Wednesday's child is full of woe

What day is it today? Wednesday. Never could get the hang of Wednesdays. Still that means it’s Thursday tomorrow and Friday the day after that. Sorry girls, I haven’t started blogging for Sesame Street, I know you know the days of the week, but my mind is fixed on the weekend, light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-vision you might call it. Last week was a bad one for me, and this week hasn’t been much better. Problems at work, tired and run-down, though partially self-inflicted by staying up late chatting. I find it hard to drag my self away from that though. When you’ve had 8 hours of "ennui", meeting up with the girls for some love and laughter is a great relief. And I do laugh a lot in the chatroom; we have some great characters there. Laughter is a great de-stresser. I don’t think I feel stressed, but something is taking its toll on me and I’m certainly not looking my best for the weekend ahead, which is a bit saddening. At this point I’m wondering whether to go into details, perhaps not too many, some of you may be squeamish, but amongst other things I look a mess, and my skin is in a dreadful state. Thank heavens for Dermablend blemish concealer, though I still need some improvement for even that to be effective. 2 days left…

At least I have more energy than last week, which is a good sign. I’ve spent 25 years in rock and roll bands, partying, drinking , working in smoky clubs and staying up late, it’s not good for a girl, and gets you into bad habits. When drinking becomes a habit that you can afford, it’s hard to find a reason to stop. Even when you gradually realise you are poisoning your body, if you don’t feel good about yourself you have no real desire to stop. It’s gonna kill me? Yeah? Where’s the corkscrew?

I feel better about myself now than I ever have done; I feel I have some sort of self-direction, I know who I want to be, rather than just going along with everything around me and reacting to it. And I feel that some things at least are not totally out of my grasp. This is not an instant cure for any sort of drinking habit though, or any other self-destructive lifestyle habit. But it’s a major stepping-stone onto the path of recovery. Lots of my friends drink huge amounts, and think it’s a laugh, which it can be - I’m not telling anyone to stop drinking by the way, and at the weekend lots of you will see me just a little bit tiddled, but there is a serious side to this. My greatest friend is a depressed alcoholic. Some friend you might say, but he is lovely, a true friend, great company, intelligent, witty and I love him. He knows he has a problem, knows he is killing himself, and knows he’s doing it on purpose. He’s sought help for the depression; anti-depressants and support groups seem to have helped a bit but it’s not enough to get him out of the cycle. I cry if I think about it too much because I don’t want to see him die. I’ve already lost one good friend that way. Depression mixed with alcohol is a lethal cocktail.

I warned you about Wednesdays didn’t I. Still, it’s nearly lunchtime, which means that half the week is almost over. Even if I’m off work on a Monday and Friday, Wednesday is still Wednesday, half-way through the week. Funny that. Don’t know what got me onto the subject of drinking and self-destructiveness, I guess it’s just been a large part of my life in the past, and I see it all around me all the time. But there are ways out. Some people find religion, I’ve found Trannyweb… and myself.