A design for life

Pippa’s beaten me to it with her blog about the weekend’s events, so that will save me (or you) from some waffling, as is my wont. I must add though that for me it was one of the loveliest weekends ever. Pip and I had the best night in, cosy and romantic, and just very lovely, and then we had a super night out with Shan. We met lots of people and everyone was so nice to us, completely accepting, non-questioning and very welcoming. I’m not sure whether it was Pip or Shan that suggested we go shopping the next day, but I was all for it, of course. It was a bit of a shame that we hadn’t made it to the shops that day but it didn’t matter as we were just happy to be together, and I knew we’d get another chance soon, just didn’t think it would be this soon, I didn’t even have a change of outfit. So for a change I hung my clothes up properly that night, instead of throwing them in a corner, or allowing them to be removed seductively…

Pedantism is one of my hobbies, so some of the details here might not agree with those in Pippa’s blog, but my details are of course correct. The first tram woke me at 5:38, bugger. That may be the worse thing about the International, it’s so bloody noisy in the mornings with the trams running past the front door every few minutes. And none of the windows seem to close properly. This was compounded by the fact that the heating didn’t seem to be on this time, and it was rather chilly outside. So we used towels as draught excluders and snuggled up close to keep warm. I got up about 9, made several coffees and fixed my make up. As it approached 10 I decided I had to be ruthless and wake my lover who looked so peaceful in her sleep. When awake she didn’t look as carefree as usual, probably because of the realisation of what we’d arranged the night before, but I think that was just Pip’s subconscious giving her a kick; it may seem scary but I knew she really wanted to break that barrier. Arranging to meet Shan meant that she just had to be there.

And so it was. Somewhat worse for wear we met up with Shan and hit the shops, and once again I felt my true and natural self, with a real place in society. Pippa seemed unperturbed, any nervousness she felt didn’t show, and she was the perfect lady. In fact not many people seemed to notice us at all, which was nice, though it doesn’t bother me in the least when people do notice, because it makes them realise that we exist, we are happily shopping just like any other woman, and when people see my true self it makes me feel alive. Most people who did notice one or all of us smiled at us in a complimentary way, what more can a girl ask?

We found a lovely pink coat which said in big letters on the back "PIPPA – BUY ME!" so we did, as well as a skirt that I’d just tried on. I also tried one on in Topshop and bought that too. Pip went into the ladies’ changing rooms for the first time ever to try a skirt on in Etam but it wasn’t right for her, too formal.

After a couple of hours, hunger and the need to sit down got the better of us and we went to the Dutch pancake house which Shan had recommended (yes Dutch!) Staff and customers alike never looked twice at us, so we all felt relaxed. I loved the plates, the size of bus steering wheels, with pancakes to match. Come to think of it I’ve only eaten out a few times while dressed but I never thought anything of it, it was no big deal.

And such is my life now, no big deal but at last I am content just by being normal, without hiding, pretending, or denying. I don’t ask much; I just want to be myself and be able to experience the normal things that everyone else takes for granted, without feeling like a freak. I’m sure I’m no less "noticed" in drab than when I’m dressed, and if I did blend in more when I was in drab, it wouldn’t make me feel like I fit into that world. It feels more natural for people to see me as I am, to display on the outside the feelings that are inside, to be myself, and not a fake. To have discovered this simple but effective philosophy and go back to how I used to live would be impossible, and I’d rather die.

I choose life.

xx