  • 12 Jun 2015
    Hey guys! The big news, as you may know, is I moved from Cape Cod, MA to Charleston, SC. So I moved myself, using my brother's 7x14' enclosed trailer. I used it to move last year, so I figured it would be fine. It only needed brake lights, which I solved with some magnetic lights that tow trucks use, with the added caution of zip-tying them to the trailer as well. I made it just over the bridge in Fall River (60 miles) when drivers signaled that I had a problem. Great. I could see a light dragging in my mirror and pulled over to reattach it, though the bulb was smashed. Well, I had one taillight! Another bumpy section of road dislodged the remaining light, though the lens was gone, the bulb was still working. I stoped in Wyoming, RI to get a bulb at a hardware store but the other light would not illuminate, so it was onward with one trailer light. The trailer is as wide as my pickup, so one can't see my truck tai lights, either. So I pushed onward thru CT, NY, and into NJ. Again on the turnpike, I got shouted messages of "...your trailer tire!" Great. I pulled into the first rest area/fuel/food stop to check it out. Oh yeah, totally shredded tire, right down to the wheel! Well I sighed, I have a spare. I pulled the vinyl cover off the spare to find.......a padlock on the wheel! No key, we never looked at it, ever! Think, think. I found the closest Home Depot, who was unable to make a key, so I bought 24" bolt cutters ($25). They easily cut the lock off and I changed the tire, but noting it was a bit soft, as was the remaining tire which had bad cracks in the sidewalls, I spent the night at the rest stop, 9mm Walther pistol at my side; I slept pretty well stretched out on my front seat. Next morning I aired up the tires and was back on the Turnpike. I made it maybe two miles before I was informed again by passing motorists that my trailer had a flat tire! I pulled off at the first exit, took a left and stopped at the first service station. They understood my plan to drive to SC ("you'll never make it") and found me four new Light Truck load range 'C' tires for $600' and had them on in 90 minutes; back on the road with new "kicks." I did notice that the tire changer had wrapped wire around the trailer tongue. It was the trailer light wires that were ripped down off the trailer frame by a piece of flapping, rotating, tire shredding. So I stopped at an auto parts store and bought two new tai lights, that I would re-attach at a later time. That later time came at 4pm, just outside Richmond, VA, when it clouded over and started raining. No way I was going to continue in heavy traffic without lights, so I pulled into a motel for the night. The next morning I re-spliced the borked wires back together and hooked up the new lights. Success! I made the remaining 10 hours without incident, arriving in SC at my daughter's before dark. Quite a trip...moving is never easy, but it cost me $600 in tires, which my brother said I now own the trailer! I don't know if that is a good thing or not! Anyway, my daughters Honda Accord blew its head gasket and is deemed not worth repairing. So Part II of this trip covers my flight back to Cape Cod to drive back a 1997 Jeep Grand Cherokee, with about 165k on it. I keep my fingers crossed, though if feel pretty good about the reliability of the Jeep. But what do I know? Robin
    467 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    Hey guys! The big news, as you may know, is I moved from Cape Cod, MA to Charleston, SC. So I moved myself, using my brother's 7x14' enclosed trailer. I used it to move last year, so I figured it would be fine. It only needed brake lights, which I solved with some magnetic lights that tow trucks use, with the added caution of zip-tying them to the trailer as well. I made it just over the bridge in Fall River (60 miles) when drivers signaled that I had a problem. Great. I could see a light dragging in my mirror and pulled over to reattach it, though the bulb was smashed. Well, I had one taillight! Another bumpy section of road dislodged the remaining light, though the lens was gone, the bulb was still working. I stoped in Wyoming, RI to get a bulb at a hardware store but the other light would not illuminate, so it was onward with one trailer light. The trailer is as wide as my pickup, so one can't see my truck tai lights, either. So I pushed onward thru CT, NY, and into NJ. Again on the turnpike, I got shouted messages of "...your trailer tire!" Great. I pulled into the first rest area/fuel/food stop to check it out. Oh yeah, totally shredded tire, right down to the wheel! Well I sighed, I have a spare. I pulled the vinyl cover off the spare to find.......a padlock on the wheel! No key, we never looked at it, ever! Think, think. I found the closest Home Depot, who was unable to make a key, so I bought 24" bolt cutters ($25). They easily cut the lock off and I changed the tire, but noting it was a bit soft, as was the remaining tire which had bad cracks in the sidewalls, I spent the night at the rest stop, 9mm Walther pistol at my side; I slept pretty well stretched out on my front seat. Next morning I aired up the tires and was back on the Turnpike. I made it maybe two miles before I was informed again by passing motorists that my trailer had a flat tire! I pulled off at the first exit, took a left and stopped at the first service station. They understood my plan to drive to SC ("you'll never make it") and found me four new Light Truck load range 'C' tires for $600' and had them on in 90 minutes; back on the road with new "kicks." I did notice that the tire changer had wrapped wire around the trailer tongue. It was the trailer light wires that were ripped down off the trailer frame by a piece of flapping, rotating, tire shredding. So I stopped at an auto parts store and bought two new tai lights, that I would re-attach at a later time. That later time came at 4pm, just outside Richmond, VA, when it clouded over and started raining. No way I was going to continue in heavy traffic without lights, so I pulled into a motel for the night. The next morning I re-spliced the borked wires back together and hooked up the new lights. Success! I made the remaining 10 hours without incident, arriving in SC at my daughter's before dark. Quite a trip...moving is never easy, but it cost me $600 in tires, which my brother said I now own the trailer! I don't know if that is a good thing or not! Anyway, my daughters Honda Accord blew its head gasket and is deemed not worth repairing. So Part II of this trip covers my flight back to Cape Cod to drive back a 1997 Jeep Grand Cherokee, with about 165k on it. I keep my fingers crossed, though if feel pretty good about the reliability of the Jeep. But what do I know? Robin
    Jun 12, 2015 467
  • 24 Feb 2015
    Well friends, i have finally returned from surgery in PA. After surgery. in my hotel room adjacent my MD's office (i had two follow appts w/ her, so stayed close by), i was feeling a bit nauseaus from anti-biotics and could not find anything to eat that appealed to me. A box of jelly donuts lay unopened (yuk), bangers and mash did not sound so good. Ahha! Pizza! I called to have a pizza delivered adb anxiously waited its delivery. One slice up to my mouth, one bite....nope, this was not on the menu tonight. So the pizza and donuts stayed stacked on a table for a day or two before the sight of the boxes made me sick, so out into the bed of my pickip truck they went.         I left for home on Friday, exactly one week after surgery. It is a long 6-hour drive from PA to Mass, and I stopped in CT at a rest area with a restaurant and gasoline service. I lay in the front seat for 40 min to get off my sore butt area, then got a coffee. As i exited the shop i noticed a mass of seagulls swarming about the parking lot. "OMG! The pizza!" As i got to my truck, there were at least 10 - 12 gulls IN the back of my truck, trying to hoist a fully frozen platter of 7 slices of a pie, or a frozen jelly donut (must have been 8oz each they were so big!), and dozebs flying above. I shooed them into the lot, cars beeping at them as they walked about the lot, not wanting to leave the pizza i had thrown into the parking lot lanes like a frizbee! Luckily, no "stains" on my truck from the little fellows. It looked like  a scene out of "The Bird's!"    -Robin
    954 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    Well friends, i have finally returned from surgery in PA. After surgery. in my hotel room adjacent my MD's office (i had two follow appts w/ her, so stayed close by), i was feeling a bit nauseaus from anti-biotics and could not find anything to eat that appealed to me. A box of jelly donuts lay unopened (yuk), bangers and mash did not sound so good. Ahha! Pizza! I called to have a pizza delivered adb anxiously waited its delivery. One slice up to my mouth, one bite....nope, this was not on the menu tonight. So the pizza and donuts stayed stacked on a table for a day or two before the sight of the boxes made me sick, so out into the bed of my pickip truck they went.         I left for home on Friday, exactly one week after surgery. It is a long 6-hour drive from PA to Mass, and I stopped in CT at a rest area with a restaurant and gasoline service. I lay in the front seat for 40 min to get off my sore butt area, then got a coffee. As i exited the shop i noticed a mass of seagulls swarming about the parking lot. "OMG! The pizza!" As i got to my truck, there were at least 10 - 12 gulls IN the back of my truck, trying to hoist a fully frozen platter of 7 slices of a pie, or a frozen jelly donut (must have been 8oz each they were so big!), and dozebs flying above. I shooed them into the lot, cars beeping at them as they walked about the lot, not wanting to leave the pizza i had thrown into the parking lot lanes like a frizbee! Luckily, no "stains" on my truck from the little fellows. It looked like  a scene out of "The Bird's!"    -Robin
    Feb 24, 2015 954
  • 18 Jun 2014
    Hi GS friends, well, transitioning is full of twist and turns, more than i expected, lately, in fact. i saw my gender counselor yesterday and she was alarmed that seven months into my "real life test" that i admitted going to a gun club meeting in "drab." "with a hat?" she asked...."yes, i think the CofC hat mydaughter gave me...."  So she says you are not supposed to alternate between gender roles during the RLT,and she would have to think about it. "ok, don't doanyting and i'll think about it." OK time up! so on my (long) drive home i was wondering what she meant "i'll have to think about it.." so I called her for clarification: do i NOT go ahead and change my driver's license? do i NOT sent my intake form to my chosen GRS MD?   no return call. so i email a half hour later: "are you going to DQ me because i went to one meeting in "drab" (skinny jeans, vans, hoodie, stud earrings)?  you have to pay your dues in person, new club rule" no reply. so i had the evening and night to think about transition and what itr means to me. as i said to my "counselor" yesterday, yes, i'm happy. yes, i don't have a barrier of depresion that tells people not to engage me in conversation, tostay away from me.  yes, now people engage me in small chat on the street, in lines. yes, i feel like i am a "participant" in the world now. BUT i still have huge financial obligations,a house that will eventually sell, but way below what i need to start over. i still have a brother who won't agree to sell the home we inherited upon our mom's death, thinking it will be double in value in five years  (such an idiot; he's 55, i'm 61). i could be dead in five years,or sooner. not a lot to start over with when  my house eventually sells. Transitioning won't make those eventualities go away. My new thought is to stop my transition, stop seeing my psych MD and forget all the Rx for depression, anxiety and all that other stuff, and just go surfing. forget the credit cards. forget the mortgage. just surf. and one day, probably in late summer, septemner, there will be a day like this, when the waves are perfect, the rides are long and sweeping, locked into a green liquid wall of water that extends as far as i can see, and ride it the whole way.... -robin
    563 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    Hi GS friends, well, transitioning is full of twist and turns, more than i expected, lately, in fact. i saw my gender counselor yesterday and she was alarmed that seven months into my "real life test" that i admitted going to a gun club meeting in "drab." "with a hat?" she asked...."yes, i think the CofC hat mydaughter gave me...."  So she says you are not supposed to alternate between gender roles during the RLT,and she would have to think about it. "ok, don't doanyting and i'll think about it." OK time up! so on my (long) drive home i was wondering what she meant "i'll have to think about it.." so I called her for clarification: do i NOT go ahead and change my driver's license? do i NOT sent my intake form to my chosen GRS MD?   no return call. so i email a half hour later: "are you going to DQ me because i went to one meeting in "drab" (skinny jeans, vans, hoodie, stud earrings)?  you have to pay your dues in person, new club rule" no reply. so i had the evening and night to think about transition and what itr means to me. as i said to my "counselor" yesterday, yes, i'm happy. yes, i don't have a barrier of depresion that tells people not to engage me in conversation, tostay away from me.  yes, now people engage me in small chat on the street, in lines. yes, i feel like i am a "participant" in the world now. BUT i still have huge financial obligations,a house that will eventually sell, but way below what i need to start over. i still have a brother who won't agree to sell the home we inherited upon our mom's death, thinking it will be double in value in five years  (such an idiot; he's 55, i'm 61). i could be dead in five years,or sooner. not a lot to start over with when  my house eventually sells. Transitioning won't make those eventualities go away. My new thought is to stop my transition, stop seeing my psych MD and forget all the Rx for depression, anxiety and all that other stuff, and just go surfing. forget the credit cards. forget the mortgage. just surf. and one day, probably in late summer, septemner, there will be a day like this, when the waves are perfect, the rides are long and sweeping, locked into a green liquid wall of water that extends as far as i can see, and ride it the whole way.... -robin
    Jun 18, 2014 563
  • 13 Jun 2014
    Honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up, this really happened! After I quit the woodshop, my friend (and former co-worker at a custom boat shop) offered me some work on a 22' catboat he didn't have time to finish. I took the job of sanding the teak and refinishing, and drew a bit of attention from the guys working on other boats. They would stop by and ask about the boat, did I need any help?  "just let me know!  "Rich asked me to do some additional work, replace the cutless bearing that supports the prop shaft in the aft hull. Also, the bearing was so worn, the whole shaft had to be relaced. "You can do THAT?" Oh yeah, I had three older brothers, you know, I lied. They noted the progress and were very surprised!   So when I completed the boat and was probably not returning, a guy named "Robbie" asked me out! I had to tell him I only dated women, and didn't want to take advantage of dinner on any other pretenses. He was ok with that (i guess), but it felt good. Concurrently with this work, I was also helping Rich with his boat, stored at a former co-worker at another boat shop years ago. Rich warned me that "Dave" was not the understanding type and I need to be ready for that. "Ok, no problem."  Actually Dave was nice, and we got along well. He made a "smart" comment when Rich said we coudn't take some long pieces of lumber because Robin doesn't have a rack [on the truck]. Dave goes, "Robin has a rack!" which I overheard and "scolded" him about. Later he told Rich that i was a very nice woman, he liked me a lot, and then said "..she's a lesbian, right?" Rich said yes, she is.(well I am. TG and lesbian; could I make my life any harder?)     So I meet Rich one afternoon to help him start his engine. It tested out fine, and when we were done, we just hung around the shop door talking; Dave was a bit drunk. He made a few comments to me, a little "crude" but since he was drunk, didn't offend me (he IS kind of a nice guy). I had to pee really bad, so i asked Dave if I could use the washroom in his house. He started to walk with me to the house, and I said he didn;t have to, just tell me where it is. "No, no, I'll be your escort.." I don't remember what we talked about, it was a short walk, when we approached the house, he said "I'd like to pull off your shorts and see what color your panties are!" which got my attention. I said they are lavender if you must know. I used the washroom and did NOT lock the door so he could see (hear) I was trusting him.  He did confide to Rich after I left that he may have been a little rude me, and Rich agreed and suggested he tone it down a bit.  But, you know, women have it really hard out there. I am not nearly as strong as I was, but he was so drunk I could have pushed him down with a finger.  Otherwise....   -Robin
    539 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    Honestly, I couldn't make this stuff up, this really happened! After I quit the woodshop, my friend (and former co-worker at a custom boat shop) offered me some work on a 22' catboat he didn't have time to finish. I took the job of sanding the teak and refinishing, and drew a bit of attention from the guys working on other boats. They would stop by and ask about the boat, did I need any help?  "just let me know!  "Rich asked me to do some additional work, replace the cutless bearing that supports the prop shaft in the aft hull. Also, the bearing was so worn, the whole shaft had to be relaced. "You can do THAT?" Oh yeah, I had three older brothers, you know, I lied. They noted the progress and were very surprised!   So when I completed the boat and was probably not returning, a guy named "Robbie" asked me out! I had to tell him I only dated women, and didn't want to take advantage of dinner on any other pretenses. He was ok with that (i guess), but it felt good. Concurrently with this work, I was also helping Rich with his boat, stored at a former co-worker at another boat shop years ago. Rich warned me that "Dave" was not the understanding type and I need to be ready for that. "Ok, no problem."  Actually Dave was nice, and we got along well. He made a "smart" comment when Rich said we coudn't take some long pieces of lumber because Robin doesn't have a rack [on the truck]. Dave goes, "Robin has a rack!" which I overheard and "scolded" him about. Later he told Rich that i was a very nice woman, he liked me a lot, and then said "..she's a lesbian, right?" Rich said yes, she is.(well I am. TG and lesbian; could I make my life any harder?)     So I meet Rich one afternoon to help him start his engine. It tested out fine, and when we were done, we just hung around the shop door talking; Dave was a bit drunk. He made a few comments to me, a little "crude" but since he was drunk, didn't offend me (he IS kind of a nice guy). I had to pee really bad, so i asked Dave if I could use the washroom in his house. He started to walk with me to the house, and I said he didn;t have to, just tell me where it is. "No, no, I'll be your escort.." I don't remember what we talked about, it was a short walk, when we approached the house, he said "I'd like to pull off your shorts and see what color your panties are!" which got my attention. I said they are lavender if you must know. I used the washroom and did NOT lock the door so he could see (hear) I was trusting him.  He did confide to Rich after I left that he may have been a little rude me, and Rich agreed and suggested he tone it down a bit.  But, you know, women have it really hard out there. I am not nearly as strong as I was, but he was so drunk I could have pushed him down with a finger.  Otherwise....   -Robin
    Jun 13, 2014 539