That was the year that was

February 22^nd, the date I joined Trannyweb, one year ago. Oh how my life has changed already, but more importantly, oh how I intend to change my life even more, oh how I have taken control to determine my own direction, the one that is right for me.

I often wonder how my life would be now, had I not found Trannyweb. It would certainly be different. Maybe I still would have never been out dressed, oh how that has changed my outlook on life, maybe I would still be drifting aimlessly, maybe I would never have met such wonderful people. For it’s not a website that has changed my life, it’s the people on it, and the chance to meet them and get to know them. And more even, in finding Trannyweb I have found love, something I can honestly say I wasn’t looking for. But it’s all very real. Some may imagine that an online community is not real life, for some people it may not be, for me it has helped me reach out, and get more of a life than I ever had.

I’ve always wanted to be a girl, for as long as I can remember, and it’s always been frustrating. But now the frustration lies not at my core, is not the basis of my personality, but is peripheral to the day to day difficulties and practicalities I have, or will have to overcome living in the role of a female. In fact, I gleefully embrace all the problems I have to deal with, or am about to face.

I was out on Saturday night, with Pippa, Cerys, Shan, and others. I met several new girls and was very politely chatted up by a guy in one of the clubs, and talked to many of them about various aspects of gender and attitude towards it, including my own situation, feelings and appearance. I thrive on this kind of feedback, not people’s opinion of me as such, just the way people view or approach life in different ways. I continue to learn about myself through interaction with others, something else I do differently now, better I hope. I wish my family would realise that they are not going to teach me anything about myself by telling me what they think is right for me; a long-running, and quite ridiculous misconception among my family I feel. "You should do this, you should be more like this, you should be interested in these things…" is not good advice, it’s not advice at all. "Go out and do your own thing", would be more appropriate. That frustrates me; people seeing my life and myself from their own perspective, but I hope it has taught me not to do the same.

My father knows there is "something about me". Although he has never directly asked me, "Is there something you want to tell me?" I know he’s thinking it. I hope the shocking truth will at least unburden him of any misconceptions he may have of me, and he will finally realise that trying to persuade me to take an interest in competitive sport is futile. I’d rather learn about dressmaking than cricket. People have suggested that it would be better just to tell him and get it over with, and I agree. But there are genuine reasons for me delaying this, it would be wrong to go into them here, but it’s not because I’m scared. I don’t avoid things because I’m scared of them, not anymore, bungee jumping and parachuting excepted. But I will be telling him soon, and I feel this will be a major change, a turning point in my life, yes another one, for it’s a twisty turny path that we lead. When he knows, I will have no reason to hide my true self to anyone, no reason not to go out dressed in my own town, and that makes me see things more clearly, and more realistically. A long way to go yet, but my determination will never waiver.

I hope, with all my heart, that Trannyweb will continue to thrive, and above all that other people find what I have find on it: hope, direction, love, peace of mind, and beautiful people.

Thank you everyone, thank you so much.

xx

Oh and yes, I went out wigless for the first time on Saturday. It was a bit scary not having all that hair to hide behind but it felt natural, and much more comfortable. I wish my hair was longer, but patience is a virtue…