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  • 21 Sep 2014
    omg!!!!   a friend came round this afternoon, and asked if i wanted to go to the beach. she said she fancied one not far from me, a quiet little bay. sounded like a great idea, so i got some things together and off we went.   i packed my swimming costume, and a cotton dress to wear over the top, not really thinking i was going to use them, but hey, at least id have the option. as it happens, i did. i actually went swimming in my new swimming costume!!! i didnt bother with the dress, it felt amazing!!   im so so happy. i cant wait for work tomorrow. i had a lovely message from one of the drivers today, telling me not to worry, everyone there is really ok with it all, and that they admire me for following the path that i have to follow. i think i must be the happiest girl ever right now :)
    2697 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • 08 Feb 2014
    Hey girls, i have to share my day with you. it was such amazing fun.   i had to work this morning, so woke up, and the usual humdrum of getting dressed, brekkie, cuppa tea, then emerging into the world as martin. nothing exciting happened at work, as per usual, just the slow slog of normality. 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am, yey one hour to go. finally 12 o'clock happened, week end time!!!   i drive home, thinking as i went, hmm, what am i going to wear to today, what am i going to do? so i call my friend to see what he is up to, only to be greated by some one who sounds like the world is ending. Man flue!!! OK, so im on my own today. shower, shave, and then the ritual begins. i empty my drawers, and pull almost everything out of my wardrobe, hmm, cant decide. i decide on a pair of very fitting jeans, and a sexy blue top. and put my make up on. it was then i decided i was going to go out. its really stormy here, and there is no better place to be in a storm than right down by the sea (im just 200yards away from it hehe ), so, i put on my healed boots, and brush my wig, and im ready. i check my self in the mirror, yes, looking pretty good. then it dawns on me. no one here in my home town knows!! i live in a top floor flat, there are 5 other flats in my building, and 6 buildings in my row. its quite a walk to my car, nerves set in, so i sit back down and have a very berry tea. with out thinking, i just got up and left. walking to the car i passed about 10 people, not one funny look. id decided i was going to be looking for peoples reaction, i know sometimes paranoia can see things that arnt there, but at least i wont miss what is. but no, nothing. so far so good, may be just lucky, maybe people just wernt looking around much. got to the car, ****!! hardly ay fuel, nvm, theres a fuel station close by with card payment at the pumps, so wont have to talk to any one. so drive 3 miles only to find the storm has disrupted the systems, and its closed. this means talking to people. haha game time i decide. i manage to get to barnstaple, not very far only about 13 miles, and get to a filling station i use as martin quite a lot. i put some fuel in and walk into the shop. its very busy, but still no funny looks, i even have the door help open for me by a good looking man, he gave me a gorgeous smile as i walked past. ooo, i could get used to this :) then its my turn to be served. so i say to the lady pump 7, and 12.5gs of cutters choice. she looked extremely surprised, and looked at me questionally. i just smiled and said thank you. and left. no one else heard me talk only her, so again, no reaction from any one as i left. feeling really good and extremely happy, i drove to saunton and parked for a bit on the top of the cliff, and just sat, watching the sea, thinking.   i carried on to croyde and decided to take a wander through the village, i was enjoying my new found freedom, and wanted to make the most of it. came into contact with a lot of people, no comunicating mind, just a smile and a whisper. i was so nice to just be normal, some one else walking down the road, not standing out, but blending in, looking normal. such a boost to my confidence.   right now, i feel amazing, better than i think ive felt for so so long.   i am off out again tomorrow, but im going with a good friend. shes not met Steph yet, not properly, so probably wont be doing it  again tomorrow, but today will stay with me, and will defo be doing it again next week end!! already, im so excited, i cant wait hehe. xx
    1218 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • 07 Dec 2013
    heya all, well, what a week! my sister came to stay for a few days. we havent really talked too much for many years, but shes my big sis, so i told her everything a little while ago.when she got here, everything was normal, not sure what i expected, but there was no mention for quite some time. finally, the subject was brought up. she asked all the expected things, like how, why, when, are you sure? so i answered them all as best as i can. she was really understanding. she had done some research before coming, so had a good idea what it was all about anyway. she also has some experience with TG, as was a social worker, and a couple of the chaps were TG. one had been "on the road" for quite some time, and seams to be getting fobbed off by the authorities. this was 15 years ago, but she told me she was worried the same thing was going to happen to be, left in limbo land. i guess a lot has happened and change since those days, but was really comforting that she cared. something she did ask me, was about my sexuallity. im not sure if any of you are the same, but i think of myself as straight. because my body is male, and responds and enjoys contact. but my heart has never been in it. my heart longs for something else. my heart is a straigh woman, who longs for the kind of contact, both emotionally and physically , of a man. to my surprise, she did actually understand. even re-explaining it to me! i showed her my wardrobe (ive never shown another femail any of my clothes). she looked really shocked. worried, i asked her what was up. her reply re-assured me more than she'll ever know. she said, she loved it. my taste was "normal", she had been expecting some horrendous stuff, but that it was like any of her friends wardrode, and that my taste was really good. i loved that. made me smile sooo much.   i know, that no matter what or where, or how this road takes me, her love and her support will always be with me. it is a totally great feeling to have your sis by your side.
    1088 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • 30 Dec 2013
    im really not sure what im going to write here. ive just had the best christmas ive ever had. was so amazing. went to stay with my parents for 5 days. got there at 9pm christmas eve, and  was a bit nervous because its the first time ive seen them since i spoke to them, so wasnt really sure what to expect. i needn't have worried. everthing was normal. my mum gave me a big hug as i walked in the door, and wispered dont worry, everything is going to be ok. you have no idea how this felt. its what ive needed to hear for such a long time, and from that moment i knew it will be.   my dad then came in and in his own way said hi, so i gave him a hug as well, after than, every one went about doing what they what they were doing.   christmas morning came, up at 5.30am as normal, and we all gathered down to the sitting room, to open pressies. this was the bit i was nervous of. how was any one to know what to get me? lol. well, my sister, (who is in egypt!) got my some estee lauder, pleasures perfume which she must have had a nose through my make up and perfume drawer when she visited. its my fave and i was on a total high. my parents got me the usual, but female, socks, jumper, body spray and lotions and stuff like that. i was over joyed.   i wore my new top that day, and felt amazing because of where it had come from. my mum told me to relax, it was fine and to just be me. they had come to terms with every thing, and love me so much. boxing day we got up early because mum wanted to go to the next sale. it was the best experience ie ever had, and have always dreamed of shopping with my mum. she was surprised by my taste in clothes, and i ended up getting a few bits with my mums encouragement.   next day we went into town, for a walk round the shops again. when she pulled out a dress and told me she thought it was gorgeous and that she thought it would suit me, i was blown over. i actually loved it as as well, so found a top to go with it, and bought it. we got home and my mum asked me to try it on. it was the first time ive worn a dress in front of a female, in front of any one except toby in fact, but i did. amd called her in to see. the look on her face was one of pride. it fitted beautifully, and looks amazing, and gave me a big hug and told me how pretty i looked.   the day i was due to drive home, my dad asked if i wanted to go into the local town and have a quick wander and go for a coffee. this i knew was his way of saying every thing is ok, and that i dont need to worry about him. he told me to wear my new top, boots and coat, which are very feminine, so i did. i wasnt nervous about being out in public, tho i didnt try to look like a female, i did look pretty good. just very efeminate and gentle.   any way, i know i have rabbled on a bit too much, so sorry about that lol. hope every one else had a good christmas,   love to all,   Steph xx
    1051 Posted by Stephie Hughes
782 views Feb 12, 2014
oh dear!!!

i met up with a good friend on sunday, spent the day in bude. was an amzing day, didnt go the whole hog as shes never met total steph, but im kinda tryin to ease her in gently. shes seen me with a bit of make up and casual clothes, (jeans, top but no wig, and not trying to "pass") but only in my flat. i asked her what she felt comfortable with and she told me it was totally up to me, and that she needed to adapt. not wanting to over do it, i shaved as close as i could, put on a little make up and went out hybrid. she didnt seam phased at all, until we were walking into the pub. she asked what should she do if people looked, and i told her that they WILL look, after all, its not every day you see a bloke looking prettier than most of the women in the bar haha. this broke the tension. i am totally at ease, and it defo helped her. she even told me she enjoyed it, and felt proud. no one was laughing at us, or her, and no one was taking the micky or being nasty, it was just curiosity. in all, a really amazing day, laughed so much, my sides were hurting, specially when we both go blown over by a big gust of wind, we just rolled around in hysterics!!

 

im going to move forward to today. something happened today that totally made me open my eyes and think.

 

at work we are getting the phone lines sorted out. one of the engineers is TG. he, and hes defo still a he in the way he moves, talks, looks, and his clothes, but, hes got breasts, and wears make up.

 

it was really hurtful to hear how every one i work with was ridiculing him, some of the things they were saying, was awful. i tryed so hard to explain, and to stick up for him, with out telling them i am as well, tho a few did point out, "hey, you know a lot about it, hmm and you do your eye brows, and wear nail varnish, is there anything you want to tell us?". i was so close to saying yes, but not the best way to come clean really, so i just told em, they are my brows and nails , and i'll do what ever i want.

 

a friend at work, who i have told, came over to me, looking very concerned. he said mart, this is going to be you is you stay here through it. i am worried, this isnt what you need. no i agreed, but there is a long way to go yet.

 

so yeah, this whole realisation has hit me. i knew it wouldnt be easy to do this here, but i gave my collegues a little bit too much credit i think. i know i have to find work else where. do i start to look now? theres not a great deal about here, its always an option to move some where else, but i'll still be in the same boat. oh god, seams i have a lot of figuring out to do.

 

im staying positive as i know, from my travels about both as martin/steph and as steph, that people are in general ok, but close up, day to day?

 

luv Steph xxx



Comments

1 comment
  • Elle F
    Elle F Hi Stephie,
    One thing me and Em have found is that people can be brilliant, open, interested, supportive and honest. Other people, some who were friends, can be ok to your face and then go gossip about you behind your back.

    People will always gossip....  more
    February 12, 2014 - 2 like this - Report