just ventation

• Posted by michelle/mitchell self February 9, 2015 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,347 views
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   feeling like i let my family down.
  Here i am being whom i am as a embarrisment to my family.
  Epecially to my father.
  this is kind of strange be cause my dad came from a little country town in texas.
  This man,a son of a plumber of a son of a plumber . was educated in a country school
  
   Now who would of thought that this man would graduate at the head of his class..
  And was selected valvictorian of his universitys graduation class
  
  my first recall of one of my let downs for him was.
  when i was elvauated at my elementrty school for having a learning disability.
  it was evaluated that i was dyslexic  and also had  an attention span problem
   SO  special edu cation  classes started
  
  Yes im a member of the "short Bus" social group
   ridicule and kidding was a daily thing at school.  
  Not be selected to play games was the norm
  (kinda sound s like rUeDOLF  the red nose rein deer)
   
  so there came anger mis management in which i took out on myself...by self infliceted body damage  ...
     as a child i did have cross dressing issues ,which in creased at the puberty level but was caught by family member.
  It was treated as one did a bed weter  by hanging the items out the window for those to see
   So it did go on but really deep into the closet    ..purging and purging went on  be caause i though it was some thing
  that when i be come a full man i would grow out  off
  
  Later on 1980s   

       on pass the vietnam era  and making me a man issues of the government
   
  ON the request of my mom i tried college ,but i was so far be hind in my reading level.
  Plus my attenion span was still bad   be cause i was having a time dealing with the lecture sessions of classes
  Now hands on no problem .like forensic or police sciences . got As and Bs
  
  now in my life has come another dissapoint ment to the family
   45 years late in my life(2007)i went to therapy for my cross dressing and  other mental issues.
  2015 i am still in therapy.  but now know the  WHY's   of my circumstances
  
  As of right now the thought of me being transgender was uprisen to fact.
  but there is a sub facture now we are working on that make my delemia even more complex than be fore
  some thing called disassociated indenity diorder
   so now what the family going to think